My little lovelies are becoming more and more conpetitive and wanting things (like mummy!) all to themselves. But it spreads beyond that and they even compete over who gets dinner or who gets to have a bath. For example, I'll say to them "we're having chicken for dinner tonight" and the conversation that ensues goes something like this:

D - "Lilee chicken dinner"
S - " Sophie chicken dinner too"
D - "No, Soph, Lilee chicken dinner"
S - "No, Lilee go way. Sophie chicken dinner"
D - "No, Soph, go way. Lilee chicken dinner"

And on it goes often descending into shrieks and howls and tears despite me telling them they both get to eat dinner.

Then there are the fights over me. Sometimes in the mornings when they wake and are chatting in their cots I can hear Delilah setting the scene (she starts it all most often although it's not always her) and she'll be saying, "Lilee Mummy, Sophie Daddy" and then Sophie will retort with the "No, Sophie Mummy, Lilee Daddy" and on it goes down into the "no, go away"s. And the evenings right before bed gets awful. They'll often both be shrieking and howling over who gets to sit with mummy. S is willing to share but D is much more all or nothing. I have started to tell her thar either she shares nicely or she gets nothing and have at times put her down and walked somewhere else with Sophie because she just won't stop crying, pushing Soph, and telling her to go away."

I'm working a lot more at giving them one on one time (even if it's just taking one out to hang the washing with me while the other remains inside with her dad) but obviously this is not going to happen 24x7 and they need to share mum and dinner and a whole bunch of stuff all the other time.

How does everyone manage this?

Don't get me wrong. This doesn't happen all the time and for the most part they play really nicely and are quite sweet to each other but I do get it a good few times a day.

I could have written your post! Mine do this all the time (still, at 2,5) and I have not found a real solution as yet.

If the argument is about a certain item I tend to say: if you can't agree on it/ play nicely/share Mama will take it away and no one plays with it. Sometimes I have to actually take the item away and put it somewhere up high (in their sight) and within a minute they will both ask for it back and share from then.

If the argument is about food (very often) I sometimes show them that there is plenty for both of them which helps a bit. They more often argue about what a certain food is (it's broccoli, no not broccoli, it's cauli, no not cauli, broccoli) and I try to acknowledge the right answer in a way that distracts from the fight (let's have a look, what colour is it? Hmmm do you think it is green? I think it might be broccoli. Do you know any other things that are green?)

If the argument is about sitting with me (happens often) I tell them to take turns, I read a book with one on my lap whilst the other one sits next to me, and after that the other one can pick a book and sit on my lap whilst I read. Unfortunately one of them always picks 'long' book and the other one hasn't realised yet

Looking forward to reading tips from others, thanks for bringing it up.

Will be watching this closely..

We still get this sometimes.......

We use to get its my mummy or my daddy and DH and i would just say we are both your mummy and daddy. We also use this if you cant share we will take it away. Also we sit down on lounge and cuddle them both if they both want attention.
It does ease up the older they get.

I tell them to F*** off and leave me alone (actually, I'm only half-kidding - sometimes when the going has been particularly tough, I might indeed mutter this under my breath).

We don't get the verbal arguments, as D is still mostly non-verbal (so L would win all those!), but we definitely get the competition for lap space, the purple breakfast bowl, who gets to use the pouring bowl in the bath etc etc.

I have for the most part let them sort it out themselves, but D just beats L up and then L howls and I have to get involved anyway. Just in the last 2 days, D has discovered pinching. He's a bully. Today at lunch I watched them surreptitiously, and L did actually hit D back, which I'm somewhat encouraging as usually he just comes running to whoever is the nearest sympathetic person (usually DD2, not me!).

So I guess I have no advice - maybe just pre-empting stuff by deflecting attention away from the argument - e.g. re the chicken for dinner, making the "argument" about which bowl/plate they'll have (hide them behind your back and get them to pick a hand). Not sure about the mummy/daddy issue - I'm pretty sure mine both want whatever the other has, regardless of who it is! Talk about competition!

Ditto to your post. My two are fighting over lap/cuddle space on mummy among other things. They get quite pushy & shovey with each other and even their older 4yo brother. It is really doing my head in some days.

Will keep an eye on this thread.

Yeah, I realise that for the most part it is par for the course in any family with >1 child and obviously not just limited to twins or other multiples. I guess, though, that because they're twins I am more aware and perhaps protective of their battle for individuality. I don't want to discourage their desire to have their very own thing or their very own time with mummy and daddy etc but I also don't want to encourage treating each other poorly in an attempt to achieve this. Maybe I'm over thinking the psychology of it all but I just feel to tread carefully.

My solution was putting them in day care one day a week separately and spending a full day one on one time with each of them. It means I don't get much of a break still but then that wass't the reason I sent them to care. I have to say that it has made a big difference. They are only tend to get really clingy now when they're upset/sick etc.

With books, they get to pick a book each otherwise they fight. The one who picked the book I'm reading gets to sit on my lap then the other one. If they fight then neither get to sit on my lap and if they carry on then they go to the time out corner (facing the wall) for 5 mins. Have to apologise to me and to each other. Then they're usually ok again.

SAL - so, do you find that because they get this full 1 day each one on one with you that they don't compete on the other days or that they compete less than they did before you implanted this?

unfortunately it's not foolproof..they still compete but not as bad as before. Katie goes mon and dayton goes tues and I notice on wednesday that they tend to be really good, maybe because they haven't spent much time together in 2 days...they play nicely. By thurs things are back to normal, fights etc

the bonus is that they actually really love going to CC...they think it's a treat or something. Initially, the one who didn't get to go would be devastated but they soon realized they they both got to go 1 day each and loved the mummy time.

It's good because I can do things like play doh, painting, craft stuff which I definitely cannot do with both of them unless I want paint all over my walls.

The thing is that I have to be quite tough with mine because it can quickly escalate to full blown fight inc biting, pushing, hitting...you know!

The other day, Dayton grabbed Katie's book and ran out of the room, Katie chased after him and he closed to door in her face! all because she was trying to give her book to me to read first!