Hi Fee.

First off, as you said, it does need to be a mutual decision that you and your husband reach together. Other than that, I think the age at which you become a parent is an intensely personal thing. Is there “too young” or “too old” an age? I’m not sure, so I have asked registered nurse, midwife and parentcraft nurse, as well as author of the wonderful 'Baby Love' and 'The Mighty Toddler' books, Robin Barker, for her advice.

“ In terms of a mother’s age – well, my mother was twenty-two when she had me, and most of my friends had their children at around that age as well. I was the exception, not starting my family until I was twenty-seven,” says Robin. “This dilemma is all a social perception; nowadays we have become used to reading about and seeing women in their forties have their first child. It really has skewed the way that we perceive an ideal age to become a parent.”

Fee, Robin advises that if you were considering the ideal age of parenthood from a purely physical perspective, then somewhere between sixteen and twenty-two would be just about right. “In relation to modern society though a lot of women are busy studying and having careers at that age. That in turn can also impact on their financial arrangement, which is a terrible shame. A terrible shame that women should have to wonder whether they can afford to start a family.”

“In the context of modern living, the only downside that I see is the financial security,” says Robin. “Not that people should necessarily aspire to a large house with four bedrooms and three bathrooms, but it is nice for a parent to be able to enjoy spending time with their baby without being worried sick about whether the bills are going to get paid.”

In relation to looking after a child though there are a lots of benefits to being a young Mum. “You are likely to have more physical energy as your children get older,” says Robin. “And your children are also more likely to have younger, fitter grandparents who are able to play with and help with the children – if they are interested. It can be a wonderful thing for the children.”

And Fee, it also means that you would be getting those child rearing years done nice and early, leaving you with plenty of time – and youth and energy - to enjoy yourselves together down the track. But – Robin also echoes my opening statement that it does need to be a mutual decision between you and your husband. Otherwise it can be a recipe for disaster.

So good luck, and enjoy your family –whenever you decide to start it!

EB Members: Do you think 22 is too young to be a Mum? What advice do you have for Fee?

Hi Fee,
I don't think 22 is too young to have a baby. I was married at 20 and had my first at 21. I was still able to buy my own home at 25 with two young children.
I believe if you wait till you think you are finacially ready you never really are as things always pop up.
However I feel that both you and your DH need to be equally ready to have a baby as sometimes if one of you isn't quite ready it could make the relationship become strained as children do change the dinamics of your relationship a lot.

my mother was 21 when she had her first, and she was a fabulous mother.

As long as you are both ready to be parents, no it's not too young.

Nope not too young for the OP, but defintely appears to be for her DH...Its not a decision that should be made with only 1 person on board.

He is not saying no, just 'not now' and the OP needs to respect that. I dont think 'co-ercing' him to change his mind will benefit her in the long run.

Compromise, and let him have what he wants so that you can have what you want after that. What's the hurry?

I met my DH when I was 16 and DD was born when I was 22.

We did get married first and buy a house and save $10,000 before DD was born.

I dont think 22 is too young. Maybe set yourself goals as a compromise.

DH said as soon as we saved $10,000 we could try for a baby, and that is what we did.

I am glad we got the house first. The amount of the loan you can get reduces by about $40,000 for every child you have.

No, it's not at all too young - I have a friend who was 23 when their first was born and I've never seen a dad as besotted with his kid as her husband is with their child.


Having said that, you both need to want to have babies now - if DH doesn't it could well be a recipe for disaster, and the last thing you want is for your relationship to break down as a result of the decision not being a mutual one. It's not much fun being a single parent in dubious financial circumstances and especially where all your other mates might be at a different stage of life.

22 is not too young to have a baby. The main thing is that you both agree if the timing is right. How old is DH?. As long as you can pay the rent and other ongoing bills comfortably then you should go ahead. If you wait to buy the house and then all the new furniture etc. then a bigger house, you will be in your thirties. Too many people seem to follow the rule that everything else comes first and then "Woops we forgot the baby". My DD had her first at 19, her DH 22, They didn't miss out on anything. Their friends didn't desert them. She finished her Uni degree (Primary Teaching) bought a house (very small). My friends very envious that I had a darling GD.

Good luck in what you decide but the decision has to be a mutual one with DH.

I had my DD when I was 19, shes still alive.

As long as you are both ready to be parents, no.

I love anecdotal evidence. My parents were 18 and 20 when they started having kids - and they were really crappy parents.

Split after 10 years and 3 kids, messy divorce, cheating, fighting over who WASNT going to have the kids. One daughter in a refuge, another went to foster care. Throw in a physically abusive step father and you have the quintessential sad sap Oprah story.

not saying ALL young parents are like this, or that the OP will end up like this. But my parents never set out for it to be that way either. They just wanted to have kids REAL BAD - ...then they didnt.

Their excuse? "We were just too young"

And yes...I do think there is a difference between 18 and 22

Peace

Edited for spelling

I don't think it's too young but I also agree with the pp who said it needs to be a joint decision. My sister was a 'teen mum' and she's a great mum (then again she's a great person in every way). The beauty of being 22 is that if your dh takes a couple of years to feel ready you're still young. With the blessing of hindsight I'm glad my dh and I started our family at a younger age than our friends (24&26yo) but then I'm also glad that we were able to buy our first home pretty early on. We lived so tightly for so many years and I do think that financial security is important. Feeling broke and worrying about bills while you have young babies is very stressful. If a few years made the difference between financial stress and financial security (or the start of it) personally I'd wait.

22 isn't too young, but it still doesn't seem like the right time for you, Fee.

I couldn't tell from the original post, but do you have any money saved? It's nice to own your home first, but the important thing (to me anyway) is that you have money saved to cover yourself not being at work.

Just because your DH isn't ready to start actively TTC doesn't mean you can't start with other preparations. You could:

- Start putting away your salary (or as much as you can manage) and living on your DH's. This will give you a good idea of what life might be like when you can't work.

- If your DH is comfortable with it, stop taking the pill (and of course take other precautions) to allow your cycle time to regulate. Some women can take up to 12 months for their cycles to get completely back to normal.

- Do some research into tracking your ovulation

- Look into improving your diet and doing more exercise. Do yourself or DH smoke or drink often? Now would be the time to cut down or quit.

Hope that helps. As a PP said, your DH hasn't said 'no', just 'not yet'. There are still things you can (and need to) do to prepare while you're waiting.

Age is only a number.
DF & I are young(ish), been together since I was 16, him 17. We now own our own place & both have stable jobs and live comfortably. Our savings are rising, and we both want it more than anything. I don't think anyone will judge us for it, and our friends & family will more than likely be ecstatic.
Maybe try a compromise? Reach a certain amount in a savings account before you start trying? Also, let your partner know that not everybody falls pregnant right away, it can take a healthy couple up to 12 months to fall pregnant.
Good luck

I dont think its too young. I had my first at 21, married 6months later, had number 2 at 22 and now at 24 am having number 3.

I think if you and your partner are ready then being young doesnt really matter

I dont think 22 is too young. however, I would make sure I was as stable as possible first, have my own house, suitable car, savings, good health etc.
as PP said, its a joint decision.

I am you. Met DH at 16, married at 20, 1st child at 22.

At 22 I had finished my uni degree had a career started where 12 months maternity was an option and we were buying our 1st home.
DH had finished his training and had his career started too.

It's not about age, it's about maturity and being prepared.

Does DH have a good career, not just a job? Have you finished training and found a job that you can return to if financially necessary or if you need a change from chn?

Can you pay mortgage on one income? If not are you content to just rent long term? Remember even when you return to work, you will have the expense of chn and day care.

Are you ready for being responsible 24 hours for a child who may not be the 'perfect baby'. Are you ready to deal with a child who may be disabled?

Are you content to base your social life around your chn or have the funds to get babysitters regularly.

These qns aren't aimed at age, you can be 35 and still not ready. Want do you want out of life, can you achieve it all with chn now?

I have no regrets in how we did it but I know others who do.

No, its not too young.

I had my first child at 22, and like you met my hubby at 16.

We are having our 20th Wedding Anniversary next year and now have 4 kids. It can work out wonderful, it did for us.
In this time we have lived in different foreign countries, emigrated to Australia, got more Uni qualifications and worked for a world renowed company. I certainly did not miss anything.

Good Luck and only you know if your ready.

J
PS, we started out with no money as just finished Uni. Having your own home and a good job makes thinks easier. But if you dont have them at the start its not impossible.

Hi Fee,

I was a young mum, first at 20 then 3 more followed quickly. I don't regret it in many ways however I may have done it a little differently.

I wish we had been more financially stable, it is hard to manage on one wage, however you don't miss what you don't have, we were really poor but didn't care. I couldn't go back to it now. I wish we had more time as a couple, time to eat out and travel etc.

I liked being able to stay at home. I didn't go back to work for 12 years and enjoyed every minute of being home. I learned to sew, cook, garden (not very good at most of them but I did try..lol..)

My kids are now 20, 18, 17, 13 and they are great kids. Age is nothing. Being a mother is one of the most wonderful things you can do, it probably won't be what you imagine it will be much better!

Good luck...

Great comment, dacapo!

Age is irrelevant to being a mother. Attitude is everything. A 40 yo might have more patience but less energy than a 16 yo mother. A 16 yo might have more exhuberance. Both might have the same amount of love.
Physically, medically yes, it's best to breed in your 20s, and both mother and baby enjoy the best outcomes if mum is in her 20s.

Sounds like your husband isn't ready if he's concerned that his peers are not yet at his stage - sounds a little immature, but I think many guys don't really feel like children until one is screaming in their face.
Although I often hankered for babies at age 25, I was determined to wait and work hard so I wouldn't have to work and had more choices.
At 30 I met the man of my dreams and now we're having a baby.

Looking back I am so incredibly glad I got to enjoy 15 years of joyful sexual freedom, 12 years of travel and fun, and 15 years of building my career, education and financial position.
None of this is essential to children, or course, but it was the way for me. I could also have had children at age 19-20 (when I first married briefly) and I really think that I would have been fine with pretty similar outcomes to now - just less opportunites and less freedom.

I believe raising children is the biggest and most important thing you can do in your life, and you can do it at any age (just remember to do it and not leave it too late!) For me personally, over 35 was too late - and for most my girlfriends, we agree 35 is the cut-off, and the point at which they will race to a sperm bank or gay friend! Good luck!!

Its too young for me but I'm not you. However both parents need to be on the same page - I think you will have to wait till your husband is on the same page as you are.

This was me except I was 22. Our first was a surprise and 2 years later we planned our second, built a house and lived happily ever after.

I think its more about your mental maturity rather than your age.

My mum had us at 20 up and by the time she was 40 we had all left home so she had her life back. I've had my first at 38 and will have them at home until at least 60. That's a daunting thought

I loved having a young mum, she played with us, laughed, ran, always something new happening. But she paid a bit of a price, had never been overseas until 38, never worked in a job that paid a wage capable of allowing her to be independant (because she didn't get tertiary education) and suffered later on when the marriage broke up and she had to support three kids without more than a living wage.

I believe she rushed into her next marriage (which also didn't last) because she was so happy for the care and support he offered that she didn't stop to think if it was really right for her for ever. Watching her lose rental houses to sales etc when they were places she loved and had invested so much of her creative self in the garden etc was also horrible.

I remember her telling me she was terrified to leave the hospital with me because she realised she had no idea how to take care of me and worried she couldn't do it. The difference 18 years makes is that I was elated, I'd taken care of myself for so long I was looking forward to focussing on someone else for a while!

So whatever you chose has ups and downs. I waited because I wanted to provide my kids the stability of an owned home, something I never had. We had moved 11 times before I turned 16. It was too much.

I got married at 21, had my first baby at 22. I have always really wanted children, and luckily my dh felt the same way (he was 8 years older than me though). We saved a deposit for our house though, and were moved in by the time we had our first baby. We were in a good financial position which i suppose did make things slightly easier.

Im now 26, weve in our second home, and have had another child. We are very happy and do hope to have more children. I completed my uni degree while having my second child, and have started up my own business. All things are still possible once you do have children, it just takes a lot more time and effort.

I love being a young Mum though, and I doubt I would have the energy to be the Mum I am if I was 10-15 years older (Not that that would mean I would be any less of a Mum, I just live a very busy active life, study, business, two active boys under 4). My school friends though arent in the position I am, they are just starting to get married, and are very career minded, so wont have children till they are in their 30s. They love my boys, and are great with them, but they dont really 'get it', and it is a lot harder to maintain our friendships. I am envious of other friends (met through my children) that have bbq's and gatherings with their friends because they all have children. But having children allows you to meet so many new people, I have formed wonderful friendships with people because of the children.

The only thing I wish I had of done more of prior to children is travel. I never really had the travel bug when I was younger, we went overseas to many asian countries but never to the UK or US, because we were saving our money for our home deposit. I really wish I had of travelled to places that I wouldnt take the children with me too. You can travel with children, its just different, you dont have that freedom. (weve taken the children to the UK last year, and on numerous smaller trips).

I think the age isnt really that important, some 22 year olds are much more responsible than some 30 year olds. Just ensure that you are both ready, because it is a life long decision, and as wonderful as being a parent is, it is also very taxing, and puts more presure on your relationship than you could ever imagine.

I think it's all been said before; age is just a number. I think the important thing is your ability to provide your child the upbringing you want.


For me 22 would have been way too young - I was too busy studying, traveling and partying. Plus my partner and I experienced a lot of personal growth during this time that caused us to pull against each other. Even now (27) is too young for me. My partner & I are taking financial risks that would not be prudent with a little one to worry about (but could set us up for early retirement!)


But my experience aside, I will say - what's the hurry? There is so much to enjoy about being a newlywed and about building your lives together that I don't see the imperative to have babies right away.

As everyone has said - it's so variable.

I got married at 18 and had DS1 when I was 23. I was the youngest in my mums group by 10 years!
I had just finished uni and was working partime and it just seemed the right time to start a family.

But you and DH have to be on the same page. I have a friend whose a lot older than me but she got married at 18 and had her first 'surprise' child at 21 (her DH was 23) and her DH wasn't ready and REALLY struggled with adjusting to parenthood to the point where she really doesn't have nice memories of having her first child which is really sad. They obviously, got over it and went on to have 4 more kids! But she always warned me not to pressure DH into something he wasn't ready for. She was very wise and said he will never resent the actual child but he will resent YOU when things get tough because you forced him into something he wasn't ready for.

Hi there!!

I had my first child at 25. I was the first of my friends to have a baby, and looking back now (although it's only 5 years ago) when I see the photos I realise how young I was. I was the youngest at playgroup, and now that my child is at kinder, I'm the youngest parent at kinder. This often means that I struggle to make friends at various places, because I don't really connect with the 'older' mums.

Having said that, I have made one very close friend, and believe it or not, she was the OLDEST at playgroup, she's now 47!!! This friend I have has the same concerns as me, only she's at the other end of the spectrum!!! She's got a 2 year old and is wondering what all the other mums will think of her when she turns up on the first day of grade prep, and she's 50!!!

There are pros and cons for having your child young (or older for that matter). I sometimes wonder if I don't deal with the stress as well, because I was so young when I had my children. Maybe if I was older and more experienced in the world, I'd be better equipped to deal with stress... and perhaps I'd have more patience?

But, when we're 50, both of our children will probably have moved out and we can explore the world!!

Good luck with your decision. Maybe all your husband needs is another 12 months. Remind him that you may not fall pregnant immediately, so he needs to be prepared for what could be another 12 months of trying!! xx

I would have to say, it depends who it is. You can be 22 but have the maturity level of 13 (I know a few of those) or you can be 20 and have the maturity of a 30 year old. But I would have to agree with a lot of what has been said..... Make sure both of you are on board with this, otherwise, you will end up resenting each other and the child ends up suffering as well.

I dont think that 22 is too young to be considered a mum. I am going to be JUST 20 when my first is born, so i think its really in your mind set!

i have a friend who had a baby before she was 18 and she resents her daughter which is a horrible thing i noe but that was because she was just way to young and she wasnt ready!

my mum was another example, she had my eldest brother before she was 18, my second brother when she was 21 and me when she was 24. So she had all her babies before her 25th birthday and i love having a young mum, we can hang out we can talk about anything and its just a lovely tjhing.!

i guess everyone is different, its all in how you think... if you DH is not wanting to start a family because "all my friends dont have kids yet" then he seems imature and thinking its a sort of fashion statement!

hmmmm if you have to ask then I guess the answer for you is yes, 22 is too young

If you and your DH are both ready then no 22 is not too young.

I think a great mum comes from loving your kids well and having their well being as your priority - this is possible at different ages for different people.

Having some financial stability is not a prerequisite but it does help a little down the track particularly if you want to stay home with your kids!

Like a lot of others on here I think it depends on your circumstances and wat you want for your future. I honestly think that 22 is too young for most people to really know what they want to do for the rest of their lives. Especially these days. 20-30 years ago 22 was the norm for starting a family but now 22 year olds have so much more options and experiences available to them.

I had my first baby at 19 and my next 10 years later. To be totally honest I feel like I should have waited. Even though I was mature for my age and had experienced a lot of life before my daughter was born, I now feel i would have been a better parent if I had waited. I didn't realise this until my youngest was born.

When you have a baby early on (in my experience) you put everything else on hold, travel, career, financial security and your social life. Which is fine if that's what you want.

I don't regret having DD when I did. I feel as if we have grown up together, we are great friends and we share a lot which is awesome. but I probably could have given her a better life if I had waited. I still have fun and laugh and act like a kid with DD2 now, which I think is more about personality and circumstance than energy level.

anyhoo, 22 is different to 19 I suppose and in the end all you need is love

I can only say that for me, 22 would have been too young. I'd been with DH since 16 and was really ready for babies after we got married at 22. But by 24 we had divorced.

You have to ask yourself if you are ready to raise children by yourself, doesn't matter how old you are, or how secure the relationship, sometimes things happen, and as a mum you have to cope.

I have since travelled, finished uni, remarried and have a wonderful little girl, but am SOOOO glad I resisted the urge when I was 22.

My mothers' group ranges in age from 22 to 40, and I think most of us feel like we're the right age for a first baby. The 22 year old actually has her act a lot more together than I do at 35! The only thing to be wary of when having babies young is that if your friends aren't doing it at the same time, then you can feel very isolated. Getting a good mothers' group goes a long way toward ameliorating this, but unfortunately, not everyone gets a mothers' group that they click with. Not a reason to avoid having kids early, but definitely something to be aware of.

That said, your husband isn't ready, and therefore 22 isn't the right age for you. Fingers crossed he's ready before too long, and that 23, 24 or 25 becomes the right age

Hi Fee

If it feels right, and you're both ready, then 22 is not too young to start a family. But you really have to both be ready.

I know you see Mums at the park with their kids, sitting talking with their friends, or you might see them at the local pool swimming with their toddler and it looks lovely. And it is. But there is another side. It is a LOT of hard work. (Believe me, I don't know one parent who didn't underestimate how much is involved.) And I know I can say that until the cows come home, and it won't make any difference, because you have to experience it for yourself. But even the best of relationships are tested when a child comes along. You're constantly tired, emotional, and every little thing can frustrate you. Add to the mix one of you that wasn't ready for this whole emotional rollercoaster, and it could end up disastrous.

A friend of mine had her first child in her mid-20s, and all the rest of us were not even close (we all later had our babies in our early 30s). She found it very difficult. We were all still going out and she was at home. She felt isolated. Eventually, when her son started preschool and then school, it got easier, because she met parents in the same boat. And now she loves that she had her kids when she did. Her two boys are very independent , whereas we're all still dealing with toddlers!

You are still young, and I know you really want this. I get that. But there's no harm in waiting a few more years. By then, you might have a house or at least a good deposit for one, and Hubby should be more ready.

Good luck. x

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem

I think the key is that you are both ready for having children, not how old you are. My mum had me at 18, my sister at 22. She was a great mum and now we are off her hands (I'm 36, sister 32) she has been partying hard with Dad for years. They are having a ball. I don't think mum ever questioned whether she was ready or not but she sure as hell ensured my sister and I didn't go down the same path.

I had my first at 30, DH was 27. My first was unplanned and I don't think I was ready at all. I hadn't quite finished my uni degree and I felt quite resentful that things were put on hold for a while. It was a total shock for both DH & I. Also we weren't married at the time which was an issue for his parents, which caused friction.

Don't rush into having a baby. I know the feeling of really wanting it. I wanted it from about 24 but I didn't have a partner. When I finally got it at 30 I wasn't ready at all. Make sure you DH is ready too. It's something he needs to be on board with too. I believe wanting it and being ready for it are two different things.

It also doesn't matter what age you have your children you can still be isolated. At 30 I was the only person I knew having a baby, I was the first to have a baby in the family for a long time and none of my friends were even remotely close to having a baby. So I felt pretty isolated. Now they're all starting to have babies and I am the old wise one. LOL!

Good luck

No 22 isn't too young. I was 19 & DH was 21 when DD was born & we were more than ready. However i don't think it is something that your DH should feel pressured into.
I think certainly sit down and work out what your plan is for your future and see where it takes you.

Good luck Fee

At the risk of sounding sexist... I think it's quite common that men in their early 20's still have a bit of maturing to do. They may really love their kids, but struggle a lot with the shift of their partner's priorities (and energy) when kids arrive. I was listening to Dr Michael Carr-Gregg recently, who claimed the male brain doesn't fully physically mature til (gulp) age 27.

Admittedly, there are some 60-year-old men out there whose emotional maturity and capacity for unselfishness is utterly infantile, and some 18-year-olds that are remarkable in their emotional/spiritual maturity... but these are the exceptions, not the rule.

My other reflection on this is that it's helpful to have a reasonably well formed sense of identity yourself before having children... an awareness of the things you love, the things that nurture you, the way you like to contribute to the world. I have a hunch you parent better in the long term if you are able to nurture yourself from activities outside of parenting... and are less prone to being unhealthily emeshed with your children (or even worse, dependent on your children's approval... a recipe for spineless parenting).

On average, I think women mature emotionally faster, and many younger parents do a great job... but that's already been noted! Best wishes for the future.

I was 22 and my DH was 21 when we had our 1st child, he's a fantastic father and adapted to parenting much quicker than I did. I was the one in hospital not wanting to hold DD1 wrong and he showed me how to do things I put this down to our experience with babies growing up, I was one of two kids and had no experience with babies and he is one out of eleven kids and the second youngest and always been around lots of babies (nieces and nephews).

Good to hear KM... sure, some younger dads are fantastic, and experience with children counts a great deal when adapting to parenthood. I think my husband and I found children a bit of a shock because we were both "youngests" in our families.

Another musing I had on this issue was that this could be a good trigger for a wider conversation on life/marriage expectations... the healthy conversations we often forget to have with our partners. In an ideal world, at what age would you like to have children? How many? What financial goals do you have? Would you like to own a home? When? What would you like to do for work in an ideal world? What would you like our situation to look like in 5 years time? 10? 20? 30? etc. What are our social expectations about friends together and friends outside of the marriage? What expectations do I have of my partner in our marriage? in our parenting? in financial contribution? in housework?

It's not that anyone is locked into anything (as if life were that predictable, or that people don't change!) but it's a great exercise in clarifying values and expectations... even when you've known your partner for years as you have, sometimes suprises pop up because those clear conversations have never been had, or because the person has changed since you last had them.

Apart from love itself, I think the best gift we can give our children is a happy marriage (or partnership) to bring them into... and THAT takes a lot of communication, understanding, compromise, self-giving, and time.

I had just turned 24 when i had my first, 7 mths after we got married (no shotguns!) you grow up very quickly when you have a child, if you are 22, 32, or 42. we too were renting, bought our first place when we were 30. There will always be something that will come up if you want to make sure everything is right before you have a baby. the right car, the right house etc.... we come from a family of what we call "child brides" (under 25), and we all had kids early, and do you know what? we all struggled, but we have all come out on top. why? because we cant fail our children. sometimes i think that kids make you more determined. I am expecting #2 atm, 10 years after the first, totally different place that i am in now, $wise etc, but do you know what? would not change it for the world.... it made me the person i am today.

If your both ready for it then no, but it sounds like your husband would like to wait which is fair enough as 22 is still very young think about if there is anything you will regret not doing later on eg: Travel/study etc?

Fee, you don't sound 'too young', regardless of age. I'm just concerned your partner isn't as keen to start a family immediately as you are, and I have to relay my own experience for you to consider.

I married at 21, had my first at 22 and second at 24. I would never change anything and adore my (now) teenagers, however I did go through a few rough years and have often wondered how things might have been had I waited a few years to start a family. My friends travelled while I was pregnant and at home with toddlers and I did feel that I missed out on a bit, despite having two divine kids. Had I waited just a few more years, I'd have established myself more at work (before having to take breaks), we'd have started owning a house (huge money pressures when you have only one income), I might have enjoyed travelling more before 'settling down', and my marriage may have lasted, as it can be an incredibly stressful time for a young couple.

All has worked out for me, but I just wanted to tell you my story so you hear both sides. I don't think there's any harm in waiting til you're in your mid-late twenties before having kids (you change so much in your 20's) and you might just be in a better position - financially more stable, more mature and sure about yourself, stronger marriage etc. and by the sounds of it your partner would feel better for waiting a bit. That in itself might be reason enough to wait a few years? I'm sure you'll be a fabulous parent. Good luck!

Here's my wisdom from the ripe old age of 40 - mum to two toddlers. I became a mum at 38.
At 22 you think you've done it all. Trust me, at 40 I still haven't despite a lifetime of travel for work and play, many exciting jobs, socialising with celebs and titans of industry on a professional level. Boy, do I miss the travel, a quiet moment in the bath, a trip to the hair salon or supermarket alone (rare) without my eye on the clock, even the spontaneity of going out to dinner with my hubby without planning an operation on the scale of D-Day!
So, are you ready? I have a young cousin who had her first child at 18 and then at her wedding at 23, with her 3 kids as ring bearers and bride's maids, bawled all night (after more than a couple of champers) that she had no life!! She hadn't experienced anything. Ha! Imagine that!?
Travel not important to you? Nice clothes, loafing around, romantic evenings, DVDs that don't star Disney characters or the Wiggles not priorities?
Kids are MASSIVE BUNDLES OF JOY, no doubt about it, and you really are NEVER prepared for the love and dread those 2am screams elicit, but . . . have them, don't have them, you will have the same highs and lows as every woman since Eve first complained of a missed period.
Good luck with it!

I find your comment rather patronising and frankly, rude. Have you done it all? I am young (married and expecting my first) and I DON'T think I've done it all. I just don't see why people seem to think you have to "do it all" before having children.

People act like it's the end of your life when you have kids. And trust me, I've been a nanny for a number of years now, so I have seen and experienced how having children impacts so many people differently. It's only the end of your life if you let it be.

And as far as travel goes, I'd rather wait until my kids are old enough to look after themselves and go then - when we have the money and time to appreciate everything we see.

Talk Talk Talk and Talk some more to eachother!
Men find it hard to express themselves, we all know that.. But My DB reckons that by letting him say how he feels and making sure he doesn't feel silly he may say things that surprise you and himself.

There is never going to be such a thing as READY. These days there's always something else to buy or somewhere else to go and you can put it off until the end of time but being a parent is something far more fulfilling than a life time full of posessions.
But DB also said that the pressure of being put 'in charge' of you and a family may seem daunting, with the reassurance that it's all about teeeamwork! he may feel more confident in making the decision.

We were lucky in our relationship that by the end of our 2nd ever conversation together we had discussed children, finances, morals, goals, 5 year, 10 year and life long plans. We then went on with a great friendship and now our relationship is as full of love and passion as it was on our first date.

22 is a great age to be a mum, we were built to have babies in our 20's after all.. and if you are lucky enough to be with Mr right already and know where you're headed together... then all the best and make yourself proud

I'm with you Paula89...

At 23, I feel I have achieved plenty and I really think women need to support eachother in their opportunity to make their own decisions...

Your shoes probably wouldn't fit me all that well jenib...
And maybe i don't need to wear $500 ankle snappers to feel fulfilled in life...
Just maybe my daggy, old, mud-covered work boots will do me just fine.

My Mother had me at 23. Now 47, she has 3 grown children who have left home, no mortgage, no debt and a career she loves that started when my baby brother went to high school. She and my Dad (still happily married after 26 years) are off to see the world.
She was a young stay-at-home mother and housewife by choice and now she is perhaps, better off going into semi-retirement as a woman in her late 40's, looking forward to grandchildren in the near future, than women like her sister who waited until they had completed 'THEIR' lifes ambitions before contemplating the biological clock and upon ttc in her mid-30's was already menopausal and unable to have babies at all. My aunt is one of those women who will tell you that the dozen times she has been to Eiffel tower and the 5 times she has been around the world mean nothing in comparrison to the gaping whole left in her life where her children should have been.

The grass will always be greener... But remember it is just as hard to mow; no matter which side of the fence you're on.

honestly Id save a deposit for a house first. And wait for my Dh to be ready.