Apologies for the title of this post, couldn't think of any other way to put it

My 3 year old DD is a stubborn little thing, she's decided she's not going to poo.

I guess it happend when we fully transitioned her to using the toilet, no problems with wee and is dry through the night. She knows she is meant to do it there and often says she needs to go but clams up when she gets there.
She is not constipated as she gets the urge to go 10 or so times a day, but pushes it back, she just seems really worried about seeing it through. I have her on parachoc to keep it soft so that she doesn't end in pain when she eventually has to go. She seems to be able to last about 5 days before she relents and does it in a pull-up.

We have tried sitting with her and reading books on the loo, putting the potty in front of the tv, getting a special Dora doll that she can have when she goes....nothing seems to work...........

Has anyone been through this? It's driving me mad because by day 2-3ish she is in a foul mood, has tummy aches, wakes up in the night needing to go, so is tired, lethargic and whingey. This plays out until she goes and it's like she's a different child, back to her happy self...............

Any thoughs would be great

Cheers, Sam

I found the only thing that makes my DS go is bribes! We told him that if he poo's in the toilet, the toilet will be happy and give him a present. So after he goes, while I am wiping him I sneak a present behind the lid of the toilet seat so after he flushes he pulls the seat down and there is a present...

My DS went through a phase of doing this. he was holding on for both wee and poo. It was awful! he would walk around in circles to hold it in. It made him grumpy and unhappy. We tried everything too and were exasperated. I had him on Parachoc too.

I would use a reward chart, or lollies for poos , something like that. Continue with the Parachoc, check that she doesn't have an anal fissure or something that makes it painful to poo, and then just be patient. She will stop eventually! My Ds did after about 3 weeks (and a number of accidents).

I went through this with my DS, it was a NIGHTMARE and involved bribes, threats, rewards, punishments...we tried everything under the sun.

Eventually in desperation I took him to the doctor and she told me that by his age (4) it is behavioural, and that it had become a battleground, so to take away any mention of it, just be casual, and whatever else, DON'T GIVE IN.

In your case, you need to get rid of the pull up. My DS would go for up to 10 days before finally going, and once he'd done it a few times it was over and he went daily.

When I think of the tears and frustration on both our parts I just want to cry all over again!

OP this was identical to our situation which only resolved 1mth ago. She is almost 3.
I told her to ask for a nappy when she felt the need to do a poo and explained that things 'feel a bit funny when a poo needs to come out' and that it is just our body telling us to put out the rubbish, so to speak. She continued to use the potty for everything else but then ask me for nappy pants when she felt the urge. For about 2 weeks this was working well and during this time, I told her a story (not at any time associated with the matter) about the 'nappy fairy' who sees when she finally decides that pooh is for the potty and not for nappy pants. She already knew about the tooth fairy and loved hearing about the nappy fairy. I only told her once though and never pushed the issue. Sure enough, she took it upon herself to poo in the potty and since the nappy fairy followed through as promised immediately and much to her suprise delivered a $5 note floating through bathroom door where she apparently waits invisibly until this even occurs. The nappy fairy only visits ONCE. More importantly, you have to make a trip to spend that $5 on something special (or towards at least).

She has never asked for nappy pants again but the main issue that was resolved for us was that she stopped holding on and getting distressed and moody about it as it progressed to day 4 or so...not to mention waking up! She was really pleased that she could still ask for a nappy and feel 'safe' doing it in there. It was a good step to take.

We are stil going through this and I can only say - be careful how you handle it and get your Dr involved as well to make sure your LO is not in any pain from a fissure or similar.

We tried forcing the issue of using the toilet instead of nappies to poo in and my DD went 10 days straight without pooing (even with her taking parachoc for the last few days) - when she did go she ended up with a tear that made pooing excrutiating for her and that reinforced her desire not to poo.

We had to use cream to heal the tear and keep her on laxatives to ensure she wouldn't be in any pain - we eventually switched to Movical Junior which a lot of parents seem to recommend and after a few months we had her pooing on the toilet - she is still reluctant which is why we are still using the movicol, but now it is purely habit which we are trying to break.

Apparently it is pretty common for this age group and if not handled correctly can lead to some pretty bad complications which can go on for years.