So i'm 17 weeks now and have days where I really think I might bring a baby home this time. I think also the fact it's a boy makes me feel like that's more likely because I've brought home boys, just not a girl IYKWIM.

BUT, as well as my Factor 5 I have this low Papp-a score thing that has to do with blood flow and placenta and it's just getting me a little nervous.

So i'm at odds with myself about going and buying stuff.

I have all the basics like a cot, bottles, change table, breast pump, all left over from my boys and some stuff I bought for Amelia. And I've also bought a few baby boy things.

But I want to buy a basinette, baby carrier and rocker, plus of course more clothes and such.

The clothes aren't a big deal but the big items I want to make sure I get while they are on sale or at a good price on eBay. BUt i'm scared of jinxing myself and buying all this stuff and then having no baby to put in it again like last time.

I think we will have at least one more baby after this (still hoping to have another girl) so I don't mind spending the money, but I just don't want to spend it and then have something awful happen again

With Amelia I actually didn't wash anything or get ready til about 36 weeks because I couldn't believe she was a girl. So I finally washed everything and took tags off and then couldn't use it but couldn't take it back. It's all sitting in a box in the cupboard.

So, what did you do with your subsequent pregnancy after loss?? Did you wait til the baby was born and send someone out to buy everything or just hope for the best and buy everything anyway??

I hoped for the best - there was some stuff I knew we'd need straight away and couldn't fathom having to rush to organise it all with a newborn around. I left it fairly late though, and kept things pretty basic. One thing I did allow myself to get excited about from about 16 weeks was planning/sewing a nice stash of cloth nappies.
It's a difficult balance between being well prepared, getting excited about a new baby coming, and not wanting to build up too much hope.

Firstly, I am very sorry for your loss. It's a terrible pain that no one should have to go through. I'm sending my best wishes for your rainbow baby and your family.

My experience was that I was highly 'superstitious', and didn't do anything that I had 'done' before, IYKWIM. So I didn't buy anything, big or small, until I was 34 weeks. Up until that point I just didn't feel "safe" - which is silly, there is no reason that 34 weeks was now a safer point, but that's just where my head was at.

I think you have to do what is right for YOU (apologies for the cliche), assuming it is not going to make life too difficult in general. I will admit that doing a big shop after 34 weeks was uncomfortable and tiring, but it was certainly possible. And since I'm a bit of a procrastinator anyway, I got it all done. It took until the last possible minute, but I got it done. Of course, I then went over and had nothing to do but wait

Good luck OP.

Hi
I am so sorry for your loss.
I don't belong in this section- I am lucky to not have suffered as you have. However, I had to respond after reading your question and information. I am also Factor V Leiden (found out once pregnant) and was low Papp-A (.38 from memory?). Whilst the medical professionals didn't seem to want to connect the two issues, I suspect there may be a link. I had lots of scans throughout the pregnancy and pre-eclampsia was also a concern. In the end my daughter was growth restricted and induced (a little) early- but- is now absolutely fine and really thriving. I think she just needed to get away from the placenta! With all the stress within the pregnancy I didn't prepare much at all, and she is my first child. But I just wanted to give you my support having been through some similar issues.
I really hope you can enjoy your pregnancy and hope there is a good medical team helping you. I was lucky to go public in an excellent maternity hospital.

All the best to you

See for me there is no safe time at all because I lost my daughter at term So there's no point at which I can say to myself "ok, here I am at....weeks and it's further than I got last time so let's go shopping".

Not that there's ever really a safe time after losing a baby at any stage because our innocence and ignorance has been taken away.

I know I at least need to get the basinette and some newborn sized clothing. I'd really like the carrier from newborn stage too because I read getting them used to it first up is important.
I'm such a shopper too. I can't help but buy things.

I'm so sorry to hear about your precious little Amelia.

I left buying most of my boys thing until the last 6 weeks of pregnancy following the loss of my twin boys at 22 1/2 weeks.
I couldn't bring myself my to set up a nursery and have tiny little clothes around the house until then. What actually got me going out to get things was because my family organised a surprise baby shower for me cause they knew I had almost nothing.

I wish you all the best, take care of yourself and your little one.

I lost my first baby Niamh at 27 weeks, due to a combination of HELLP syndrome and her severe cardiac abnormalities. She lived for a week.

When I was pregnant with DD and with the one I'm having now, I couldnt bring myself to buy anything baby related until past 27 weeks. 27 weeks is my superstition.

(Oddly enough, I am 27 weeks this week and the doctor told me today that her heart is fine)

Good luck with your pregnancy.

xxxx

So sorry for your loss of Amelia, and congratulations on your new pregnancy.

I don't belong here as my loss was a second trimester miscarriage due to thrombophilia, but I can relate to some (obviously not all) of what you have expressed. I did not purchase anything when pregnant with my next son except one packet of dummies. On a practical level it worked out fine, there are always more sales and I could get by without most of it (my loss was my first pregnancy so I didn't have much of anything).

But the emotional level is worse. Practicalities are easy to manage, but the emotional hardship... that is a whole other level. Part of emotional preparation for a new baby is the preparation of the home, it is hard not to do this. I felt a burning urge to prepare for the new baby, but I was also worried about jinxing myself. I didn't want to have to pack anything away or send anything back, but I also wanted something real and tangible to look at and hold in case the worst did happen. The thrombophilia I have means that I have a higher chance than the average of something going wrong with my placenta at any stage of the pregnancy, so there is no 'safe' period for me either. That is an awful fear, and having lost your Amelia I would imagine it's one which is quite acute for you.

I say screw the practicalities and live in the moment. If one day you feel like purchasing something, then do it that day in that moment. If later you don't want to face the new preparations then send them over to your mother's to look after until you feel ready to see them again.

I think is is excellent advice. IF you have a day where you feel that you can face the shops and feel excited then embrace it and shop but on the days you don't, leave it to someone else to do. You know that once bubs is born you can always go out and buy more things. I have a baby born pouch and I love it. Definately recommend getting one. I didn't get mine until girls where a couple of weeks old and it didn't matter that they weren't in it from the day they where born. They will either like it or hate it.

So sorry for your loss.

The internet makes it really easy to window shop and buy things at any time, so just do what you feel comfortable with.

Sorry for your loss and congrats on you little man.

We stopped in at the baby shop on the way home from the hospital!!

I will admit I had ordered a cot and change table, but only did this 2 days before christmas and then DS arrived before the year was out so we had nothing.

MIL went shopping while I was in hospital and got some basic supplies and clothes (I had none). One of DH cousins bought over a bassinet and some sheets and things.

We didn't even have a room set up - it still had our spare double bed and my sewing table in there as I was so convinced that there would be something wrong with my baby that I would not be able to bring him home.

Lets just say the CC got a good work out in the new years sales!!

But do what you feel is right for you. If you want ot buy some things then do it, but a newborn only needs love, boobs and a couple of nappies for the first few weeks so there is no hurry to stock the cupboards so to speak.

LOL, this will be me

I do have some things from Ava & Connor, but i won't be buying anything until an actual live baby arrives.

This baby will be born anywhere from 32 weeks and then probably be in special care for awhile, so i'm in no hurry.

But as others said, when you feel it's right, will be the right time for you.

Kirsten

I am really, really sorry for the loss of your little girl.
I wish you and your little one all teh very, very best.

ETS I am sorry I just realised what seciton this is in, and so I have removed as responses from those that have been through what you have will be more relevant. I did want to add in my best wishes for you though.

Hi, I don't belong in here, but came in from the side. I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter.

I friend of mine is currently pregnant with twins. One of them has a serious condition that only becomes a problem once he is born. Whilst in utero he is fine and he will need surgery as soon as he is born. A significant number of these baby's die from this condition. Like you, she doesn't have a 'safe' gestation to make it past. All the stress will come after the delivery.

I was talking to her about this and she has bought and planned as though she is bringing two babies home. She said she couldn't just shop as though he wasn't going to make it and get stuff for one baby and not the other. She conceded that as she has only bought a double pram she doesn't know what she will do if he doesn't survive, but she chooses to be positive and therefore shop accordingly. She even has a beautiful nursery that her Dad painted up for her with a big pink dots above the girls cot and big blue dots above the boys. There are to share a room and she wanted to personalise each area a bit.

Anyway, that is what she has done.

All the best.

Cat

I don't really know what i'm doing. I keep wanting to buy things. I bought a cradle from ebay the other day and it's all set up in my room ready to go. I have baby clothes and want to go and buy more and buy a baby carrier and all sorts of stuff but then think...what if the baby doesn't come???

Am I crazy???

I can't help myself. Some days I wonder what is wrong with me when I don't seem to do what other people who've lost children do...does that make sense???

Everyone grieves differently and deals differently with a new pregnancy.

I only ever brought Lily a coupe of things during her pregnancy, a christmas tshirt I got shortly after finding I was pregnant and a couple of wondersuit for a second hand store but I was basically set up (and stil am) for Rubys pregnancy and was wating on finding out her sex.

Just do what feels right for you at the time and there is a very good chance you will bring home this little man you are carrying.

After losing DS1 and then going on to have DD I bought maybe 3 big things, that's it, the rest we bought after she was here safely. I was just too scared to buy anything as even now I remember the pain of having to pack DS's things away and didn't want to have to do that again. DD was born at 33 weeks but thankfully she did well, it was a very anxious time.

edited for privacy

Ausibella, firstly I'm sorry for the loss of your DD Amelia. After Anabelle died I had such a difficult pregnancy with Abigail, not on a physical level but on a mental level. I could not believe that I would take home a live baby at any step of the way. I couldn't allow myself to imagine that this baby would come home with me one day as in my mind I was destined not to have any babies that would live. I know that sounds crazy, but after losing Anabelle my trust and innocence in pregnancy and birth was lost.

I did buy a few things but a lot had already been bought for Anabelle. I'm glad I bought some beautiful newborn outfits just for Abigail. At the hospital I took a beautiful box full of clothes and hats. We didn't know wether we were having a boy or girl with Anabelle so I'm glad we found out Abigail's gender when I was pregnant with her so I was able to prepare and buy lots of girly things. Surprisingly I have not bought a thing for this baby as I have everything from Abigail. We are not finding out the gender so it's a good excuse to restrain myself from buying things. The only thing we will need to get is a new car seat.

I think if you want to buy things that's wonderful and if there are some days you don't then that's ok too. Just do what feels right for you.

I am sorry for your loss.

I lost DS1 at 35 weeks, being my first child I of course had everything set up for him, so all the big ticket items and lots of clothing were already inplace.

During my next pregnancy I was hoping that I would have a girl as I thought it would be easier to cope with that rather than another boy, as in my head I didn't want DS1's things to be another childs things it was like the new child would be a replacement for DS1. Anyway turned out I was having another boy. I didn't really need to buy anything and due to fear did not buy anything til well after 30 weeks.

At 30 weeks something changed in me and I felt the need to buy things for the impending baby. I don't know what the catalyst was, maybe I just had an instinct that everything would be ok.

I wish you all the best with this pregnancy and I think you will know when you feel comfortable to buy things for your new baby.