Well, as a mother of three girls there’s not much personal anecdote I can offer, except to say that a lot of the sons of my friends like nail polish and bling too, so I reckon that’s just a kid thing. And also - you might be surprised by how many of the boys don't run and climb etc - it's just that your attention is drawn to the ones who do because they are right there in your face.

However I have asked Kimberley O’Brien, principal child psychologist for Quirky Kid Psychology Clinic for her professional opinion.
“Firstly, it’s very difficult to make assumptions based on behaviour at that age,” she says. “Many children like role-playing that is traditionally associated with the opposite gender so I wouldn’t read too much into that at such a young age.

Having said that, there are some similarities in what you are describing to the experiences related to me by adult clients who are homosexual, in that many of them describe how they loved playing with their mother’s jewellery and make-up and how they were attracted to female role model playing.”

Reader, Kimberley suggests that the best thing you can do is to give your child a variety of options and let him decide what he is interested in – and be aware that his interests may well change over time. Art, music, drama, sport, chess – there’s endless possibilities. But whatever he chooses, it’s vitally important that you strive to make no judgement. “The last thing that you want to do is to shame your child,” says Kimberley. It’s important to be open minded so that you don’t unconsciously communicate any disapproval or pass on any prejudices to them.”

“Many children as young as twelve or thirteen will know with certainty that they are homosexual,” says Kimberley. “And we have run workshops for the parents and carers of these kids to help them to understand and relate to the issues that their children may be going through."


But reader, Kimberley stresses that kids do go through stages – a daughter might be an absolute tomboy at a young age (as two of mine are) and become a very feminine beauty queen; likewise boys who are predominantly interested in dolls, kitchens, makeup and princesses may well change into footy-loving lads. There can be dramatic changes as they get older.

“The number one thing is to make sure that your kids are safe and accepted no matter what they do – it’s that unconditional love that they need,” says Kimberley. “Try not to become too attached to the future in terms of the fulfilment of your own hopes and dreams. Be supportive of the individual choices your children make, and just see what happens.”

Kimberley O’Brien is principal child psychologist for Quirky Kid Psychology Clinic.

EB Members: Do you have any advice for (name supplied)?

I think it is so very sad that people are placing gender values onto children who haven't got a fixed sexual identity of yet, and may not in the future. I bet your son isn't even thinking about if he is gay or not. I bet he is just having fun doing things that make him happy. Why not let him be and save your adult worries.

This article made me a bit sick actually.
Way to go perpetuating the same ignorant rubbish as always Fairfax.

I think you should try to do your best to support him because, yes he might be gay - but he might not.

I went to school with kids and some boys were a bit different and not into sports etc (the kind of stuff you are describing) and yes a few of them nowidentify as gay. I have lived with gay men who say they knew from a very young age and certainly from their teens.

My mum is a teachers and she also is a big believer in innate homosexuality - otherwise known as "born that way' theory (as am I). Mum said that people 'are who they are' and it was just so obviously natural.

Maybe your little boy will be teased, I hope not. I hope we have moved on from that and little boys who dont want to play sports are not picked on. But I dont think that you husbands worrying will help. He is who he is, it is that simple and he needs to be supported.

Totally agree, let the kid be happy doing things he enjoys. I can't believe the parents are sterotyping their own child. Who said he had to kick a football or climb trees?

My 5 yr old son wants to dance, he loves it, he can only get into an all girls class where we live, does that bother me NO, he's happy, do I think he's gay, NO!

I have a gay brother. As a child he was the roughest, he rode the motorbikes the quickest and climbed trees, threw rocks and did all that; so they don't have to be painting their toenails and playing barbies to end up gay!

This boy is at more harm from his ignorant parents than any 'gay' potentials! Has it ever occured to them that their son is a gentle soul who is intimidated or bored with boy play? Not wanting to run around is not the automatic assumption of gayness, and there are no 'typical' gay indicators at this young age, it is not like there is a gay-o-meter rating, tick as many boxes to prove gayness. Give the kid a break, he will be who he is destined to be.

Its too young to tell, you could ask him in 10 years time...

My brother loved playing with dolls at that age, is not gay but is "metrosexual". Lots of male artists, musos and dancers are heterosexual.

I'd drop the subject for a long time and keep your "worries" to yourself...just love him and support him in whatever he likes.

/

Why would you want to label a child this young? Let him be who he is. He needs acceptance not a label.
He might be gay, he might not, you cant change it no matter what you do.

A child on the street where I once lived, when he was six, Mum and I both thought he was homosexual. He played with my younger brother and his own brother, not with girls in the street. At such a young age we both thought he way gay.

Never forced this label on him, or questioned his parents on the matter. He didn't play with dolls and was still a rough and tumble kind of boy.

And yes, as it turned out later in his life (say 10 years later, if I was to ask him) he was gay.

I really don't think you need to worry about anything at this young age. Many boys like playing with dolls and nail polish- my own boys included. My middle son also prefers to play with girls and isn't a fan of rough play. He's a very sensitive boy.

Perhaps one day he will be homosexual and perhaps not. There's no point worrying yourself about it now though and especially not simply based on the games he prefers to play

Of course it is too young to be putting labels on the child, and of course you should just love and support him as the child that he is.

But..... maybe you should consider why you would be upset if he was indeed gay? Why would you feel any differently towards him? Examining your own feelings towards this potential issue and addressing them, may well be what you need to fully and wholeheartedly support your son through the rest of his life - whether he is gay or not. If you don't deal with these feelings now before you even know - how will you react if he does identify as gay?? If it was going to be negative in any way this would be hard on your son, right when he is needing your support the most.

I agree with all of the PPs. Let him grow and develop without making these kinds of assumptions.

Whether he is gay or not should have no bearing on how you treat him now or in the future.

My 3yo son loves pink and wearing makeup. Do I think he's gay - I don't know, nor do I care.

Whoever he turns out to be when he is older, my only wish is for him to be happy!

Just because he's not interested in footy and likes pretty things, doesn't mean he's gay!

I'm more worried about the message that this would be sending to kids about 'conforming' your interests to the 'mainstream' or risk being stereotyped.

He may be more socially/emotionally/intellectually mature than the average boys his age, and just be seeking like-minded peers (girls mature earlier than boys). He may just not be into sports.

I have a 6yo son who doesn't play with the boys at school either, he plays with the 'princesses' (he wants to marry one of them so he can be a prince like Shrek ). He fully understands the world of imaginary stories, and just doesn't really get the whole competitive attitude (How high can you climb?, can you do this?) that a lot of the boys in his age group have.

And BTW, it is quite common for heterosexual males to be into jewellery (when I was at trade school there were only 2 other females in my class and all the males were straight)!

Bottom line is, you will do more damage stereotyping behaviour (which isn't sexual at this age anyway), than if you just let him be himself and enjoy being a child.

A quiet boy who gets on well with the girls rather than the rough and tumble of the boys, etc, etc.

He aint gay. My son is like that, and he got that from his father - me. I am definately not gay or even inclined to go that way, so the first part is to chill out and relax. he is just a quiet boy. Don't worry, he will soon be causing you other concerns.
it is funny though, isn't it. he doesn't play with boys but will play with girls therefore I think he is gay. I'm pleased that my boy is playing with the girls, it will help him get past the shyness that may come in later years. And it might mean he has a better chance of being the first cab off the rank, so to speak.

And if he is gay? Well, that will be his choice, and I will deal with that crossroad if we get to it.

My DH has no interest in football or beating anybody up, does that make him gay? Of course not the same is possible for your son.

Maybe he will be or maybe he won't. Regardless you need to love and support him and you will find out in the future.

My son was very interested in cross-dressing from around 3 to 7 or so - he had his own fairy costume, he grew his hair long, preferred to play with girls, and did ballet classes for some years (continuing on with tap until he was 15). A lot of people asked me if I thought he was gay, and I said "don't be ridiculous! How could he possibly know yet, he's 4!" (or 5, or 7, or whatever). As it turns out, he's straight and now that he's 20 has had several long-term girlfriends. Maybe it's genetic, as I was a fierce little tomboy, refused to wear dresses, played with boys, and am also straight. Don't get too hung up on gender roles - it is normal for kids to explore the boundaries of these, and there's nothing wrong with quiet, thoughtful boys. But also, there's nothing wrong with being gay (or bi, or straight), and no-one should be forced into any role that doesn't suit them.

Cheers!

I am a 19 year old straight female. I have at least five gay male friends. While most of them didn't come out until their teen years, all of them have told me that they knew from a very young age that they liked boys and not girls, they just didn't understand what "being gay" was. When I met most of my friends they were around 14 years old and were all still claiming to be straight, it took years for them to "come out" because of their fear of what their friends, and especially their families would think of them.

Many people believe that it is a choice to be gay, I assure you that this is not true. A straight person CAN choose to live a gay lifestyle, and vise/versa, but you are BORN with your sexual orientation. One of my friends admitted that he and his friends used to "play" with each other as young boys. His first homosexual encounter, if you will, was at age 6.

Fortunately today teenagers are becoming more and more accepting towards homosexuality, and it was actually a trend in my high school to be 'bisexual.' Many people just use this as an excuse to experiment, but it helps for truly gay teens to feel comfortable in their own skin.

Whether you are comfortable with the idea of your child being gay or not, it is important to encourage them to be themselves. It will be a long time before you get an answer to your question, only your child will be able to answer it. However, you will know a lot sooner if your son believes that you will support him no matter what, it will be even easier if he as support from both parents, although I know it is sometimes harder for the dad to accept homosexuality.

My best friend that is gay was actually kicked out of his house by his parents when he came out to them. He was so terrified to tell them the truth, and although it's been almost 3 years, they still don't want to believe him and don't treat him the same as they do his other brothers. This is painful for him, but he didn't choose to be gay, and he isn't doing it to hurt his parents. The fact that his parents disapproved did not change his sexuality, it just makes it harder for him to live his life.

It isn't necessarily set in stone that he will grow up to be gay, some men are just in touch with their feminine side, and some boys just like to play with dolls. The only suggestion I can give you is to be supportive. If he wants to play with barbies, let him. If he isn't interested in soccer, don't force him. Encourage him! Suppressing your child will only tear you apart from him as he gets older. There is nothing wrong with being homosexual, and there is nothing wrong with having a homosexual son. He cannot change his sexuality and if he gets bullied in school, there is nothing you can do. But how much worse will it be for him if he feels bullied in school and at home?

If you have any questions for me, please send me an email. I'm sure one of my friends would be happy to answer any questions you have as well.

Does it matter? He is still your son, it's the 21st Century.

Because he doesn't like kicking the football or playing rough games, he's gay? How insulting to the homosexual community that this mindset still exists.

My brother is 35 years old. My brother is gay. He has also been assessed as having Asperger tendencies. He also suffered a major head injury at 13 which has now been classified as severe. He has finally been diagnosed as disabled as a result of the head injury. I see my brother totally incapable of forming and maintaining a loving relationship with a companion of his choice, a basic human need for fullfillment. He will never have that. All I hope for my children is that they are strong and wise enough to find someone to love and live with. I really don't care what gender that person happens to be. Just love and accept your son, acceptance builds his sense of self worth and that is the greatest gift you can give a child.

Your son might be gay, and then again he may not . he just may be more effeminate.
The role play behaviour and interests doesn't need to lead to sexual orientation , It could be
a phase he is going through , or he's just less "blokey" than others . Remember we all have male and female traits in us.

I played with girls when i was young ( 5-8yrs), hopscotch and chasey . I bet my parents thought
that i might be gay. The important thing was they never let me think that there might be something different about me, never labeled me , or tried to change my interests. i just moved into another phase , of soccer and sports as I got older. I never wrestled or play fought , I just didn't like it , I was small and wore glasses , which may have had something to do with it . Also I had 2 sisters and no brothers, so girls was what I was used to.

My cousin is gay , and I knew it from the time he was 6. Its not only what he did , but more how he was. Its hard to explain , but as a guy I could see the difference. the worst part is that as he got older ( 11-15yrs) and realised he felt attraction to males, he could not tell his family , and now as a 21 yr old, has still not come out , to them. So the lesson is to love your son how he is, the feelings of worry and stress to his behaviour are your issues not his .And you can change these.

I sympathize with your partner, all he wants to do, is kick a ball and wrestle and play with his son,
but he needs to find other ways to play , interact and communicate his love during this stage.
I would play dolls with my cousin , but instead of having a tea party we would strap on a hankey to the doll
and play parachute from the backyard tree. We also played kung fu and horse rides ( a bit of ruff and tumble), but because he would get upset for getting his clothes dirty, or hands dirty, we would play "washing up" in the laundry tub ,afterwards to alleviate his anxiety.

Also remember that organized sport is crap for children in my opinion, its an adult concept teaching them
rules , regulations and how to be narrow focussed.
Kids get way more benefit and learning from spontaneous play and imagination...so go crazy with all sorts of
adventures!
He'll have plenty of time to be indoctrinated by "social norms" when he's older.
I hope some of this helps.
beej

I will never forget my little brother turning to me at the age of 17 and wailing "How did everyone else know? I had no idea!!" when I mentioned how our extended family had been speculating for years about his sexuality.

I used to actually tell my relatives off for discussing it - as I explained to them, he either was or he wasn't gay and talking about it wasn't going to make any difference at all. In the end, he had to decide for himself who he was attracted to, and then he had to figure out whether or not he was comfortable accepting that. All we could do was provide him with a supportive environment so that he didn't feel pressured either way.

ETA: my mum says she thought he was gay from the time he was 3!

Great post and great advice Beej37, thanks!

Some posters seem to be assuming that both parents are opposed to the son possibly being gay, but in the original question, the mother says clearly she has no problem, but her husband is worried.

If you have a child who has less stereotypically boy interests it is reasonable to be realistic about the kid's possible experience of school and friends, regardless of sexual orientation.

I'm not trying to focus on the negative, and it would be nice to think that boys who don't conform, whether gay or not, don't get picked on, but unfortunately that isn't reality. They often are, not always, but often. Boys who don't run with the mob are more likely to be targets, or ostracised because they are 'different'. The world is also full of adult idiots who can't accept, or are threatened by, difference. I've even heard of a boy who was made fun of by a male primary teacher because he did ballet.

In prep and the earlier years kids seem to accept difference better but by grade 4, if not earlier 'that's so gay' is a term of abuse. My sons are both at secondary school and from what they relay to me, and from experiences of gay people I've read, it would be very, very hard to come out openly as a gay at school.

That doesn't mean you should try to make your child fit in a box that he doesn't fit. It wouldn't work in the long run, and would just make your child unhappy. On the other hand, it's as well to be aware that your child may face more challenges than others in making friends, or in being a target for bullies.

One of my sons has never followed the pack, and has had difficulty in making friends and been a target for bullying because of it. I found the best thing we've been able to do is try to be proactive in helping him find friends, and encouraging him in interests where he may meet kids with similar tastes. I have done a lot of listening to him when he is dealing with hurtful things said by schoolmates and we've always assure him that he is just fine as he is.

As a queer mum myself I am totally open to my son growing up to be whatever he wants. Will just ask him as he goes along to like people if he's interested in a particular girl or boy! Or both! I don't think there is any behaviour that tells you for sure which way they will turn out! The joke in my house is that since 10% of the population are LGBT that we dress DS 10% of the time in stereotyped "gay" clothes, just in case.

how about the idea that he might not have the co-ordination of some of the kids his own age, therefore cant keep up with the other boys?

I know of some boys who play with girls as they cant keep up, boys are too rough and they really would rather just sit back and play dolls, and I dont think they are gay.

Thanks Kittykeys, you're right. It wasn't obvious enough from the way the question is written, but my impression from the lovely lady who asked it of me for publication was that her husband was bothered that their son might get picked on because of his gentleness, not bothered that he might be gay. I know it didn't come across properly in the question, my apologies for that.

Here is another possible explanation. It is generally accepted that for children of the same age, girls will be more emotionally and socially mature than boys. For boys who are ahead of their peers in emotional and social maturity, girls just make more sense. They are their emotional and social peers. It isn't the gender he is attracted to, it is the maturity. This behaviour is often found in boys who are bright. They are often the kind of child who sits back and observes.

So it is just as likely that your son is bright or has emotional and social maturity beyond his male peers. The girls simply make more sense to him. He understands them. The rest of the behaviour is probably learned from those he feels comfortable around and may be especially ingrained if he has been in child care. Kicking a ball? That's what those silly alpha males do - those boys he doesn't really understand. Why would he want to do what they do?

I doubt there is any correlation between that and being gay

As for being picked on - it will cause him more pain to be someone he isn't. It sounds like he just isn't comfortable in groups with alpha males. So he may be picked on, but he'll develop strategies. If he's bright, he'll develop very effective strategies. He'll find friends - even male friends - who are like him.

At 5 years old I knew what I wanted in terms of the sexual orientation.So yes I think,in fact I know, that the child knows where is his sexual desires takes him to.Just support him and love him and install on him that boys that are efeminate have a tough life and that his sexual desires do not have to make him look or act as a girl but can be gay and look and act as a boy.

Well you can't have it both ways. Either its usually determined at birth or it isn't. I tend to think it usually is, with a few cases of ambivalent or abused teens ending up somewhere they might not have otherwise.

I agree you can't really tell yet, but that doesn't mean he's not set on one or the other paths.

I have 2 sons. I would be very very sad if one of them were gay. For many reasons. Not the least because this world is still not kind to homosexuals. Also because there are subcultures that prey on them and make dangerous practices seems acceptable (though young gay men tend to be better than older ones at this point in time at staying safe).

The fact that I would be terribly sad doesn't make me homophobic. It makes me realistic.

Is your son likely to be homosexual?
He has a 50/50 chance either way.
He may well be gey from early on "born that way" some debate, he may be a little bit efeminate and get along great with girls and not be into that stereotypical macho sh*t, he may be far from gay and have an expereince as a teenager and like it.
Whatever the case may be, he is your son, and you are to love him unconditionally.
If he turns out to be gay, will he keep this secret froom his parents because they are not open to this dea or will he be able to go to them in confidence and get their nod of approval?
If any of my children turned out to be homosexual, and my partner didn't like it, i would pack up my partners things and kick him to the verge! No discussion.
Society... it's a straight white man's world: if you're not straight you're excluded, if you're not white, you're excluded (basically), if you're not a man - you're excluded.
A straight man won't ever get bashed for his sexual identity because that is the expected, the norm. A white person can't have coloured children without getting strange looks, an "aboriginal" person is feared, but a white person is not. A man can walk around in nothing but tiny stubbies on a hot day, however a woman is looked at unapprovingly by other women if her clothes are too "small", and by men she'll be looked at non-stop because they think with their...
So if your son, be he gay or be he straight, does choose to be outwardly openly gay when he is older; cherish that. Accept him and love him, support his decision, be there when he is beaten up, be proud that he is strong enough to be open about this, and preach the importance of playing safe.
Don't sit there and worry over nothing, he is just a little kid, still finiding his place in this world.
IT IS NORMAL for little boys to play with girls, and play dress ups and dolls - however - for kids who go to daycare early on it generally starts earlier. My daughter wears shorts and tee shirts plays soccer with her dad on the weekend likes to sit like a bloke and dance like a gangsta - these are all normal childhood things. Whatever happened to metro anyway? My husband used to dress up in girls clothes as a young boy with his sisters and he is certainly NOT gay, if anything very against the idea, he did this because it was fun and different he did however love acting.
Maybe your young boy is the next top fashion designer, or high end architect?

Wow sounds like your describing my friends (then 6 year old) boy he wanted to be a Princess, and he asked for Princess clothes and shoes for xmas, I thought it was funny, never even thought it was a gender (gay) issue, anyway he is 7 nearly 8 now and very different, not loud or ruff and tumble but still very boy, he plays with the boys now where as he us to only play with the girls, and he is doing karate and loving it, he is also asking for boy toys now and no longer is pink his favorite colour.
his parents have been wonderful and just going with the flow and because he is not a ruff and tumble boy they just made sure he had male friends that were like him as well as girl friends.

I do have another friend who's son is nearly 9 and he is into doing his Sisters hair up all pretty and ballet etc, he is quiet and not ruff and tumble but I have never thought it a gay thing just how he is as he also has lots of friends that are boys.

NOT all male that do dance, ballet, hair dressing, or make designer fashion clothes etc are gay.

Its nice to hear that your not worried either way anyway and I think with your attitude rubbing off on your DH he will soon realize that this is his son and not worry either way either.

Sounds exactly like my second DS! He loved pink, my little ponies, nail polish etc all through kinder and up until this year. For some reason, this year he has made a complete swap to loving transformers and the colour blue. He never got picked on at school, it was just him and they liked his humour and liked him for who he was. At home, he played with all his sister's toys and took a soft toy my little pony to bed. We never cared. I even had a friend from playgroup see a my little pony in an op shop and think of him enough to get it for him and bring it to playgroup.

Your DS will be whoever he's going to be. At age 6, it's just too young to know. Enjoy your DS's personality and go with the flow.

Most people have already alluded to the fact that it's too early to tell and to just go with the flow, supporting him and loving him no matter what.

It strikes me that the main concern is actually him being picked on and I would suggest that no matter what his orientation, personality etc, it would be good to help him believe in himself and stand up for himself if necessary. Keep the lines of communication open and make sure he knows he has a safe place in mum & dad so if he is being picked on, he can tell you.

Also, I don't know if your husband spends a lot of one on one time with him, but I reckon a good relationship with dad (or other main male role model) helps as well, in terms of ensuring he's a confident and secure in himself.

Sometimes one parent (usually dad) has trouble expressing his affection and kids can interpret things differently. I hope your husband makes sure he has some common ground with your son, if footy is not his thing. It doesn't matter if he's different from other boys as long as he finds acceptance at home. And acceptance has to be pro-active, not passive.

Finally, the scene you are describing could be of my husband as a kid - even today, he is gentle, likes cooking and shopping, gives me style advice and he HATES footy with a passion and doesn't have much time for sport in general. At the same time, he loves cars, Top Gear, Nintendo.

I think people used to think he was gay but he's not and I couldn't ask for a better partner, and dad for my little girl.

We are all different and unique.

Acceptance by fathers is especially important for boys and their development. Boys have a huge variety of styles which are still masculine. Some boys are active and rough and others are more sensitive and quiet and everything in between. They all need acceptance by the most significant male in their lives so that they grow up accepting themselves as male, which is what they are!

Hey, that sounds like my dad . . . he was a collector of bugs, reader, quiet, kind kid who spent most of his childhood with his younger sister, playing with the cat, in the cubby house and colouring in. This was in the 40s. His dad was in the war, so my dad drew a few planes and sent them off in letters, but he mostly preferred reading and singing, pretending and galavanting around with the girls. He pursued singing throughout High School - often playing the female leads in the plays at his all boys school! After a career in TV in the 60s, some success in a band, marriage, kids, a long career in education and plenty of sports, fishing and masculine pursuits, he is still a kind, sensitive man whose knowledge of classical literature and love of learning made him the best dad, best head master and mentor anybody could wish for. He could have been all that too if he'd been gay. Boys (and girls) come in all different packages. Let us love them as they are and cherish them.

I wanted to play with trucks and really wanted a electric racing car set when i was little but i'm not a lesbian. *shrugs*

Does it really matter what sexuality he is?
I am seeing girls that know they prefer other girls at the age of 14 and 15. And yes some of them have actually said "Please don't tell my parents because they will kick me out of home."
They know(with my DD's okay) that they are welcome to stay here if there are problems with their parents whenever/if they find out.
I just don't know why a childs sexuality matters at all.

Well, as it's not really up to you, you should probably just wait and see. It's not as if you can do anything about it, even if you knew for sure (which of course only he will be able to tell you), and you shouldn't feel like you have to do anything other than love them no matter who they are. Would you be worried if he was one of those boisterous boys that he might become a wife-beater, or a boxer? If you had a daughter who liked motor bikes and football would you be worried that she's a lesbian? Or are you just buying into media-driven parental anxiety, and mainstream homophobia, when he's only 6 years old, and probably won't start even thinking about this for years?

My little brother came out at 14, but always knew he was different, and knew and understood that he was gay from the age of 9... so it is possible to know at a very young age, I think it just depends on the maturity of the child, and the sort of culture they grow up in as to how early they know. For the record, he played with Barbies, had long hair, and loved fashion... As did my very straight boyfriend, whose Mother, sister and step-mother are lesbians. Clearly, there's simply no way to predict it at all!

Since my Mother made us all aware of gay rights, and had gay/lesbian/transgender friends, my brother had a lot of exposure to non-traditional relationships, sexual preferences and notions of gender. I think this made it easier for him to consider and understand who he was: rather than "making" him gay, it just meant he was never tortured by uncertainty.

I did play with truck, I GOT a slot car set for my birthday, I also used to catch and gut fish, do stunts on my bike, never wore dresses, built forts & played with the boys mostly...

not a lesbian either.

I had a friend (male) when I was little who played with dolls, begged for a pram, loved our dollhouse, was very gentle and sweet - and due to his lovely parents just rolling with the flow and letting him be himself - in spite of it being the 1970's and him being the youngest of a big family of boisterous boys, with a super masculine 'blokey' dad - he grew up to be a very happy, well adjusted, also straight, man.
Now with a huge family of his own...

Gender stereotyping pre-puberty is so ludicrous.

Justine, My advice to you is rather than waste time thinking about whether your infant is gay, you should worry about your narrow-mindedness and the impact it will have on your child. Just because your child is interested in things that you think are primarily the interest of little girls, doesn’t necessarily make him gay. Maybe he has gender dysmorphia and actually thinks he is a girl... maybe not. Maybe he's completely heterosexual. Assumptions such as yours that someone’s interests may be indicative of their sexuality lead to stereotype prejudices that gay men and women continue to suffer. How would you like to have other parents judge your child because of his preferences? “Maybe his parents treat him as a girl because he likes princess games.” Wake up to yourself. If someone suggested that your concerns regarding your child’s sexuality might indicate that you were a philistine, would that an open-minded and fair assessment?

It's not the gentle son this mum needs to worry about, it's the homophobic husband.

He's your son and you love him. If one day he brings home a boyfriend to meet you instead of a girlfriend, then that's the way it is. If you have trouble coping, for his sake you'll just have to pretend until you get used to it.

Accepting your child's first relationship can be difficult for many parents, so don't be surprised if, despite being open-minded yourself, you find this more difficult than you expected.

But that's years away, and he might be completely heterosexual. All you can do is let him grow up without judgement, so he can be open with you about whatever happens in his life.

As a gay, adult strong man who is a secondary school teacher I can assure you that your son is NORMAL whether he is gay or straight or bi-sexual or what ever! But please get your husband to read Stephen Biddulph's book 'Raising Boys'. It should be essential reading for all parents of boys. By far the MOST important quality that need to be taught to boys is INTEGRITY. We see the lack of it all the time in schools (and I have taught in about ten different places) and it is very worrying that parents don't see that need to teach and instil this quality in their sons. Integrity will help him deal with any bullying he may get at school if he happens to be gay. Also, if you teach him resilience to bounce back from hurts (and believe me, there will be many) it will be the greatest protector for him.

P.S.: if he IS gay, and you love and nurture him in this homophobic society, you will develop a friend and champion for life. So go for it...!

Great comments Stephen. And yes, 'Raising Boys' is a fantastic book!

I dont think it is a good idea to start labelling sexual stereotypes of your own children. Even if he is gay, what will you do? disown him? still love him?

When I was a child, there were many things I had done where many of my fellow peers labelled me as a girl or gay. Sometimes because how I sat, and not into physical sports.

Doing things like dress-ups and role playing, even wearing make up at a young age doesn`t mean they are homosexual, just curious about things. Sometimes it requires a bit of a conversation with them about some of there curiousities. If he likes wearing dresses, you could introduce other more acceptable items like a toga, or if he likes wearing a skirt, introduce him to a Kilt. Provide information he is interested in things, show him ways some things are acceptable. He could even start to learn about cultures and maybe even a bit of history.

I did alot of those things and then some as a child. My parents didnt shame me, and in my teenage years looking for some reassurance about sexual identity, talking very candidly with my father. Covering many areas where i got teased and picked on for being gay. During the discussion, there were many area`s and different view points I was able to get from my father that day I would never get from my peers.

Now I am married, with one child and another on the way.


Ask your DH, Is Fatty Vautin gay because a couple of times he has dressed in womans clothing on the Footy show for a skit?

Yes or No? why is that?
If he says no, then why are you labelling your son gay?