OP, I just read your second post and you are kidding right?

I really thought your post was a joke so put a silly reply, now I just agree with everyone else... you're a stuck up, judgemental cow.

I honestly don't see the point of your post, but then again there are many posts on here that have me scratching my head. Why do you need a pack of strangers give you advice on whether to talk to an old friend or not? It seems to me you just wanted to let people know what you have...not now and never will be impressed by personal possessions or career choices, I am impressed by the individual and what they have to offer.

Ahhh thanks Velvis, I love a good flame.


Apologies if my tounge was a little *too* far into my cheek for your to understand me. Although, if you don't recognise yourself in my reply, there is no need to be offended, no?

I still stand by my last paragraph though, I'm sure you have more in common than not and she could end up being a good friend:

Oh EB is a funny place

REgardless of which one you are OP...I'd probably meet for coffee, but wouldn't expect to remain close friends. The sad reality, is that you both have very little in common anymore probably and in my world, friends have to have commonalities to remain friends.

All this talk about "I have friends that I have nothing in common with.." is absolute bollocks EB idealism. Whilst what I see in a friendship will be as unique as the next persons, the reality is, that with friendships, we DO have SOMETHING in common that keeps us together and whilst on teh surface, to others (or even to ourselves) it may not appear that way, I am SURE that if one stops to really analyse a good friendship or a long lasting one, there will be some strong commonalities that get people through and keep the friendship going.

It's simply not human nature to truly be "friends" with someone you have no shared likes with! We tend to "gel" with those we find something attractive and they us.

Depending on each of our value sets, upbringing adn environment, it can be almost ANYTHING...but it IS there.

Anyway -truly? I still know a lot of people from my childhood days & up to my 20's. I keep in contact and am friendly and we reminise about old times and fun things we did and common experiences...but only 1 or 2 of these people I would now say are true friends for the NOW me. I have very little in common with most of my friends from school days, nothing to do with social status or that sort of thing, but I am just quite a different person these days to 20 and 30 years ago, that is just reality.

So I would be happy to meet most people I"ve known in teh past for a coffee and chat...but expect we'd remain "close buddies"?? Nah - unlikely. But I'd be open to it IF there was somthing there, for sure.

Tamm

On the subject of Princess Mary, it may interest you to know that she invited several of her friends from high school to her wedding...despite their now quite different living circumstances at first glance.

That's the sort of 'class' I can live with.

Go on - take a walk on the wild-side.

For her sake don't go.

You've obviously make your judgements, people come from all walks of life and can be lovely or horrible regardless (as is obvious in your case).

You may want to pull your head out of your proverbial though.

I think it will probably go the way most of these friendships re-vived by FB tend to. You either meet in person or continue to share online - until you exhaust your memories of your shared time together and the brief catch-up re: what you have been doing in the interim since last you saw each other some 20 odd years ago. Then it will die a natural death. Lovely while it lasts and time for closure, but that's about all.

I would go...a 30 minute coffee will tell you all you need to know, rather than wonder if you should have.

There are always people in your life who are different to yourself because we are all different and friendships are not based around who has what and who does what.

I have friends who are doctors and friends who are SAHM (probably a harder job than the doctors!) it doesnt impact our relationship at all...just go and then update us on how it went

The analogy with Princess Mary is pointless. She was in her late 20's when she met her husband and was STILL friends with her friends from school...I doubt she invited her primary school "bestie" IF she hadn't seen her since school

For heavens sake, sometimes EB is annoying Just because someone recognises their life circumstances are vastly "better" then someone they knew in primary school, doesn't make them judgemental or awful....just a fact of life. Happens ALL the time adn we ALL know it does.

Good on you OP for getting your life in good order and having a comfortable life. Sounds like you have used your early opportunities in life to "make good" and continue the momentum in adulthood. It IS sad that your childhood friends life hasnt' seemed to turn out so great...on the surface anyway. Hopefully though, she is happy and feels good about her life too. It's very different from yours OP, but might be quite fine for your childhood friend - each to their own life in a sense.

For all of you who are chucking crap at the OP...my guess is underneath your tall poppy carry-on...if given the choice, I seriously doubt you'd choose to be the OP and not the other woman, although, I also seriously doubt any of you would admit to it I for one will openly admit, that on teh surface facts...I would MUCH prefer to be in the OPs life then the other womans. By a LONG shot and I'm not too embarrassed to admit that. I reckon I'd be a bit mad if I thought the other way around

Pl - ease...so funny to read all the wannabe moral crusaders be so self-rightous....oh, and yes, judgemental BIG time too (using the EB definition of judgemental, not the real definition )

LOL

Tamm

It sounds to me OP that you are ashamed of your roots.

TBH OP I don't think you should meet up with her because she sounds a much better person than you!

ETA What no soshal dog meme yet?

Why would she be a much better person then the OP? Sounds to me like she's make some ****ed bad choices and had a pretty hard "eventful" life...so the OP having a good life means she is a worse person then??

The sheer lack of logic and sheer admiration that EBers have for LOW ACHIEVEMENT astounds me...get a grip people. There is nothing to admire greatly about people having a crappy life, if that's how you think, then that's about all you'll ever amount to.

I for one, aspire to have a successful, interesting and "easy" life becuase I make the best choices I am capable of...including, getting myself educated, getting a decent job and being damn choosey about who I hook up with and have kids with.

No wonder Australia has a seemingly bottomless pit of low achievement. YOu'll never amount to anything if you think that automatically success and good choice = bad person and tough crappy life = good person........

The wonders of EB EQ

Tamm

And no wonder there are SO many people here and elsewhere who sit around feeling "hard done by" and sorry for themselves and continue to just make bad choice after bad choice and remain trapped in poor social and financial circumstances.

It's sad to see the bitterness of some of you with regard to "success" in life

We should be proud of people who do well and make good in their life - not put them down and tell them they are awful for feeling good about themselves.

No wonder so many Aussies are caught in this cycle of playing the victim...whilst you think like that, you'll always be at the lower end of the societal scale for "going out there and getting what you can out of life and making it WORK for you"!!

It's pretty simple really. You control your own life - you make it what you want it to be...too many of you seem to be afraid in some way or fearful of self confidence, high self worth and pride in oneself

Before going off your nuts at me - just think about it eh?

For all we know, the other woman might be a complete d***head anyway !! After all, she's hooked up with bikie gangs, got a heap of kids to different men and her life seems to be a hotbed of chaos, poor socieoeconomic circumstances and doesn't sound very damn attractive to me anyway!

Each to their own though

Tamm

I dont see how being with a bikie gang member makes her a lesser person, some of these guys can be quite normal nice guys...He might even make more money than her CEO if he is a real bad bikie hehehe

How does having children to 3 different dads make her a bad person, bad choices maybe but I'm sure she knows that already and WTF is it any of your business or should I say how dare you judge her for such a thing...You don't know what led her to have them in the situations she has.

HOTBED of chaos....I think I know which person I'd rather be...The one living in reality and the one that has my head out of my a*se.

x 1

ditto. I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in meeting up with any one I went to primary school with, even my then best friends. It would be exactly like meeting a stranger. Bit like a mothers group - there has to be more to friendship than just having a child at the same time.

No-one critising her for her achievments - good on her for that.

But why would we need to know, or why would any normal person factor in nonsense like "bmw driving, fluffy dog, big house". Why couldn't a simple "I've reconnected via FB with a primary school friend who wants to catch up, however I feel like our lives have gone down different paths and don't feel that we would have anything in common anymore".

The OP has obviously made assumptions about this women, who wants to extend an invitation to catch up. She may be a wonderful person, she may try and sponge money, hell she may even try to talk to her about the church on scientology.

Short of someone having "stay away" tattooed on their forehead you really don't know what you're in for, you're in a public place getting a non-commital cup of coffee. I'm sure the big executive has dealt with far more confrontational situations on her way to the top.

Totally agree with you Tamm.

It sounds liek the OP and her old friend wouldn't have anything in common anymore. Sure I'd go and meet up but wouldn't expect to have a new friend out of it.

My childhood best friend and I have drifted apart - we have totally different lives with nothing in common anymore. As much as she meant a lot to me back in our childhood years, now we have such different values and lives that we have nothing in common aside from our home town. Such is life - why are expected to keep all our friends from way back when without moving on?

Some of you people have lots of trouble with descriptive language, don't you?

.

I was thinking the same thing.

Fact of the matter is EB will always side with the under dog because that's what the majority of EB'ers are.

For me, it has nothing to do with her low achievement = admiration but more that the 'poor' friend has extended an invitation to someone who used to be her best friend, and the best friend is mocking her on the internet. That's being a b**ch IMO. Not to mention the way the OP talks about herself. Who does that?

You are right but I don't think it is because we are predominantly under dogs. I know some of these wonderful women are very successful in their own lives. I think it is the nature of women in general to support the underdog. Just on EB we are in the habit of taking everything so literally. The OP does come across as a bit of a snot but I don't think it is necessarily because she is one. She tried her hand at tongue-in-cheek and failed as we often do on EB.

I would remain FB friends... but I dont think the 'friendship' would work well in the real world.
You have nothing in common apart from your primary school days.

You know, it is called STORYTELLING. We ALL do this everyday. So that people can conjour up an IMAGE in their mind and connect with it.

I actually think she has conquered the art of storytelling. So much so that she has created such an emotive thread. Get a grip people! Clearly you are all bored. Or jealous of her story tellling capability.

Lets try a different scenario:
She is a 22 year old whose partner is in jail, with 2 kids under the age of 3. She can barely pay the bills and scrapes by from week to week but can manage to afford an internet subscription and buy an iphone because everyone else has one. She left school at the age of 16 and lives in a housing department rental. She is depressed and has weight troubles.
What image do you conjur in your mind?

Many years ago, I knew a woman in her 50s who was so 'into' people that she would often take taxis just so she could chat to the very interesting, multi-cultural taxi drivers.

She would tell me all about it and how it was her daily/ weekly philosophy lesson. She loved to hear about their lives, culture, home country etc.

AND she was the director of a company etc.

I love that and have adopted the same attitude. Difference is something to be embraced and I would jump at the chance to meet up with an old friend and hear about the path her life has taken. Of course our lives have probably gone in different directions. That makes it all the more exciting. Damn interesting if you ask me. It doesn't mean you have to be best friends, but a catch up for old time's sake and see where it leads.

Go on be a devil..imagine the stories!

OP asks if the friendship can "cross the great divide". I'm assuming the "great divide" is their bank accounts and education?

Here is a list of the great divide -

Private school, uni-educated vs public high school to year 10
BMW car vs no car?
CEO husband vs outlaw bikie boyfriend
Still attractive at 40 vs Ugly
Executive vs working in a lunch shop

I can't see for the life of me why these things matter. Do you base all your friendships on looks and cars they drive? What if one of your kids only make it to year 10? Disown them? I have friends from all walks of life and *shock horror* I even know happily married couples who are unequally educated. If your post said I vote Liberal, she votes Green.. I believe in God, she is an atheist.. I would get this "great divide" you are talking about but everything you have mentioned is merely material possessions (even the husband!).

I thought your first post was tongue in cheek, but your second post shows otherwise.

Last year my mother died. Because of that my 'best friend' from when I was 13 called me up to pass on her condolences. We hadn't been in contact for 20 years.

Me: artist, post graduate, travelled extensively, lived all over the world, TTC to her de facto in her late 30's, just bought her first home, trying to live a self sufficient lifestyle in the country in a tumbledown little house.

She: suburban housewife, left school at year 10, first baby (of two) at 21, married, big modern house in the big city.

It was fantastic, we still connected... although our lives took such different paths we LOVED each other so much when we were young, and we realised we still care about each other now.

We talked about her children (and the problems her adolescent daughter was going through), we talked about my IVF and the toll it was taking, we talked about the men we love, we talked about when we were young, it was really, really lovely.

OP you have a shared past..and our past is part of what makes us the women we are today. If remembering that shared past is important then take the plunge.. it could be a wonderful experience.

My DP and I are examples of 'the great divide' and how normal people look deeper than the surface of which school you went to and what kind of car you drive. My best mate from primary school and I were the same. All of us are university educated though, but in terms of our home lives there are a lot of things that can be put into the OP's great divide (big house, overseas travel, boarding school, skiing in winter, beach house in summer vs sh*tty rental house in as bad area, local horrific public highschool, never having holidays or eating out, crappy unreliable cars etc).

There are also plenty of people I know who had similar lives to me, with whom there is a genuine great divide. As V&J says, it's more to do with political persuasion, religious beliefs and the way they treat others than what kind of car they drive.

God, my best mate from school even votes liberal and we still like her. Now that's a divide.

I'm University educated and a smart car driving, home-with-view owning, kids in private school, married to a professional type person. One of my favourite people in the whole world is a GF who dropped out of school in year 10 pregnant, has had subsequent children to multiple partners and lives in the steretyped bogan suburb. She has struggled, she is wise, she is generous and she is an empathic and loving person. Yes there are different cultural trappings (more obvious when we meet up in person than when we chat over facebook etc) eg., her salt of the earth Aussie accent...and I don't know half the TV characters her kids wear on their clothing or always get the social references, lol) but she is in touch with her own identity and is a caring, supportive friend. But then I've always thought the measure of true "class" is the strength of a person's character, not outside appearances...I blame my "good" education

Not my reality. As Tamm said, she's made some bad choices and ended up with a pretty unenviable life. Idon't thimk I'd have much in common with her either, but if it were my childhood friend I'd probably meet once for a coffee.

I'm still best friends with my 2 best friends from 1st and 2nd Form High school - over 35years.

As am I! I still know many of my friends from Primary School, probably because of it being small town and we all still have family out there (or still actually live there)
but the reality is, that apart from sort of everyday chit-chat, we don't really have that much in common in our adult lives anymore.
Still, several of them are on FB and we have fun chatting about our lives now and then and in between I WOULD meet up with any of them if we were in same location and many of them could "have a bed" at my place (and they know it) if they needed one.

I guess it's the different "level" of friendship and the different ties and underpinnings of different types of friendships being demonstrated overall.

I too don't quite see why the OP would be concerned to catch up with the old friend. I definitely would.

But I also do NOT agree with all the silly rude and judgemental crap that came afterwards.

I never said the other woman was a "bad" person, of course she may not be (just as any of us with or without money, education blah blah blah may or may not be) however, the circumstances of her life and the choices she has made, do not "fit" with the OPs much nor mine...so I can easily see how there IS a huge "divide" there and unless they find common ground or just hit it off again, they are probalby most likely to meet for coffee, have a chat, find little to talk about besides their childhood and "past"...and both go back to their own very different lives.

No biggee or "bad" thing on either persons part. Just how life is.

Tamm

PS: I will admit to being fairly conservative with "values" and will openly admit that I would not be likely AT ALL to want to be friends with anyone whose boyfriend / partner / social group includes outlaw bikie gang members and people who have spent time in jail. Fair to say that for ME, adherence to our societies laws and norms is an important part of my value set, as is integrity and honesty and not dealing in illegal activities. I'm not ashamed to admit that.

what I really don't get is why the decision to have coffee requires an ASW eb thread.

Its just a simply social outing.

True But it wouldn't be EB if we didn't blow the most basic of life activities completely out proportion now would it? That's what keeps us all coming back...and back...and back PMSL

Tamm

Guess what I am studying at university right now OP? The way your social and economic situation determines your life. Did your university education fail to teach you how to think about things in depth? If it didn't, you may have realised that the only reason you have gotten to where you are today is because you went to a better school, have had better opportunities, and an easier life that has brought out the best in you. Dont look down your nose at other people just because they don't drive a BMW the reality is, without all the support from your parents, you wouldnt be anywhere near where you are today.

And that's relevant exactly how?
The OP didn't ask or query the how and why she or the other woman got to where she is...I agree PP, but that is not what the discussion is about really. is it?
Tamm

Neither do I but srsly? The OP was full of limited, silly, stereotypical information. She was asking people to leap to judgements in order to advise her. Hardly suprising that is exactly what they did.

I have friends of all different persuasions. In some cases I am the one who could give herself an inferiority complex (one friend is an (expensive) art-collecting, posh suburb dwelling person, no kids, loves trekking in the bush on expensive month long breaks, thinks nothing of $50 on a bottle of wine and is friends with the glitterati).

But we get on famously. My best mate went to uni with me and then decided to be a SAHM and our lives have many differences including being in different countries, but we always come back to each other and when we phone it's like there's been no time passed.

Don't judge people by their circumstances. BTW, I was public educated and managed to avoid all the terrible things that apparently happen in such places. Oh and the kids with rich parents were the ones dropping e's in class...

OP, you seem to think that material differences would mean you'd have very little in common with your primary school bestie. Personally, I don't think it matters if you have shared interests other than whether your child will take on the IB in high school

I gather she knows about your life, but she still wants to catch up for coffee. Why would you think it would be 'too confrontational'? I think you should go. It's just coffee.

I don't think it's true that in EB land
rich people = shallow, soulless ASWs and poor people = 'you poor thing' have a <insert annoying bighug emoticon>
If that were true, we wouldn't have people calling each other bogans on a daily basis

Besides, even if you wanted to show the plebs how many expensive items you own, I'm sure there are dozens of other EB members with similar lives who don't feel the need to divulge such details. So, BMW? Hohum. Private school? Snore. Uni educated? Get in line, dude.

ET remove that annoying big hug emoticon.

I would meet up with her. I had a best friend in primary school who followed a similar sort of path .... although I wouldn't say that I ended up a youthful looking executive with 3 kids in a riverside suburb Anyway, there was a lot of family history behind that. Her maternal grandparents were Hungarian gypsies who came out just before WW2 started. Her mum was gorgeous but a bit unstable - not mentally, she was a lovely person, but just in terms of relationships/jobs etc. Her dad was never around. My friend was a really nice person and even though we eventually grew apart, I think we would still like to see each other. I think if you have really loved someone and they haven't done anything to hurt you (or you them), you can overlook all the superficial stuff like income/education disparities.

I would love to meet for a coffee with a few childhood 'besties', irrespective of different life outcomes. If it were apparent that there were no surviving shared interests then I'd wish them the very best in their life and continue on my path. But it's an opportunity to rekindle a great friendship, so why not?

Life's too short, IMO.

Maybe she would find you lacking in resilience and life experience ? And a bit boring as well ?

You sound like you have had your whole life handed to you on a silver platter, she has probably had to work her guts out for her life/kids.


Besides, she only has to meet you, steal your husband (and his BMW and CEO driven income) and your roles would be reversed -right ?

I'm certainly not one to think rich=shallow, poor=virtuous.

I take each person on their own merits and have friends from all walks of life: art collecting mining company directors, those trying to start own businesses, CEOs, GMs, nurses, teachers, people working at Maccas, carers, people on disability pensions etc. etc.

My love for them is not based on their wealth (that concept is so foreign to me), but their heart and who they are.

In this case the decision was not about being best friends forever, it was about having a simple coffee with someone the OP shared a past with. They may connect, they may not..big deal. It's probably an hour out of their lives.

BUT, what did come through quite strongly in the OP was a lot of stereotypes and generalisations which the OP asked 'WDYT?'

We all know that on EB when you ask the question, EB will answer honestly.

And in all seriousness, I couldn't give a toss if the OP goes for coffee or not. No skin off my nose.

I just thought it hilarious to mention a BMW, a CEO husband, a fluffy dog, damn fine looks and outlaw bikie, sandwich shop working etc. other person. If anyone was passing judgement it was the OP.

And the tribe spoke (and may have memed).

Gosh...

Velvis, forget about who you are what you've got etc, if she's really your friend, then take the offer for a coffee and see how it goes.

.