Dear Pru Goward, (cc Annette Sharp)

Wow, if you wanted to alienate every mother in Australia, mission accomplished! Your statement comparing Jackie O bottle-feeding her baby while walking across the road to Michael Jackson HANGING HIS BABY OVER A BALCONY was so absurd it had me wondering if it was a belated April Fools Day joke. But no, apparently you were serious. But then, if making that statement wasn’t bad enough, accepting responsibility for the opinions of every mother in the country and suggesting we too would be appalled by Jackie’s actions? Well, Pru, here’s a hot tip for you. The only mother I’m appalled by here is you.

As if Jackie wasn’t having a bad enough week, with the open letter she copped from Annette Sharp. Questioning why she went back to work so early after having a baby was offensive enough and why any mother should have to justify her choices, public profile or not, is beyond me. But your comments coming on top of that must have felt like such a vicious blow, at a time of such vulnerability, I can only imagine how Jackie is feeling right now.

I have met Jackie many times over the years and she is a really lovely girl. Back in 2003 when I was doing a ton of promo for The Block and The Lighthouse we saw each other quite often. I remember one charity event we both attended where I brought my baby nephew, who was visiting from interstate. We both oohed and aahed over him, taking turns for cuddles, while agreeing we couldn’t wait to be mums ourself. I haven’t seen Jackie for many years now, but I was really happy to read the news she was pregnant, after spending so long trying to conceive. Having experienced my own challenges in conceiving my second baby I knew how heartbreaking it was to long for a baby, so was thrilled she finally had her much longed for child.

Do you remember that feeling Pru? That excitement, nervousness, awe and trepidation of becoming a mum for the first time. Do you remember trying so hard to do everything right, in this life changing new experience, whilst feeling like your whole world had been turned upside down?

I do. So to hear Jackie’s anguished tears as she pleaded her case on her show the other day made me really angry. How horrible that this amazing time in her life should be hijacked, by judgemental and nasty comments from women who should know better. And why should she have to explain herself to anyone? Is her baby in danger, neglected, malnourished, abused? No. Although plenty of babies across the country are Pru, as you well know. Yet the actions of their parents aren’t held up to public criticism at all, because they are protected by laws that withhold their identities. Perhaps you could spend your time looking into that, instead of focusing on a clearly loving and competent mother, who happens to work in the spotlight. It astounds me, as mothers yourselves, that you would want to contribute in any way to the pressure and uncertainty that every new mum already feels, by publicly questioning the personal choices Jackie has made.

And lets look at those choices for a moment. Returning to work after 8 weeks, in a studio set up in her home so that her baby is always with her. Um, wouldn’t this be considered an ideal, if not FANTASTIC arrangement for most new mums and their babies? Being able to continue to work without having to get out of your pjs and leave the house, or your baby, would seem like a best-case scenario for most working mums. But even if Jackie had returned to the office at 8 weeks, as some mothers have to do, or choose to do, isn’t that HER BUSINESS?

So onto the second accusation, walking across the road whilst bottle-feeding her baby, which you suggested was ‘unnecessarily cavalier.’ Unnecessarily cavalier? Was she attempting to get her 3 month old to walk across the road herself? Was she dodging traffic while holding her baby in one arm and a bottle of gin in the other? That would be unnecessarily cavalier. But feeding her while walking? For gods sake.

I have to say, I have breastfed my baby in some pretty bizarre situations. In fact, the moments I’ve spent serenely focusing all my attention on her whilst breastfeeding in an upright feeding chair have been few and far between. Instead, I have balanced her on my lap whilst writing this blog, held my iphone over her head to check my emails and begged her to stop stuffing around and hurry up and finish because I had to get to rehearsal. Is this unnecessarily cavalier Pru? Does this picture not represent the ‘perfect’ image of devoted motherhood we are expected to fulfill, therefore making me a bad mother?

Because if that’s the case, we’re all bad mothers. Every single one of us who are just trying to get through the day, trying to fit it all in, trying to be everything to everybody and trying to do our best at a job that has no rules and never ends. So wouldn’t it make it a lot easier for all of us if we supported and embraced one other during this challenging new experience, instead of judging from the sidelines? Aren’t the demands of new motherhood enough without having to fend off public attacks from other women, who should get it themselves?

Pru, you have spoken for other mothers everywhere in your comments to Jackie, so I’m going to do the same.

Jackie, on behalf of sane mothers across the country, we support you. We recognise you’re doing the best you can, just like we all are, and we wish you and your precious baby Kitty all the best in your new lives together. This should be one of the happiest (yet sleepiest) times of your life, so we hope you can put this ridiculous situation aside and get on with the joy of falling in love with each other.

Sincerely,

Amity Dry

I saw a mum walking around the supermarket the other day feeding her baby the same way while Nanna (I think) pushed the trolley. No hue and cry from the other shoppers. Far out Pru!

Well said. I don't listen to Jackie O at all, and couldn't tell you what kind of person she is, but to paint someone as a subpar mother because she a) works to provide financially for her baby or b) feeds her child - it's backwards.

I wonder what she'd say about me if she saw me walking around breastfeeding

+1!

Like.

well said!

Pru is now the NSW Minister for a department that includes the status of women and the child protection functions of DOCS. I look forward to many other fascinating and valuable pronouncements from her.

Jackie if you do happen to read this, Pru is an idiot, you are A-OK with all the sensible, intelligent mothers I know

Hear hear

Hear Hear....

So well said!

Couldn't have said it better myself... Cheers Amity xx

excellent!

And she used to be the Sex Discrimination Commissioner and won a Centenary Medal in 2001 for services to journalism and women's rights!

Total agreement from me here.

Did you hear Lisa on the Today Show have her spiel this morning? Another who totally agrees with your blog, I would say.

agree, could we possibly turn this into a letter and send to Pru please, I will happily add my sig.

I'd like to add my name to this letter please. Cheer up Jackie, just like you, none of us are "perfect" by the book mums. If it makes you feel better, here is a little list of my "unnecessarily cavalier" mummy sins.

Breastfeeding my baby while standing in a residential street/ walkin through a park and many other places that were not "in a comfy chair"
Forgetting the express bottle when I had an anaesthetic, leaving my baby hungry and crying for 90 mins past regular fee time
Drinking coffee while feeding my baby
Drinking coffee and typing on essential baby while feeding my baby no handed
Breaking every single safe sleeping rule ever written in the first couple of weeks. Pretty much the only place my baby DIDN'T sleep was "on her own sleep surface"
Doing my first shift back at work when my baby was 7 weeks old- for career reasons and because I like my job, not because I had to for financial reasons
Knowingly leaving my baby in a pooey nappy for an hour while finishing the grocery shopping then driving home

Shall I go on??

I'm sure you're a great mum Jackie, just like me

Good on you Amity!

Totally agree, add my name to the letter

Agree 100%

Beautifully said Amity.

It must be very tough to be in the public eye and have to hear comments that are so unfair.

Well said I would add my sig to that letter

Well said, Amity. Pru and co can keep their unnecessary comments to themselves.

Excellent blog, Amity! Well said.

What is wrong with some people???

Excellent blog, Amity! Well said.

What is wrong with some people???

Let me start by saying that I loathe Kyle & Jackie O's show , so I am most definitely not a "fan", however the comments from both Pru Goward and Annette Sharp were ridiculous and completely uncalled for.

I too would add my name to this letter.

100% with you on this one Amity.

What a brilliant blog Amity, you read my mind, i too couldn't believe when i heard what that journalist wrote last week about Jackie and then to hear another female has had a go at her is unbelievable.
We put too much pressure on ourselves as it is to be the perfect mum, to be the perfect wife let alone to have other people (especially females) have a go at us too.
SHAME ON YOU PRU GOWARD.

Shame on Pru.

I wish nothing but happiness to Jackie and her new cute daughter Catalina!

5 years ago and that was probably me, it was the only way I could get my shopping done with a new babe.
Pru find that rock you crawled out from under and go back. Please!

well said.

Im not a jackie fan at all but i cannot believe the things being written/said of her parenting. ridiculous. Every new mother is vulnerable and nervous about being a parent and if they are doing it "right". Just feel so awful for Jackie having to read and hear these things when she is doing the best she can and nothing wrong!!

Totally agree - focus on the REAL ISSUES Pru, not on a mother doing the best she can. I really was gobsmacked when I saw Pru on the news bleating about this. I thought the witch hunt might be allowed to die down but apparently not.

Pru has also said after her re-election was confirmed that she thought it was because she managed to connect with ethnics in Australia. She is a self promoting fool who says patronisingly stupid things all the time about different people. I certainly would not take her seriously but will watch with interest what iditotic comment she'll make next.

How ridiculous Pru, you've made a fool out of yourself with your remarks.
Well said Amity.

My sentiments exactly.

I am another who isn't really familiar with Jackie O, but strongly agrees with the sentiments of the above letter.

+1

.

HEAR HEAR, AMITY!
Thank you for giving such and eloquent voice to our outrage. What in the world was Pru Goward thinking! When I heard her comments I too laughed out loud, not imagining for one moment that they could've been made in earnest. Realising that they were, my reaction turned to disgust that she felt entitled to make such bizarre and intrusive remarks about something that should not even raise an eyebrow.

I am a working mother of two under 4's, and feel, as Amity does, that there's enough guilt and worry that working Mums have to deal with on a daily basis. Hurtful and thoughtless comments from society are unneccessary and unhelpful. Get back into your ivory tower, Pru! And you just ignore the lot of them, Jackie O, and focus on loving your beautiful baby.

you really have to wonder how these people end up representing us women sometimes, unbelievable.

Amity, you've stolen the thoughts from my mind!

Well said Amity - I completely agree with you!

uh oh, if this Pru fella is right, that makes me the worst mother in the world.

oh and i meant to say fella because i refuse to believe any woman who has ever had a newborn would be stupid enough to think this let alone say it in a public forum.

its time we supported one another not picked each other to pieces - its hard enough!

well said Amity

You hit the nail on the head Amity - we're all doing the best we can!

We dont live in a society whereby you are constantly surrounded by family to help bring up the kids, so often it's for sanities sake you go back to work. In fact going back to work often makes you a better mother by creating some balance. That was certainly the case for me. In fact, my hubby and I did a swap - and he and our DD loved it! What have to got to say about that Pru??

Oh dear....

I'm sorry, but I thought Pru Goward was a mother herself. Her statements are those usually made by someone who has never been a parent and completely out of line. Was she perfect as a parent? Did she never try to juggle more than one task at the same time? Did she have a Nanny 24 hours a day or something because she certainly managed to have a career as well as being a parent.

Honestly, people who comment on parenting in the media should be made to work in daycare for a week or something. Then they might have a reality check and stop being so bloody critical of people doing the best they can.

Totally agree with you Amity 100%. Honestly, Pru Goward, back the hell off. While I'm not a Jackie O fan, she is a fellow mum, doing the best she can and as far as I can see she adores her daughter. To her, I say good on you Jackie! You're doing well and the sane mums of Australia support you 100%.

Well said, Amity. Jackie - keep your chin up, you've done nothing wrong. Can't say I expect any less from Ms Sharp, but Pru Goward needs to take a long, hard look at herself.

Ooh, maybe Pru thinks she is Jackie's MIL

Well said Amity!

Well, if she spent more time looking into the root causes of the many failures of DOCS rather than focusing on Jackie O walking across the road feeding her baby many kids may be a lot better off!!