You were best friends in primary school - inseparable. In year 7 you leave to attend an exclusive girls’ school and she stays on and goes to the local high school. You haven’t seen each other for 27 years and stumble upon one another on Facebook.

You’re now a university educated, BMW driving executive with 3 kids in private school. Happily married to a CEO with a big house in a riverside suburb and a fluffy dog. You’ve kept your looks and looking fine for 40 years old.

She’s a mum of 4. The eldest is 21. Three different fathers with the current partner being a member of an outlaw motorbike club. Life hasn’t been kind to her and she is far from your memory of her being the prettiest girl at school. She works in a lunch shop in an industrial area. Left school in year 10.

What do you do? Do you meet up in person over a coffee like she’s suggesting or let it go knowing on face-value you’ve nothing in common and it will be too confrontational?

Well, assuming she's a person and you're a person then I don't really see the issue. I can hang out with people from all kinds of backgrounds different to my own, I don't really get the question.

I have met up with a lot of old friends in the past few years. Primary and high school friends that I have not seen in 15-20 years. One thing that has really struck me is that those people are still the same person inside that they always were. We have travelled different roads and have very different lives now, but there is a shared history that is always fun to talk about.

Go for the coffee.

Which one are you?

If you're the you sound like a brat to me. You come across as if you think you are so much better than her. If that's what you think, why bother meeting up.

Why not? What's an hour or so out of your day? Decide at the end of it whether or not she's a person you have anything in common with. The life 'stats' don't really indicate much.

And which one are you? Or is this purely hypothetical?

Yes, I would meet up if I wanted to. I don't really get the 'confrontational' angle.

Definitely meet up. It might be a lot of fun. Certainly don't "dress up" as that might create immediate barriers. And don't boast about your life (don't lie either). Hopefully you can connect on a pure human level.

ETA I was assuming you drive a BMW.

Couldn't agree more! Well said. Definitely go and have the coffee.

Definitely not! The classes should never mix.

I agree with the above.

I think you used to be great friends and why not give yourself a chance to reconnect and see if you have anything to talk about, what can it hurt? although I do find your description of her and the one of yourself quite judgemental and perhaps you have already made up your mind that you are too good for her.

Personally if I was great friends with someone at school, lost contact and they cared enough to make contact I wouldnt give a flying rats bum what my status was or what there's was I would give it a go and hopefully laugh about old times.

I get the feeling you already think you are much better than her so I wouldn't bother as you would just be looking down on her.

For her sake, don't bother meeting up. What on earth have your looks got to do with anything?

LOL

I imagine it would the same as meeting a complete stranger. At 12 I was still a child, nothing like the woman I am now. I certainly don't have any interest in the things I was passionate about at 12....matchbox cars, soccer, building cubby houses. I don't know that I would meet to be honest, not unless I felt some sort of connection from our current discussion on FB.

Hmm I see a meme in this thread...

I think it depends on your attitude going in. If you're the BMW chick, then as long as you don't meet her with the intention of belittling her, then go for it. If she asked for coffee, she probably doesn't see the differences like you do.

But which one of you is truly happy?

I've met up with a lot of friends and acquaintances from High School. There's not one that I haven't clicked with yet!

You’re now a university educated, BMW driving executive with 3 kids in private school. Happily married to a CEO with a big house in a riverside suburb and a fluffy dog. You’ve kept your looks and looking fine for 40 years old.

You sound like a stuck up cow please just let her live her life in peace...I wouldn't want to be friends with you ....

I'm going to say no.

A past shared that long ago is really meaningless today. Unless you had some common ground I wouldn't bother.

I found some old friends via facebook (10 years apart, so far less) and realised I have nothing to say to them. I have moved on, they have moved on.

This created a bit of awkwardness for me. My mum happened to also befriend some of my school friends including my first boyfriend. She wanted me to invite him over after I had DS because we still had so much in common... we had nothing to say to each other.

I let her be friends with them, she feels big and important by gossiping. I think it is sad.

Bel

What do I think? I think your a very conceited and judgemental knob

So what that she doesnt have the life you have, the money you have, the looks that you say that you have ( had to laught at that )

Sends me her details, I will have coffee with her. Im a 40 year old with stretch marks, some tummy and leg flab, not too mention an ass as big as a mack truck. I have no money in the bank and drive a falling apart 1998 Toyota. I dropped out of high school in early year 10 to work in a bakery. Oh, and I now clean toilets for a living. I will have coffee with her, and least I wouldnt bag her out like you have.

Mmm, I bet I wouldnt fall into your category of coffee mates OP. Oh and to answer your question. Dont meet up with her, you are already seeing yourself as being above her, and I can tell from your post that she will notice that straightaway.

Bet you have a soshal child too lol

Edited - How do you know that she has kids to 3 different fathers, and is now currently involved with a guy who is a member of an outlaw motorcycle gang? Im sure she hasnt put the latter on her Facebook info.

I wouldnt meet her if you are going to be judging her and her "hard life".

I caught up with a friend from school through facebook that I havent seen since her Mum pulled her out of our school in year 8. We were great friends in year 7, then I changed crowds in year 8 and I hate to admit it but I was horrible to her. We werent even speaking anymore when she left schools.

But, I was 13 and its been a long time, and when I found her on facebook she was happy to hear from me, and turns out she lives 10 mins away and has a baby as well. We have caught up about 5 times now, and I am so happy I have found her friendship again. We will never be besties again or anything, but we still get along really well and I love our catch ups.

If this is you, leave her alone. It sounds like you would be getting in contact purely to show off how wonderful your life is and look down at hers.



If this is you, steer clear of her. Sounds like a cow.

However, it seems to be a pretty safe bet as to which of the two you are.

q

so you're the new 'mature' version of soshal girl.

If you were good mates, it might be fun to catch up. If you're hung up on the idea of your life being successful while hers is trash, then don't meet up. She's probably worthy of more than your scorn.

This....
...if you are the former.

Just in case

dh and i recently met up with an old friend from primary school and it was great to catch up and we plan on seeing them again soon.

id go and see her, you have both led very different lives so it will give you plenty to talk about

No way. Not a fluffy dog. This friendship could only work if the dog was a shorthair non fluffy variety and not one of these fluffy 'designer' -oodle mutts

Who cares? Money, private schooling and looks do not make the person it is what is inside that counts.



lol

It depends. Did she rescue the dog or did she buy it from a pet shop?

If she rescued it then perhaps she still has some decent core values.

Edited because I was apparently too harsh. Yes, perhaps a tad harsh, however the OP came across as holier than thou and somewhat condescending. Money, looks, status and social class do not automatically = happiness or a better person.

Could have got the hardcore biker boyf to steal it. Send the kids into the pet shop, distract the assistant and smash and grab the nearest hound.



What car does ugly stooopid friend drive? Thats pretty integral to the issue.

Wonder if said fluffy dog wears little pink ribbons, goes to doggy pampering salon every week to have its hair done, and has fairy sprinkle coated meatballs for its birthday

If she has read this thread I doubt she still wants to have coffee with you.

Cluttergirl Good one!

3 kids - tick
BMW - cross (Commodore wagon)
big house - tick
uni educated - tick
riverside suburb - cross
private school - cross
fluffy dog - cross (rabbit)
looking good for 40 - hmmmm, debatable!!

Luckily you're not contemplating coffee with me.... I may not make the cut either!!

OP, it seems that you have already made up your mind and I suspect that you have started this thread to seek confirmation of your belief that you are superior to this woman. Well you won't get that from me. This thread reaffirms my view that money and opportunity do not equate to class in the sense of decency. 

Have you been watching Beaches????


YOU CAN BE THE WIND BENEATH HER WINGS
you know you like it

You should met up, but totally pity her and make her wear a paper bag on her head. and make sure its like really dark restaurant. and totally bore her with your class. Learn her good. Remind yourself how awesome your life must be and shes a bogan.

How'd you ever make it to 40 being such a snooty biatch?

In all honesty...

There are only a few good decision, and bad decisions between both of those scenarios.

If you cannot look past the circumstance and see the person, then there really is no point. Unless of course one is going just to boost ones ego. Even then, don't bother.

OP I'd meet up because I'd be curious.

Of my best 2 friends 1 is quite like me in many ways and one is TOTALLY the opposite, she's gay, she doesn't have a regular job, she's changed partners more times than I have moved house (that's a lot btw) and her vocation is completely the opposite of my straight-down-the-line university-driven profession. She doesn't own a car, she lives in a dingy flat and she loves her life just as I love mine.

You'd be surprised though how much we DO still have in common. When in doubt - good wine and good food and hating Tony Abbott go a long way to bridging gaps!

Then there is the fact we are just nice people.

Don't go. She'll probably just hit you up for a loan.


(This is a joke thread, right? If you were after attention, should have picked a non-election day)

I assumed that she was the later and was concerned that the former might look down on her. It would be pretty rare for a person to describe themselves in those terms.

I'm also pretty blown away by the assumptions people are making about the woman the OP first describes. What makes you believe that she would be a judgemental, botoxed, unhappy cow? The fact that she's wealthy and attractive?

Sorry OP, I'm having trouble taking your question seriously. I'm waiting for the punch line

Have you phrased the question 'cleverly' to make it seem you are the gorgeous wealthy 40 something when actually you are the other woman? The way you describe each party definitely sounds as if it is written from the point of view of the less well to-do woman.

The suspense is killing me. Which one are you?

PS Don't judge a book by its cover. You may be pleasantly surprised.

I don't understand what the problem is here? So what you drive a fancy car, you went to a private school, you're married to a CEO and you have a nice house. Pretty similar to my life although I don't drive the BMA.
I would in know way give up the opportunity to meet up with a former friend just because they didn't make the same choices that I did, be given the same opportunties I was given or travel the same path I did in life. If she is still the same person then what's the problem, you liked her at one stage in your life didn't you? Meet up with her you might enjoy yourself, don't rub her nose in the fact that you have a charmed life. Just because you have what you have doesn't mean you're any better a person that she is or you're any happier that she is, money and sucess is not everything it's what's inside that counts.

Since you are the BMW chick I will advise you listen to the advice above.
Yup I trawled. You spent 80K on a car on impulse, have three children and the first one was born when you were 32.

who actually thinks like that.

Someone didn't watch enough Sesame Street to learn that it's what's on the inside that counts

^ this.

I've caught up with 2 "besties" from the past and had absolutely nothing in common and I found the whole experience actually quite depressing.

I'd probably go for coffee though, what have you got to lose?

You probably don't have much in common.

Not so much because you've done so well with your life and she's just let hers go to the dogs.

Probably more because the things you value (the BMW, fluffy dog, CEO, looks and private school) are different to the things she does (ok the temptation is to be really cruel here so I think I'll just hold off any examples whatsoever...)

But that doesn't mean you won't have fun catching up about old times. You probably won't end up keeping in touch and seeing each other regularly... but who cares? Alternatively, maybe you'll have that sort of connection that never dies - the one where you have each other in stitches, without even being able to remember what you talked about. Either way, what's to lose.

But I'd suggest only going if you're able to lose that attitude of... "oh yeah, we're the Jones's that everyone else in the world wants to keep up with..."
Some people want something different (dare I say...more?) from their lives - it doesn't make them less happy or less anything than you... believe it or not there are studies that confirm this. Unless you can get to the stage where you stop assuming that given the choice, she'd want your life, you'll only go and patronise her.

I wouldn't meet up.

I have a fake name on Facebook to prevent this kind of thing happening. I have kept one friend from Highschool. He is a good friend, but he is all I need.

School was a long long time ago in a galaxy far far away. I have attaended reunions and while I'm happy to have a catch up and chat, I would not like to continue any serious friendships. I always get freaked out by how little people have changed. How can you go the school in a quiet, leafy, middle class suburb and not try and change your life completely? Most of the people I went to school with are living within 5km of where they grew up and are hanging out with the same people. Creepy