I’m sure all of us are aware of the controversy surrounding the Bonds Baby Competition and the mothers who brought it into disrepute with their insulting and racist comments towards other babies in the competition. You really have to wonder what the world is coming to when a grown woman can abuse a baby, A BABY, because she’s angry that she wasn’t able to spend enough time voting for her own pride and joy. Or, should I say, harassing her friends and family to spend all their time voting for her pride and joy.

Look, I’m not going to bag those mothers who submitted their babies for the Bonds Competition, it’s a mothers instinct to want to show off her baby. In fact, I was intending to enter my own baby, but forgot to register on time so missed out (I know, what kind of mother am I?) However, after reading the comments on the Bonds Baby Facebook page and picking up the general obsessive and aggressive vibe from some of the mothers involved, I was awfully glad I did forget. Seriously, what could possibly come over these women that they would lose all rationality like that.

Motherhood, that’s what.

Show me a mother and I’ll show you some one who is convinced their baby is the most beautiful, talented, gifted child who ever walked this earth and could name all the reasons why. It’s our job to feel this way. Yet with society becoming more self focussed and narcissistic than ever, are we getting a little over zealous about our promotion of it.

This subject reminded me of a conversation I had with my brother once. He had been on an international flight where a mother continuously walked her toddler up and down the aisles, clearly proud of her son and his newfound ability to walk. My brother recounted how the child grabbed on and dribbled over each new row of seats, and each new row of people, as the mother praised his efforts loudly and profusely. Again, I get this. When my own son learnt to walk it felt as though he was the first child to ever achieve this milestone and I too would have been proud to show his efforts off. But, as my brother pointed out, for those passengers who had no relationship to this child and spent their entire flight being accosted by him and his beaming mother IT WAS ANNOYING. They didn’t care that he had just learnt to walk, they didn’t even care that he looked cute doing it. They just wanted to sleep, or work, or watch a movie in peace.

So, as much as I teased my brother for being heartless at the time, I try to remember this story. To remind me that as much as my own children are smart, gorgeous, witty, creative and wonderful to me – they are just two more kids to everyone else (except my family, who are equally one eyed and rightly so.)

I try and remember it when I think of emailing the 50th photo this month of cute expressions Poppy has made, or recounting the 10th story this week of funny things Jamison has said. I try and remember it when posting Facebook photos or Twitter updates of cute things they’ve done and I try and remember it when my mother instinct to obsess about them gets too strong and I forget other people just don’t care that much. I admit this is a work in progress and something I have to constantly work on. Jamison does say a lot of funny things and Poppy is particularly gorgeous. You see, I’m doing it now.

But I’m not alone. Reading the online comments to stories on the Bonds Baby saga showed there are many people out there who are sick to death of hearing about their friend’s perfect, beautiful, gifted children and pretending to care about whether or not they were robbed in a beautiful baby competition. People who are up in arms that their Facebook feeds are being cluttered with self-absorbed Mummies and their boring baby stories. In fact, one such person has started a website purely to make fun of these one eyed Mummies. STFU Parents (I’ll let you guess what the initials stand for) is a site where people post oversharing Mummy Facebook updates in an effort to name and shame them. It is both hilarious and frightening.

But that’s what happens. We pop out kids and suddenly lose all sense of what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour. This includes boring people stupid with stories of our offspring, showing videos of our ultrasound and expecting people to be interested, continuously talking about bodily functions, sniffing our baby’s nappy in public, wiping off their snot with our hand and referring to ourselves in the third person, ‘Mummy said no.’

I recently saw comedian Kitty Flanagan live and she did a hilarious spot in her show about what happens when women turn into ‘Mummies.’ Those women who once ran businesses, but were now happy to devote an entire conversation to poo. Women that once partied all night but now needed to be home by 6 so they can ‘stick to the routine’ and women who suddenly speak like Playschool presenters who EMPHASISE. EVERYTHING. SLOWLY.

Which brings us back to the women who are so one eyed about the potential modelling career awaiting their child, they spend hours every day voting for them and make insulting comments about their fellow competitors (aka other babies.) Is this what it's come to, really?

So what makes us lose our minds like this? Is it simply a physiological response to motherhood that we are powerless to stop, or can we overcome its evil grip? I have a feeling it’s a battle I will continue to wage throughout my life, but one I am determined to fight. So I can continue to be a mother who is naturally one eyed and slightly obsessed, but also able to remember that, while my offspring are the centre of my universe, to everyone else they are just two more snotty nosed kids. Just don’t say that to my face. You don’t want to mess with a one eyed Mummy.

Are you a one eyed Mummy or do you try and keep your obsession in check? And what do you do now that you would have cringed about before you become a Mum?

I agree! At most there is about 15 people in your life who actually care about your child. They consist of your immediate family (grandparents, aunts and uncles) and perhaps a few close friends, but not all of them. I really try to talk to people about things other than pregnancy and children, but when they make small talk and ask you.... well, what can you do? Cringe-worthy topics - bodily functions (including poo consistency and toilet training) and "how exhausted you are, all the time".

I absolutly try to keep my children and their lovableness in perspective... cos there is nothing worse than a blind sided mother! I work with children every day and kids are cute but the carry on from their parents are not. Honestly my kids are just ones in thousands and so are yours! I know it and I love mine because they're mine but I am not blind to the fact that to others they are just another set of kids....and I expect the same from other parents.

I dont carry on about my kids to you and if you start on at me about yours - I am out of there!! I'm not talking about just they everyday banter about your life (which involves your kids) but the narrow minded perspective that yours are so incredibly conversation worthy that I am to listen big eyed for our entire exchange...NO WAY.....get a grip!

I am actually very over parents that hover all over their kids telling them what to say, do ..how to behave ..to watch out ..pick up their bag..careful of the ant it might sting...blah blah. Let the kid work it out themselves...carry their own belongings, get stung...fall because they ran etc etc.Mind you this is all happening while you're talking to me about how great they are...yet they cant think or act for themselves!!

So yes...I love my kids but the sun does not rise and set only for them!! ( or for yours for that matter!)

Cheers

.

I have to admit, I am one of "those" parents. Someone might ask how my baby is and that is just opening the door for me... though I am aware of it and do try to stop before I go too far. Then make fun of the fact that I did it.

I feel sorry for the people who get caught in my trap!!!

But one tip for those people on FB that don't want to hear about it anymore... HIDE them. You don't have to de-friend them, and it gives you the chance to go back in and see what they are up to occasionally.

I did enter my son into the competition because he often gets compliments, but I was under no delusions that he should or would win. Obviously the finalists are going to be the children of parents with the most contacts. I posted a link on my Facebook page once and said if people had the time and inclination to do so, they could vote for him, but didn't expect anything.

I think my son is gorgeous, and funny, but I certainly don't think the universe revolves around him. I find my status updates on Facebook are often about him, but that's because that's my life. I'm with him pretty much every hour of every day, and if he does something that I find particularly hilarious or poignant, well, I'm going to post about that. These things affect me. I post about other things, too, though. I still try to be interesting and witty, like I did before I had a child - 'popping out' a kid didn't make me lose my common sense or my ability to talk about anything but my child. I couldn't think of anything more boring, actually.

I suppose the thing is that some people have a grasp of the bigger picture, and some people just don't, and eventually - I think - that will be to the detriment of their children.

I usually enter my children in the bonds but have no illusions to them winning as although they are of course beautiful, they are mixed race and the judged winners all seem so anglo (for want of a better word). I was pleasantly surprised this year that there was quite a mix of children chosed as the finalists. No, my children weren't one of them but I'm happy to see the winners reflecting the wider community.

I do try to talk to people other than my kids but due to their mixed race, their large number (5) and also twins, others always bring the conversation back to them!

ETA I'm talking about the judged part of the comp, I ignore the winners choice as I'm not going to waste time bothering others to vote.

Kitty Flannigan who is she to say what happened to these women. Why is it OK for people to talk about Real Estate, the sharemarket and the economy endlessly and often LOUDLY and often without a lot of knowledge about the subject and yet when someone becomes a mother they cannot talk about the most amazing achievement of their life? Why is trekking through a forrest or telling someone what restaurant they are at Ok on Facebook but updates about one's child is sneered at?
PLEASE!!

I do update on Facebook about my child, and I update about other things too. I love seeing that friends update about their kids. It means they care about their child and are joyous for them. Leave them alone. Better than a parent who couldn't care.

I used to work in the corporate world and it was tough. I was quite successful too. But I will say that being a parent is so much tougher.

So get off the case of people who care and find something worthwhile to whinge about.

And re the plane. Better to have the kid walk the aisles than scream..... right?

If you don't like kids on planes - then drive, catch a boat or don't go.

I truly try not to be. I think I"m lucky in that on my side she's the first grandchild, so even I get bored when my mother keeps going on about how talented, gifted, cute blah blah blah - so I can imagine how other people would feel. I've actually had to ask my mum to stop talking about her only grandchild and find other topics!

I think I'm lucky in that I was exposed to lots of friends with kids before I had mine, so there's no way I would bore people with how cute I think she is! At times I think I go too much the other way and there are people that think I don't love my child as I don't gush about her - so you can't win!

But I'll admit - I did actually make a fellow worker watch a video of her dancing! EEK!

But I think its the fact that today the world seems to be so kidcentric, everyone's so worried about giving their children what they didn't have - so I do worry about the effect of all this attention on them. Of course she's the centre of my universe, but the universe does not revolve around her, and I don't want her thinking that EVERYTHING she does is interesting to everyone.

So I contain my enthusiasm for when I see her grandparents and gush away. And then leave there and try and behave like a normal person!

Amity, from a childfree by choice person (I know, I know, I'm on EB- I like it here, is all) THANK YOU so much for writing this.

Look, I get that having a child is a life-changing experience, and I don't pretend to know what it's like. And I am prepared to listen to friends bang on about their kids because, hey they listen to me bang on about politics and my cat (which I'm sure bores them senseless). That's what friends do, listen to their friends talk about what's important to them.

But I just... ah, how to word this without being rude. Well, when you have a friend who used to get fired up about political injustice, or literature, or cultural analysis and who now can only talk about the agonies of choosing the right kinder or playground stoushes it's, well, kind of like your friend's disappeared and been replaced by a mummybot. To an outsider it all seems so inane. And there are allowances to be made for sleep deprivation and shifting priorities, but yeah. Your kid isn't as fascinating or cute to the world as it is to you. It just isn't.

Broadly, I agree.

This is a minor point, but I would much rather the mother pace the child up and down the isles of the plane than hear him screaming, which may have been the alternative. The proud smile may have been obnoxious, but perhaps it was the grimace of someone thinly-stretched after a long haul with a 1-2 year old who really didn't have much choice about whether to travel at that particular age?

I once heard someone without children describe what she wanted from those with. Not that they never talk about their children ever, but that they try and do what people in polite conversation who care about each other do everywhere: a bit of give and take. A little "my boy is so cute" followed by a little "your work sounds demanding, tell me about that for a while" and so on. You know, take turns, basically. And also try, if possible, to find some common ground that both people can enjoy.

It feels inane even when you find it is yourself talking about not much else than things related to your children. As much as I love my children, I often wonder where I disappeared to. I know that I used to have many interesting things to talk about, but that was when I had the time to see movies, read books etc and wasn't consumed by the endless needs of young children. I hope that as they grow and become more independent, I will get that part of myself back.

With young children, life can feel so much like groundhog day, which often doesn't end until you are collapsing into bed hoping to get a few hours sleep before being dragged out of bed by a child with a nightmare or a hungry baby.

I am so aware that my children are not as fascinating to anyone else other than myself, their father and hopefully their grandparents!! They can be downright irritating and painful at times, and I cringe when I see the glazed look slip over my friend's faces when it is obvious that they are becoming bored or annoyed, either with my children's behaviour or my own stories.

When I have mentioned this to my other 'mum' friends, many have expressed that they also miss their old, more interesting selves.. Mothers of older children reassure me that this is only temporary - I hope to find it is so!

I must live under a rock. I didnt know there was a controversy with the baby bonds competition. There you go.

As for obsession over my children, I may, to myself, think that they are on the attractive side of normal, however, I often get looked at funny as I apparently do not gush enough about DD1, unlike her classmates parents who thinks she is stunning, super intelligent and gifted. Ummm, no, she is just the eldest child in her year is all.

Maybe I need to take lessons........

I was a little absorbed when my first was born....you cant help that, everything is firsts, its all consuming!!

In time I did learn there is a time and place and not everyone wants to know. Even around mothers group I think I was/am pretty good at not going on and on about my kids.

Then I had DD and I havnt really once caught myself going overboard (only in the confinds of our house, of course).

BUT...I was in the post office the other day and the lady behind the desk starts calling out 'hey, everyone, dont you think this little girl looks like the Rafter baby? (from Packed to the Rafters). Complete strangers were coming up to look and all nodding, it was hilarious... so I smiled graciously and giggled as service stoped to check out my little girl!!

Honestly the nasty comments on the Bonds comp is poor form...they are babies, people are plain nasty.

I always look at other peoples kids and comment to their mum how cute they are, the innocent little snot faces are just adorable!

Amity please go easy on mothers who walk their children up and down the aisle of airplanes. I found your brothers comments quite insulting. I had to endure a flight from Australia to the UK alone with a very active 18month old boy and the only peaceful activity I could do with him was to walk up and down the aisle for hours on end. Let me tell you that I did not enjoy it one bit and showing my child off the others was far from my mind- keeping the peace was. Not all kids will sit and do colouring in for hours on end, although I did try. He was happy walking, it is an activity that he enjoys. I was dead tired and all i wanted to do was sit, read, watch tv or sleep like all the other passengers. Intermittently i was able to sit down (thank goodness) and he would climb all over me, pull my hair and jump up and down on his seat and/or my lap. Thank goodness that he did sleep for some of it but I was awake the whole time to keep an eye on him - thats over 27 hours of being awake. I really hope that the other passengers didnt think i was "showing off" my son! Sheesh... It was really hard work and of course like many things parenting you do it with a big fat fake smile on your face when all you want to do is collapse and close your eyes. The smile is for "Im a really nice person and please excuse my very active child, Im doing all i can to keep him occupied on this very long flight". So Amity can you please ask your brother if he would've prefered the child to walk up and down the aisle and be happy OR for his mother to strap him to the chair while he cried and screamed for the whole journey Or perhaps for his mother to drug him senseless on phenergan for the whole journey? Which is it? There are people that will insult parents (mothers usually) no matter what they do.

Wow

Childrearing conversations are boring. Women with children should be aware that what consumes their lives is beneath the notice of the wider community? Be seen and not heard...hello 1890.

I agree with the previous post that I find listening to people talk about the sharemarket and real estate prices pretty monotonous. I'd rather talk about poo.

How are parents supposed to learn and be good parents if they don't have conversations sharing their experiences? Being a parent is a role worthy of notice in the community. I learned a lot from other mothers about sleep, toileting, food and various other essential kid things.

I found this article a bit patronising and anti-mother.

I agree that posting racist or aggressive comments about babies is abominable. Putting things about your kids in your facebook status is telling people about what is on your mind.

If you don't want to read it maybe you should look for people you have more in common with. I know I am seriously delighted every Sunday afternoon to hear how drunk my Gen Y cousins were on Saturday night or which club they went to but I love them and I am able to recognise that we are at different stages of life.

So if you find people talking about their children boring I think it says more about your narcissism than theirs.

Um, if you don't have kids there are other things to talk about than the share market and real estate prices. I think the point was not to go overboard talking about kids to people who aren't interested...

I am not a mother and have no immediate plans to become on. Hence, my friends with children often respond to anything I say with "but you're not a mother, you don't understand".

Here's a few things mothers need to understand:

1. You are not the first person to have a baby, and won't be the last. You ain't that special.
2. Your child is, by all odds, probably an average looking kid. Not the ugliest, not the prettiest, just average.
3. Adults should never use 'baby talk' around other adults.
4. Please do not email me 6 million photos of the kid. They all look the same to me.

And, most importantly:
5. Most of us are biologically equipped to have children; some of life's other great challenges and triumphs are much harder and far fewer people achieve them. Kids are not everything.

Ha! I think I might be a little bit of a self absorbed mum. I jokingly say to my husband and parents that I feel sorry for everyone else who has a baby cause they aren't as cute as mine.

When I talk to others I ask what is happening with them and am genuinely interested but when asked about my life it is all baby baby baby!

I am looking forward to having something else to talk about at some stage but I'm totally loving the mum bubble I'm in at the moment (only 4 months in).

Thanks for the replies so far....

To those of you who are protesting in defense of the Mum who walked her child up andf down the aisles, I whole heartedly agree with you that walking is preferable to screaming. I have also travelled with a toddler and it's a nightmare, so of course you'll do anything you can to keep them amused and quiet. My point wasn't a criticism of that Mum (who I strenuously defended to my Gen Y brother) but rather an example how how others, rightly or wrong, view the situation. Non parents may also see me breastfeeding (or sniffing my baby's butt) in public as annoying, but that certainly won't stop me from doing either of them!

Also to those who are arguing that they want to talk about and post Facebook updates on their kids - so do I. Constantly! I'm not saying that I'm not equally obsessed or that it's a bad thing, but it's good to have a laugh at ourselves occasionally, don't you think?!

Amity

I love that website, Amity... Oh. My. Gosh.

I've got some friends who have posted updates like "junior just pooped" before, so when they do it next - BAM - that link is going up on my updates.

Thanks for the Friday giggles. x

My 2 cents....

I think it is hilarious how first time mothers (admittedly I did this when DD was a baby) believe every Tom d*ck and Harry walking down the street, or in the lift, or at the cafe or the park that says that there child is so beautiful...seriously people talk kaka cause they are just making conversation! I know because I do it myself sometimes to people

Thats why I have my friends in Facebook divided into categories, one of them being "Baby". Generally it involves people who I have become friends with through EB and other mummies with bubs around the same age as Eamon. Pretty much all the baby related stuff gets posted so only the Baby people can see it. Not everyone is interested in baby stuff!!!

As for the Bonds Baby competition, I entered Eamon in it. The photo was one I had taken a while back and I didn't publicise it or set out to get people to vote for him. I figured if people saw his picture on the website and voted for it then great....I didn't want people voting for him just because I said to...kinda defeats the purpose of the competition IMHO. I myself voted for a few babies who I thought to be very cute!!! Its not like the prize was that great anyway.....C'Mon People!!!

And as to whether he is the cutest, yes of course he is, in my eyes!!! Like tastes in clothing and jewellery, everyone has their opinions and we don't all agree on this stuff....why should babies be any different?

That STFU parents site had me in stitches. Yes, I've posted the occasional update about DD (and I love when someone else shares a funny story about their own child) but there are some people on Facebook that only ever seem to share updates about their children. I cringe when I read yet another update about their clever little boy/girl.

I think you have to know your audience. Generally other parents of young children like to share a few "war stories", but I am quite aware that not everyone wants to know about every adorable thing DD has said or done this week. I think that's what Grandparents are for, they can't get enough!

I had to sign up just to reply to this blog - awesome stuff! I am a DINK but TTC, I love babies but only when I want to as at this stage I can hand them back! But I have friends who's whole lives now revolve around their kids and they must stick to the routine. I have one set of friends who everytime I see them thrust their child into my arms and say "Aunty blondtress wants to hold you" - well maybe sometimes or even most times but not everytime (let me make the choice damn it!) and especially when they are not drooling or snotting everywhere or have smooshed food all over them and I have a nice outfit on. They also use their child as an excuse for everything, if they are late or can't stay out past 7:30 (therefore making dinner at 6pm at the latest everytime) they just say "Wait til you have kids" and roll their eyes. I have another set of friends who's kids most of the time just have to put up with wherever Mummy or Daddy might be at the time and they DO adjust, they take toys with them when we go to restaurants and friends houses so they are not bored and if we are having a BBQ or party then the kids sleep in the portacot that has come along or on aunty and uncle's lounge or bed. I hope I do not turn into a self absorbed mummy!

I’m lucky – my friends are pretty good. We talk about the kids but also manage to talk about loads of other stimulating things.



Of course all mothers think their baby is the cutest, funniest, most talented around. That’s pretty normal. But let’s be honest, our kids don’t factor highly on other people’s list of priorities.



Amity’s blog wasn’t anti-mother; it was about respecting other people’s boundaries and I thought the analogy of the plane was a good one.



It’s not about walking your child up and down the aisles because that’s reasonable and necessary … it’s whether you need to involve others who are not remotely interested in your child. There’s no need to be loud and in other people’s faces. Letting your child chuck yoghurt and toys at other passengers is not acceptable. If you can’t understand this, YOU stay home! I don’t mind when I see an effort being made by the parent to ensure their child is not annoying people.

If people want to engage with your child, they will. If they clearly want to be left alone, respect this. If I’m paying to relax by a pool in a couple’s-style resort, I do not want to put up with other people’s kids screaming and yelling (non-stop for HOURS) whilst the parents sit watching silently from their balconies. I also don’t want to sit enjoying a blissful kid-free breakfast with my friends in my local café whilst a parent proceeds to change their baby’s pooey nappy 2 feet away from us (yes, it happened!) I would not do this and I cannot believe that some parents think this is okay. And yes, I did point out there was a baby change located 4 metres away but was told to F off.

Good to see some light-hearted posts!

I think that the mums you are referring to aren't really the majority.
I mean of course you start talking about poo - because you are concerned if your child is healthy. Of course you like to stick to routine if it is what is best for your child.

If I ever post a status update about my kids other mums will often comment on it and appreciate it like I do to theres. I do try to avoid making every status update about them as I like to think I do have other interests. (although it can become quite difficult - I am a stay at home mummy and my day is pretty much dedicated to my kids, even when they are asleep I read about parenting) If I really feel the need to share about something that would not be of interest at all to non parents I usually post in my 'Mummies group' facebook group coz at least they understand.

When I am with friends who don't have kids I don't talk much about my kids unless they ask. I prefer to talk about them - their travels, relationships, work etc. If I am with other mums we do tend to discuss motherhood to every little detail because it is good to bounce ideas off each other and compare stories to make sure we are on the right track.

The stuff Kitty Flanegan may have been funny in her deilvery of it - I don't know since I haven't seen it - but I don't think mums should be made fun of because they do those things. They just do those things because it benefits their child in some way. It's not like they have lost their intelligence just because they are talking about poo or speaking slowly so a toddler can understand.

I am well aware of the fact that my children aren't the most 'beautiful' (in terms of what society considers beautiful) children in the world, or the smartest. But I am still proud of them. I don't really know too many mums who really do think this.

If you think about all the parents on your facebook and then think about the poo, baby etc comments that you have seen I think the comments would be pretty minimal in comparison.

Having read that, I realise that I an the opposite of a self absorbed mum. I rarely talk about DD, unless someone asks. I have a private blog (just for family) that I upload photos to so that if you don't want to see them, you don't have to. I almost never put up FB posts about her.

I love her dearly, but I certainly don't expect that everyone else feels the same way!

Usually these types of mums bored you with conversations about themselves & their achievements prior to kids... nothing changed but the focus is now projected onto the child

God no!

I've been a fan of STFU parents for about 2 years now (BTW your breaking the first rule of tumblr ) and I always get a laugh from it as I have those types of mother blocking up my facebook. I'm personally almost anti mum.

So the parents drag their tired kids around without any concern for their routine or comfort? Well yay for them! Personally my toddler won't sleep when we are out (Too much going on!) and I would rather stay home, put my child to bed and relax than take her out to a restaurant or friends house when she is clearly tired and cranky. She would annoy me and other people. Not just for her own sake but for mine as well. I am sorry but I am going to say it "Just wait to you have kids and you will realise what it is like" I will like to see what you do when you have kids. There was a lot of things I said I would or wouldn't do prekids that have come back and slapped me in the face!

I think it is a balance. Every now and then you get someone to babysit so you can enjoy peoples company without your kids around and also because some events are just not kid friendly. But at the end of the day they are your kids and you chose to have them so therefore your responsibility and it is just a fact off life that you have to make changes to your lifestyle. If it is that much of a pain to you to meet friends with parents early for dinner then go make friends with people who don't have kids.

Yes. I do find conversations about childrearing boring. Why wouldn't I? I don't have kids, or want them. I'm not sure how this makes me a narcissist. Am I narcissistic because I find conversations about football, cars, celebrities and gardening equally boring? A statement about my own lack of interest in something is not a value judgement on *you*.

I'm not saying don't talk about it to people who are interested- I agree that shared experience is valuable. I'm just saying don't expect that everyone is going to relate to it, or be interested.

And frankly, I find the sharemarket and real estate boring as well.

No, I'm not, and I love Kitty Flanagan!

I posted a fair bit about my first DD on Facebook, mostly because it was the best way for her dad to see what was going on while he was away on business. When he came home I stopped cold turkey.... And my loyal viewers complained! So now I throw them the occasional update. None of them are ever about how smart, pretty, or talented she is though. You realize that just from meeting her, so there's no need to harp on

Gosh, I was one of those awful parents who "dragged their kids around ... etc." Funnily enough, they didn't perceive it that way (having not read any parenting websites or books) and just thought it was part of life. Routine didn't equate to comfort, because I didn't let it. They just went with the flow, and soon learned to crash when they were tired, wherever we happened to be. Most times that was at home, but sometimes it wasn't. Call DOCS! Oops, too late.

Now that they are grown up and doing just fine, I must tell them about the abuse they suffered at the hands of their uncaring parents. Since one is a lawyer, I am expecting a solicitor's letter seeking compensation shortly afterwards.

I to completely understand, that being a Mum, makes you completely obsessed with your child. And yes I do think my ds is gorgeous to look at, funny to listen to & fun to be around, however I am by no means, under the impression that everyone around us has the same feelings for him.

I have a few friends who are CONSTANTLY updating thier facebook status, with seemingly funny converstations that they have had with thier children, or endless daily photos & video footage. And admitedly some of it is great & very cute. Its nice to see what my friends kids are up to. However the constant barrage can be really annoying. Especially when I have to lie to my friends when they ask if I have seen it, by saying "oh I havn't been on facebook in ages", because in reality it was just another post I immidiately deleted from screen.

I'm not saying that I never post pics & announcements about my ds, but I do wait until something happens that I know most of the people I know would be interested to read or see.

All the other day to day stuff is kept for my DH, myself & our close immidiate families......Those who are actually interested.

I think, sometimes as a Mum, our life changes so dramatically, and so wonderfuly, that we lose sight of evryone elses lives & interests. Even though we may fail to see it, there are other important things in the world, and not everyone is interested in what our children can do, or have done. And probably shouldn't be forced to listen to and hour by hour play of our childrens lives.

In saying that, places like facebook & twitter are created for people to post about thier lives in a public way, and have the right to post mostly whatever they like, and if that happens to be thier children, then so be it.
It's up to everyone else to choose what they read & watch. If it annoys you, I guess you just bypass it.

I prefer parents who gush over their children to those who whinge about their children. I find it really sad when all you hear is negative stuff; it may be boring to some, but positive conversation is rare and it's nice. And apparently mums who gush over their kids havemore positive brain changes than those who don't!

Thank-you for introducing me to STFU parents. It is hilarious! (And yes I have a baby and love Facebook...)

BTW- who has time for Facebook?? I'm lucky I even have time to reply to this blog!

That STFUparents link was hilarious! I consciously try not to drone on about my daughter. However as she is so young and dependent on me day and night when friends ask me about what I am up to I draw a blank when I try not to bore them with day-to-day mum stuff - I mean for the past 18 months I haven't spent more than 12 hours at a time away from her. Some days I feel like my identity has been muted. I work two days a week but that doesn't tend to bring up anything news worthy.

It reminds me of this quote that I keep on my phone. It was from a terrible (really don't watch it!) movie with Uma Thurman as the main character.

I'm a big time facebook user and I admit I do have to control myself with the kid-related posts. I'd say I try to limit myself to 30-40% of my posts being related to them.

But do you know what? Everyone whether they have kids or not is pretty self-absorbed and narcissistic these days.

When I was last at work my office mate was always talking about her damn dogs. I have never met them, I do not care about them, I don't even like dogs.

My good friend is always telling me about stuff that happens at her work. I know nothing about her work, I don't know any of her colleagues, frankly I don't care.

Another friend is always talking about hanging out with her cousins.

My cousin is always talking about this theatre show, and that audition and that dingy Newtown bar...again, nothing to do with me.

My thing might be my kids but equally, everyone has their own thing that bores others to tears. That's life!

wow.
I find this piece extremely mean spirited. I don't have babies any more, but I still enjoy admiring other people's babies. so, when you're wheeling them in a pram, or cooing them to them in a cafe, or walking them up and down the aisles of plane or train, there are still people ( like me, and like my grown children) who will genuinely appreciate that your child is gorgeous, and are quite happy to make polite small talk about his/her favourite song, bear, or latest antic, or to play peek-a- boo over the back of the seat.

Babies used to be considered as universally cute as puppies and kittens. Now they are more likely to be portrayed in as an imposition on the general public. And good job, Amity, you're cheering on people who are implying the job you're doing is so boring you should make an effort not to share your experiences because obviously no-one else will want to hear about it. In a blog called essential baby!

This is what some people do, for goodness sake. If motherhood, especially stay at home motherhood, is a valid choice, then why isnt it a valid topic of conversation?Why are people's babies any more boring that say, other people's jobs, or their dreams or their taste in music, or what particular brand of food porn they subscribe to?

I don't think the article or its respondents are suggesting that babies are universally boring, or that no-one should show interest, or that mothers should be made to feel their choice is not valid. It's just suggesting that not everyone finds them interesting. Just like jobs, dreams or taste in music.

It's just a matter of having different interests. There's nothing wring with that. I don't find babies interesting. That doesn't mean I think they're boring in general, they're just boring to me. I make polite chit chat about them to my friends who have babies, because I know it's important to them. Some babies are cute, and I also recognise that babies are people. If a baby or toddler interacts with me, I respond in a friendly way- it would be rude not to. I don't ignore them or make sour faces at them, I'm just not fascinated with them.

The way you feel about babies? That's how I feel about kittens. I know not everyone likes cats or finds them cute. And that's ok. We're not all the same. How boring it would be if we were.

I agree with this. I was childless by choice for 35 years so I was intensely aware of the "mummybot" phenomenon. I lost a couple of interesting, intelligent friends to the cult of parenthood. I still have lots of childfree friends so I am aware of boring them with something they deliberately know nothing about

But mums aren't the only ones who are self obsessed. And let's face it, having a kids is a big f***ing deal in life. Buying a house or a car or getting a new boyfriend is someting you're allowed to prattle on and on about. It's understandable that you would be excited about these things. But heaven forbid you talk endlessly about your child. I find the double standards ridiculous.

It's one thing to not want to have kids, but it's another thing to not even feign interest in major changes in someone's life, just because it's something you know nothing about. That's equally self absorbed. Sometimes I have to paste a smile on and nod enthusiastically when a close friend goes on about her fiance - who is the biggest, strongest, smartest man on the planet and makes love like a viking warrior.

I don't need to know that he loves to give oral sex, is fascinated with anal but respects her wishes there or how many inches of man love he has - but I get all that information nonetheless. I don't resent it. She's head over heels in love and I like to see her happy.

If the same attitude of gentle indulgence was taken to new mums then more friendships between childfree and with child women would survive.

I definitely see your point, BB. I can only speak for myself, but as I said, I do feign interest and ask about my friends' kids because I know it's important to them, just as I know they ask about my cat (even if they're not not "cat people") because they know she's as important to me as their kids are to them. Friendship is give and take, and a friendship starts to sour when one party becomes one-dimensional and self-focused. It does happen to people with children, but it also happens to people without. For example, I've got a friend who can't live without a man, and anytime she's in a relationship EVERYTHING becomes about him. It's dull and cringeworthy. But, yeah, it's just as dull when all someone can talk about is their kids. New baby- somewhat understandable. It's new, and a massive adjustment. But when that's a sustained state as the children grow up it gets old.

I don't think I'm a self-absorbed mum. I love DD to death of course and think she's absolutely beautiful and incredibly smart, but I don't say that to anyone. If I go out for a night with friends, it's not uncommon for me to go an entire night without mentioning her or parenting in general. I did it tonight actually. If someone says she's smart, I might say "yes she's doing really well", but I don't crap on about every good mark she's gotten at school or anything. I just realise people don't give a sh*t generally, so I wait for them to ask about her, and if they do I'll answer, but I don't often initiate talk about her. Sometimes I probably do, but only if there's an issue or something really exciting has happened.

I spend so much time with her, being a single mum with a limited network, that I just need a break from all things parent related when I go out - parenting is the last thing I want to talk about! But of course after a few hours I miss her desperately and just want to be snuggled up with her again. I just wouldn't say it.

I laughed when I read about the child on the plane ! I think we have all been there, done that. But when you see others doing it, hopefully it does serve as a good reminder of the old 'your child is cute to you but no so fascinating to others'....
My latest frustration is with mums who think its OK to sit right next to people at communal coffee tables in cafes. People who were otherwise having a quiet coffee until a pram is parked on top of them and then the entire table is turned into a chaotic toddlers morning tea zone. Its not polite to the people who were already there or the cafe owner. I avoid my local cafe that has great coffee and communal tables because of bad experiences with self absorbed mummies and their kids.

Haha! You're opening up a can of worms with this one!

(I agree with you, by the way.)

Please watch TODDLERS & TIARAS on pay TV and forgive yourself. You are nowhere near excessive compared to these self-absorbed and kid-absorbed women, and some men. I hope my kids never rub shoulders (or anything else) with these types, the US version or our own local types. Blergh! Both my parents are teachers for the past 4 decades and they can tell you - parents have become SO engrossed in their kids. Not for the their benefits either. Marking them as "special" and "different", "better" and not needing to be part of the group/community is creating a generation with NO empathy for anybody. Add Facebook to that mix and you have utterly egotistical offspring with no respect for teachers, fellow students, the public or values and property. They deface a wall because they can take a snap and post it for kicks, they humiliate a stranger or a close friend with no thought of their being sentient beings like themselves. A dose of humility and reminding our kids we are all the same, regardless of our background is what is needed from parents, not schools. Kids today have very little involvement in youth groups, Sunday school, Scouts, charity work - all good for nurturing the soul. During the recent floods in Qld, I asked my two kids (4 and 3) to donate some of their toys - they enthusiastically agreed, until it came time to deliver them and part with them. We took them to the collection point, along with baskets of toiletries, towels and other essentials, and left the toys in a big pile with other kids' donations. Well, my kids bawled the whole way home, but they remember that feeling of giving and keep asking about the flood kids and whether they are playing with their robot and doll. It pays to remind your kids there are others in the world other than them.

Where would you suggest they go?

Me, I hate obnoxious buisness types yelling into their mobile phones with the paper spread over half the table leaving no room for anyone else. But thats just me