I am 35 and have just found out im pregnant. In normal circumstances I would be jumping up and down with excitement. However Im not

I have 19mth old twins which we struggled for 11yrs and countless IVF attempts to have. I love them with all my heart

My husband works away from home so Im home alone for most of the time. Trouble is im not excited about this pregnancy, im tired and exhausted most of the time and not sure I can cope with another child at the moment. I was told I could never fall pregnant naturally -so this was a total shock to me. Im so torn over my feelings of not being ready for another child and the worry that this may never happen again.

I have tried to talk to my husband about my concerns about my pregnancy - we wouldn't listen when I said I'm not ready for another baby.

This is so much for me to deal with at the moment - I am thinking about terminating. Has anyone else been in this situation - I need help

Hi ExhaustedMum, I'm sorry to hear you are not feeling positive about your pregnancy. I'm sure there have been others in the same position.

I dont have much helpful advice, but perhaps if you have only just found out maybe you just need some time to let it sink in and remember how happy you felt when you had your twins after all those years of trying.

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Good luck.

I haven't been i your position but I know 2 people that had twins and then a 3rd when they were 16mths old, so 3 under 16mths. I don't know how they did it being pregnant when they were still small babies.

At first it was a huge shock to both and I think anyone in your position would struggle to be excited. My twins are 22 mths and I'm only just thinking about maybe more but not till they are older, I was terrifed of falling pregnant before now. I think if you decide to keep it as time goes on and you feel those kicks, it might help you to become more excited.

Your twins will definately start becoming more self sufficient and they will be like 2.5yrs old when the new baby is born so talking more and listening more. Funnily enough both the mums I know thought the new baby was a dream baby and were really enjoying having them.

Anyway, Sorry I couldn't really give any good advice.

OP- I have never had twins so I wouldn't know the demands of two at the same age but have two boys that are 26 months apart in age which would be similar to your age gap if you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy.

By the time DS2 was born, DS1 was talking clearly, quite independent and sleeping through the night. I also kept him in daycare for 2 days a week, to give myself some breathing space and to be able to give the one on one time to my DS2. Perhaps this is something to suggest for you regardless if you continue with this pregnancy as it sounds like you need a bit of time for you.

I'm not sure what line of work your DH is in but is there any possibility that he could restructure his work trips or take 6-8 weeks off work to help you through the initial phase of a newborn? If he wants this baby then he needs to step it up on the home front.

If it were me in your shoes, my greatest fear would be that you may regret a termination down the track when the twins were older and easier to manage especially if it is difficult for you to get pregnant.

Good Luck with your decision, my advice for the moment is to let the news sink in a bit.

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're having a difficult time and I hope you can reach a decision that you're happy with.

I cannot comment from the point of having twins already, but this happened to me. After years of IVF to be blessed with DS, I fell pregnant naturally when he was 6 months old. I also was in complete shock and absolutely miserable at the prospect.

All I can say is it did get better. The exhaustion of early pregnancy does wear off (well, until late pregnancy anyway) and by then your other children should be becoming a bit more self sufficient and may actually give you a bit of a break! Newborns are also great sleepers (generally) and a singleton should be a breeze after raising twins...I admire multiple mums immensely.

Is your DH able to take some leave towards the end of the pregnancy? Have you thought about daycare or occasional care for your twins, just so you can get some rest.

Perhaps talk to your GP about your concerns and maybe he/she can connect you with an appropriate counsellor. It is not an easy decision to make and I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide.

Give yourself some time to think about it and find someone who can actually listen. I am pro-choice (had a termination when I was much younger) but it is not an easy decision and you may regret choosing termination but you'll never regret having a child.

I have 3 kids and it's wonderful but hard at times. No twins and well spaced so nothing like your situation. I can see that in a couple of years our family life will be much easier as my youngest goes to school.

Such a hard decision - I really feel for you.

Best wishes

Give yourself time to get over the shock before making any decisions and you may find you warm more to the idea of another child. When my twins were born, my youngest was 22 months and it was a shock as we spaced out children out so we would not have any more than 2 under 5 and then had 3 under 2! We have had our moments but and it has been hard but delightful at the same time, the toddler just dotes on the twins. I have 2 older kids as well so my family is complete (I'm also in my late 30s) but I think that if I did have another child I would be "supermummy" as I improved my baby skills so much with the twins.

So some positives to come out would be:

* you get to enjoy the experience of a single baby
* twins really hone your parenting skills which should make dealing with a single baby easier
* seeing 3 littles interact with each other always makes me smile

Also get yourself a good pram, I had the triple ABC everest and it was a lifesaver as I could get out and keep the toddler somewhat under control.

Despite my experience, you need to make the decision that is right for you and your family, good luck.

Hi ExhaustedMum,

My situation was similar to yours - IVF twins followed by a surprise pregnancy when the twins were 19 months. There was to be 2.5 years difference but DD2 came 6 weeks early so it ended up being a 2y4month gap - 3 under 2 and a half!

I have to say I cried when I did the pregnancy test. Even though I knew I definitely wanted to have another baby, it just didn't seem possible to cope with it at that stage. But you know what, I did. By the time the baby was born the twins were sleeping through, talking well so able to communicate what they wanted and playing well together (most of the time ) so able to entertain themselves for short bursts.

It certainly could have been better but it was manageable. It wasn't perfect very often but we all came through it relatively unscathed. And you know the funniest thing - singletons are SOOOO easy!!! I really have trouble keeping my mouth shut when people complain about having one child now!!

I hope you find some hope and a little light at the end of the tunnel. Look after yourself and take your time making any decisions. I think the suggestion to visit your GP is a good one.

Good luck

Thank you so much for all your replies. I felt so alone in my situtation and scared. After hearing your comments I feel like a bit of a sook lol.

But yes the scary thing was having 3 practically under the age of 2. The twins will be 26mths when bub is due. MY DS is just so stubborn (not in a bad way) but just doesn't listen to me. My DD is going through terrible 2 a bit early. But on the whole Im am really lucky they are beautiful, social, mostly great sleepers, and happy babies.
But we have just moved to a granny flat under my parents house. We are trying to save money to build our dream house. I just went back to work 1 week before I found out I was pregnant and because of the physical side of the job I had to quit the very next week . I felt like I just got back some freedom after feeling a bit isolated with twins.

I have them in twice a week daycare so I could go back to part-time work - I will leave that in place now that im not working just to give myself a rest. My husband works 5days on 5off which is better then what he has been doing.

I keep getting compliments from ppl who say Im a fantastic mum because of how my babies are - atm I definately feel like a bit of a phoney feeling like I cant handle another baby

I will admit that im still in shock at the pregnancy and as time goes by and bubby starts moving I will feel a lot better. Though I will admit I am keen to feel what a singleton pregnancy feels like. The upside so far has not spending 4mths with my head in a toilet lol.

Thank u all again - I was great to hear from you

I had 3 under 19 months and I have to tell you it is a little tough.

BUT it has been truly wonderful having a singleton too. Its a whole different world!

The twins are 2y3m now and although they are crazy and throw trantrums and take ages to get to sleep, its doable.

We are having sleep trouble at the moment, but that comes and goes.

Feel free to OM me if you like.

Chrissie

I have a 22mth old and am due with twins in January - DD2 will be 2yrs 3mths when they are due. She is a very stubborn but gorgeous little girl and I've had more than my fair share of moments crapping myself about how both she and I will cope!!

DD1 will be 9yrs 3mths and DS will be 5yrs but at least those two get to go off to school each day lol.

Honestly, give yourself time to digest the information and go from there I had my 12 week scan today and I am still coming to terms with the thought of having 3 children 2 and under!

it's normal to feel this way. No one will judge you here..just lots of advice and support. Give yourself some time to think it over. It seems like you have a great plan already. Congratulations....it's like a miracle!

My gap between my twins and #4 was 23 months. My baby was also a surprise natural pregnancy after IVF twins.

Of course it is natural for you to be in a state of shock about this pregnancy. All unplanned pregnancies are shocking but for those of us with fertility problems it is doubly so!

I'm not going to lie to you and say that managing three kids under the age of 2.5 is going to be a walk in the park. If you choose to go ahead with this pregnancy there will be good days and bad ones. Be assured that having a singleton after twins makes it all seem much easier though .

In making your decision I guess you need to factor in what support you are able to muster (eg., from your partner, friends family daycare etc). You need to look inside your heart and figure out what is the best decision for you.

H there,

When my twins were born, I had a 5 year old and a 28 month old. These babies were "surprise" babies. For a while I was really upset, as I felt my family was complete, and that I already had enough on my plate. I never EVER considered having four children, let alone twins!

I thought I was sure that I would never be able to handle it, or be a good mum to 4 kids. Although the babies are only 16 weeks old, I am doing much better than I thought I would. So it can be done, although I don't have 2x 2year olds....

Its fine to be scared, its normal. Confide in a good friend IRL and try and get some good support networks ready for when you have the baby.

Good luck
Michelle

Firstly, congratulations! How amazing - after an 11 yr journey to get your twins!
I had a singleton first & when my twins were born I had 3 under 2.5 (now have 3 under 3) & it is daunting.

But the great thing is that, like pp said, you have had a chance to hone your parenting skills with your twins.
Having a singleton is a very different experience than having twins (at least in my case). The pregnancy is no where near as hard on your body! And the newborn stage (again, in my experience) was way 'easier'...Much less constant. I found it so much easier with one baby as on the bad days I would just pop her in the sling & we would walk etc...I do miss being able to do that with twins!
Hopefully by the time the next one is born you will have your twins sleeping beautifully (waking for one baby is SO much easier than with two!).

Sorry, I've rattled on a bit! It seems to me that you are underestimating yourself a bit. You've managed to parent your twins to nearly 2 years of age - think about how much you've achieved in that time & how much you have to be proud of!

Maybe find someone (GP, councillor, mum, friend etc) who is happy to listen while you express your worries. I know if I want my DH to listen I always need to tell him that I just want to vent & don't need him to do or fix anything.

Good luck & remember that you would have (hopefully) nearly 9 months before you had the next baby and we all know how much children can change in 9 months, so it's hard to know what they will be like then ...

I think I would have been in shock too if that had of happened to me. Don't have advice but just wanted to say that for me by far the hardest/most demanding time with my twins was from around 16months to around 25/26 months.

It's such a steep learning curve for them at that age. By 2 1/2 they have so much more speech are toilet trained are somewhat easier to handle out and about . I remember taking my girls on a plane trip by myself when they were 2 and a half. It was something I could never have imagined even 6 to 8 months earlier.

I came to say this also! 16-26months was the absolute worst for us... realistically by about 24 months they were getting much better. So... I'll be honest, it will probably be hard during your pregnancy, but once the baby is here... the twins *should* be getting a lot easier.

As much as you *can* train toddlers it might be an idea to get in place during the pregnancy any behaviour modification/discipline techniques (time out corner etc) that you can use later.... We started at about 20months or so getting right into that kind of thing which I am sure helped it to be much better by 24 months...

If you can (and you think they are ready) it would be a reasonable time to *try* to toilet train them before the baby arrives. We tried at 21 months (the age my nephews were trained) and it was a disaster, but by the time we tried again at 25 (26?) months it was MUCH easier... I did it by ditching daytime nappies cold turkey (ie. no nappy pants or pull ups) and timing them. I just took them every 20-30mins to begin with, then stretched it out. It took about 2-3 weeks, but by then they were very independent. It doesn't work for all kids, I know, but it might be worth a try. Bonus if it does work If you know what I mean.

Anyway, thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

hello... just thought I would tell you my story.. and see if it helps any.

I have a 5yr old, a 3yr old, a 2yr old... and 7 week old twins.

When I fell pregnant with then #4.. I was scared. Dh wanted me to "think" about having a termination.. because we were in the process of building and he was doing Fly in/Fly out.. 4 weeks away.. 1 week home.

I thought hard about it for 2 weeks.. but could no bring myself to do it.. and dh stood by me.. it was my decision to make in the end.. and he would support my decision.

Started to sink in that we would have number 4 on the way.

Booked into to see my OB, and at 9 weeks I saw her for the first time. I took my 5 year old ds with me.. for bonding time... and what do you know.. there was twins. Well my ob must have seen the look of horror on my face.. and asked if I would be ok to drive home... and I of course said yes...even though I wasn't.

Got in the car... and cried my eyes out the whole 40 mins home. Dh was fine and said that we would be alright etc.. not to stress.. and was quiet excited...not everyday.. you get to experience twins.

At 11 weeks and 1 day.. I stood up from the kitchen table to get ready for work.. and had a big gush of fluid and blood.. I thought I had misscarried.. I havent' experienced one before "thankgoodness".
I was bawling my eyes out. I had just gotten used to the idea of twins... and the thought of losing one or both.. broke my heart.
I had to wait like 20 hours before I could have a scan.... And.. there they both were.. happy and kicking away. I cried *onceeeeeee again* that they were fine.. and safe.

Here I am now... sleep drived.. lol.. but loving it. I couldn't imagine my life without them now. The twins have just slotted in nicely...The only ones being pains are the older 2 LOL.

My 3rd child was only 23 months.. so not even 2 when the twins were born. She loves them to pieces...Yes.. she wants to hold them and kiss them.. and can be a little rough. But you know what.. they wont break.. they might cry.. but hey.. that's what's good about mummies.. mummy cuddles.

What I am trying to say is.. you have survived having twins. Think of how easy 1 baby will be... 1 to feed.. 1 to settle etc. You will be able to spend more "quality time" with 1. Your twins will be old enough to help out a little aswell... ie get a nappy etc.

After all the problems you have had.. and how long it took you to fall pregnant in the first place... why take the chances of termination.. when it might wreck any chance for you to fall pregnant again.

Think of it as a blessing... this baby chose you and your dh.. to be it's parent's... it's here for a reason...


xxxx

Goodluck in deciding hun.

Thanku again for all your supportive replies I do feel so much better and not so scared.

I am feeling much more positive that I get to experience a natural pregnancy without the mental and emotional and financial rollercoaster that IVF provides. And what surprised and shocked me so much is that we had to use Donor eggs to achieve a successful pregnancy with our twins. We were told there was no other way I could conceive.

So I thought my eggs were crap and wouldn't let me experience a natural pregnancy.

The different feeling this time is amazing - apart from being extremely tired both pregnancies - with the twins I was sick for 4mths - I think I wore a path in the tiles going from the loo to the couch . I couldn't keep down food - couldn't even stand the smell of anything. But with this pregnancy I can't stop eating - only slight nausea - NO vomiting .

Would you all believe that I was so sure we were not having anymore babies - 1 week before I found out I was pregnant - I got rid of everything - the only things we have now is a port-a-cot and baby capsule. So I will have to start all over again

So glad to hear you are being so positive hun!!! It sounds like you have excepted this babe!

Wishing you all the best!

My twins (IVF) were 22 months old when Hunter came along.

I was terrified but also excited when I first found out. Then I found when my twins were about 18-20 months old I went into panic mode as they were just so full-on: it is not a good stage to be pregnant again IMO! I remember sitting there bawling one day at how on earth I could cope with another one when I was struggling with the two I had.

Then Hunter arrived and I fell in love immediately. One baby was also so much easier than two logistically. If he was unsettled I could just carry him around with me. I learnt how to walk around and BF! If I was doing something with the other babies I could just rock the one rocker with my foot. A single pram is easier to wheel into places and put him down to sleep. I only had to put one baby to sleep at a time. Feeds were quicker. Unfortunately for us he had severe reflux BUT I was able to console myself with the fact there was only one of him LOL! As he has gotten older it has gotten easier and the benefits of having them close together have become more obvious. They are all at similar developmental ages together so I just need one set of toys out and just need to provide one lot of entertainment for them all. They are now all on the same routine and I found our third one just fitted in a lot with the twins routine quite early anyway. My triple pram was worth every cent and was a life saver: going for a walk around the block is a great way to clear your head.

I won't say it is all sunshine and rainbows but looking back there has been way more ups than downs.

Best of luck with whatever you decide. If you have any logistical questions about 3 close together I hope I can help. Getting your head around it isn't an easy thing and I think our brain sometimes sends us the worst scenarios. Only you know yourself and your situation though.

Hi and Congratulations
I just wanted to add a reply - very much like the previous poster. My girls were six months old when I fell pregnant with our son. So they were 15 months when I had him. While they were crazy, chaotic times, the last three years have flown by so quickly (my son turns 3 next week). I couldnt believe how much easier one baby was. His first 6 months were surprisingly easy - I breastfed (often on the go with an ergo), but I was already full time with the twins that one more wasnt really much to add! I was exausted, but all that was so worth it because very quickly they are all on the same page and same routine. They all play so well, it is such a pleasure to watch them interacting as little people now - I suddenly went from three toddlers to three little people, two at Kindy for two days - so only one at home (might be why there is another on the way now - it has got a bit quiet!). I really love having my three so close together - I wish you the same happiness

Hi

My girls were 9 months old when I fell pregnant with my third. Also a surprise, also didnt know I could (had metformin to fall pregnant previously). Had returned to work FT. It was a massive surprise. When my third was born, the twins were 17 months old. I spent an entire night in the hospital awake just thinking "OMG how am I going to cope?!" I found my twins went through a stage were they were a handful. But at 19 months they turned a corner and things started to get a little easier. Bit by bit, things are getting easier all the time. My twins are 2 now and the baby is 10 months old.

My third daughter is a joy and a delight and is so much fun. She adds a richness to our family - the twins just adore her and they are all so close in age, its beautiful to see them get her a toy or try and feed her. It is chaotic and stressful but thats the way my life is.

I think your capabilities stretch to accommodate the issues you are faced with. So try not to worry too much about the "how will I cope" question. You just will find a way to cope.

I think though you should perhaps see a good counsellor to make sure you make all the most appropriate decisions for yourself that suits you and your family and you get the care and support you need.

Good luck and please take good care of yourself

My DD was 16 months when my twins were born- I have always thought it would have been easier to have the twins first then a singleton.... All of mine were IVF also.

We entered the stage of shock when we found out baby no 4 is on the way naturally...

I will have 4 children 4 and under... I find that whilst the thought of it scares me .. the hardest part is after all the IVF I feel so weird about this not being my conscious decision to TTC (after 10yrs of being together and never having conceived without IVF)... That I did not choose to be pregnant now... and that we had wanted to wait.... Although I love babies and am excited about another one.. I still struggle to get my head around it...