...and it's hit me suddenly the last few days and i don't know what to do. It hurts so bad. I have lost family members, a few young ones and the grief i am feeling is so different in so many ways.

I have had so much drama with my ex being a royal a*s*hole and in the middle of it all by brother was killed. He was taking an aquaitance home who had had too much to drink to drive himself. The bloke started being a sickhead so my brother directed his wife to go back to their place and he could find his own way home. The bloke started threatening my brother, who told him to stop being silly. As my brother got out of the car when they stopped, the bloke was already out of the car, swinging punches from behind. My poor brother didn't stand a chance, he couldn't even get at the bloke to defend himself.

He was killed instantly. The punch severed his spinal cord.

I'm sorry if it's all a bit of a ramble. I just need to get it out in the hope someone else can understand where i am right now and to know if what i am feeling is normal or what i don't know It seems everywhere i look the last few days there is reminders of him everywhere and i just break down.

I am sorry for your loss. Vent away

OP how awful to lose your brother. Grief is a funny old thing... well not funny as in ha ha, funny as in WTF I was doing fine and now I'm doubled over with pain thinking about the loss. I fully get what you say about the delay too, it strikes at the weirdest times. Hopefully these things get better with time.

What an unspeakable tragedy I'm sorry this has happened to your brother, you must be absolutely heartbroken. Be gentle with yourself, grief shows itself differently to everyone, and everyone grieves in their own way.

My deepest condolences to you and your family at this sad time.

*hug*

I'm so sorry.

I am so, so sorry. I cannot imagine. I'd be an absolute mess if that happened to my brother. It must feel so ****ing unfair that someone can just get drunk and take a good life like that, for no reason. It is so unfair. I can't really help you but I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you, and I think that all you can do right now is let it out as much as you can, and know that each day you will somehow put one foot in front of the other and go on, and it will get easier with time. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your brother. I think you should go and get some counselling. I think it helps to talk with someone who you can tell how you feel and who can tell you its ok. I know I had counselling after my miscarriage and just having someone justify the way I felt helped a lot.

SuperKate, that's just awful. I'm so sorry for your loss. Vent, scream, yell, cry, do whatever you need to. Just go easy on yourself and take care.

I have no words. Just

Oh SuperKate, I don't know what to say really except that I'm really sorry for your sadness......... often we we lose someone close, it's often surreal for a while - as though you do expect to see them or hear from them.
There are several phases of grief and undoubtedly your family has had a terrible shock - it must seem rather unbelievable to have someone so close taken in the click of your fingers.
All I can say is, it's understandable that it hit you this much further down the track....... with the shock passing and the reality settling in that you will never see him again.
Grief can take you to some amazing depths, be sure to reach out to friends and family to talk it over and if it gets all too much, grief counselling will be helpful too.
Give yourself time SuperKate, lots of time to deal with your grief.

Thinking of you and so very sad this happened to your dear brother who it sounds like you loved very much.

I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss. What a good kind man your brother was. I also have no words but am sending you love and hugs

Thankyou so much for all your kind words and advice.

Victims of Crime have told us we are entitled to counselling provided by them. My sister in law has been using it and she says its been a big help. I think if i take that step its all so final. I have to face it and that scares me to death. I know i have to face it sooner or later. I'm just so scared iykwim?

If it hurts like this now, i am terrified of how i will be when i actually have to acknowledge its real.

I keep burying myself in other dramas we have going on at the moment. My XH had breached orders and absconded with 3 of my children just before this happened. It took me a month to get them back with the help of a location and recovery order. He told them their uncle who they loved so much had been and idiot and started a fight and lost. That sort of thing is what i have been dealing with from him, amongst a miriad of other bullsh*t he has been concocting the last few months. I have been trying to help the kids get back to normal, and given the emotional damage he has done to them i have found it so easy to just give everything to them and to help them i have been able to keep supressing my grief for my brother.

Even my dodgy sense of humour has taken leave. It helps me cope with most stresses, what a great time to lose that

Gahhh it's enough to make one question their sanity at times i can tell you that much

Thanks again though, it's really amazing how much clearer i feel now i have started to let my feelings out.

I am so sorry for your loss.
I would suggest seeing a counsellor. I did when my Dad passed away unexpectedly . Basically she told me that I was justified in my feelings and basically to feel and let them run their course. 2 years down the track and some other nasty things are happening in my life and I am going to start seeing a psychologist next week. I also found that over the past two years, especially in the beginning, the knowledge that my Dad wasn't around any more would hit me like a punch. I'd be thinking about something else, and then out of nowhere I would realise it all again.

I think when you are ready you'll know when you need help. But for now, vent away and know that is ok to do so.

Hi Kate, I lost my brother suddenly in a car accident 3 years ago. The initial fog lasted probably 6 months or more. You just need to be easy on yourself. If you need to cry, cry, it feels worse if you bottle it up. Surround yourself with close friends who are available at short notice for welcome distractions....
I know it sound cliche but it does get easier, not so much the loss itself hurting less, but more that it becomes part of you, not so new, therefore you kind of just accept it as normal now. If you need to chat or vent or want to ask anything please feel free to message me......
I'm sorry this happened to your family.......its devastating!
x Lena

OMG Kate how horrible
Please take good care of yourself and your kidlets and vent all you need... i honestly can't imagine how this feels
Baby steps hun... ...
Luv Boe

Kate, my heart goes out to you. Other's may say 'they don't know what it's like' but I do. I lost my brother 11 years ago, he was 28 (different circumstances to your brother's). I know how you feel, I know how difficult it is, I know you just want to scream so much. I miss him every single day, I really don't know if I've accepted his loss. I don't think I ever will. Time heals, trust me but you will feel 'normal' again, meaning, you've come to terms with it. I really don't know how to express what I"m saying well and it may be jumbled, but you will be ok, in time.

Look after yourself so that you can look after your children, they depend on you. Your children will understand the truth when they get older about your X and will have little respect for him by how he's treated you, trust me on that one too (been there!)..are we twins???

Chin up girl.

omg Kate I am so sorry.
to lose a brother in such a way is shocking I would be using the counselling offered by VOC. THey are trained to help people such as yourself. You need to get it all out to start healing. No it isn't easy but it will help now and in the future.
I am thinking of you xox