Hi all,
I haven't posted much lately, but lurk a couple of times a week to catch up on the news! Welcome to all the newies, and congrats to those who've had babies recently.

I don't know if I'm just being super-sensitive here, but thought I'd ask you all for you opinion on this. My girls turn 2 on Friday, and we received a card in the mail from my MIL for them today - just one card to share. Granted, it does have a picture on the front of two similar-looking cartoon ducks side by side, blowing out candles on a cake. But still..... :confuse:

What do others' families and friends do when your twins/triplet have bdays? Should I say something to her, or just let it ride? It's ok while they are young, but when they get older they are not going to like it!

Best wishes to all,
Jo

Mum to twin girls
Hannah and Emma (8/4/03)

[color=Blue]I must say that thankfully we haven't had this happen to us, but if I did I don't know if I would feel comfortable saying anything. Although, it is your MIL, so maybe your DH could mention a little something to her that it might be nice for next year if the girls were given their own cards?!?!

Vanessa

Hmm..I wanna know why the card is open when it isn't their birthday yet!

Seriously I think if it bothers you, maybe you could find a discreet way of mentioning it to her during the coming year so she won't repeat the mistake next year.
Our twins have only had one birthday and Xmas so far and only got one joint card for Xmas which was from their Great-Grandma from overseas, who is very old and it is hard for her to get out, it also had a picture of a boy/girl bear on it so we let it slide, even though she had then sent a seperate card to our elder DD..hmmm.. :confuse:

I wouldn't make a big deal of it but try to be discreet about it during the next 12 months so she gets the message.

Hope your girls have a great day!!!

Jo

With the twins first birthday coming up, I have been ever so subtle in hinting that I would like for them to get separate cards and pressies, especially from family. I am thinking that because Summer is the first girl, that people will get them different pressies anyway, but I would like their own cards as well.
Its hard not to offend people when they dont think but it should be pointed out to them for future, otherwise you end up getting upset and it can spoil the special occasion.

Good Luck

This message was edited by dolph6 on Monday, 4 April 2005 @ 2:34 PM

Hi Jo

I just wanted to say first that I love the pic of your girls...it's adorable!

My best friend and I have discussed this (even though I haven't had my twins yet) as I was reading something similar on this thread a few months ago. She suggested that if I get one outfit in a present for my baby shower that I should write in the thank you card "Twin A says thank you for their present". She was just kidding, but wouldn't you just love to do that! I am thinking that we might come across this and have been trying to prepare ourselves for it. I do think though that if you don't set them straight in the beginning that it will continue to happen as you are really condoning the behaviour by keeping quiet. You just have to try and say it in the nicest possible way so you don't offend, which isn't always easy. I would suggest that you get your DH to say something as it's his mum. She may not take offence as much if it's him and not you saying it.

I agree that it is the thought that counts and you don't want to be present grabbing by any means. But you don't want your children to have to miss out as every other child gets their own card and present on their birthdays. Why should they be any different as they are still individuals even though they share the same birthday.

Good luck and let us know how you get on....

After 17 months TTC - Identical TWINS!! Due 23 June 2005
<a href="http://www.snugglepie.com"><img border="0" src="http://www.snugglepie.com/ezb/97192.png"></a>

I'd be mentioning it as this is something that p*sses me off. You didn't have a singleton, you had TWINS!! That means 2 cards & 2 presents.

Thankfully, all our family & friends have always given them a card & present each.

HTH

Justine
Nick
[img]http://www.geocities.com/jussy227/easter.txt[/img]

Maybe just mention that the kids had a fight over who got to open the card. Say it was 'funny' and hopefully she'll get the hintthat they want one each next time around!

Oh this narks me too!

My MIL did the same thing with my girl's first birthday and even gave them one present to share - and not even something you can play with together!!! I was not happy. It's not like she gave her singelton grandson half a present!!

I tried to subtly suggest that a small present each would be better than one bigger present to share but it obviosuly didn't work as she did the same thing at Christmas - but also gave them some clothing each but again one toy to share. So I've stopped being so subtle and am working on polite but firm...

"The toy you gave them for their birthday was lovely but they are too little to be able to share it so we don't get it out. They would really appreciate getting a small gift each from you next time so that they each feel special and unique."

Not sure if it has worked but at least I feel better for having said it out loud. It's part of my constant battle to get my inlaws to treat my girls as two seperate individuals and it may be overreacting a bit but it is important to me so I feel if make that clear that familyshould respect that.

Good luck!

Kate

I am going to agree with Tasmin about saying they where fighting over the birthday card.. Im sure you don't give twins one present to share. But obvious this has happened and it would pee me off too... Anyhoo why should they share a card.. i mean sheeshh you can buy cards for $1 these days... I think it is wrong they are two different people so why not two little gifts?

Tell MIL that you are keeping a scrapbook for each of them with their cards and mementos and aren't sure which scrapbook to post it in

PS Your girls are too cute!
Kim

I like KimMaree's idea

That is what I will be telling people.

Hope you get it sorted soon.

xoxox
Wendy
DS 10
DD 8

Are you sure we don't have the same MIL? LOL

DH's parents have never given the girls a separate present or card. Last Christmas there were at least 2 hand puppets but they were wrapped up together. Drives me mad - but I find it very difficult to say anything because they're DH's family and not mine - I've told mine upfront and they always treat the girls as 2 separate people. I'm going to have to ask DH to mention it again before the girls get old enough to get upset about it.

Also, from the other side, I always make sure that if the girls are invited to a birthday party, they take separate presents and cards for the birthday boy/girl.



Maree

Harriet Lorna 1/8/03
Eleanor Rosalind 1/8/03

This message was edited by nakigirl on Tuesday, 5 April 2005 @ 8:49 AM

Hi jo
I think that if you have 2 children then 2 cards or presents is the best thing for them
Because if 1 present/card is given then that person is thinking of 2 is 1 with is not on at all.
This does happen try to help the mil to understand that these are 2 children not 1. Maybe say to her this is great but who was this for as i have 2 children not 1 as this seems to be for.
Just keep on trying to help her understand the problem
I am very lucky because my mil gave my girls each a presents for Xmas last year and easter as well
I hope you can can to anunderstanding on the problem
Rosie

<center><p style="background:white;"><font face="verdana,arial,sans-serif" size="1" color="black">our miracle babies</font><br /><a href="http://lilypie.com"><img

Hi Jo,

I have twin 3.5year old b/g and I have been given one card and I must say that I get really bothered by it so I dont think you are being super sensitive.

Jen - just had to answer you about swapping around the order your write your babies' names on cards - I do that, too - wondered if I was the only one!

Maree

Harriet Lorna 1/8/03
Eleanor Rosalind 1/8/03

I write the kids on cards in their birth order. Start with my step-daughters and then run down the list in oder of age so that means I write Summer then Taylor. I occassionally write the boys then the girls.

Dolph

Mum to
DS Bailey 5
DS Jesse 3
DD/DS Summer & Taylor 26.5.04

Step-Mum to Elodie & Brooke

I have always made an issue of trying to make people understand why it is important that each of my children gets their own card. I think it's very unfair when they are expected to share.

JenM - I do a cake for each too. When I write on card, I always write their names in birth order.

The reason I change the order I write the girls' names is because we try not to make a deal out of birth order (in fact we never mention it) so it seemed strange to use it for writing their names on cards etc. Maybe I'm being pedantic about it? When people ask which of my girls is older I play dumb and say "they're the same age - they're twins". I don't want to encourage one to use the "I'm older than you" line when the difference is 8 minutes. I think sometimes I'm a bit obsessive about all of this

I'm another who mixes up the order I write their names on the cards. Maybe it's because I was always aware of coming last as the youngest in my family!

But I hate it when people ask me 'who is older' or when someone refers to one of them as 'big sister' or 'little sister'. For goodness sake they were born less than 30 seconds apart so I don't think that qualifies one being older than the other! Plus Zoe who was pulled out second is now heavier and taller than her sister and we are soooooo excited by that (she was the donor twin and was 500 gram slighter till 12 months old)that it drives me nuts to hear people refer to her as 'little sister'.

I know I am a tad obsessed!

Kate

Ok there are a few things to get through here lol

1. the lone birthday card

This has happened to us ONCE by a friend. I think she got the message I wasn't impressed as there hasn't been any more such issues. To me it IS an issue because there are TWO children.......it doesn't matter if they are 3 minutes apart or 3 years.

Presents wise, they get one each unless it is something big that they need to share (cubby house for example)

2. the birthday cake

I always have done 2 birthday cakes. So 6 years = 12 cakes It kinda irks me that we only sing happy birthday once and put in "happy birthday Georgia and Kelsey'........it would be nice for them to have one each but I am sure my family would think I had gone mad.

3. names on cards it always has been and always will be birth order. It isn't a big deal in our life. Georgia was born first. This is a fact. Kelsey was second and Piper is my last child. If we make it an issue, it will become an issue. My girls have no hassle with their birth order :confuse:

I think that is it

Good luck. I would definately say something about the card (back to the op now ;p )

I like the scrap booking idea and you can act disappointed and say that they will not have a card each from their grandma to look back on when they are older So you are not sure which book to put it in or should I photocopy it MIL??

Amanda
Georgia and Kelsey 26.3.99
Piper 1.7.04

Thanks everyone for your replies. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels strongly about this. My MIL has never done this before, which is why I found it so odd. She always been really generous with gifts, as she lives in WA and doesn't get to see us very often.

Anyway, hopefully it wasn't intentional and won't happen again. I do like the card-scrapbooking idea - a good way to deal with it subtly.

Jo


Mum to twin girls
Hannah and Emma (8/4/03)