my girls are ID - very much at a glance ID they have been going to daycare 2 days a week for 2mths, same carers every day they are there.

last week one of the carers tells me that i need to look at pictures for them for their observation books as 'we don't know who is who'.

i don't dress them alike - i'm not dumb
they will tell you their name if you ask them or will correct you.
the KIDS in the room can tell them apart (but kids are good like that )

today - i go pick them up - i ask the same thing i ask every single day 'any issues, any concerns, did they have a good day'.

the preschool teacher tells me 'one of them needs a lot of help and i don't think they will be ready for school next year, but i don't know which one it is'.

that's right - they don't know which child is which.

by deduction of what she told me i could work it out - the 'monumental issues' FTR are scissor control and confidence - both of which are easily solved by more work at home and getting them into extra cirricular activities (as they do everything 'right' at home but at daycare something changes in isabelle - she loses her confidence) - but FFS it's not that hard to tell them apart - i dress them differently, tell them who is who EVERY.SINGLE.TIME and yet they can't tell me which child needs assistance - i don't care if they need help just tell me which one so i can make sure the right child is getting it.

AUGH!! and people question why with ID twins i want them in separate classes.

maybe you should put name tags on them for a few days until the carers sort themselves out....(name tags on your kids that is, not the carers )

I don't know why people would question putting them into separate classes. I'm a twin and I found being in separate classes throughout school great. It meant we could both form our own friendships and we loved spending time together outside of school (which may not have been the case if we were together all day everyday).

It's pretty poor that the teacher can't tell them apart even though you dress them differently. Perhaps you need to make it EXTRA simple for them by having each child wear a particular coloured ribbon or something every day...

You poor thing!

I can't believe their teacher has not taken the effort to make sure she knows which of your DS's is which! It must be so frustrating for you - especially when you have worked so hard!

Also sorry that people are questioning your decision to put the girls in separate classes for school. I can never understand why other people think they are entitled to an opinion on this!

Sorry I have no advice on how to help. My boys are fraternal (and look very different!) but it even annoys me when people refer to them as 'the twins' rather than remembering their names.

Hope things improve with the teacher soon

Redchick

I think the concern is more about the attention, dedication and quality of care that the day care centre has been offering more than the need to seperate them at school next year.

So what would have happened had one of your children been needed to be given medication, if one had been allergic to something? What if one had to be suddenly taken to hospital- would the centre have just said " Oh her name is either ABC or XYZ- we aren't really sure" Not good enough at all.

Maybe the slightly lagging skills are not all confined to one child but a mxiture between both the girls but the centre is assuming it is all one child?

Truthfully I don't understand why you aren't questioning their failure rather than assuming this is the norm for all educational places and therefore "punishing" the children by seperating them.

oh don't worry i have a meeting booked with the director for thursday - i organised that as i walked out the door (that's the next day they go so i can actually have a conversation without worrying about children) - development i have no issue getting sorted, i'm not a head-in-the-sand variety parent hell i had them physio assessed when they didn't walk til 18mths and had them speech assessed as i wasn't confident that they were developing age appropriately in that area either.

DG - that was the exact point i raised with the carer - what if something happened to one of them and you had to get them medical care straight away - it's simply not good enough.

i don't think it's 'punishing' them - as with any sibling relationship you run the risk of them being compared to each other (i've lived that life - it's not fun) - i want them to establish their own friends/own skills etc on their own without having to forever rely on their twin - i know i'm in the minority on that though.

Just wanted to say, as a twin myself, I completely agree with you on this. Not that you need to justify your decision to anyone. Good luck with the meeting the carers should not be using the fact that they are twins as an excuse for not knowing your DDs, especially since you have clearly made an effort for them to be easily distinguished by dressing them differently.

DG - funny you mentioned medical.

T2 vomited when we got home - i assumed it was just lunch not sitting well (as it was about 4hrs after lunch i picked them up). I asked her how long she had felt sick, she informed me that it was at daycare.

I asked if she told anyone - she said she had told one of the carers, this carer has then (apparently - i will need to discuss with the centre) administered some form of medication (not sure what as i have no forms - but hell i have no incident report from her being biten last week either and was told i would get that today as the carer that took control of the situation had left when i got there last thurs and i didn't think much of that) and i have NFI what/how much she has been given.

so now i am beyond ropeable - i asked her twin separately, have asked it different ways, my mother even asked them differently to me - same response each time - she was sick, they gave her medicine (she has described the panadol bottle), she had a drink then laid down and had a sleep.

this (if true) is beyond negligence IMO - yes they have written consent but i was under the impression you still had to gain verbal approval prior to administering panadol in case the child has had some that morning.

By term "punishing" I am probably using too harsh a word but to seperate them in their very first year of education to me is cruel. One of the great things about being a twin is that your support is there. Maybe this changes as they grow older and gain friends etc but initially I feel it is almost like a punishment just for being ID twins.

Would you seperate them is they were totally different looking Frat twins or boy/girl? If the answer is no then I would question it. Or are they being seperated purely because it reduces the confusion of others?

Atua- sorry - I didn't mean to invoke the situation on you I would be pulling my children out of such a place- to not tell you that they had medicated a child is reprehensible. What if you had medicated yourself ( as you said) and then came home and medicated again before your child told you she had been given something. What if these medications also clashed?

Not only are they not getting to know your children enough to learn their names (cripes they could just stick a sticker on their backs with their name) they are also highly negligent in their medical care.

Too much future risk IMO

even if they were frat we would separate them - and don't worry about invoking it on me let's just say if the director's ears weren't on fire last night she has no heart.

I would be highly p*ssed at the lack of bothering to know who was who and absolutely ropeable re the medication being given and not being advised. When I booked my girls into daycare and the manager asked me what my biggest areas of concern were I said "I want the people who work here to bother to make the effort to know who is who and to know what each of them likes/doesn't like etc" and the other things was that I wanted to be promptly informed of any incident that involved illness or injury. I can just imagine how cross you must be and how sad you must feel for your little girls that no one at the centre as viewed them as important enough as individuals to work out which one is which. Is there an option to send them elsewhere? (after you tear the director of the centre limb from limb, of course! )

As the older sister of identical twins, I can tell you that my mum had a REAL scunner against one teacher in our primary school who never bothered to learn to tell my sisters apart, just called them both by a nickname that combined both names...... so yes, I get where you're coming from, totally. Good luck with talking to the childcare, I think they've been quite slack too. I've never seen a pair of identical twins so identical that no-one can tell them apart, and I've know a few.

As to separating them in school, my experience was that it was good for my sisters, as it let them develop as single individuals, not "two halves of a whole". They are still incredibly close, but they are very much also their own people and I think separation at school helped with that.

I'm not saying that your carer's can't make more of an effort but I grew up with a sister a year younger than me and although she had an olive complexian and darker hair nobody could get our names right. I didn't understand how until I started knowing identical twins. I find I can always tell them apart but can then never remember their correct name. It might not be that they can't tell your girls apart, they just can't name them correctly. Obviously though if medication is involved a guess at the correct name is not good enough.

Everyone has different opinions on separate classes, I'm going to actively insure that as long as they are similar stages they will be in the same class. Mine are B/G so I don't have the issue of identity, but even at 1 yo they fight all the time - they can be in a room full of toys but they only want the toy the other one has!

oh it gets worse. much worse.

i just sat down and did the exact work they did yesterday.

they've melded them in their minds into one person

t1 (left handed - so always great when the parent is a righty) - does hold the pen correctly but can't trace as well as t2 (right handed) who can't hold the pen correctly (but can when she draws - go figure).

so they are the one entity in their minds it seems as well

for those wondering how identical is identical....

first day of care

Came in from recent topics, sorry
Just wondering, are they at kinder/pre school this year? How does the teacher manage?

I think their CC teacher/carer needs a swift kick up the bum. They look very different to me!

Oh and the PP who said about mixing up the names, what utter nonsense! That would be like the teacher mixing up my singletons name with your singletons name!
In a social situation it may be different, but these people are with the OP DD's multiple times a week, for an extended period of time.

i'm in nsw - so daycare = pre school

Dear Op, I think you have been very unlucky with your DC centre and if the manager and carers can't make some changes to their practises then it might be worthwhile moving your girls.

My DD goes to DC in NSW, shes a singleton so maybe my expereinces of DC are different, however I don't think my expectations of DC should be different from yours just because your daughters are ID.

I had parent teacher interviews last week. It lasted about 45mins and the head carer had also written a two page report. it documented all of Harper's developmental achievements, her strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes. the teacher even gave specific examples and asked for feedback re several things from our expereinces at home. They did this for ever child in the class. I have no doubt that they would have no difficulty in doing this for twins. they are very focussed on meeting the individual childs needs and helping the individual child develop.

Not making the effort or/ being able to identify each of your daughters apart is not only a safety issue but it is not meeting their developmental needs. You pay a lot of money for DC and I think you should expect that where possible each child is encouraged to grow and develop as individuals. If the caers are having difficulty telling your girls apart, they should address that with you and come up with a plan as to how it will be managed (it sounds like you dress them differently anyway)

And the safety situation, if their has been an incident or they have had to give your child medication you should be notified when you pick the child up. If the staff member responsible is going home before you pick your child up, they should pass the info on to someone else. It is not appropriate to find out from your preschooler that they have been given panadol- what if she hadn't said anything and you then gave her more and she ODed?

My kids attended daycare last year and preschool this year. At both places, Ive been called prior to any panadol being administered, and told by one or more carer in the room that they have had it. To not be told at all is a huge oversight!

Regarding separate classes, Im intending on separating DS and DD next year - Kindergarten. DS already notices DD can write better than he can, so would prefer not to try rather than not doing it as well. I believe being together in the school yard, but separated in the class room, will benefit them.

Good luck with your meeting tomorrow, I hope you feel like things will improve.

Gosh, they should have definately rung you about the panadol. I actually wonder if they even know which twin they gave it to. My twins are fraternal and look nothing alike but I actually took them out of the daycare they were going to a couple of years ago because they had had a change in staff and they couldn't remember who was who.

I put my girls in seperate classes when they started Kindergarten last year. It's the best decision I ever made. DD3 knows that DD2 can read much easier than her (among other things) but she doesn't need it rubbed in her face every day all day. She doesn't have a lot of confidence in her abilities but we are working on it.

Hi there
My goodness, yes they should have rang you about the Panadol. Before M/L I was working in a setting with a child who had standing orders for this medication written up. We never gave it without first contacting a parent, then it would be noted in communication book, as well as the main system and was signed and witnessed by 2 staff members.

I have B/G twins who I split when they were in prep. I was unsure about what to do but in kindy (preschool) it became very clear that DS was very aware of what his twin was unable to do, he spent his time playing with, caring for her etc, he wouldn't attempt activities if she couldn't or wouldn't do it etc and on the few occasions that DD was away the staff were amazed at the difference in his confidence, what he would try etc . So when i raised the subject they advised me to split them. We knew DD would be fine with it as she was already attending EI on her own so was not dependent on her twin being their. It was the best thing we have done as DS is very academic and has been well ahead of his peers etc (reading grade 2 level in prep) Where as DD has developmental delays and learning problems so has struggled.

We ended up making an even harder decision about their schooling 18 mths ago. DD was really struggling and her self confidence was at a low and she was not understanding the basics etc so we decided that it would be better for her to repeat grade 1 while DS went into grade 2. I was so torn up about the decision but knew that had she been a singleton she would have done a second year of 4yr old kinder as well as EI and that to put her in a position where there was no way she would succeed would be cruel so yep they are now in different year levels as well. With both of the splits their "twinship" hasn't really been affected. They are still really close and in tune with each other. I know DD espec has a close tie to DS and knows when things are not right with him. Last year I was called to school to collect him early from school, by the time I got there the bell was ringing for the end of the day so I walked across to After School Care where they were both going and signed DS out. I was going to leave DD there as normally if I tried to take her home it would be tanturm city. She refused to stay for the first time ever so I took them both home with me. Within the hour we were in Hosp ED and DS was admitted for the night. It has been the first and only time she ever refused to be left at ASC. She has stayed by her self on occasions before and since so I put it down to she knew her twin was really sick.

Only you can decide, some schools will keep them together for the first year then split, other split and others leave it to the parents.

Unless you filled in a form that morning and gave written instructions detailing the time and amount administered as well as the last dose given - then this is a breech of regulations and reportable to Human Services. As PP's have said there could have been an overdose at some point in the day.

I would be reporting it and then maybe they will get the kick up the a*se they need to provide better care to the children in their centre. The way your family has been treated is disgraceful.

I am a Kinder teacher and I have worked in cc.

after calling the director yesterday at 9am and not getting a call back at all (surprise) i called NCAC at 4pm yesterday - they were less than impressed.

when we did the drop off today it was OTT 'love' in the preschool room for the first time in 2mths i was greeted, spoken to and they asked questions about the big 2 and wrote down the colours they were wearing in the day book.

dropped the little one off and were walking to find the director (had DH with me in case i went a bit mental) - she apologised for not calling as it got busy (yeah pigs fly backwards) and then goes on to call my child a liar - well not directly but 'oh no we don't do anything like that' - however the preschool teacher came out whilst we were talking and said she was sorry she didn't know t2 was unwell and the girls in the room had told her she was off when she came back from programming - which is odd because not 2mins before that the director was saying she wasn't ill and hadn't said anything to anyone

i've since spoken to several (recent) ex carers of the centre and the resounding truth is something has happened (and they know it given the OTT love i got this morning) and they are being pulled from the centre - it's not acceptable and next time could have extremely serious circumstances (and thankfully it was my 4 year old who can articulate not my 2 year old who can't )

DoCS and NCAC will be called tmmrw to discuss further action. they have also left incident reports/medication reports (so they do actually do them) out next to sign in sheets - surely that would be breech of privacy as anyone can see the reports.

Just my 2c, yes your girls are pretty identical but I still reckon I could tell them apart once I knew them (one has eyes more widely spaced than the other).

As for the medication, that is appalling. The centre my boys go to have a general panadol consent form but they STILL call the parent before administering anything and even go so far as to make the parent suggest panadol (as in "so-and-so isn't feeling well and is very warm, what would you like us to do?" rather than "so-and-so isn't feeling well and is very warm, would you like us to give him panadol?") Plus they have incident reports for EVERYTHING (even if the kid falls over and bumps his head - we get a phone call to let us know what happened but that the child is okay, and then we have to sign the incident report when we pick them up).

Sounds like (as you already know really) the childcare centre is VERY slack and needs a collective boot up the bum!

yup you can definently tell them apart but i make allowances for those that aren't me and haven't been with them everyday of their lives - i even parted their hair to opp side (inc going as far as to part to the left the one with the name that starts with L) - so short of tattooing their names or name tags i've done everything humanly possible.

heck we went through a period of not going to one playgroup for a few mths - walked in, both playgroup co-ordinators knew who was who instantly.

I dont think it would matter if you did tattoo their names on their forehead or even chopped ones hair short people woudl still not know who was who.

I actually think people make an unconcious decision as soon as they know children are ID twins that they will not be able to tell them apart and don't even try.They just refuse to see them as the person they are and only see them as a pair.

What I dont get is that it is simple enough to ask the child what their name is when dealing with them, especially for things like medication. They are still young enough that it doesn't upset them to be asked their name.

Daisy Goat you've said it!

I've seen this happen with my twin sisters their entire lives, from family, friends, neighbours teachers, the list goes on.

They are not two halves of the same whole!!!!!!