Hi,

My boys are nearly two and will play independantly of me at home for 15 - 20 mins as long as they know where I am. I do alot of structured activities for them at home like painting, drawing and gardening where the three of us do things together.

However when I take them to any local playground or the Mc Donalds playground they are very clingy to me. My sister comments that it is really bad that my boys will not play in the McDonalds playground without me joining in. If I stand outside the gate they cry and pull at the gate. Most of the time I really enjoy getting involved and clap and carry on when they go down the slide or through a tunnel etc.

Should I be trying to get them to play alone like my sister thinks? Also they play together most of the time and should I worry that they are not independant of each other??

Rachael

Alexander and Joshua 22/5/03

Hi Rachael

My girls are 21 months and they still like me near when they're at playgrounds or playgroup - they have improved in that they don't need to be in physical contact with me any more (thank goodness for that!) but they still like me to be pretty close and accessible. I don't think that's a problem. They need the security of knowing I'm around and I don't think I can do anything to change that (even if I wanted to). They're happy to play in their room without me at home for a little while so very similar to your boys.

Does your sister have any suggestions as to how you might make your boys more "independent"? Short of leaving them to cry while you stand outside the play area, I can't think of what you would do. As long as you don't have a problem with them wanting you near, I don't think there's a problem. In my worst moments when my girls were clinging to me all day, I'd remind myself that one day they'll be teenagers running out the door without a backward glance so I should enjoy this stage while it lasts (easier to say than believe!).

As for them being dependent on each other, that's a tough one with twins. My girls play with each other most of the time. I do try to have separate activities but when there's only one adult and 2 kids, that's pretty difficult. We have just started taking them out separately for short trips in the weekend which is working well so far.



Maree

Eleanor 1/8/03
Harriet 1/8/03

Hi Rachael,

my boys are 3 and a half and have only just started playing happily in the backyard without me or DH being out there too. My boys have going to creche since they were 7 months old though so have had kind of been forced to get over the seperation anxiety at a pretty early age.
My nephew is 4 and a half and still wants his mum to be outside with him when he plays. All kids are different and I wouldn't worry too much about their dependance on you just yet. They aer not even 2yo yet!!
Do they attend a playgroup or anything like that, where they get the opportunity to socialise with other kids their age? If you are worried at all or want them to lose a bit of their dependance on you & their twin, "they", the so called experts, say that kids will benefit from social interaction from 2 years on, so perhaps look at a playgroup or something like that to get them interacting with other kids.
You may also find if you visit the McDonalds playground or other playgrounds regularly, once your kids become familiar with the playground they may not need you to be in there with them as much iykwim.......

I HTH's a little - I think your sister might be jumping the gun a little, all kids love to have their mummies around, especially if they are a little anxious about their surroundings.

Jane
Jackson&Riley 16/11/01 Ella&Liam 26/08/04

[color=Teal]Oh geese, my boys seem to be a bit of an exception to the rule! They've pretty much always happily played without DH or I around. I mean, there are times when they want to have us around, but thankfully it's not all that often.

They can get a bit clingy (especially Ryan) when we go to a new place or there's strange people etc, but they warm up pretty quickly and get in and start playing.

Vanessa

I don't have any parenting expereince with this as yet but from working with two year olds I would think this was pretty normal.

And just think... a Mc Dondald's play ground with lots of kids running round and those big tubey slide things could be pretty daunting for a two year old so it seems quite reasonable that they'd need you near by for support and encouragment I think.

Plus I think it's lovely that you all enjoy playing together... it won't be too long and they will think it's totally embrassesing to have their Mum hanging around! I say enjoy your lovely boys while you can!

hugs

Kate

Hi everyone,

Thank you for your replies - I think now that I was worrying over nothing. I think what I should focus on is that we all really enjoying being and playing together. I need to get less worried about what my sister thinks as it always annoys me how she compares her son to my boys. Her boy closes the door behind him to play alone.. I really would not be comfortable if Alex and Josh did that anyway.

They go to daycare twice a week and usually cry alot when I leave but today Alex gave me a lovely hug and big kiss goodbye and Josh didn't even bother because he was so into his drawings.

Your right.. before I know it I will miss them hanging off me!

Rachael

Alexander and Joshua 22/5/03