My DS1 has just been diagnosed as Intellectually Impaired, and won't be able to start QLD Prep (aka Kindy in other States) next year with his brother as he'll be attending a Special Education Centre instead. DS1 isn't really aware of the implications of this, and is fairly nonplussed. But DS2 is very distressed. They currently attend CC together and DS2 has always assumed they'd be off to school together in the New Year.
Shortly I'll start sending DS1 alone to an early intervention centre twice a week, so that may help ease into the initial (separate) school transition slightly.
I also start to wonder about silly things in the future, like birthday parties and the confusion of their friends over the fact DS1/2 are the same age yet at least one Grade apart, etc.

Does anyone have twins in separate Grades at school? I know of sets of twins where one sibling has special needs, but I haven't come across any that have ended up going through schooling at different levels. I'd love to hear from any!

Hi there, Pick me Pick me.....
I have twins who are 8.5 yrs of age. DS is in grade 3 and DD is in grade 2.
They were born at 31 weeks and my DD had ongoing health and developmental issues. She commenced EI at 2.5 years of age and they both went to 3 and 4 year old kinder together. During that year I questioned if they felt she was ready to start school. I knew if she wasn't a twin I would have her repeat kinder and get another year of EI.

They assured me that whilst it might be a bit hard she was ok to go, so I sent them both off to school. by the time they had done prep Em was lagging behind (they were in different classes) Grade 1 was even worse so we made the choice to hold her back and repeat grade 1. This has been an overwhelming sucess. I wish we had done it earlier as DS's classmates all know that Em has repeated and that she is a year behind them. i worry about the bullying in the future but then I see how much happier she is that everything is no longer a struggle and achieving sucess. She is developmentaly on par with her current classmates and that's what counts.

As Em had always done eI on her own she was used to being away from her twin and when they started school they were in different classes anyway so the split wasn't felt as much as it could be.

Birthdays etc will be the same as if they were the same year level. I know that we had people have no idea that DD and DS were twins as they only saw who ever was in their childs class IYKWIM.

They will adapt, is it possible for DS2 to go to a daycare or kindy type thing whilst DS1 is at EI to encourage that separation.

Good luck

Thanks so much Meredith, yours is exactly the type of situation I wanted to hear about! It's interesting you wish you had of separated them earlier, particularly the because of the point you made about DS's classmates all being aware of the repeated Grade - something I hadn't thought of. I am very concerned about bullying in various forms.
Today I discovered another local School that has an on-site Special School, so hopefully they can both go there and at least be enroled in (sort of) the same place - tbh that is a big help to ME mostly, otherwise I'd be doing a School-run between three different Schools daily. I was offered an early intervention position for DS1 one day a week until next year, so at least they'll have one day apart regularly before the new year.
I'm glad to hear that your two are coping well now, hopefully things go fairly smoothly for us too.

Call on me anytime on worries,
I know that I wanted them to be in the same class at School when i was going through the process of enrolling them. What changed my mind was their preschool teacher and her observations.
What was happening was that DS was taking on too much responibility for DD, he wouldn't do things he knew she couldn't, would "look out for her" and play where she could see him etc. When she wasn't at kindy for what ever reason they saw a totally different little boy and said that it would hinder him if they were in the same class. It didn't help that DD came to rely on and expect DS to help her as well,

What I did with DS was when DD was at EI, we would have a mummy and DS date morning as EI was too far for me to go home and come back again, we would go to the local shopping centre, have a hot chocolate and baby chino together, look at the shops and then go to the book shop where he would pick a new book each week (and one for DD as well cost me a fortune lol)

It worked well as DS looked forward to that time and really helped him understand things as if he asked why DD was at EI I could give him simple answers etc.

Good luck, if you can get them both at the same site it will be easier for you. I would just say the DS who is going to school etc may have questions just answer simply and honestly eg
XXX is at because he needs a little bit of help with.............
make the answer simple and about the child in therapy so the other twins doesn't think they have done something wrong.

Hi Levity, Mez70 is very wise! Totally agree with all she has said!

Before I had my kids I was a prep teacher. There is 1 particlar situation I can remember where there was a set of twins - 1 had downs syndrome and 1 was "normal" (for want of a better word, sorry) Anyway their mother was adament that they both being the same grade (different classes). The little downs boy found it really, really difficult as his mental age was so young and he couldn't cope with all the activity, routine and expectations. He needed a full time aide as he would run away, throw tantrums, refuse to do things and just behave in a socially inacceptable way. There is no doubt he would have been better off with another year in kindy or at a special school before being put into a normal school class. Meanwhile his brother also struggled because he was forever looking out for his brother and he found it hard to make friends. The particular school had a Spec. Ed unit (though he was integrated into a normal class) and they were fantastic but if he'd been a year older, or even been allowed to repeat Prep , his progression would have been much more settled.

It is a very difficult decision to make and I can definitely see why parents want their twins to stay together, but they are individuals with individual needs and this is really important especially when one has a learning difficulty. Good luck making a decision

Meredith it really is sweet how much your DS was looking after your DD As you say, it's not necessarily a good thing though. I find that DS2 tends to "cover" for DS1 (he'll answer questions on his behalf, finish his activites etc) and it's done very naturally and subtley, so that their carers/teachers are completely oblivious of it until you point it out. I do think for this sort of reason it's really important to separate most twins school classes if possible, so you KNOW that each twin is truly getting individual attention and actually completing their learning tasks independently...
I love your idea of a date morning The books are a great (but expensive lol) idea! My DS2 would LOVE a trip to the library! Actually that's an excellent plan, as I could manage the younger two there as well. Hmmm.
I do need to have "the talk" with DS2 who is progressing into school, this week. You're right, a short and simple explanation will be fine.

Thanks for your enlightening story calcal! I have found that our extended family response has been very poor and unsupportive. They are mostly from generations where the phrase "Special School" is whispered behind closed doors and there's a great deal of shame associated with intellectual disabilities, which is very sad. Why someone would want to deprive their child of the appropriate help is beyond me!

I have an interview at the Special School this week to get things rolling and sort out our action plan, now I'm feeling quite excited about it - it will be great for DS1.