I have got 6 year old boy/girl twins and they are also in the same class at school. DS attended a birthday party on the weekend for a classmate that his sister wasn't invited to. This has happened before, she had 3 parties last year that he wasn't invited to and actually I didn't let her go to the last one as I felt that it was unfair, she had been to 2 parties already and he had none. Today DS got another birthday party invite and of course his sister didn't. I feel that I handle it fairly well, I understand that there has to be a limit to how many kids are invited but sitting there as this mother was blundering her way through trying to tell me why they had invited one twin and not the other and it just got me thinking about it.

I know that only having one child it probably isn't something that they really think of but do they ever consider how hard it could be for a child to be left at home when their brother or sister is going off to the birthday party of one of their classmates. Someone who they probably consider to also be their friend. It is totally different when it is a sibling that is in another class, it doesn't have the same effect as when they are in the same class. We have had this happen a few times and it can be difficult for a 6 year old to understand this. A few time DD was invited to a party where it was only girls and DS would've liked to go but understood it was girls only but the last two occasions DS has been invited and it has been a mixture of both. I always knew that this was something that would happen and I have tried to prepare them for it and they do handle it quite well now as it has happened a few times. I am just curious as to how do other twin mums feel about this? Do your twins have trouble understanding this too?

Hi, there was a thread a while back about it. Search isn't working though.

We have 6.5yr old fraternal twin girls and we find that really hard actually. Although this year they have had 1 party plus another one next week where they were both invited. DD3 was invited to one but she couldn't make that one anyway as we had other plans. I don't think that one would have bothered DD2 too much though as he wasn't a friend of hers. I don't think it's the fact that they don't understand. I'm pretty sure they understand how people need to limit numbers etc. They just don't like doing anything apart at all let alone a birthday party.

I thought we had finally got through that stage and they had started showing different interests. DD2 wanted to do dancing while DD3 didn't. It was fine for a couple of weeks but now DD2 says she doesn't want to do dancing if DD3 doesn't do it with her. Even though DD3 was waiting in the other room it didn't matter she wanted her there with her.

We put them in seperate classes at school which really doesn't help but they needed it like that I think. It's not so bad when it's one of those practically all class parties (which we will never ever do - my worst nightmare would be being left to handle a party of 2 classes of kids!) and someone that isn't really a friend of the other twin. But when it's someone who is a friend it can be really hard.

At least as they get older the parties should happen less often. They should end up with a smaller group of close friends rather than the huge number of friends they seem to have at the moment.

mmmmmmmmm all the stuff we have to think about and work through..............

I think it is just something that they have to get used to. My B/G twins are 8.5 and we have had this issue cropping up since starting school at age 5. They have always been in different classes so for a very long time their classmates often didn't realize that they had a twin. I chose not to make a big deal of it. If the party was somewhere I could hang around with the other but apart from the party eg a playcentre I would pay for the uninvited twin to have a plat and buy them party food eg sausage roll and poptop end ensured they stayed away from the party kids and games. Same if it was at Macca's or the like we would get our own and have a treat. I also had a few parties that were at fast food and playcentres that were attached to a shopping centre. if that was the case the uninvited sibling and I would go on an adventure in the shopping centre (after leaving mobile number with a the party childs parent and explaining I am still in vacinity.

I guess i don't want people to feel that my guys are "the twins" and see them as 1 unit eg invite both or not at all as in years to come I can see them both missing out as numbers may not allow for them both to be included. I also want them to have their own friends and to learn that just cause 1 gets invited the other doesn't have to. Younger siblings learn this as they grow up also.

I guess the bigger deal as a parent I make of it the bigger it becomes to them, I know that over the last year they have split even more as my DD repeated a grade at school so her social network really changed last year. I think that for their first ever indiviual parties last year there was only 2 kids that were invited to both and these were girls we see socially out of school all the time. The others were all their own choosing.


I have had people ask the non invited twin to stay and sometimes I have said thanks and accepted and other times I have said gee thanks that is really kind of you but X cant stay

Good luck

I have 8 yo boys and I absolutely hate when this happens. My boys are in seperate grades but the classes get mixed up each year so they have both been in classes with certain boys. They hang out with a kind of wider group of boys and they all seem to play somedays with this one, somedays with that one and sometimes with each other. One of my boys is really sporty while the other isn't at all so usually one will be out on the oval while the other plays on the playground or somewhere else. So, of course I realise they might make closer friendships with some kids than their brother will because of where they are playing etc.

My sportier son seems to make friends easier and gets invited to a birthday party about every few months while my other son never does and he is always shattered because he plays with these kids too and thinks they're his friends. (My boys are best mates). At first I would ask if the mother didn't mind if he went along "as they are twins" and would pay for him myself if it was at a playcentre or something, but then I started to say no, if just one is invited then I'm not gonna ask for the other to go aswell.. I once took him to the movies instead but I could tell he just wanted to be there. To be honest it is totally heartbreaking.
One parent said to me oh yeah I just expected he would come aswell. Well then why didn't you write his name on the damn invitation too then!

***Edited to say -sorry, bit of a vent there! :-)