I wasn't sure where to post this one so sorry if in the wrong place. A close friend of mine had twins last friday, a gorgeous boy and a beautiful girl. They knew that their little girl was not well and would not survive for long. She ended up fighting and lived for five wonderful days passing away yesterday. I have not seen my friend as yet as they wanted some space after the birth.
The question I need help with is do I still give my friend the card and gift I bought her which says "congratulations on your twins" to acknowledge their birth and then also give her a berevement card for their little girl. I'm so unsure of what to do and don't want to upset her any further or be insensitive. If anyone can give me some advice I would really appreciate it. Thank you
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Full Version: Need advice please - friend lost a twin
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Can I suggest that you let her know of a group called OzMost... It is for mothers of surviving twins or triplets.
As for the cards, i would definintely give a card that says congratulations on the twins, and maybe a note in there about one being too precious for this world, or something similar.
As for the cards, i would definintely give a card that says congratulations on the twins, and maybe a note in there about one being too precious for this world, or something similar.
As a mother who has buried her baby, I would say most definitely give her the twins card. I was (and still am) fiercly determined that my little girl would be acknowledged as having existed even though it was for such a short time. She's going to spend her whole life with people not knowing that her son was a twin so give her something beautiful to hang onto and treasure and make sure you give her that card.
I am so sad for her. Please, please tell her that there is a whole community of us mums who are grieving with her right now and that she is most definitely not alone even though it can feel like the loneliest place in the world.
I am so sad for her. Please, please tell her that there is a whole community of us mums who are grieving with her right now and that she is most definitely not alone even though it can feel like the loneliest place in the world.
Yes, give her the card that you have bought for both children. This friend will always be a mum of twins - one a surviving twin and the other a angel twin.
Do not ingnore the birth of her other baby. Call the baby by her name, mention her. Include her in the card. It is more hurtful to ignore the birth of her deceased baby.
Do not ingnore the birth of her other baby. Call the baby by her name, mention her. Include her in the card. It is more hurtful to ignore the birth of her deceased baby.
QUOTE (ecb @ 14/07/2010, 05:17 PM) 
As a mother who has buried her baby, I would say most definitely give her the twins card. I was (and still am) fiercly determined that my little girl would be acknowledged as having existed even though it was for such a short time. She's going to spend her whole life with people not knowing that her son was a twin so give her something beautiful to hang onto and treasure and make sure you give her that card.
I am so sad for her. Please, please tell her that there is a whole community of us mums who are grieving with her right now and that she is most definitely not alone even though it can feel like the loneliest place in the world.
I am so sad for her. Please, please tell her that there is a whole community of us mums who are grieving with her right now and that she is most definitely not alone even though it can feel like the loneliest place in the world.
Just want to second these sentiments. Every soul is precious, no matter how long it stays. It is lovely that you are being thoughtful and are obviously intending to support your friend. I agree, give her the card and let her know she is in your thoughts and so many others'.
Thank you all for your advice. I did give her the card and although upset when reading it she was grateful that her precious girl was not forgotten.
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