I just need to vent!

My MIL has made a comment to DH (hasn't got the guts to say this to my face :mad: ) about our boys diet. In her opinion we give them too much bottled baby food ie. Heinz, Golden Circle etc.

Well firstly, we have 2 very happy and healthy little boys. Their doctor and the community nurse couldn't be happier with them health, size, weight wise. We've discussed their diet with both the doctor and the nurse, who've both said we're doing a brilliant job and to keep up the good work!

Secondly, who does my MIL think she is judging our decision making as parents?!?! I'm really furious about this and I think she's overstepped the mark this time. She's entitled to her opinion, but I think there are times when it's best to keep your opinions to yourself! I mean, if our boys were unhealthy or underweight etc, then I think the woman has every right to make a comment. But, that couldn't be further from the truth.

Maybe compared to some people we do feed them a lot of commercially prepared food, but they also have home made stuff, and fruit and vegetables, plus milk etc. I think you just do what works for you. I'd never judge anyone on something like this, especially if they have a happy and healthy baby.

OK, I'll stop now. I could go on forever, but then no-one would bother reading my post, let alone respond to it!

Vanessa

1st ICSI November '02 successful!
(Ryan & Kai - 29 July '03)

Our girls lived off Heinz & golden circle, they were premmies & are now healthy, happy 2 1/2yrs. Tell your MIL to sod off. You're doing a great job & your boys are fine so bah humbug to her.

Cheers

Justine
DH Nick

Blake, Haylee & Tianna
[img]http://www.geocities.com/jussy227/3kids.txt[/img]

Hi Vanessa

Just ignore her - easier said than done, I know. My mum tells me that she used to give me bottled food when I was young too and I turned out alright.

You're the mum and you know best, so just continue to do what you're doing - which is a great job!




Jonathan & Peter born 20/6/03

I now have 3 kids who have been brought up with the assistance of Mr Heinz and Mrs Golden Circle. 2 of my 3 kids are on the 95th percentile and the other is slowly working her way up to it!

Bah Humbug MIL, if she'd had access to it she'd probably have done the same thing! It makes me angry when people judge your ability to parent based on a tin or jar! If it wasn't suitable for children it wouldn't be sold.

Vanessa I so hear what you are saying.
Our two had their 6 month check up yesterday (2 months late!) and I felt like a naughty schoolgirl by the time we were through, not to mention an incapable parent!
I had fully intended on doing a lot more home cooking for my twins than I ever did for DD1 but it just doesn't seem to work out that way. The nurse is happy with their weight etc but did say I give them too much jar/in food. She went on about the bad things in these foods and I was made to feel I was poisoning my babies!
DH thinks I took it all to heart too much but I still felt like a rotten mother particularly coupled with the fact she made me feel concerned that neither twin is sitting up or crawling yet..are my two freaks?? They do roll about quite a bit.
I hope your DH told his Mum to keep her opinions to herself!

Jo



<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/baby1/050108/2/18/0/+9.5" alt="Lilypie Baby Days" border="0" /></a>

Another one whos children were bought up on hienz ( golden circle wasnt around then ) and my 2 were and still are in the top 97% and will eat anything given to them .

I did give them fresh fruit but pre making and defrosting the meals they went really runny and the girls wouldnt eat them.

Do whatever works best for you and sod the rest.

dd Tahlia 28/6/99
dd Breanna 28/6/99
dd Kasey 28/6/01

just ignore her. My MIL said to me one day, Oh you want give her premade baby food you will make it all fresh. I thought WHAT THE!!!!!!!!!! I will feed her what i want to.. WHen my milk supply dwindled last week she i was expressing and putting it in a bottle and she said " what is in that bottle, dont give her formula".....

They just cant help themselves

Kaysie


Hollie Miranda 15/4/04
Our IVF miracle


www.babiesonline.com/babies/h/holliemiranda/

Don't let it get you down. My twins had plenty of Heinz tins etc (having twins ment we got a few goodies last time they had the toys on offer).Infact in someways it was encouraged for DD who was underweight etc as the breakfast's had added iron etc but more importantly we could monitor he calorie intake as well of course we still offered other things but to this day she still likes a tin of Heinz in the afternoon and she will be 3 next week but she really likes it so who am I to stop it though I must admit I am scaling it back as I want to see how she goes without it.Don't worry too much as least you know she cares about her grandkids though method of showing it could be improved and hey if it bothers her that much tell her if she cooks them pureed foods you will feed it to them puttingit back on her.

kind regards
Meredith
DH 33
dd Emma 19/09/01 31wks
ds Cody 19/09/01 31wks

[color=Blue]Oh girls, what would I do without you?!?! You're comments have cheered me up no end!

I think the thing I hate the most is that she's now made me doubt myself as a mother, and that's so unfair as I'm a bl**dy good mother!! I'm not going to let her lay a guilt trip on me and get away with it!!

DH called her this afternoon and told her that she was out of line in the way she went about expressing her concerns, but the woman just doesn't get it!

Anyway, there's so many awful things going on in the world at the moment that I almost feel a bit silly carrying on about something so petty. But, I've got to say that your comments have made me feel so much better.

Thank you guys sooooo much! You're the greatest.

Vanessa

1st ICSI November '02 successful!
(Ryan & Kai - 29 July '03)

Suggest to your MIL that she prepares the food and freezes it into little containers for you. That would be a lovely thing for her to do and considering it is such a concern for her then she wouldn't mind one little bit.

To be honest, I hate the bought baby food stuff. I find it tasteless and crappy so I made all of my own and froze it. Yummy, I remember mashing all the vege's together and loving it myself. lol

I did give the tin custards though. there is a brand which I cannot remember the name of that was lovely for its custards and chocolate mouses etc. yummo!

It doesn't get any easier with mothers and MIL's. they all know best so just nod and nod some more then do what is best for you.

[color=Blue]Well, the saga continues. I replied to an email MIL sent me and she's taken everything I've written the wrong way! We seem to be going round and round in circles!! I sooooo don't need this cr*p!!

I guess I could let her cook up meals for the boys and freeze them, but then that would be something she could hold over me. She works, so she's not exactly sitting at home doing nothing all day, and as I'm not working at the moment I don't think it would be fair to ask that of her.

Just got another email from her and she's still not getting it. This has now turned into the drama from hell!! I tell you, why can't some people just keep their mouths shut sometimes!!

1st ICSI November '02 successful!
(Ryan & Kai - 29 July '03)

If she's not prepared to prepare and freeze them herself then she needs to mind her own business. It is none of her business and, no, you don't need this crap, especially from a MIL.

Tell your DH to tell her to mind her own business. she may be working outside the home, but its not all fun and games looking after baby twins either.

You poor thing. She sounds really painful if she's going to be emailing you with this.

Vanessa, i do remember being really annoyed with my MIL when baden was a baby,
This was exactly how i felt


it is awful, but i suppose you just have to think to yourself, no one is perfect, certainly not her i'm sure, so just do what is right for you, and DH and the boys, and tell her to keep her opinions to herself. i do like the idea of suggestign to her for her to cook for them..... that would be funny.

[center]Baden and Logan

Aaahh MIL's I could go on for a long time about mine. We actually moved to another state to get away from mine - no kidding.

You are the mother; you have healthy, thriving, happy children and that makes you a fanastic mother! You should DEFINITELY tell her to cook and freeze the meals if she has an issue. How rude, judgemental, arrogant and unsupportive.

Well done to you and don't waste another minute of your energy being angry with her - she'simply not worth your time.

Best wishes
Kellie

Kellie 33
DH 39
DS Jesse 30/5/02
Emerg c/s @ 37 weeks after 9 IVF attempts
Due 24/1/05 with Twins after 2 IVF attempts
<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/days/050124/4/17/1/+10" alt="Lilypie Baby Days" border="0" /></a>

Zebette - Don't feel bad about what that nurse said! My DD has just gone on 8 months and she is neither sitting up or crawling, mind you that doesn't stop her moving around the floors!! I don't know what is wrong with these people honestly! Do they not realise what they say impacts so deeply?? In-Law's especially geez!! I agree tell her to cook up and freeze food if it is such an issue for her, otherwise butt out! lol I am in a different state as my in-laws and for that i am glad!! lol My little added vent!
Narna
xoxo

As someone without a mother-in-law I don't really have an idea what your going through.My own parents and I have a relationship where if they gave unwanted advice I could tell them how that made me feel and that would be the end of it.I actually love getting advice from them, makes me feel good.In laws are probably another story.
In this case of MIL, maybe she wants to feel more apart of being a grandmother and being part of your lives but doesn't know how without giving advice, maybe unintending to make you feel badly as a parent.I think the best way to handle it is to give her compliements of her suggestions but also say how it made you feel badly of yourself when you know it is alright what your doing.By putting the guilt trip on her, it may make her realise what she said, but also ask for her suggestions about something that she can't possibly rattle you about aswell.

Unless she is a complete b*tch, trying to make your life hell, then I would tell her where to go and purposely open jars up in front of her all the time.

I just wanted to say that I tried my absolute best to cook my own food for my kids. I ended up only able to cook and freeze vegies. I brought custard and apple or pear etc, that stuff I couldn't cook myself.
Don't worry if she wasn't on your back about that then it would be something else like for eg I use the dryer too much according to my MIL. Not to mention how much I use disposable nappies!
Nothing is ever good enough for their sons so I just ignore it now. She just wants me to take care of her son the way she did and therefore the same with her grandchildren.

Well I am lucky my mil is 3 hrs away and is please with the way my girls are going, I have only JUST started cooking food for them,and that is with the help of my dh, if he didnt help me it wouldnt get done, we cook alot then put it in the freezer then you have to remember to get it out! So if I dont get it out they end up with jar food any way! I would just tell her to mind her own bussiness and if the people that know all about babies and toddlers dont have a problem with what you are feeding your boys then she shouldnt. I think you are doing a great job and your boys sound as healthy and happy as any other baby/ toddler that is have home made food. To hell with her, just keeping doing what you are doing it seems to be the right thing :-)

Mum to Carly,Bryce,Our angel Emma,
Twin girls Taylor and Kasie.

Sorry I'm a bit late responding here - just had to add that if it wasn't for tinned baby food my poor girls wouldn't have eaten much in their first year! They had tinned food for lunch and dinner every day for months - tinned food is actually very good quality and most importantly they liked it and it meant one less thing for me to do. What with paid work and having 2 babies to look after, the last thing I needed was cooking baby food. The times I did try - they spat it out! They are now 13 months old and hardly ever have tinned food now - not because I think there's anything wrong with it but because they were so hard to feed with a spoon. So my new motto is "if it's not finger food, they don't eat it!" - Regardless of what I feed my girls, I know I'm a good mother - my kids are happy and I'm happy - what more could anyone want??!

Our babies are only 3 days apart, Vanessa, so I always read your posts with interest - really feel for you with your MIL. Thank goodness mine is 300kms away...

Maree

Harriet Lorna 1/8/03
Eleanor Rosalind 1/8/03

[color=Blue]Thanks so much everyone. You really do know how to make a girl feel better!!

Maree, it was so good to read your post. You made me feel especially "normal"!

Vanessa

1st ICSI November '02 successful!
(Ryan & Kai - 29 July '03)

tell you mil 2 read the labels. no preservatives etc. its like what you would make yourself but already done!!!!!!!!!
was readin baby food books and they say add sugar honey etc (which my chn said is a "nono" my mil insists on makin and addin stuf like that )

I started reading this and then thought "who are all these babies?" Then I realised it's a post from 2004! Thought I was losing my mind for a while there for a minute...update is that my kids are now 5 and a half and eat really well, are healthy and happy and clearly did not suffer for eating tinned food twice a day as babies!

Here I was thinking YAY No Idea is back

DS1 wouldn't eat anything BUT Gerber tinned food (no longer around). It didn't matter how lovingly, carefully etc I made fresh for him, he would spit it as far as he could. The polar opposite of DS2 who wouldn't eat anything tinned or even stuff I'd made then frozen - it had to be fresh that day. Thankfully DS3 and DD ate whatever I gave them.

I cant believe what the nurse said to you either! There's nothing wrong with homecooked food for kids, but little wrong with commercial stuff either - in fact their kitchens are seriously clean compared to mine! My boys had a lot of heinz stuff as well - and at 16 years i have to say they look none the worse for it!
MIL's can be tactless - my boys used to have reflux so always smelled of sour milk my mil used to tell me how her son had always been dressed in white knitted stuff from head to toe and everyone said how clean and beautiful he looked unlike my smelly children you mean well i felt like saying that anyway! Hope i have more tact when my boys have families of their own Ali

MILs!! Mine was still trying to "help" even when it was baby number 4.