Hello

Just a question has anyone been to tresillian? My boys are not sleeping at night together (one wakes up when the other goes to sleep) so i am getting no sleep! I am turning into a zombie, crying over nothing and am being so mean to my DP. I really want to try to work something out soon so this does not get worse. Is it to soon for me to consider Tresillian? I just know that if i have many more nights like this i will go insane. This morning at 5am i was crying and pleading with Aidan to sleep and of course he was just looking at me thinking what is Mummy doing? He just wanted cuddling. So of course then i feel like a cow. I am scared that this will turn into PND and then i will do something stupid. Please does anyone have any advice, i have only been home from hospital for 4 days and am already at my wits end? I just don't know how i am going to cope.

Rach

Rach (26), BJ (34)

My boys - Aidan & Keenan
<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/baby1/060205/1/10/5/+10" alt="Lilypie Baby Ticker" border="0" /></a

Oh, Rach - you sound like I did at the same stage. Big hugs to you. This is such a hard time - it's the biggest transition of your whole life (even bringing home one baby - but two!!) - and everyone just thinks you should be happy. I think it's perfectly normal to feel the way you are - you've just been through a physical ordeal (twin pregnancy then birth), emotionally you're trying to get your head around being responsible for 2 little people and on top of it you soooo tired you think you'll never feel normal again. Also I think it's absolutely normal for your babies to be all over the place sleep-wise - they're only a week old and still don't know the difference between day and night.

I don't know about Tresillian because I'm in New Zealand so it's not the same system. But I think you should talk to anyone you can for support (midwife, early childhood nurse etc).

My advice is to go easy on yourself - things will get better. Remember that every twin mother (well every one I've ever talked to) has felt the way you do. I vividly remember crying and asking DH why we had done this to ourselves. At the beginning I was so jealous that he got to go to work every day. But in the end what got me through was routine. I know it's hard but are you able to wake one baby when the other one wakes and feed them together? That way at least there's a chance they'll sleep at the same time - and so can you. Also, don't worry about doing anything except looking after you and the babies. Visitors can make their own cups of tea - and put the washing out. Take care and remember we're always here to help.

Maree

Harriet Lorna 1/8/03
Eleanor Rosalind 1/8/03

Hi Rach,

Oh you poor thing, I can remember those first few weeks only too well!! It does get better. My DH and I had to cope on our own too (your family don't live in Canberra do they) and it is tough as you try and work it out and manage on very little sleep. I can't offer any personal advice about QEII or tresillian as I never went there (my girls were pretty good sleepers, although 5pm-9pm was hell for the first three months!!) but several of the mums from my mums group did and they swear by them, ask a MACH nurse or call the central line or even Calvary midcall might be able to help. There are also some one day sessions that you can go to which help you manage the sleep/wake cycles.

We found that getting the girls into the same nighttime routine was the only thing that gave us some sanity and a very strict bedtime routine right from the start. But it is totally normal for you to be feeling completely over whelmed by things. I cried many many tears in the first three months.

If you feel like you need some help, definately ask a MACH nurse. PM me if you like.

Take care, Beth

Sophie and Daisy 9/4/03

Hi

Twins can be daunting at the start. We had premmies and then the weight issues, silent reflux and huge settling issues. My husband and I were physically sick we were that tired - however we went to tresillian at three months (I stopped expressing / breastfeeding then) and have not looked back. They were wonderful. If we have another baby and have any sort of issues at all I would go back in an instant. The biggest challange is sticking to their strict routines when you are home but we have and at 17 months the boys are still in exactly the same routine!!!

There was a three week old baby there when we were there.

If you have any questions please ask.



Take Care

Vanessa
Logan 14/09/03 @32/6 weeks
Fletcher 14/09/03 @32/6 weeks

Rach-this is such a hard time..It takes a while for everyone to get into a routine when you first come home from hospital and the sleep deprivation is not something you can prepare for.

If you havent already, please give your MHC/help line a ring for some inital advice.

What we found worked for us was a very strict routine-feed/play/sleep-if one woke for a feed the other was woken, if one looked ready for bed the other was put down too. We found later (much later!) that it really worked putting them to bed at the VERY VERY FIRST sign of tiredness-yawning/stiffening movements/clenched fists-at the first sign of this they were both (even if the other didnt looke tired) wrapped up tightly and put into their cots (awake)....as soon as one woke for a feed the other was woken as well.

Is it possible for DP to help out overnight? I bottle fed so it was a bit easier for him to help, but theres always nappies/burping etc that they can help at...even if you can take turns so you both get a couple of hours sleep-it can make all the difference.

Try to remember that it WILL get easier and it WONT always be this hard (we used to chant this to ourselves almost nightly!)

Take care xxx

Caz Joel and Cam at 2 1/2years old

I don't have any advice .. the people before me had amazing advice!

Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you .. and I hope that they sleep better for you soon!

Smile...
Fiona

Gabi 20/04/02
Caleb and Declan 30/03/04

Hi Rach,
I really feel for you. Sleep deprivation is the worst form of torture!! Remember what you have been through physically and emotionally and be kind to yourself. I can remember feeling so so tired in the early days but it doesn't last forever (although it seems like it at the time).

I agree with cmf that routine was our lifesaver. We always always woke one when the other woke for a feed and always put them to bed at the same time. This got them into a pretty good pattern for nighttimes after a few weeks. My DP also got up through the night to help with feeds and nappy changes but then he had 6 weeks leave from work so we could then both sleep through the day when the babies did.

We went to Tresillian at 19weeks when ours were doing a dual crying marathon from 4-10pm and I was feeling like I was going to go crazy. It really was the best thing we ever did as it taught us how to settle and to listen to the crys and work out what the crying was meaning (hungry, grizzly, distressed etc). We were there for a week and it is a great rest in a way because all you have to focus on is the babies (no housework, meals, washing, visitors etc). There were people in there with babies as young as 4 days old (they came straight from the hospital). One of the great things where I went was they gave the mothers a night (or two if necessary) to sleep and they took the babies (brought them back for feeds if breastfeeding or gave them the bottle themselves if bottle fed). It is really great to have some professionals to talk to about the crying and to help establish routine with and other mums to talk to as well. It is definately best to get on top of sleep problems as soon as possible for your own sanity and for the babies

I had to get a referral from my GP and I called and said I needed to go sooner rather than later and they got me in the next day. They told me they have twins just about every week. Remember sleep issues are escalated with two and I think it seems way more unmanagable when you have two babies crying and you're tired.

I hope this helps and you are able to get some help from somewhere, if not tresillian. Keep us posted and sleep, sleep, sleep whenever you can!!




Julie
DS Luke 6/8/04
DD Jenna 6/8/04

<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/baby1/050806/3/18/0/+10" alt="Lilypie Baby Ticker" border="0" /></a>

Hi Rachael

You sound like your finding it very hard at the moment. We went to Riverton (which is the same as Tresillian) & I think they are great!

Some people don't agree with some of their methods, but to be honest, MANY twin parents end up going there & it makes their life better.

They will help you get your bubba's into a routine! They will help you know why they are crying; not feeding well & the list goes on.

I recommend that you get onto your CHN & tell her you want to try it! I think you will get a lot from it & it will help you cope better. You will also meet other mum's in the same situation & that helped me! I wasn't alone in what we were going through & how I was feeling.

Let us know how things go & congratulations on having 2 healthy boys

HI Rach!

Sorry no advice on the sleeping program from me - just to let you know that you are in my thoughts and I am hoping that this gets a little easier for you. Your DP understands, as everyone would. Dont expect too much of yourself too early, just take it day by day...

Here is something to cheer you up!



Bree~28
After 3 Years our Double Blessing "Suprise" Twins are Due in April 2005
<a href="http://www.snugglepie.com"><img border="0" src="http://www.snugglepie.com/tickers/tdb.php?tid=35562"></a>

Hi girls

Thanks for all your advice.

Well this morning i rang the Tresillian help line and they gave me some advice that i am going to try to do tonight. Like comfort settling, which i haven't been doing, we have been cuddling the babies to sleep and then putting them down. The boys are bottle fed so it is good that my DP can help me as he also gets up a few times at night (and then goes to work as well), so i feel bad for him as he is totally exhausted in the morning! I also rang the child health nurse in tears and she is coming out to see me on Friday, so hopefully by then some of what the Tresillian line told me might be working. I also have the Sounds for Silence which i have used this afternoon for their sleep and they slept for 4 hours so i am going to try it tonight too and see if it settles them. I will jump on tomorrow and let you know how tonight goes!! I knwo this won't last forever but at the moment it feels like it will!! Oh well i am just lucky that i have two healthy little boys and have to keep reminding myself of that!!

Ok they are hungry so must go,

Rach

Rach (26), BJ (34)

My boys - Aidan & Keenan
<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/baby1/060205/1/10/5/+10" alt="Lilypie Baby Ticker" border="0" /></a

Big hugs to you, You are doing a great job! It does get better.

Mum to Carly, Bryce, Our angel Emma 24-12-2002,Taylor and Kasie.

Hey!

I feel wonderful this morning, i got some sleep last night!! Yippee!! My DP and i went to bed at 10.30 (after feeding the boys at 9pm or so), and then they woke at 1.30 (together) and were back in bed by 2ish (as my DP andi both got up), i had to get a few times til 3am as Aidan was unsettled, but i eventually gave him 20mls of water and then he slept well. Then they woke again at 5.30am. I feel like a different person! I will keep you all updated on how they go. I have put on a song on sounds of silence on repeat all night on quite low and it seems to soothe them which is great!!

Rach

Rach (26), BJ (34)

My boys - Aidan & Keenan
<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/baby1/060205/1/10/5/+10" alt="Lilypie Baby Ticker" border="0" /></a

That is great Rachie! Sorry I did not reply earlier - we have been away. You know where to find me if you need anything.

We had a "one up all up" rule with the babies (not with DH - because I was breast feeding I figured there was no use him getting up too!). When one woke, I got them both up to feed them. Of a night it was lights dim, minimal chat, feed, change and straight back to bed. The same sort of routine that most here have talked of.

The "tresillian" here in Canberra is QEII at Curtin. Plenty of twin mums end up there, so do not feel that you are the only one.

ANyway, as I said, you have my number.

Jo2+2<BR>Angel Baby - Rachel - born still 21/11/00 (23 weeks)<BR>Matthew & Erin 7/11/01<P><BR>

Hi Rachie,
Sorry, I better say Congrats! I have'nt had a chance. Glad to hear things were a little better last night for you. I remember it being 4am and just going to bed. I look back now and wonder what I was doing? I think you need to do whatever works. My boys have dummies and they worked a treat for us. We also still have music to put the boys to bed now a year later because they used to listen to music when they were in the SCN so that has continued. It's great your DP is helping you, it really helps. Enjoy your boys, and thinking about you.
Take Care
Rhonda

Fantastic news! Hang in there-great to hear youre getting some good advice and help.



Caz Joel and Cam at 2 1/2years old

Rachie! Your darling little boys look so lovely...well done!

You are doing so well...and it will get better!!! The first 6 weeks or so will be the hardest until you all get to know one another and establish a routine that works for you. The feed/play/sleep worked well for us. With night feeds done in almost darkness and silence. We still hit the wall at 4pm -9pm, that was worse than "witching hour" that was 4 or 5 hours of hell, but then the girls would go down and sleep until about 2am. We gradually bought their "bedtime" back until they were going down at 7pm with a dreamfeed at 10 and then they started to sleep through. It is a really gradual process. We also used the comfort settling, particularly with one of the girls who was more unsettled, but I'm so glad we did. It worked a real treat.

It sounds like you are doing all you can, and the most important thing is that if you feel you need help that you will ask for it. You are both doing a great job, and it is such early days. Some people are reluctant to ask for help, but that's what all these people are trained to do, so why not take advantage of all their knowledge and experience!!!!




Sharyn
Mum to Meg14/4/99
Hannah & Josie 22/3/04 (33 wks)
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Smile... and the world smiles with you!

Ô

Rach - I was thinking of you this morning and thought I would bump this up and see how you are feeling?

I am hoping this is getting a little better for you and the sleep is coming in a more regular pattern for you and DP.

Aiden and Keenan are georgous!!! I am sure they are *trying* to be good boys for Mummy and Daddy.....

Would love to hear how you are getting on! Trooper!!


Bree~28
After 3 Years our Double Blessing "Suprise" Twins are Due in April 2005
<a href="http://www.snugglepie.com"><img border="0" src="http://www.snugglepie.com/tickers/tdb.php?tid=35562"></a>

Rach, I'm glad to hear that things are a little better for you. I hope that everything is still going ok with the boys. I love the pic.

Sorry I can't really offer any advice as by the time my two came home (after spending 15 weeks in hospital) they were already in a really good routine. However, i do agree with the others that if one is up you should get the other up at the same.

Keep us posted on how you are going.

Peta
Mum to twins Luca & Jackson (1/7/04) 28.5 weekers

Rach, I'm glad to hear that things are a little better for you. I hope that everything is still going ok with the boys. I love the pic.

Sorry I can't really offer any advice as by the time my two came home (after spending 15 weeks in hospital) they were already in a really good routine. However, i do agree with the others that if one is up you should get the other up at the same.

Keep us posted on how you are going.

Peta
Mum to twins Luca & Jackson (1/7/04) 28.5 weekers

Hi Rach, gosh I feel for you. The sleep deprivation is the hardest thing of all I think. All the advice offered by others is excellent and I think it's good that you are using the support services available. It gets easier and you will get more sleep one day soon!! Hope all is going okay,


Maycee (35)
DH (33)
Twin boys (4/12/01)
DD (7/10/03)

[color=Blue]Oh Rach, I've been offline for a week so I'm sorry I didn't reply earlier.

You sound as though you're doing a brilliant job. Calling help lines is a fabulous idea. I'm guessing that you cuddling your babies to sleep probably wasn't helping matters (as tempting as it can be), but a bit of controlled crying etc can work wonders at bed time. It's definitely not easy and can pull at your heart strings, but it's a necessary thing.

You sound so much happier. Isn't it amazing what some serious sleep can do for you! ;p

Take care, and keep up the good work.

Vanessa


1st ICSI November '02 successful!
(Ryan & Kai - 29 July '03)