Hi A,

I have to say, I don’t fully understand why you are so reluctant to talk to your friend about this. If she is truly a good friend then surely you can be open about it with her? This is your daughter’s health that we are talking about – if the fast food thing worries you then you really need to speak up.

To help you out I have asked Julie Gilbert, dietician and founder of Solutions Food Management for some advice.
“The biggest problem with what your friend is doing isn’t about whether or not your child will be fat by the end of the year, but that she is teaching your child that junk food – like McDonalds or KFC or wherever else – is an everyday food,” says Julie. “Your child doesn’t see food as being good or bad – to her at that age it’s just food. But ideally she should see fast food as a treat, not as an everyday food.”

So - what can you do about it?

“You need to let your friend know that you are trying to teach your child about healthy food options,” says Julie. And Alex, it’s not about whether your friend is fat or not – that’s not something that even needs to enter the conversation - it’s all about your daughter. There is a wealth of research online about healthy eating – try the Dieticians Association of Australia website as a starting point - so read up and let your friend know how important it is to you.

The ideal, of course, is for your daughter to eat healthily. So when you pack that lunch for your child, stress to your friend that you really, truly insist that that is what your daughter eats.

I’m sure that you can talk about this with your friend without letting it become about her or her own lifestyle. And after all there’s always the childcare option. Don’t let this ruin a friendship!

Another major issue is this bit. I don't want my child growing up believing that McDonalds et al is treat food, it's more like 'desparation food' - the food you have when there's no other choice. Treat food would be sweets, cakes, hamburgers from the FnC shop, pizza etc. etc. Fast food will be last on the list as 'food we eat that Mum doesn't cook'.

Tell her your daughter is starting to have reactions to the food and you'd prefer she eat the lunch you've packed! It will cost her less to give the food you provide than buying junk food twice a week. Strikes me as odd or just plain lazy I guess.

This is why I send my kids to childcare. Any issues can be raised in a straightforward and professional manner without being concerned about offending or upsetting someone. Then again, childcare wouldn't be serving up fast food.

Good luck, tricky situation when it is friends.

You're right Goddess, I agree.

I don't think the dietician meant the word "treat" in the way that it's come across - more "treat" as in doesn't happen very often, not "treat" as in a reward.

I just wanted to add that sending your child to day care doesn't guarantee food decisions you're satisfied with either! Day cares have food and nutrition related policies, and if you find you don't agree with one of them - well, in my experience - tough luck! You send your child to the centre, you accept their policies.

At least with your friend you have to opportunity to speak to her about it and likely see some change. I don't understand why you cannot discuss this with your friend - you are paying her to care for your child so it's not like she is doing you a huge favour and you owe her.
Talk to her! Tell her your concerns - the fat and salt content, the additives and their effect on your daughter, the lessons she is learning about fast food being a twice weekly meal etc. Talk to her and just plain (but gently!) ask that the fast food restaurant visits be reduced to once a month or something like that!

I'm as worried at the presentation of McDonalds as a treat which could set up just as bad future habits and I'm amazed when a party invitation or day care trip includes a stop at these kind of fast food restaurants. The word treat and McDonalds need to be banned from being used together!

Just be honest and tell her you would prefer for your child to eat healthy food, and more specifically, the food that you have taken time to prepare and pack for her. It should not be an effort for her as it's not like you are asking her to do any more than she is now.

If you are worried about her reaction, do you have a "plan B' child care arrangement? I would hope that when I leave my child with anyone e.g. family, friends, daycare centre, that they would respect my wishes when it comes to what my child is eating (at least the general guidelines of "not take away junk food everyday").

YOu say that you love your friend - so if you have a good relationship, it really shouldn't be an issue. But if you've got no one else to look after your child - you might just have to put up with junk food once or twice a week for now!

I totally sympathise. My daughter is also 3 and has a 3 year old friend whose mother is overweight/obese. When my daughter goes to their house food is eaten that I don't consider appropriate. It is really, really difficult to say anything. Fortunately for me my daughter only goes their on her own ocassionally for a play.

I don't have any great solutions. It is nicer for your daughter to be playing with a friend all day rather than going to childcare. I do think though that you have to say something. KFC etc twice a week is not acceptable. I wonder if you could pack lunch for both girls - present it as you doing your friend a favour so she doesn't have to prepare food while caring for the children. Perhaps your daughter could develop some mysterious medical condition that means you need to prepare all her food - a peanut allergy or something.

My friend gives her children chocolate milk in a bottle - which would have to be about the worst thing you could do for your childs teeth (I guess soft drink would be worse). I haven't worked up the nerve to say anything about it. On the one hand I should say something as she probably doesn't realise how bad what she is doing is. On the other hand if I say something she will probably be very offended - and ignore the information anyway.

Have you tried packing a lunch box for your daughter?
I would just tell your friend that this is what she is to feed her, even if they go out to eat.
Good luck.

The blessings of paying professionals to do the job of childcare include not having friendships impacted and being able to complain without fear on policies you don't agree with.

dd1 went to 3 different childcares and 1 FDC when she was young - 2 childcares and the FDC she had her own lunchbox and there were policies in place regarding junk food inclusion, the 3rd offered a vegetarian menu that focused on healthy options.

dd2 has just started at FDC and again, I pack her food.