I'm really curious to get an idea of what the general community thinks of cousin marriages. Apart from people who come from cultures where it is normal to do so, most people seem to respond with a big 'ewwww GROSS' when told that people out there actually marry their cousins.

Is it a religious taboo? I know it used to be common in Western cultures not too long ago. Charles Darwin was married to his cousin, as was an Albert Einstein. But now it seems the mentality is 'Why would you marry your cousin?'

FYI it is legal in Australia.

WDYT?

Do I smell an agenda?

Phew. I have a red hot cuz down Hobart way.

Does your cousin know you posted this thread...?

Why do you care if people marry their cousins?

I wasn't going to say this, but I'm actually engaged to my cousin. We live in different countries though and so didn't grow up together, so the argument of 'its like marrying your brother' really doesn't apply because we meet as adults. It's totally normal in my culture.

The depressing thing is that it is taboo in Australian culture and I have not yet found the courage to share the fact that my fiance is my cousin with my work mates. I've only told one person, and only because he is only minded. I've actually heard a work mate say 'ew' about cousin marriages before so I really just can't break the news. I'm not ashamed of it - I just can't face any bullying, taunting and gossip that might occur as a result.

So I'm just hoping to get an idea of how people feel about this, so I know what I'm in for if people do find out.

FYI all my non-work friends come from cultures where it is okay to marry cousins and think its normal too, so it is really just my work friends and maybe other people I have to deal with down the line that worries me.

I think if you have to bonk someone or marry someone in your own family or extended family then your just not looking at the bigger scheme of things.

That doesn't make you any less related.

Is he your first cuz?

Not that it matters but yeah I find that more repulsive then a 2nd or 3rd cuz. I have lots of male cuz doesn't mean I'm gonna get in to a relationship with them. Ick!

It's like a extended version if incest. I mean OP don't you get out so you can meet people NOT RELATED TO YOU?

blueteddy- why is it neccesary for you to reveal that your fiance is your cousin? Isn't he just your fiance?
I find it weird that you would say - this is xxxx my fiance and btw he is my cousin too.

Um, because you live in different countries makes you no less cousins. You are still genetically linked & blood related. I think living in different countries is the least of you problems.

Renoir - my point is that its weird to marry someone you were practically raised with. I could never feel that way about the cousins I was raised with, but with those I wasn't raised with, things are different.

Lady_muck - yes we are first cousins.

A bit of a disclaimer, I'm not here to be told my kids will be disabled. I know the risks (they aren't as severe as people seem to assume), and I've made an educated choice.

Good grief! Are you a troll?

I don't have an issue with and yes it isn't illegal. The only problem that may arise with consanguinity is with children and the higher possibility of genetic defects. I'm not sure if you can have genetic testing for this kind of issue before you have children but I would look into it if I were you.
As for workmates etc...why tell them? It's not really any of their business or even relevant to your work. I guess depending on your background they might work it out if you're from a culture that tends towards arranged marriages but again it's nothing to do with them.

Just read that you don't want to hear about the kids thing, sorry I was typing when you posted. It's the first think I think of because I work in an area where I see this kind of issue a bit. I do agree though that it's rare.

No, they're really not.

One of the first questions I was asked was 'how did you meet'. I didn't lie but I didn't give the whole truth. Some people think we look alike too, and with the magic of facebook, they might find out.

Lady_muck - meeting someone half way across the planet is no getting out enough for you? No, I'm not a troll. My God, that is so offensive. Do a google search - the world doesn't begin and end with the Australian shore.

Renoir - it makes things different to me from a social perspective. Yes the blood relationship is the same, but many other things aren't. Anyway, that has been my experience and you don't have to agree with that. It might be different to others, which is fine, but I really don't want this to be the focus of the discussion.

I don't see anything wrong with it, and I really don't understand why anyone would. Its not true it results in MORE birth defects. Only where there is a genetic problem in the family already. Tay Sachs families for example.

Queen Victoria was married to a cousin. Prince Phillip is a cousin of the Queen. Its not forbidden in any of the major judeo-christian religions (which includes Islam). People need to get over it. Its not incest.

And before anyone asks, I am not married to a cousin.

No, they're really not.

I understand that it's perfectly normal in some cultures but it isn't the social 'norm' in most parts of Australia, and I think that 'Eww.. Gross' is probably a fairly common reaction to cousin marriages by most Australians.

I must say, the thought of marrying my cousin makes me feel a bit 'eww' also, sorry.

In any case, if it worries you - just don't tell people?

All the best.

His your cuz love...think about it a while.

So how did you meet?

If you met halfway across the world, as you state, why the need to lie?

(Or was it halfway across the world at Grandma's 80th?)

This is your mothers/fathers brothers/sisters child. Surely you could look elsewhere for a suitable spouse ? I didn't grow up with my cousin from NZ. In fact I have only ever seen him about 15 times. I sure as sh*t wouldn't marry him because he is too close genetically. He is my mothers sisters child.

I am seriously wondering when the "T" word should be brought up. In this topic I don't think it would be too early would it ?


The damage was done in that family long before they married their cousins and it was from all the inbreeding.

Aren't there genetic issues in first cousin marriages? Actually now that I've written it I think I might be wrong. I still think it's wrong and not widely accepted in Australia. One of my flatmates in uni was rooting his cuz. It was just too strange. Mind you they were both from the sticks and thought it completely normal

Here's a thought, why not set your Facebook to PRIVATE? Or, just another thought, don't put it on facebook to start with You could even (take a deep breath here OP) close your Facebook account You know, if you don't want people knowing every intimate detail about your life.

Doubt it.

I'm assuming (and could be wrong) that you are of a middle eastern background OP?

I think I will, but to be honest my research so far has indicated that the risk is so low that its not even worth being tested. I know so many couples involving first cousins and they are just as gorgeous and healthy kids as kids who don't have related parents. People tend to exagerate the risk, but I'm not naive enough to think it will all be okay.

Too late SP, Lady Muck called it in post #14

Seriously? I am sorry but you are making this a bigger deal than it is.

Don't lie when they ask how you met just say "Through family" that is definately true.
And so what if they find out on fb or say you look alike. That doesn't equal introducing your fiance with "This is my fiance who is also my cousin"

I have first cousins that are married and have 3 healthy children ... they too grew up in different countries and met as adults and fell in love etc.

Although they are very happy and have been together for a long time I still think it's weird. There are lots of men out there so why settle for a family member. I feel that of course there will be an instant bond just due to the fact that you are related but I don't get the sexual attraction and wonder if that family attraction is confused for something more.

Anyhow different strokes for different folks and although cousins marrying isn't unheard of in my cultural background it is a little taboo. Sorry but I do think ewww but then I was always attracted to mates that were very different to me (in personality and physically).

I hope you have a very long and happy life together and if you are afraid of what people will say then just don't tell them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consanguinity#Genetic_disorders
It is more common privileged but yes still rare. Sorry for the wiki reference but I can't be bothered looking it up and it's referenced there.

Oh forgot to say DH and I look quite alike really, lol! We definitely aren't in any way related but a few people have mentioned we could be. I really wouldn't worry about it. Make up a meeting story that's kind of similar to the truth and stick to it.

I used to work with an Indian man (Muslim) who married his cousin. At first I thought it was a little odd, but I think it might have actually been an arranged marriage - both large families.

I guess I now think of in the same way I do an arranged marriage...... not for me, and yes, generally not something accepted in Australia. But if it works for you, then fine.

I know it's really bad to laugh but.... bahahaha

FWIW, I couldn't really care less if you marry your cousin. The thought of marrying any of my cousins makes me want to but whatever floats your boat OP.

I read an online article about this last year. It was discussing the problems in the UK in the Pakistani and Bangladeshi communities of cousin marriages. The incidences of genetic disorders has increased so much that the community leaders have raised concerns.

This is not the article but has the same theme:

Cousin Marriages in UK

It makes for very alarming reading!

This is the 2nd family *ahem* relations post tonight, WTF? Its weird, there are billions on the Earth you you want to marry blood?

I don't have a problem with it (and no, I am not married to or have ever been involved with any of my cousins, and am a caucasian 5th generation Australian).

If you two are happy, go for it. Why don't you just make up a cover story of how you met if you are worried about that particular question and peoples' reactions to the truth.

I had a GF when at school.

She introduced me to a guy. She had "plans" for him. He had been adopted at birth. He was 20 and we were 18 at this stage. They had only met 2-3 months before hand.

Thankfully for me he found the cousin relationship on the taboo (or feral) side.

Now Im married to him and she wont even speak to either of us. And her twin brother who I had dated about 6 months prior to them all meeting doesnt speak to us either.

I actually know quite a few people who have married their 2nd cousins. 1st cousins is a bit

Obviously I don't get marrying family for any reason but if you look at your cousin as your cousin then how would you consider your children? Are they siblings or 2nd cousins? I'm sorry but family relations become too confusing for me.

All I can say is siiiiiiiiiiick

I personally don't have an issue with it.

The reason siblings shouldn't marry is due to genetic problems. The risk is drastically reduced between cousins compared to siblings. The reason parents & children should is not only because of the genetic problems, but the balance of authority in the relationship. It's the same reason why health professionals shouldn't get into personal relationships with their patients, the power balance is already swung in one directions prior, it's just unethical.

Cousins don't have either of those issues, there is no reason for there to be an ethical reason against it. There is a cultural reason why it's not accepted in Australia, it's as simple as that. I wouldn't do it, but if others want to, who cares?

OP, most people find it a bit disgusting because you are marrying someone you are related to and that is incest. Apart from the fact that if you have children, you run the risk of birth defects etc, it just doesn't sit well with most people who would never regard any family members in a sexual way.

Yuck, it's not for me that's for sure.

Id be interested in seeing the evidence/ research into this. While working in Sydney I met quite a few married cousins. Unfortunately their children had serve disabilites
I also don't believe these couples had a choice in marrying their cousins. From what they implied they were arranged marriages.

I find it off putting, but thats my cultural up bringing.

The first time I met a woman married to her cousin I did raise an eyebrow, but that was mainly due to the complexity of the arrangement. I can't remember the details but it was considered wrong to marry your cousin on one side of the family but not the other. This didn't sit well with me because of the logic fail, not because of any problem I have with marriage between cousins.

I think you have a small yet telling sample here of the reactions you will get with the general community. Some will be fine but many will react in confusion and not understand which can lead to then openly challenging you.

No its not. Our definition of "incest" is taken from what level the Bible considers taboo, and its quite OK to marry your cousin. Not against the law or anything. Incest sends you to prison.

If you want to read the forbidden relationships, get an old Book of Common Prayer - they're in the back. Cousin to cousin is not among them. Marrying your cousin is not incest and is perfectly legal and acceptable. This is actually an American hang-up. No idea how it transferred here. Look into your ancestry a bit - I guarrantee most of you have a first cousin couple somewhere in your background.

I'm getting married to my cousin because I fell in love with him. Yes, there are other guys out there, but he got in first! oh, and he actually bothered to propose. It is not an arranged marriage either. Lots of people do it by choice.

I don't consider it incest, and neither does my culture. I don't know if it is incest or not in Australian law but it is legal and that's all that counts to me.

To date I've been using the 'we meet through family' card but I just hate it. It's kind of stressful. Sometimes I almost say things that will expose me or make people grow suspicious - I'm young (early twenties) and have a few friends my age at work so obviously they got really excited when they found out and asked lots of questions.

My understanding is that a cousin/cousin relationship in itself doesn't have much of an increased risk of birth defects.. BUT in some families where cousin/cousin relationships go back for generations it can lead to increased risk of birth defects in their offspring. IYKWIM?

It's only incest if it's brother, sister, mother, father, aunt, uncle. Cousins marrying use to be very common in western culture to keep the money in the family. People tend to find it rather taboo though it can't be for religious reasons as I don't know of any religion that forbids it.
Genetically there is only an issue if there are genetic problems in the family already or cousins have been intermarrying for generations (same issue with pedigree animals).
As for it being ewww for those that grew up with their cousins, do you also go ewww if someone marries their neighbour/childhood sweetheart?
I have no issue with it and am happy that you found love, I would however not blurt it out to those you do not know well as you are likely to encounter the same prejudices that you read on here.

Gross, sick, and just wrong.