Hi,

I have two beautiful 9 month old twin girls (fraternal). They look quite different and are complete opposites in nature. One is quite relaxed, always self settled well, easy going. The other has always been sensitive, irritable, and generally hard work. My DH calls her 'pita' - 'pain in the a*se'. Awful I know, but as much as we adore her, the constant screaming wears very thin!

On a very good night we might get up to her twice and it always means a bottle feed as she will simply not stop screaming without it. Sometimes she still screams even after a bottle. Other nights we have been up with her every 40 minutes. She doesn't just cry, she screams the apartment down. We are in a very small space and also have a 2 year old to consider so can only 'let her go' so much. Her sister will tolerate some screaming, but will wake up if we do not contain it fairly quickly.

During the day she screams as well. But she also laughs and smiles and is beautiful. She's just intense and demanding and it's so hard to stay calm when you have another daughter and a toddler to care for as well. I have spoken to doctors, nurses and friends who basically call her 'high maintenance'. Just recently though I have thought she may also have a milk protein allergy as she has developed a red rash around her mouth after having food with a tiny bit of cows milk in it. I've wondered if this might have caused some of her behavioural issues. Another paediatrician acquaintance said that in her experience babies like my little girl are very bright etc ... trying to make me feel better?

I know I'm grasping at straws, having a vent, trying to work out if there is anyting at all i can do to help my little girl sleep better at night ... but if there are others out there who have babies like this I'd love to hear your stories so I know that I'm not alone in this. It has been so bad at times that I've wondered if my marriage would survive it ... no kidding, it's been that hard with her at times!

She's lying on the floor next to me right now smiling and just adorable, I love her to pieces ... I just want our family to get some rest so we can be more patient with her ...

Have you considered alternative therapies at all? Perhaps consider visiting a chiropractor? My irritable, difficult baby became a dream child after a few visits to the chiro. He had a neck problem causing him pain, once that was corrected he was fine.

Might be worth considering.

I don't belong here and just found this in recent topics. I have recently found out my nearly 7 month old DS has an allergy to dairy. He is exclusively breastfeed and I have now cut out all dairy from my diet. It has helped his ezcema but it is like I have a new baby.

I too had what people called a high maintence baby. Always screaming, crying, grizzling and just generally unhappy. I thought he was bored. I could not put him down without tears.

Now the opposite and I have only been off dairy for a week. Not sure why he is now happy but he has not cried or grizzled for three days (except for bedtime still not a fan of that). Maybe sore tummy. Not sure.

Maybe see a dr about cutting dairy out of your diet if breastfeed or switching formulas? Not an expert at all just worth a think.

Hope it gets better soon.

I had two like that - one more than the other, though... and we found them to have food intolerances also. It was a long road to get to that point, so they were three years old by the time we started their "diet" and had tried many alternatives along the way including Bowen Therapy (administered by a Chiro) and other behaviour modification type exercises.

I would be concerned about a rash, particularly around the mouth. One of our major intolerances (not allergies) was an issue with the milk protein. A change to A2 milk (a different milk protein) fixed those issues (in the boys AND me!). Although I would think a rash that appears directly after having the food might indicate an allergy rather than an intolerance. Remember allergies can get worse with exposure, so the first few exposures might not show up so bad, but by the 10th they end up in full anaphylaxis... so it is probably worth having an allergy test - or at least chatting to your GP about symptoms earlier rather than later.

Other changes to their diet made inroads for us in other areas.

My "worst" one is still my "worst" but his worst these days is a lot more tolerable than it was back then. He is also the more switched on of the two... however remember that siblings (Twins or not) will generally be within 1 IQ point of each other... it just depends on how they learn/show this. So one may *appear* smarter/more switched on but in reality they are probably fairly similar.

So, I feel your pain. It is definitely worth investigating, though... particularly a rash accompanied by irritable behaviour.

My DD who has 9mth twins has had great result from a naturapath.
Worth a thought!

My first stop would be to have a complete check up to make sure health wise all is fine. i would be looking at if she has silent reflux or other issues. once given the all clear I would then consider a stint at sleep school or getting really on top of things at home. At nine month bubs do have a knowledge of routine, what goes on around them, how to self settle etc. I would make a firm routine and stick it out a few days as she is not getting the chance to learn. My DS2 (9mths) needs to have noise so if he wakes in the night I simply go in and say Shhh it's still nighs nighs time and pop the clock radio on (it turns off after 1 hour). Depending on the time I do give him a bottle feed by dim light. I then pop him off to sleep. I know it is hard when there are others to consider. My DD was/is the higher maintence one of my guys but a lot of her issues were health related and it took that much work for her to relearn good behaviours when she was healthy.

I would say to your older DD I know XX is going to cry tonight and she might wake you up but if you close your eyes super tight you can race her to see who gets to sleep first.

But really the night waking etc to me is like my DS was for a while and he had silent reflux and once that was under control he was a totally different child.

.

Just from my experience - my 16mo twin girls are anaphylactic to cows milk (one had anaphylaxis at 4mo, other twin's reaction stopped at hives on face). In the month leading up to their reaction, both my girls would sleep no longer than 20mins in the day then would wake up screaming. Luckily for us they were good night sleepers (or just exhausted). They were in pain and it wasn't until they had their reaction that everything suddenly made sense to us.

Our girls are obviously an extreme having an ana reaction after a 4th bottle of formula. But I know from my own allergic reaction to a c/pill I was taking, it took 4-5 months for my body to finally say enough is enough and for me to get urticaria (chronic hives). It took me another 4 months to find what was causing my allergy because I assumed allergies like that were instant reactions.

Your daughter could suffer from allergies her twin doesn't. The rash around the mouth is a good sign of allergy as others have mentioned. The unsettled sleep & irritableness could be signs too. See your GP or Paed, they can give you samples of alternative formula to try or try dairy free for a week if you are breastfeeding. See if there is a difference - remember though it takes quite a few weeks for dairy to completely leave the system. In our case we saw a huge improvement in just one week alone of dairy free (I was breastfeeding), and things just continued to improve over the next few weeks. But the restoration of at least 45min day sleeps was very quick.

Good luck.

not twins....but I had a child similar to how you described your hard work twin. No medical issue found. Couldn't put her down. Ever. No one wold look after her as too much hard work. Feel Good platitudes of "bright child". etc.

Well, at 4 years old she is the brighest button. Calm. Polite. Sleeps well (hooray!). Social butterfly. Leader of the pack.

I would say she started calming down around 2 years old (Still the queen of the almighty MEGA tanty). By 3 the change was noticable to those around. By 4 you would't recognise the same child. ( I know I know, it seems a long way away).

Maybe she is a "bright child". Maybe she just grew up. Maybe she was a high needs baby. All I know is it didn't last forever and all the Docs, and naturopaths and quacks wouldnt have made the slightest difference to what was.

My understanding is that assuming all factors are normal - as in there is no genetic abnormality etc - then this can be assumed... It's not something I've investigated, but I was recently told by a G&T teacher with many years of experience and study behind her that it is *generally* expected... and heard it not long ago in a lecture also. Checking my lecture notes I did write "often" within 1 IQ point... so...

ETA: Recent experience with some G&T siblings too... and they've had similar results too.

I guess it's not in all cases, but *generally* it might be the case...

Hi OP,
You're definitely not alone. We've had a very similar situation with our twins + toddler, since you've shared that you call your daughter Pita, I'm sure my boy won't mind me sharing that in our house he's often called WP (whiney pants). Just seems very sensitive. We haven't gone down the chiro/naturopath path, but have changed his diet a bit (very sensitive to tomato/strawberries.) But generally he is just very sensitive - if we go away for a weekend, he's the one who can't settle to a new sleeping environment, teething seems to cause enormous pain compared to his brother, bath time can be a real struggle, and when he screams, god, it is just so loud. But when you hear him giggle and laugh and he plays peek a boo games with us, he's just wonderful! One thing we did find out recently was that he had an ear infection - hard to spot the symptoms and it made me wonder if he'd had a few of these which had gone untreated. Another round of major guilt on my part.

No practical advice from me - just wanted you to know it's not just you. Even five minutes of crying can put huge stress on you and your husband, and if it's regular, the stress on the marriage is huge, I've worried at times that our marriage is on the rocks too and it's so annoying because we're basically fine, we're just in an intensely stressful situation so regularly, even with the patience of a saint, it's beyond normal endurance. Can you get some time out together, go to a movie or for a meal so you're not feeling tense (even sometimes silence is stressful as you're worrying when the next bout of crying will start - leaving the house is wonderful.)

Wishing you well, and more sleep soon,

x
Nic
(mum to DD 3yrs, DS1 and 2, 19 months)

Whitelion!

Hello! I hope you are keeping well....

I don't have a twin like that (yet!) but I have DD1 who is exactly like that. She did have reflux and was a horrible baby and now has Coeliac Disease, but unfortunately her personality is just so strong and so stubborn. She was throwing tanties as 5 months! She of course did everything early, and is a bright enquiring soul, but she takes a lot of patience to be dealt with.

I believe this is just her personality. She is also the most smiley happy child (when she is getting her way!!). Everyone is different and once I realised that she was just like this, it was easier for everyone!.

Now at 5 she doesn't scream and cry, she negotiates and argues - so it changes, but just to another level. But I wouldn't change her for the world. To be honest though she was more difficult for me as a baby than the twins have been to date (knock on wood). She is just high maintenance, but has a really caring and intuititive personality.

Probably at her age now, separation anxiety is kicking in, probably making things worse. DD1 was an extremely clingy baby which worried me extremely. But now, she is so well adjusted. To give you an example on her report card she scored really highly on the social aspects. So she went from a child who cried, sooked, screamed, tantied into a child who can carry herself really well in a social situation!

Anyway, I hope that helps somewhat....

Michelle

Count me in too. My PITA twin still is 7 years later. I just sent her back to bed again! She has multiple food allergies/intolerances. And was a shocking sleeper for years. Working out foods thats triggered her has been a godsend and I wished I had of figured it out much sooner. In hindsight I can look back exactly on the 1st day I thought something wasn't right.

She had a small amount of oats earlier this week. We haven't tried her on them for years and it was deja vu for me last night. She was up every hour or so with some complaint. Thanks heavens she could tell me exactly what was wrong. I can't imagine how bad she must of felt some nights when she was little.

By the way the easy twin keeps me on my toes far more now she's older

Hope you all get some sleep soon!