ozsuikerbos, you just made me cry. What a kind soul. Congratulations on your pregnancy and may you have an easy ride.

I had secondary infertility with PCOS. I was told numerous times "Oh, but look at the one you have, you are so blessed", as if I was not thankful for the child I had. It was implied I had no right to complain about not falling pregnant.

I can understand Prue's comment about Miscarriage. I had multiple. Each one showed me some glimmer that hope was not lost... that I could fall pregnant. It's not that you wish a miscarriage on anyone as the pain is unbearable, but to have that brief flicker of light/life was such a blessing for me.

And now that I am pregnant again, and feeling sick, and miserable and horrible, I have been laughed at "you asked for this! you wanted it! hehehe", I have been chastised "Oh, stop complaining, you will be over it soon enough", and many other snide comments about how I have no right to be upset over being ill (and I'm not *that* sick - but I am struggling each day).

Women with infertility (of any sort) struggle. We struggle within our own heads with the anger, the hurt, the bitterness, the pain and people want to hear all about it and love us through the fact we are infertile, but the moment pregnancy hits you need to suck it all up because you don't deserve to be upset over not liking the pregnancy in fear of offending others who still are not pregnant.

It's a complete crock. We don't need to be rational in our grief over infertility, but we need to be rational when full of pregnancy hormones?

Double edged sword...

Cinnabubble all you have done in this thread is have a go at others, is that your intent in posting?
I said 'i' would not complain in a thread here, but said i understood her feeling $hit with vomtting and migraines.






Oh Sally i have empathy i assure you. So now it's me me me if i comment on a thread talking about m/c's and how those words used were upsetting. Just because you saw it differently doesn't make me lack sympathy. I find it ironic you critisiced me for lack of empathy and understanding, yet cannot understand how someones words hurt me.

I did suck up the all day nausea and all the other complications along the way because I knew which side of the fence I preferred.
I know not everyone else can or needs to do that. But I am allowed to state the way I did it, even though you don't like my or understand my wording Cinnabubble it may connect with someone else who is actually going through the struggles of ttc for a child.

The comments and way people behave on here make me want to avoid the place! Why should anyone have to enjoy being pregnant? The awful thing about people is that they are so judgemental of others.

Not enjoying a difficult pregnancy bears no relevance to how grateful Pure is (and others in that boat are) for being pregnant and having the experience.

I'm not going to get involved with debate on here.

I just wanted to say that although I have had neither of the problems that Prue has had (AC or HG), I have continued to read her blog because I found her honest, raw and really funny.

Although I can never feel or understand the journey that she or other AC TTC posters have gone or are going through, it has really opened my eyes to just how bloody hard it is.

Congrats Prue, hope the HG subsides and if not, I feel sorry for you. To the other ladies still in or those that have completed their journey I wish you all the best now and for the future.

I look forward to keep on reading and how the PG progresses.

I haven't read all posts,

But just wanted to say Prue - keep trooping on love!

I was hospitalized several times with hypermesis, I ended up not being able to walk because my hips feel apart and now post pregnancy my thyroid is causing me all sorts of grief. But rest-assured it is all worth it when that little bundle is in your arms (call me crazy but 10 months on I am already thinking of number 2)
In any case, take solace in the fact that had you have had an easier time falling pregnant the haters would have hated you more anyway - (Dam those of us who can fall pregnant naturally - how dare we?!)

And DAM right you can complain! How can anyone (and I mean anyone no matter what their struggle) begrudged a highly hormonal, throwing up to the point of dehydrated woman a whinge no matter what her journey to getting there!


Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy I really hope the sickness calms down for me it was around 20 weeks when it finally subsided.

edit for previously stated reasons.

Feeling so bad is no joke, hopefully one day your just feel like you again... I'm still waiting for that one too.
As if IVF isn't the hardest thing to go through there is more to deal with. Its funny how sometimes you can go through hell but when its all over you find yourself wanting to go back there again..

good luck for the future

.

I was pregnant with twins, indentical girls, who are now 2 and it was not as easy as I expected it to be.

I had to eat and have something in my stomach or else I threw up often and it was terrible. I had really bad morning sickness that lastest all day not just in the morning. I could not stand most smells and found it impossible to fit into any clothes during the pregnancy.

I did have moments that I was happy and glowing and not having your period was nice but you get all the other issues that come with pregnancy.

I had carpel tunnel in my hands due to the water rentention and just the fact that you are bigger early made it impossible to bend over and do normal things or keep up with your job.

I do understand how you feel and I know it is tough but it is not for long that you have to do it and then you will have 2 babies at the end. It is hard but it does get better.

Not everyone enjoys pregnancy but wants the child and embraces the pregnancy to get to the end result.

I am sure that you will be fine, and there is no harm in hating the horrible things that go with it, I just wished my husband could have gone through what I was experiencing as it was a very unique experience.

It could also be the fact that you are carrying 2 babies that you are feeling things more and having such reactions to such things, hormones, water rentetion and other things are doubled due to the 2 babies. All very annoying to say the least. At least with one pregnancy you can get the family over and done with.

I do feel for what you are going through as I have done it.
Suzanne

Prue was comparing her own suffering, not hers against someone else's.

This thread has gotten completely out of hand. Of course people become emotional about these issues, that's natural and to be expected but when it devolves into laying down black & white dirctives about who should be happy and grateful through debilitating chronic illness or who should just smile & be pleasant despite facing the devastating prospect of never having a child things have clearly gone too far. There are so many women in here speaking on behalf of others through their own opinions & so many jumping on the outrage bandwagon that is EB's vehicle of choice it's becoming a two directional witch hunt.

The PPs who said we should all stop judging each other are right on the mark. Everybody's experience and suffering and disappointments in life are different and should not be compared against others. There is no scale or hierarchy of suffering and we should all be able to empathise and console one another without prejudice. I would like to think our capacity for compassion and understanding is greater than our need to find fault and lay blame.

Prue, if you have the ability to get offended at someone's comment & turn that into a paid blog post you will be able to mine soooooo much material from motherhood.

That'snotmyname,

People can take offense at the way people describe their own lives. I'm finding all this offensive myself.

Well said thegalwho... I was trying to put my finger on why some of these posts upset me, and yes, it's because of the lack of empathy some PP have shown towards those of us who struggle with infertility.

Well said Thegalwho and Eclectic.

Quote Thegalwho; 'I think alot of people on this thread are looking to be offended, when really there was nothing to be offended about. If you have time in your life to be offended by a suggestion to try and look for some positives out of your situation - well lets just say I wish I had your life!'


Yep...

I'll leave this discussion. It's clear that some people will not see each other's point of view, so the discussion is pointless and I feel that some innocent bystanders are being hurt.

By all means be angry at the universe. You have every right to be. Infertility is cruel. Nobody here has said that it isn't and I think it's unfair to say that people here have shown a lack of empathy for infertility. However, Prue and others like her are not the source of your pain. It is not fair to take it out on Prue and others like her. She is simply being honest with her feelings and HER journey and I hope that she continues to be.

Yeah, apart from the comments - infertility is not a risk to health or life, it's depressing but not serious, it's a choice, it's risks aren't natural, it's a dangers come from new technology, it's a silly comparison to HG - not because its silly to compare - but because it's not serious enough etc etc?

Infertile women were told they had their claws out, were lacking empathy, damning pregnant women, jealousy, pathetic...and we're only objecting to that because of we're angry at the world, not because it's also unfair?

Please.

For me - I'm long time infertile, IVF, ended up using donor eggs, bled throughout the pregnancy and constantly worried that I was going to lose the bubs. most of the time, i didn't really think it was going to happen. I was waiting for the next disappointment or disaster.

Anyone who has experienced infertility or miscarriage will know what i mean. Joy is not necessarily something that you experience during ttc or pregnancy - it's more likely to be anxiety.

Anyone who has carried twins will also know that it can become incredibly uncomfortable.

Anyone who has experience pregnancy will know that there are so many possible discomforts that you can experience (I won't catalogue them here...) that you really want the baby to be born by the end (which is probably the whole idea!!)

Now i have my twins, born healthy, and now 5 years old. I now have the luxury of being able to complain about my children just like other parents. That is a real gift. I've got them. Yay. :-)

But I still don't ever take them for granted.

To all of you struggling ttc my heart goes out to you and I wish you success on your journey.

WOW, what a read!

Prue has disclosed her innermost thoughts and feelings in a blog but they are her own. Everyones life and each journey is different- thats what makes us individuals.

BUt if one cant be entirely truthful and honest in this sort of forum then who can we be honest with?

One should never be punished for being themselves. I dont believe there was any malice towards any one person or group in Prue's blog- it was just an account of someone speaking thruthfully about their experiences.

To see the disitegration of this blog into a he said/she said war of words means that we have missed the point about what these blogs are designed to achieve.

I wish everyone the best of luck with their journeys- whatever they may be.

Congratulations Prue!

It seems to me that long term TTC and assisted conception is such a deep and emotional journey. It must, by its very nature, have a profound impact on anyone who has to walk that path. Finding out you're pregnant doesn't just wipe all that away, and suffering HG while trying to adjust to this new reality is probably a very different experience to suffering HG after an easy conception. Prue, I think you are far from an IVF forgetter. By your own admission your journey to this pregnancy is having an effect on your experience of this pregnancy. Someone with an easy conception journey just says 'this sucks' and that's that, but you have expressed a barrage of tumultuous emotions and thoughts.

To those who have said 'you don't understand until you experience it' with respect to HG, can't you see that even this is a slap in the face to those struggling with TTC? I have experienced neither AC nor HG, but with the small taste of both that I have experienced (TTC #1 for 12 months, and vomiting and dehydration from bad ms during pregnancy) I've got to say that infertility would be just about my worst nightmare.

BabyGabi,

Thank you for being so kind. That almost made me cry.


I have noticed members removing their experiences from this thread, because it's so hurtful to have those dismissed.

Unfortunately I think we are going to get more comments from people who read the OP and go, oh, those nasty IVFers 'damning' a pregnant woman - even if the context was about Prue's own judgments (and using a quote ).

I'm not going to keep banging me head on a wall. I'm off, too.

Just because you went through IVF doesn't mean you aren't entitled to ever complain about anything. You have terrible morning sickness, of course you aren't enjoying pregnancy. And for the record, it doesn't mean you aren't ever allowed to complain about the other issues associated with pregnancy, childbirth and not to mention the years of child rearing ahead of you. Did you know that IVF pregancies also carry with them a higher rate of post natal depression? Part of that is because for many women, the stress and then high expectations associated with successfully falling pregnant with IVF mean that they struggle with some of the down sides of having babies. And the added pressure of feeling like they can't talk about that to anyone because they should be 'grateful.' You can be grateful and have a hard time, at the same time. Complain away if it makes you feel better. It sounds awful. And frankly, pregnancy isn't that much fun for a lot of women. I didn't really like it that much. For me, the middle trimester the first time round was pretty good and the rest was pretty average. I won't go into the litany of syptoms I had with pregnancy, many women experience them and your medical condition would make pregnancy nearly impossible to enjoy unless you have some sort of screw loose Stop the press - child birth is no walk in the park either - it's amazing, but I wouldn't describe it as fun!
But Prue, one thing that I can guarantee, you will love your children (some days more than others). And you will grow a thicker skin because you have to learn to do that when you become a parent. And console yourself, it's the one and only time - after this one's done - you never have to be pregnant again.
And a lot of women don't enjoy pregnancy, it's a bit of a myth, the whole glowing thing. Out of my friends, I reckon I know more who weren't so into it than who actually loved being pregnant. It won't make you a worse mum in the long run.

I so agree.. being pregnant was the worst 9 months of my life. What a joy it was to have a beautiful baby after all that....

It does not necessarily get easier when bubs are born, it just gets different. Newborn babies are very difficult (at least mine were) and I have never spent as much time crying as I have over issues with newborns (breastfeeding issues, sleep issues, reflux issues, baby in pain issues etc. etc.). Then, they hit the supposedly delightful time of 6 months or so, with separation anxiety issues. Then toddlerdom and more sleep and separation anxiety issues. Then the terrible twos when all you do all day long is tell them off for doing or not doing what you want them to do. But, its all worth it, and you just need to look for the joyful moments interspersed with the difficult times.

Not all newborns are difficult. DD didn't sleep but was a happy little girl, DS spent 90% of his time sleeping. You definitely can't assume all newborns are hard.

Hi Prue,

How far along are you? Really hope for you that things will get better. Pregnancy is not easy especially if you are carrying twins. I am also pregnant after a long journey and it is a strange concept as I never expected I would actually get here. Try to enjoy the good moments and feel free to complain about the bad ones, sending hugs.

Prue, I totally sympathise with you.

Being pregnant is conceptually a beautiful and miraculous thing and of course regardless of how we each get blessed, naturally or via a little help - we all have gratitude and appreciation. BUT Pregnancy is not always physically enjoyable.

We must remember that pregnancy is a different journey for everyone and for the unlucky few - it can be a horrid time. I hate being pregnant. I am forever throwing up, I get hunger pains that hurt me to the core, the constant nausea is unbearable and the only solace is sleep! The conscious state is one that I endure - there is little joy or comfort - not until the few last weeks of pregnancy when the sickness subides a little.

I have two beautiful boys and plan on having a third, willingly and knowling that my pregnancy will most likely follow the same hellish path. I believe that what I get in the end - a gorgeous child that is part me, part my husband and part its cheeky brothers - is a truely wonderful thing.

The fact that I do not enjoy pregnancy, by no means diminshes my sense of gratitude for what I have growing inside of me and I find it rather offensive that I could be judged by others as not being appreciative for this precious gift.

Gosh there are some crazy posts here, I had to stop reading half way through - way too many bitter people. I feel very sad for those of you who cannot support someone who is having a difficult time as you are so consumed by your own circumstances.

Just wanted to say to the OP that I hope pregnancy gets easier for you. I have found pregnancy to be one of the hardest and least enjoyable things I have ever done - a complete shock as I expected to enjoy it (and had a bit of a road getting here). But if you have medical conditions which make life miserable and it is never ending (which I have had as well), then gees 38 weeks is a LONG time. HG is an awful condition and I hope you find some relief. And I hope you continue to share whatever thoughts you need to - you are certainly not alone.

Gee, we only had to wait until post#178 for "bitter" to be thrown at some of the PPs

Prue, congrats on the pending arrivals, and I hope you feel better soon and begin to enjoy this wonderful blessing. But if you don't, it's OK, because the pregnancy is such a small part of the whole journey of children after infertility. It's funny - it was such a focus for me to get pregnant, that I didn't think about what having a child would mean. The pregnancy is nothing compared with the gift that comes afterwards.

That being said, I can't help but feel like this blog entry was calculated to stir up emotions. By all means moan that your pregnancy isn't going as you'd hoped, but choose your audience. And don't complain for the sake of racking up post counts. It demeans the good work you've done so far in helping readers understand the pain of being infertile.

.

****Warning: successful IVF mentioned

Having read through all 18 pages of responses, I can see and empathize with at least two of the different points of view.

I completely empathize with Prue's ambivalence around complaining about her difficult pregnancy because she knows that as an IVF success story, she "asked for it" and is "one of the lucky ones". For my son, we had a 5 year journey through infertility, multiple treatment cycles, overstimulation, just plain horrible, as so many of you know all too well. When I finally had a pregnancy that stuck, I had a torrid time of it. Threatened miscarriage, lots of bleeding, baby trying to arrive from 30 weeks. When he did arrive he was early, in special care, and I had retained products, etc etc. Although I now know that he was a relatively easy going baby, when we took him home I was utterly shocked by how intense those early weeks and months were; as someone else wrote, as an IVFer you can focus overmuch on the getting pregnant and the staying pregnant. I hardly thought about what it would be like when we got the baby (stupidly!).

Through my pregnancy and after taking our son home, I felt I didn't have a right to complain because I had asked for it, I had begged for it, I had cried and cried when I thought I couldn't have it. And here I was complaining about the thing that I wanted most in the world. It totally did my head in; lead to postnatal anxiety and psychotherapy. I think these ambivalent feelings are really common among successful IVFers. All we want is that baby; we put everything into trying to get there. And you feel you are terribly ungrateful if you moan about being pregnant or your baby: not just because it seems insensitive to others who aren't yet lucky, but also because it seems to invalidate everything that you spent the last months and years obsessing about. I felt incredibly self conscious complaining about feeling sick during pregnancy or being tired after the birth to the same people who had held my hand when my multiple IVF cycles were unsuccessful. So I'm not sure that the pressure or guilt not to complain comes so much from others, but from yourself. And I think it is quite healthy to talk out loud about these things; to complain as much as is needed in your current circumstances to authentically represent your experiences and to get the support you need. And it sounds like Prue you certainly need that given your extremely difficult pregnancy.

On the other side, I can absolutely understand and empathise with all the women who have posted to say that it is insensitive and it hurts to have someone's success seemingly waved in their faces on a blog they have been following. Even if that was not the intention of the writer (who one might expect to be sensitive to this issue having been on a long IVF journey of her own), those posters who have criticised some others (who have talked about infertility) need to know that if you haven't experienced fertility problems and treatment you really cannot understand how hypersensitive, how raw we can feel. I'd see a baby being pushed in a pram in the shopping centre, I'd want to kick them down the escalator; my colleague brought in their new baby for me to coo over, I wanted to chuck it out the 8th floor window; my friend announced at a lunch that she was pregnant, just as I was in the middle of yet another cycle, which made me feel like throwing up as I hid crying in the bathroom. I got sat next to a mother and new baby on a plane to Melbourne, just at the end of yet another unsuccessful cycle, and I wanted to ask for a new seat without sounding like a psycho. These were just some of my experiences and my feelings. I didn't even meet my niece until she was over 1 because I just could not bear the thought of going anywhere near her while I was deep in the middle of treatment. Bitter? Self-centered? Crazy? Maybe! But you cannot know what it is like to feel as though you are failing at something that should be natural, that everyone else seems to be able to do. It is excruciating!! So go easy on the women on this thread who are feeling these things and are just trying to say: I am hurting, I am raging. Please be gentle. Please be thoughtful. Please be kind. We can't stand much more.

To Prue, I hope your appalling sickness eases up very soon. It sounds totally terrible.

To all of you courageous women TTC, my hope and prayers are with you. I hope each and every one of you gets exactly what your hearts desire very soon.

Dear Prue,

I'm so so sooo happy for you!

This is still the beginning of your journey and i hope it only gets easier for you. I pray from the bottom of my heart that you have an uneventful pregnancy and beautiful healthy babies.

Its been just over 2 years TTC on my end, constant BFNs and one m/c at 9 weeks, so many disappointments month after month. I wonder what my reaction will be when it finally happens again (yes I'm feeling positive today..), very likely i'll be holding my breath waiting for that 'terrible thing to happen' - no expectations, no disappointments right?

Apparently you forget all the ugliness once bub/s arrive. Looking forward to hearing that this is true

I don't think you actually hate pregnancy. You hate hyperemesis (who wouldn't?). You hate having aches and pains. And you just happen to be pregnant, but I don't think you really hate being pregnant.

I had kidney stones during my last pregnancy. Never had them before, or since. But I didn't hate being pregnant, I hated those kidney stones with a vengeance.

It makes it hard to enjoy your pregnancy when you're sick. But I get the feeling you're still pretty stoked to be pregnant.

Paradigm shift.

9 months without sumitriptipan? crap. maybe i need to rethink TTC

Very interesting first post MicheleC. You joined EB over 4 years ago yet this is your first post.

KP - I thought the standard "bitter" insult was thrown around much earlier lol

***PG mentioned***

Prue,

Again: CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy!! I am so sorry you are having such a hard time with hyperemesis. It's absolutely awful and you must feel very miserable just about most of the time, making it very hard to enjoy the miracle of your little sons or daughters growing inside you.

I really do sympathise with you... I also struggled with infertility for many years, suffered more heartbreaking MCs than I care to remember, I am now also pg with twins and suffered from awful, awful hyperemesis and other uncomfortable (but normal) conditions of pg.

Did I feel moments when I felt miserable and sorry for myself? YES!
Did I complain about it? Yes! - To my DH or to my mum, in private, only less than a handful of times. But I would not have dreamt of complaining to a greater audience about the unfortunate but sometimes realistic and unavoidable conditions of pregnancy - after all; you are one of the lucky ones. And what are my alternatives? Not to be pregnant at all? No thanks! To lose the babies? That pain would eclipse any vomiting or ache and pains a million times over!

I asked for these babies - and so did you. I do think that counselling might do you some good - I mean that from a place of respect and love.
It seems to me that your romantic ideal of pregnancy is not matching your reality, and you might find yourself in real depression trouble when your romantic ideal of a newborn baby also fails to match the reality ...99.9% of first time mothers will tell you that a new born baby in the house is a lot harder, less rewarding and so much tougher than they thought it would be.

If one year ago, someone had told you that you would fall pg, but you would suffer from hyperemesis and your body would face extra challenges as you would be lucky enough to carry two healthy babies, I bet anything you would have said "Bring it on. I'll do whatever it takes”. I know I would have!

I do hope your hyperemesis does settle down. And if not, I hope you do find ways to cope so that you do not miss moments of sheer bliss in the knowledge that your dreams of completing you family are a reality!

I also want to thank you, as your complaining has renewed in me a sense of gratefulness for my twin pregnancy – no matter what challenges my body faces.

Jesus Christ, she just complained about disliking pregnancy, not that she didn't want to be doing it!

I'm one of the IVF failures and (as you know) I don't care how much you complain Prue - carrying one baby is hard enough for some people, growing two must be heaps harder, let alone with constantly driving the porcelain bus.

Prue is over the moon to be pregnant and growing her bebes, she's just not having a good time of it. Leave off with the sanctimonious wafflings and the dire predictions of PND.

Bite your tongue Jane

- Thanks Pundelina. I totally agree.

Prue - I can relate to everything in your post. I too am lucky enough to have emerged from IVF and now have a 14 week, vomit inducing foetus on board. I'm happy to be pregnant, I'm just not enjoying the grinding nausea and the being admitted to hospital for rehydration. My infertility anxiety has been replaced with worry over my high risk result for trisomy 18/13.

HG is hell and I appreciate your candour.

I have started and stopped my reply to this thread soooooooo many times now. I don't quite know how to articulate what I think without coming across as a complete b*tch and getting a flaming for it. Here goes nothing.

I think that from the very beginning of this thread Prue was trying to stir sh*t up. I don't think using the quote out of context in your original post was necessary to illustrate your thoughts and feelings on being an IVF forgetter. I think that most people who have suffered IF would think that was a deliberate slap in the face, and totally unnecessary.

It is all so easy to come through the other side of IF with the baby in your arms and say that wasn't so bad. I STILL remember that desperation, that yearning and the misery of wondering if EVER I would get to parent a child I so desperately longed for. It truly is a desperate journey. As I start the process this time around, it is definitely easier as at the end of the day - that yearning has been fulfilled. What comes next is the icing!

I think you are more than entitled to complain about your pregnancy. I think you would remember that in the midst of doing of IVF hearing people b*tch about it is the last thing you want to hear. Perhaps your target audience needs to be reviewed.

All that is being requested is just a little sensitivity to people who are going through a hard time.

Congratulations again Prue. Sorry to hear that you are struggling with pg so much, hope that you are soon feeling better and get to enjoy all the feelings of your little ones moving around inside of you. You sure have a rollercoaster ahead and this is just the beginning!!

*** Flame away ****

huh? I quote:

.

I understand and respect that there are very sensitive issues associated with this blog entry but it's crossing the line to launch personal attacks on each other and on Prue.

Please remember that the forum rules and code of conduct also apply here.

For what it's worth, I disagree with any suggestion that this topic was for the purpose of stirring. It's a pretty serious accusation.

PG, it is entirely possible to be simultaneously delighted to be pregnant and disliking the condition.

Prue it sounds like you are going through some pretty intense physical suffering with your hyperemesis and far from complaining you come across as being quite stoic.

I don't think someone who has had normal MS during pregnancy can really compare their experience to yours and pat themselves on the back for having "sucked it up".



Sanctimonious wafflings describes it perfectly. I love your way with words Pundelina!

Have you tried acupuncture? If you're in Sydney check out 'Red Tent' in Woollahra.

Nice plug there, lol

Well...dear Prue, congratulations on being pregnant. It's too bad you're having a tough time. Hopefully, this journey will become a bit more pleasurable, as the time approaches for you to give birth. Pregnancy is tough for some of us. And a fabulous experience for others. Whatever the case, focus on the treasures that you will receive at the other end. I would love to be pregnant again (you kind of forget the stuff that sucks about pregnancy), and expecting another bundle of joy (even after two, you kind of forget that they are not always bundles of joy!). Meanwhile, I'll just keep reading you Prue, and experience pregnancy vicariously. Feel free to complain and vent all you like. You have every right, and especially if it helps you manage what's happening in your life now. One doesn't have to read you, if they don't want to. But I for one, will continue to keep track of your journey as it unfolds. Good luck.

Once upon a time, I would’ve said Id give anything just to be able to feel sick, to experience everything that pregnancy has to offer..

I never im a million years after ttc my first since 2005, taking more than a year to conceive, having 3 mc, and whilst not having gone down the ivf path, still on clomid and times BD, that on the other side of the coin, now being 7 weeks pregnant, not remembering the passion, the yearning the longing I once felt so strong to have a child.. now gone.. the anxiety, the fear, the depression, the 24 hours nausea, the feeling bad because im not even vomiting so I know I don’t even have it anywhere near as bad as Prue and others, like a close friend of mine has. Im tormented because I don’t want to be pregnant anymore.. because im scared im not ready to be a mum now.. that I wont love my baby, that theres nothing I can do about it.. that ill suffer horrible PND and leave my husband and baby.. all these horrible thoughts, all the time.. what happened?!!! Where did my love and joy for motherhood and a family go?

A girlfriend told me this is normal.. how can this be normal? I feel no connection whatsoever to this pregnancy.. the only thought that keeps me going is how much this means to my husband.. and the fear of even putting this out there, for fear of being rejected, ridiculed, abused.. I saw a heartbeat for the first time ever last week.. and I didn’t even cry, I wasn’t even excited, I hoped I would become connected to my baby from that point, and I haven’t. never in a million years would I have thought id feel this way..

Prue, I hope things get easier and that when your babies come its everything you ever dreamed it would be. While I cant understand everything you feel, physically and emotionally, I hope you take some comfort in knowing there are others who are feeling the same things as you.

I am speechless! I'm hoping that that didn't come accross the way you had intended, because it sounds pretty horrible from here...

It sounds to me like someone who is terrified of the future because if this part of her experience didn't match up to expectations that nothing from now on will. It sounds to me like someone who is so overwhelmed by finally being pregnant that it's hard to get her head around it. 


With every experience in life there come good and bad things. I expected to love every minute of being pregnant, absolutely everything. I don't. Doesn't mean I don't want to be pregnant and that I wish it away, but sometimes it's just not great. Focussing on the great outcome is obviously what you do most of the time, but when I feel really bad because I can't walk without pain, roll over at night in bed without pain, a part of me isn't enjoying it and doesn't focus on the great outcome. That part of me is unhappy about being in pain.

I've avoided commenting on this thread because I'm not a HG sufferer or an IVF forgetter or any of those things. But I felt I had to respond to this. The PP sounds terrified of the future because her expectations of pregnancy were not met and she feels sick all the time. 24 hour nausea isn't fun, I've been there. 

Feel free to flame away.