yeah, coz that is a brilliant analogy

btw, wiping poo is disgusting

At first glance it usually annoys me too Cali, but the counsellor in me usually kicks in and wants to know what's underneath the discomfort, the angst etc. I think with 1 in 3 girls being sexually abused in their childhoods it is not surprising that some women find the idea of breastfeeding to be uncomfortable. I agree that breastfeeding has nothing to do with sex and the sexualisation of breastfeeding is sad, but the physical is connected to the emotional and for some women the thought of feeding a baby at the breast is not easy. Not saying this is the issue in this case, but there is that possibility which makes me respond gently. Even if this is not the issue, I think it's great someone is asking for support so early to combat possible issues later



Sorry I also disagree. Yes there can be many healthy formula fed babies but it is hard to completely judge the long term impacts of formula just because some kids are smart, healthy etc. It could be one health issue that one child has later in life that is caused by their lack of breastfeeding as a baby, you just don't know. The immunological benefits are proven and undisputed which in essence shows that a lack of breastfeeding will have some health impacts, even if those are missing out on some foundations for a healthy immune system which can pop up at any time in someone's life. Formula is no where near the quality of breast milk, whether you live in a third world country or not.

Cathode - yes but it is part of being a mum, if you don't think you want to feed a baby, don't have one.

oooh, I almost didn't read this blog because I thought I would see a lot of vicious responses in the pro breast feeding camp........

Anyhoo, remember back in the 70's when formula was the trend? Those big NAN tubs that were probably no more nutritional than Sustagen.....and look how we all turned out! ....that wasn't sarcastic, I think a pretty healthy, intelligent, great bunch of individuals.

Point is, whether you do or don't go the boob, your choice. Let's all support the sisterhood girls....

I hope you found the support and advice you were looking for on this one.

When people looked at my children they assumed they were breastfed...... must be because you can't see their tails in the onesie.......

HI Belinda,

I am currently BF my second baby, with DD1 I had multiple problems, including attachment issues vaospasms (sp), low supply, engorgement, When my DD latched on it was so painful, I BF for six months with a combination during that time of Fully breastfeeding and complementary feeding. I had people telling me to just put her on the bottle, it wasn't worth the pain, I would get told XYZ person put her children on the bottle and they are fine. I am a very stubborn person, and so it is possible that helped me not to give up. My DD also had GORD.

Now onto DD2 I have been BF her for just over 3months now (since birth) I still needed some help with attachment while in hospital, I don't get vaospasms, (although a friend of mine was told because she got them with DD1 she would get it again). I was told when DD was about 2 weeks that I had low supply, I didn't believe this and found it very upsetting, but I knew it was not the same as with DD1. I increased my supply over one weekend by expressing after a few feeds. DD now has her last feed around 9:30 and will sleep through to about 6:30 - 7:00am

I loved bf my DD1 despite the pain, and I again love BF DD2, The love when she looks into my eyes. THe grins that come my way. BF also helps your body to heal after birth, gets you back into shape.

With breastfeeding you have lots of options.
1. Feed straight from breast (only you can do that) so you have a great excuse to sit and relex
2. Express and get hubby or someone else to feed bub
3. Go shopping and not worry about bottles. or take EBM (expressed breast milk)
4. if out feed in the parent rooms, or feed in the food court etc.
5. There are some great BF tops that reveal nothing, ( I'm very conservative but I feel very comfortable feeding in public with the BF tops from K-Mart).

Belinda, it is possible that when you have your baby, how you feel might change? give it a couple of days, IT would be horrible that after a couple of days you decide you should have given it a go.

Sorry one more thing with DD1 I had her via an emergency Caesar, with DD2 I had a natural delivery (vacuum).

I didn't want to breastfeed but at the same time I wanted my son to receive the necessary nutrients and immunities that formula couldn't give him. So, I pumped. Sure, you are having to do twice the work but you do it because you love your child. I also heard that breastfed babies are less fussy eaters and the longer you breastfeed the better. Whether or not this research is true, I breastfed my son longer than my sisters did their children and my son is a better eater than all of them put together. In the end it is your choice and if you feel uncomfortable that is going to affect your milk and you will find that your baby will react to your emotions.

I was bottle fed and I am healthy, happy, intelligent so don't believe all those rumours about breastfed babies have a bigger advantage of bottle fed.

I didn't want to have a vaginal birth (thankfully my medical history prevented me from that), so by your reasoning, I shouldn't of had children
As a PP said, there can be underlying reasons why people feel certain ways. My fear/phobia (whatever you want to call it) of VB was a well deserved one (and I do not want to go into specifics).

Maybe this poster has some underlying reason too?

but no, everyone just wants to jump on the YOU MUST BREASTFEED OR YOU ARE KILLING YOUR BABY (okay, dramatisation there) bandwagon...

btw, nice one on re-enforcing the OP's post


As I have stated before ... OP, give it a shot (BF) and see how you go

Absolutely - she should abort now!
No I am not serious, but I bet half of the breastfeeding fanatics are very pro-choice as opposed to pro-life. That's fine it's their right, after all it is their bodies. In the same vein, the right to breast or bottle feed is your choice. Nobody else's. Your body, your decision.

FYI, any physical benefits to breastfeeding past 12 weeks are speculative and unproven. Earlier someone said it is more important the baby has a happy mother. This is true. It is equally easy to bond with and cuddle your new baby while bottle feeding. I am not trying to put you off breastfeeding but want you to know it's okay if you made the "other" choice.

I have had two children. I failed breast feeding with the first one - bleeding nipples, cracks, mastitis, the works. In fact the end of one of my nipples came right off (the sticking out bit). I feared that I would get post natal depression if I continued to attempt to breast feed, such was the stress. So I stopped. I felt no guilt from the breast feeding militia, I was not condemned, rather, most of my friends and family said "Good on you for giving it a go".

However. The washing, steaming, preparing, cleaning, shopping, sterilising of those never ending interminable bottles was worse than breast feeding!

When I had my second child I was DETERMINED to breast feed no matter what, as I abjectly refused to steam another damn bottle.

My son was just as voracious as his sister when it came to breast feeding and I got cracks and mastitis, and more besides, but I kept with it. In my local area there is a breast-feeding support group that you can attend every day of the week if you need to. I haunted the breast feeding support group for about three weeks, let me tell you. The result is that I breast fed my son exclusively until I returned to full-time work at six months. It was with great regret and sadness that I weaned him (my breast milk dried up as the I couldn't let down with the pump device).

If I could mention one other good reason for breast-feeding it would be that when junior wakes you in the night with his / her frantic cries, you will be glad to get up to feed him as your breasts will be full and most likely getting uncomfortable. You just pick up baby, whack him on the breast, change over to other breast when he is ready, and then plonk him back in crib. Both of you back to sleep, him with happy tummy and you with softer breasts. With bottles you have the crescendo of crying whilst you wait for the bottle to heat, and then if you over-heat it, you must wait till it cools, all the while feeling cranky, deleriously tired, and wishing there was an easier way.

I've done both bottle and breast. When they say it is best for baby, I can say it is best for mothers too!

It's wonderful that you are so in touch with your feelings about breastfeeding. So many mothers feel exactly the same way you do, but fail to acknowledge it until it is too late. Many women, like you, aren't comfortable with their breasts being used to nourish their baby. Thats really sad, but it's also a reality. In our highly sexualised society, breasts are usually seen as playthings rather than functional or nurturing.
How are you feeling about the changes that are happening to your body right now? Your swollen belly is growing a little miracle, the baby inside is a physical part of you. Pregnancy brings with it an entire change in your body, not just the bits you can see, but with hormones that change your thinking and feeling. Some of these hormones dont kick in until during or after the delivery and some of these hormones produce feelings of submission or surrender. When you breastfeed, you emotionally surrender yourself to nurturing your child. You don't control these hormones, but you do control the other feelings you experience. Now is the time to learn to control those feelings. You don't need to push them aside, You need to acknowledge them and then decide what you want to do about them. Here is something that worked for me.
Do you find yourself subconciously rubbing or patting your belly? Do you ever lie in bed at night, just enjoying the feeling of that little baby squirming around inside you? How did you feel when you first had the sensation of butterflies tickling the inside of your belly? Excited? Scared? Overjoyed? Loving? Hold onto those thoughts. When you are lying in bed, gently stroking our swollen belly, with your baby all snug and warm inside (probably doing somersaults), do you think you could love anything more? When you are in that moment of love, imagine your baby nestled peacefully asleep in your arms. How do you feel? Gaze into you baby's eyes. How do you feel? When you are at peace with this image, try imagining him next to your bare breast. He isn't feeding yet, he is just wrapped in the warmth of your love and closeness. His perfect unblemished skin next to the softest skin on your body. When you are ready, remove your top and look at your breast. Cup your hand under it gently and imagine your baby asleep against your bare breast. How do you feel now? If it is too much for you, have a break until later today or even tomorrow and try again. When you feel comfortable with this image, try to imagine him attached to your breast, feeding peacefully, with his eyes gazing into yours. This process my take only hours for some, but for others it may take weeks of trying. Once you are comfortable with this image use it every day to strengthen yourself emotionally. I have even heard of some women using a doll to help them with these visualisations if they are having trouble.

An article that really helped me to understand how all the pieces fitted together was by Dr Sarah Buckly and can be found here. http://sarahjbuckley.com/articles/ecstatic-birth.htm

I never thought that I would breastfeed. I couldn't stand the thought of anyone looking at my breasts, let alone touching them (not even my partner). But once I got used to my breasts, I never looked back. I loved breastfeeding both my children and would do it again i a heartbeat. Breastfeeding is 95% psychological. Your body will know what to do. It's your mind that will hold you back. Surrender to the love of your baby. You will never know another love like it.

The best thing i did was a breast feeding course at the hospital. When my little one was born i was already primed with information that i could fall back on when the confliciting info the midwife of the hour was giving me, it helped me get through the confusion and i stuck to my guns and did it the way i wanted. I fed my duaghter until she was one.
Good luck with it all.

I had incredible difficulties at first but now, nearly 11 months on I love it.

It is free, portable and can be done lying down or even half asleep.
No need to find a microwave,
No sterilising,
No upset tummies because of poor sterilisation,
No waste (formula can't be reused once a bottle has touched baby's lips).
Environmentally brilliant - zero carbon footprint.
A hungry baby can be fed immediately just by pulling up your top, no mucking around.
Having a newborn fall asleep at the breast is a lovely thing. Even through all my difficulties I loved that in particular.
You can express milk so someone else can feed bub.
You can complement with formula is necessary/desirable.
You will feel very in touch with your body
Self examining for breast cancer will be a cinch after breast feeding - you'll know your breasts backwards.


The leaking and engorged breasts etc last for a few months while your body gets used to it but your baby soon works out how to tell your body what to do. Find a good lactation consultant to ensure you attach baby properly. It can be hard work (not hard, just hard work) but if deep down you want to do it and there is no physicalogical reason not to, then you can.

Maybe you should stop 'thinking' and 'feel' instead. See how you feel once bub is in your arms. If you want to pop an acrylic teat into their tiny mouth first up then fine but give yourself the benefit of the doubt and surround yourself with positive people.

Hey Belinda - two things:

Stay at a good hospital (that keep you there for a few days after the birth) and call the nurse for help with each attachment... breastfeeding is SO easy once you have the attachment down, so use the help while you have it there.

Secondly, get every single brand of nipple cream you can find. I found the Avent one worked really well for me, other people I have heard love the Lansinoh cream.

In the early days you will have moments when you feel like a monkey lol but seriously, once you get your head around it, it is great. I received my baby's first smile while on the boob... so it's those sorts of moments that you won't want to miss!

S.

HI Belinda

I hope my experience and along with the numerous advices and responses that you've already got will help you decide.

When i had my first baby i knew nothing about breastfeeding only that is is good for your baby... i was lucky enough to have a baby that was born full term and was able to latch on properly at first go... I absolutely enjoyed breastfeeding my daughter, we were able to bond and the thought of me being the only one to give her such a good head start in life where her health is concern is the most rewarding experience. I was lucky to have never experienced cracked nipples or mastitis, i only had the occasional engorgement but was fixed the minute i expressed. Breastfeeding helped me in many ways, in the middle of the night i didn't have to wake up and make a bottle which is a lengthy process when you're half asleep, i was able to bring my daughter into bed with me and have her feed while i am lying down. It saved us quite a lot of money on formula too. To give my husband some bonding time with our daughter i expressed and he was able to feed her too, this method was very helpful when i weaned her too.

I breastfeed DD exclusively for 6mths then had to go back to work and hand expressing was so tiring so i gave up BF altogether... This is something that has been eating me up for the last 3 years cos i feel so guilty that i didn't do this for 1 yr (which is very beneficial for baby's immune system).

I am now pregnant with my second and am planing to breastfeed exclusively for 1yr, this time i have gone out and purchase a good Medela electric pump that i will definitely use when i return to work. So there you have it, this is my positive story and i hope it helps you in your decision making process.

Take care and good luck.
Tia

Dear Belinda,
I had the same feelings about breastfeeding. And to top it all of, I had a definate fear of what the "breastfeeding mafia" would think if I decided not to breastfeed my child. But I decided to give it a go for at least six months, because based on all I had read, it was best for the bub. Yes, my breasts were engorged (I am sure my mother will never forget the moment that I called her in the States to yell at her for not telling me that I would just wake up one morning to find two rocks perched upon my chest), and my husband definately got more then a few laughs as breast milk squirted uncontrolled across the room. That being said, I had not problems with cracked nipples, or mastitis. And, to be quite honest, I loved breastfeeding. It really is not a line when people tell you that the bond it forms between you and your child is incredible. That's not to say that babies who fed formula, for whatever the reason, don't form that bond as well, but the time that I had, with the bub, I would never trade for anything. My six month time limit stretched to a year, and although I was more then ready to be done at that time, I still from time to time look down at her adorable 15 month old face and wish that I could see it pressed up against my breast. All the other reasons stated are great too, afordable, and on tap, so you have it when you need it, not wait on getting the bottle ready. I would say, give it a go, if its not for you, its not for you, but you might just be surprised. I know I was.

I remember being quite embarrassed by the thought of BFing in front of other people, but at the same time, it never entered my head that I would bottle feed. I didn't realise there were people who didn't at least attempt it at the beginning.
I used to arm myself with a wrap to hide my exposed breast and would perform small acrobatics trying to manipulate my baby into position so that nobody caught a booby glimpse.
By the time DD was 3 months old, the shame had gone. I've come a long way since those awkward early months. It was nothing for me to chase a toddler across a playground with a baby in one arm and a breast flying in the wind.

Why not try and Breasfeed. Whats the worst that can happen? You will never know unless you give it a go. i didn't really have any problems before my son was born. I did buy a pump and bottles just in case. My son was a very big baby (5.3kg at 3 weeks) and i had a lot of trouble holding him due to his weight so i didn't feed at cafes or similar places. i actually thought i would have trouble producing milk as i have larger boobs, but i feed for 54 weeks.

i did a lot of my feeding in bed, lying on my side, and this was great, especially for winter as we could snuggle under the blankets together. i started feeding this way in hospital (i had a c/section) and i loved it from then.

yes i have horror stories as well, leaky boobs (i wore a bra and breastpads to bed for about 2 months), attachment problems at 3 weeks and feeding sessions that lasted 3-4hrs at the same time, tears and tantrums at the same time. i sought help from the hospital and when i think back now and i am glad i persisted, cos now i miss breastfeeding. i am just glad that my baby is one who loves cuddles, cos we can continue that.

no-one can convince you to breastfeed, its a decision you have to make on your own. i decided to give Breastfeeding a chance, so i made sure i was well informed, i went to the hospital course, read everything in print and online i could lay my hands on, and in the end it worked for all of us.

good luck with your choice, and do what is best for you.

Hey Belinda,
Congratulations on the pending arrival of your first beautiful new baby, this is a most special and wonderful time. I really hope you breastfeed this wonderful addition to your family because it is undoubtedly the best thing for him/her (and will be wonderful for you too I promise!) It was hard for me at the beginning and is for most I think. It is such a foreign experience when you have your first bub, and the emotions are overwhelming.
For me I find that if people really really want ot breastfeed their kids, they will, but you have to want to do it. There is help out there, stacks of it! Hopsitals run clinics, you can call the ABA for free anytime and some lovely person will talk to you for hours. You can pay a lactation consultant to come to your home and help you! (I did all of these!!) Some people want a $2000 pram or a beautiful bedroom setting for their baby. I decided that my money was spent better paying a lactation consultant (only came once and cheaper than a bugaboo). I read everything, I informed myself of the services available. I did have a breast pump handy and a couple of times when I was sore I expressed and used a bottle. Most importantly the bond I have with my child throgh breastfeeding is amazing. They roll their eyes back like they are in heaven when they first get on the boozy (as it is known round here). An boozy cures anything, sickness, tiredness, anything, just stick them on and its like reset mode. Breastfeeding is relaxing, and in the middle of the night, I actually stayed asleep, its sooo much easier to lift your top than turn a light on, prepare and heat a bottle (I agree with the lazies out there!)
Best of luck to you, message me if you ever need help or advise, or better still call the ABA toll free number!
Lastly remember the best advise anyone ever gave me on the arrival of a new baby, (cos so many people will give you their opinion); - "You know what is best for your child because you are their mother". I am sure you already know!!
xxxxxx
beansmum

before i had even thought of having a child, i never really thought of what it would be like to bf. but when i got pregnant, i knew that i wanted to bf, i didnt think about all the possibilities of infections etc, but onto the subject, i love bf. my daughter is 7 1/2 months now and i still love to bf, even though she has teeth, she doesnt bite, and i find it way easier to settle her through the night, as i lay her in the bed beside me to feed her and she settles real fast.
i would also agree with the other replies, if you try bf and dont like it, but still want to give your baby breast milk, then you can express, and there are alot of ways to avoid getting mastitis etc, and as you know, one of the ways to get it is to have too much milk, but that can be helped by expressing any extra milk your baby doesnt take.
personally i have had a great experience with bf, and have had no infections or sore nipples. if you are worried about getting sore nipples, you can always try to use a nipple sheild, which are sold in pharmacies etc, and that might help to ease some nerves of the infection part, and as for the milk leaking, im sure you may know of the disposable and washable breast pads to place in your bra to stop the milk going onto your clothes, they are great.
my advice for anyone would be to bf, i even told my cuz who recently got pregnant that bf is better than alot of ppl make out, and not just for baby, i love the smiles she gives me while she feeds, and also how she tries to talk to me at the same time.
its also the best time to get in alot of eye contact, which is good for bonding.
my advice - give it a try and if you dont like it, there are alot of other options, and dont feel pressured by the community, its your baby, its your choice, and nobody can tell you what to do. go by your instincts.

Fall back on complete rationality and think of the fact that we are mammals. That mammals all have breasts only so they can breastfeed. That it makes the most complete food for the baby possible and gives the baby the best start possible in life. I thought "I carted these massive lumps of meat around my whole life and now they're finally going to be useful for more than bamboozling men" and meant it!

I could barely stand to have my nipples touched they were that sensitive (great for bedroom times lol) and wondered how the hell I would ever stand a baby sucking without screaming. But when it happens your breasts have changed so much they're perfectly ready for it and the nerves don't seem to fire at the feeling of your baby like they do with a stranger (who isn't your genes I mean).

It was hard at first but only because you have no idea how much milk your baby is getting, so you constantly worry they aren't getting enough every time they cry. I think everyone gets leaky nipples to start with (a clear sign you *are* making enough milk) but that stopped after month two and other than that it's been a dream - no cracked nipples, no engorgement ever, no mastitis. I remember she was a strong feeder (very strong suck) and she did used to make me jump when she latched on, but it wasn't pain just ... a strong sensation? I don't feel it at all now at 7 months.

And I have it all over my bottlefeeding friends when we go out and they have to lug bags of formula, bottles, extra bottles for the next feed, sterile water etc then take it all home and clean it where I just take a nappy and eat and drink what I like (breastfeeding stops most women from putting on weight) then when she's hungry whip out a boob and it's done. You can always give formula when you go out and save having to express as well (which for me was the most tedious part of breastfeeding).

Top it off with knowing I'm doing the best thing that I can for that new person I made and honestly it's worth trying, just be prepared for it to be hard for the first 2 months or so. The bond it creates between you and your baby is also something I can't describe. I remember looking down at my 5 month old and thinking "I made every last cell of that babies body with mine" and I had! Right up until you start solids or a sippa cup with water every little bit of that baby is made by you. I can't describe the pride in that feeling.

[Edit to add] knowing that until very recently (like the last 50 years?) every mother in history breastfeed was also a factor. There are some things science and convenience have given us as advances that aren't actually very good for us, and formula feeding is one of them. There are a whole host of immune factors and bacteria the baby is supposed to get via your milk that colonise their gut (that they need) and one at least can only come from human breastmilk (until very recently anyway, you can now buy it as a suppliment - I found this out while researching reasons for babies to have colic, and the lack of this bacteria was one reason). If a baby doesn't get this bacteria it can make them more likely to develop a food allergy and have stomach bugs for longer. It's called Lactobacillus Reuteri, look it up. If you do decide to formula feed please do look into this suppliment and get it for your baby.

Research and listen, but only to the good things, everyone has horror stories but lots of people out there survive it. I have BF 4 babies, my first 3 children were challenging but we got through, toes curled at times. But after the first 8 weeks it starts to get better. With my 4th baby it was a nightmare, he was tongue tied and relux, but I perservered and he is now 6 months old and 9 kg, huge! each time I hold him in my arms to feed it is amazing just watching his little face and how relaxed he becomes. we hold hands while he feeds and just relax, can't do that when your holding a bottle.

Really either way is fine, but make a decision and stick to it as best you can, it can be very rewarding.

Settling..... my bubby's have all slept around 8 - 12 hours a night from the age of 7 weeks, depends on the child not on the feeding so much. People say bottle feed and they sleep better, but not for us.

Good luck with your decision, and I am sure you will love your baby just the same whether you bottle or breast. It will need to be fed either way.

I didn't want to breast feed either, thought it was strange, but as soon as my son was born my midwife put him straight on my bare chest and i started feeding him. it did take a few days/weeks to get the hang of it.....and yes my breasts were engorged, did crack & bleed, it can be time consuming but i stuck with it for him as it is best for him and giving him all the nutrients and helps build his immune system.

when i was in hospital with my son every time i did feed i would call the midwive in to check the positioning etc and got some great tips.

fast foward 19 months & he goes to bed saying 'milk mummy'. i do enjoy it. its 'our time' together, our private bonding time. it feels natural now he is here, he doesn't know any different (and he doesn't ask for it in public - i've always fed in private so he could 'eat' in peace).

i know its not for everyone. and it doens't mean you love your children any less, but i'm all for it - its always there, always the right temperature and you never have to worry about washing & sterilizing bottles!

I wasn't at all keen on breastfeeding but... I did it anyway and I'm a convert. In addition to being free and portable, breastfeeding also means that you loose the baby weight without effort and don't get the dreaded "mummy tummy" as the uterus contracts faster.

Another positive that comes from breastfeeding is that the baby's poo is, erm, nicer and often they don't poo as often.

Finally, bottle feeding seems to involve an incredible amount of fuss - measuring amounts, sterilising bottles blah blah blah. Whilst breastfeeding can hurt your nipples a bit, this goes pretty quickly, in my case a week. I find that breast feeding means that I can step out the door with baby whenever I feel like it.

Oh, and babies seem to love breast feeding, looking up at you. I'm not sentimental but I do find that nice.

Hi Belinda, I had the same concerns as you but chose to do it as it is best for the baby. Amidst all the cracked nipples and standard issues I never grew to enjoy it but I did stop stressing about it and just accepted it as part of life. I know that's not what you want to hear but the fact is, not everyone loves it. You just choose to do it for as long as you want to and then you switch to bottles when you've had enough. The hardest part is the first 3 weeks but that is over and done with in no time.

I made it to 4 months and then started introducing bottles slowly over the next two months. I also introduced solids at 4 months so that by the time he got to six he was eating properly and I knew he would be getting nutrients from food, not just formula.

Good luck!

Think positive. It will be hard in the beginning but easiest in the end.

Get the number of a good lactation consultant in hospital to take home with you and the number for the ABA.

Don't be afraid to call for help or have someone home visit. BF is a learned art just like mothering, doesn't happen naturally contrary to popular belief.

Use a nipple shield or anything else anyone may tell you not to to increase chances of continuing.

These things enabled me to BF my DS exclusively until 6 months and extend BF until 20 months - and I was NEVER going to be 'one of those' mothers.

Best of luck.

I must admit I had a similar attitude when I was pregnant with my first child and also couldn't even imagine BF in public. All that changed the moment my baby was born and 5 kids later I am still BFing and it truly is wonderful, cheap and easy.

With both my children it was only painful for the first two weeks. I think once you look at your tiny baby you will want to do what is best for him/her - and once you get through the learning stage you will find that it is a wonderful experience - not to mention so much more practical then bottles.

No, you are not the only woman who feels this way - there are lots of us! I felt exactly the same way, I wanted to give my baby the best start in life, but couldn't stand the thought of breastfeeding. I don't know why, the thought of it just really, really, didn't do it for me. I also found out very quickly that if I told anyone how I felt about breastfeeding I would get strange looks, be called 'selfish', get the aghast 'but what about what's best for the baby??!!?' or the old rolled eyes and the 'well... you're choice, but I'll definitely be breastfeeding my baby' with the big holier-than-thou smile at the end of the line.

So I investigated breastfeeding by purely expressing. Everywhere said it was a lot of extra work, but it seemed to be the perfect solution for me. Best for my baby (the breastmilk) and best for me. You need to remember that just because you have a new baby doesn't mean that you no longer matter at all - a happy mother will mean a happier relationship with the baby.

So for the past 7 weeks I have fed my son expressed breastmilk only - and I love it. I feel great that he is getting breastmilk. I think the trick to 'hacking' the 'pumping' routine is to set yourself up well. I have a good double electric breast pump (Medela Pump In Style) and a 'boob tube' that lets me pump hands-free. The pump is set up next to the computer, so for the 15-20 minutes it takes to full drain both breasts I can read the news, answer e-mails, surf the internet and post to forums (like right now!). The 15-20 minutes goes in a flash when you have something else to do at the same time.

At the start, when I was trying to get my milk supply up, it was a bit of a grind pumping every 2-2.5 hours, but after one week of that once I was home from hospital I decreased it over a few days so that since Week 3 I have only needed to pump 5 times a day (sometimes 4). On average I pump about 1100mls of milk which is more than my DS needs (and I just freeze the rest). So I have a 6 am pump (with morning decaf, read of the news online), sometimes a 10 am pump (reading e-mails and forums), a 1:30pm pump (online shopping, paying bills, general surfing), a 6 pm pump (while husband is bathing DS, doing general net stuff) and a 10 pm pump (forums, checking eBaY, e-mails, etc...).

With the occasional glitch, it's pretty easy to time pumping while DS is asleep, and if it goes to custard then I can easily turn the pump off and re-start in a little while. Both my DH and I love the flexibility this system gives us - either of us can do a feed (which has ended up meaning more sleep for me), I can go out (with DH or grandma looking after DS) not worrying about when DS will need his next feed. And I never have to face the prospect of breastfeeding in public, which like you I was very shy about doing.

When going out with DS, I just pop a bottle or two in the bag in case he needs a feed. We got him used to having breastmilk at room temperature very early, so when he needs a feed I just whip out the bottle. I don't really subscribe to the idea that you don't get to bond as well, as we have the loving stares during feeding just like breastfeeding mums do (and DH also gets to bond during feeding which he loves).

As I have more milk stored than he needs, it also allows me to have the occasional glass of wine with DH during the evening without worrying about waiting 2-3 hours before feeding, as I just use milk that was expressed before the drink. Not vital I know, but it's nice sometimes.

With a good system of expressing and storage (our fridge door is now a big whiteboard with bottle numbers, dates, times and volumes written all over it) it works well for us - and easy enough for DH to understand!. Our DS is also quite a quick feeder, taking only about 10 minutes to feed, so the pumping time of 15-20 mins plus a feeding time of 10 mins is about the same as the 30-40 mins it takes my breastfeeding friends to feed.

The bottles and sterilising really doesn't take that long. We have enough equipment to do 4 pumps and about 6 feeds before needing to do a wash and sterilise (just rinsing with hot water in between), and the wash and loading the steriliser takes only about 10 mins. I am happy to sacrifice that time for the flexibility.

I caught up with a group of mums that I met while we were all pregnant, and only about half of them are breastfeeding (babies all between 4 and 8 weeks old) - many of them felt exactly the same way as the OP. When I have told them of my routine many have said they wished they had thought of that, but with no milk supply it is too late for them to start.

I just thought I would share my experience and my routine, which I am not sick of and have no intention of stopping. I'm not saying it's better than breastfeeding, but it is an option for those wanting to give their baby breastmilk without the suckling at the breast part.

Good luck with whatever you end up doing and congratulations on your new baby!

Caroline

That sounds like a fantastic option, Caroline, and it's great that it has worked so well for you. As you said, much better to give these options a go at the outset, while you have a milk supply, than regret it later!

Caroline that does sound great, the idea is to feed breastmilk it doesn't matter how it's delivered as much. I thought I'd qualify my statement about hating expressing in light of it ... I only bought a cheapie hand pump and never had much luck expressing much with it so it took ages and I never got enough anyway (had to take two days to get enough for one feed).

If you have the right equipment and a good electronic pump it would be completely different. I remember the automatic pump the midwives gave me in hospital to try to get my supply in (caeser = late) and it was very gentle and pleasant on the nipple - much milder than the baby So if you end up not being able to deal with the sensation of mouth feeding, pumping would be a brilliant option. It feels completely different.

Just to let you know that it really doesn't have to be horrible and painful. I had one small blister on one nipple for a few days but no other problems at all. We didn't do any special preparation, but the ABA runs great breastfeeding classes in lots of areas, so I would recommend doing one of those.

I didn't especially love the idea of breastfeeding, but I did love the idea of giving my baby what is designed by nature to nourish her and I also loved the idea of not hassling around with bottles etc. And when I saw how much she loved/loves breastfeeding, my attitude changed too. It really has been just her favourite thing and being able to give that to the person I love most in the world has been so meaninful.

Nothing makes me feel more like a cow than expressing!

OP, I'd recommend giving it a try. You may well find that its not as bad as you think. Keep an open mind and see if it works for you.

If not, you can try the expressing thing.

Where was this? I did my Midwifery in the 70's and had about 95% of mothers discharged successfully breastfeeding with a retention rate at 6 months of over 65%.

I assumed the fatty hindmilk would float more so an upended bottle would deliver it last for the most part. Same as cream rising to the top (it is the part that contains the cream is it not?).


If you express then feed the expressed milk straight away I don't see the short gap as a problem. I've never frozen breastmilk for this reason

I've read a few historical things that said formula became all the rage partially because people were ... silly ... enough to equate breastfeeding with being lower class. Higher class women in the past had "wet nurses" who fed for them and were basically peasants. At one point in city homes at least (rural homes were never so stupid) if you could afford formula you were seen as "better" than those who just had to breastfeed. Utterly rididulous isn't it.

It's telling in my mind that the rise in food sensitivities in children in the last few decades has coincided with antibiotic overuse and formula feeding, both of which stop L.Reuteri and other important gut flora from being passed on by mothers to their babies via breastmilk. And once it's gone from you (or you don't breastfeed), there was no other way for your children to get it so a few generations of humans have grown up with suboptimal health because they were never able to get this from their mothers. One recent study had the number of women with L.Reuteri in city areas at as low as 12%. In country areas it was 50%. In the healthiest countries like Japan and Korea it was almost 100%. And we wonder why country kids seem much hardier!

I took it as a suppliment while I was breastfeeding to make sure my bub got it because I've had a few goes of hefty antibiotics in my time and wasn't sure I'd still carry the bacteria either. Guess I have a few years to go to see if it worked.

Hi, I also had that feeling of BF being a bit icky when I was pregnant, the idea of a baby sucking on the breast felt a bit wrong to me, but I still planned to BF because I knew it was best. When bub was born it was hard for the first couple of weeks, but good help from an understanding counsellor and some other BFing Mums got me through those weeks. Then it became pretty easy to do and VERY convenient It has taken until my Bub was about 6 months old for me to absolutely Love it, everyone said in the early days 'Don't you just love BFing?' and I though 'it's allright I suppose' but now I understand what they mean, don't feel bad for having those thoughts they are normal, people just don't talk about the bad things they think of because it makes them seem like bad parents. ABA was really good for me, my first meeting I went and just asked a hundred questions during the talk and then a counsellor who was empathetic to my feelings came and talked to me afterwards, also a Mum of 4 told me she was coming to visit me the next day and she just let me unload on her, that was exactly what I needed!
You need to search out the people who will help you though, if I hadn't dragged myself to that meeting I wouldn't have met those people and I don't know how I would have gone without them.
Don't worry too much about your thoughts, we tend to make mountains out of molehills when it comes to parenting, try to relax you will be ok when your bub arrives.

My advice would be to just take it a day at a time. Even if you just make it to 1w, you have still given your baby a great start and you may even find yourself inspired to continue. After a while it just becomes easier to continue breastfeeding that it would me to wean. That was pretty much what kept me persevering through the pain of the first few weeks. i ended up breastfeeding two children until they were toddlers.

Having said that, a lot of women who have been sexually abused find breastfeeding very confronting. If this is the case for you, I recommend getting some professional support and certainly don't feel bad if you feel that breastfeeding is ultimately not for you (and I say this as an a pro-breastfeeder and former ABA member).

OP, breastfeeding isn't always best. I was so pro breastfeeding but after two weeks and PND my GP told me I had to stop cause I was bringing myself down to much with the pressure I put on myself. I waited for one week before i knew I had to stop, I started hating my DD. She has been on formula since 3 weeks and is thriving (now 5 months). She is such a happy baby and with the help of meds couselling and my DH being able to do some feeds I and so much better and can enjoy my little DD.

The best thing for you to do is what feels right for you and your baby. Dont let anyone pressure you into doing something you dont want to do.

For help with trying to breastfeed, contact the australian breastfeeding assc, talk to your gp, maybe even see a counceller to try and resolve your issues with it (if youreally want to do that)

Goodluck, hope it all works out for you.

Why would I address that when it's correct?

Well it's correct in my opinion anyway.

The point is that if OP absolutely cannot bring herself to breast feed, expressing far outweighs formula and people shouldn't put her off trying that. But breast is best and I've said that every post I've made in this topic. I think some people have only read later posts where I was replying to people about specific comments, not gotten them all and gotten confused.

I can see where the OP is coming from. Breasts are very sexualised in our society, so having a baby sucking on them does seem a bit weird in that context. My poor DH loses out while I'm breastfeeding because I can't stand him fondling me - that's NOT WHAT THEY'RE FOR RIGHT NOW!

But, on to what makes it worthwhile.

To me, breastfeeding equals FREEDOM!

I'm not an organised person, so for me to be able to pick up my baby and take off on an excursion to the shops without having to muck about sterilising bottles, boiling water and measuring formula is magic. While I'm out, I can just sit down and feed my baby without having to hunt for somewhere to warm a bottle. And if I stay out longer than expected, I can feed my baby a second time rather than thinking "bugger, I should have brought a second bottle".

Not to mention how much lighter I can travel. Nappy bag? What's that?! I just have a couple of nappies, some wipes, a small bottle of hand sanitiser and a disposable change mat in my handbag.

I enjoy the closeness too, and the feeling of accomplishment when I breastfeed my baby (breastfeeding did NOT come easy to me with either of my two children, my nipples are of very suboptimal design). I was more distraught than DD1 when she weaned at 16 months.

I am a breastfeeder, and I must say from the outset that I have been very lucky in that I have not had any problems establishing breastfeeding with my 2 boys, but I know that is not always the case. I can understand that people may have negative feelings about breastfeeding prior to birth, but I would suggest you keep an open mind about it. Try not to build up all the negatives in your mind. When you hold that baby and give it a try....it might just feel right and work for you. Most women know that it is not always smooth sailing in the early days (breast or bottle....well, the whole adjusting to baby things anyway!).

Years ago, a friend of mine had a baby, and she was set on bottle feeding as she just didn't like the idea of breastfeeding. When I visited her in hospital, she told me she was breastfeeding and she was very happy.

I found the thought of it a little off putting when i was pregnant with number one. I tried not to think about it actually. My boss at work said she never did it for long as she felt too strange in public...even a little unclean in front of family and friends and I believed thats how I will be !! I even found women in public feeding a bit off putting when they didn't cover the baby up...I used to think, 'foul, how can they do that...right there!' (now I wouldn't batter an eyelid!)

In an instant when the child was given to me in the first moments of life, everything didn't matter to me anymore apart this baby....it was like a light switch turned on and it all happenend very quickly...all I remember soon after my c-section is this midwife lifting my top and placing the baby on, like a farmer quickly putting the machine on a milks udder, no time to think, no questions asked, she just did it! No foul thoughts entered my mind...it was more like 'wow this baby knows what to do...isn't that amazing'
It then all made sense..these two things on my chest are the babies life line...its like a shift had changed in my brain from what i thought 'breasts' were about...to really why we are born with them.

However, saying this, I didn't breastfeed for long as my baby was prem and stayed in special care nursery for a few weeks...so I had to express a lot, but never got the milk supply like other mums expressing in the nursery, so slowly my daughter was topped up on formula to fed her up and was fully formula feed at 2 months. She is 2.5 years now and is beautiful, healthy and excellent physical and mental development.
So in the long run, see how you go, I wouldn't worry too much, I think the switch will happen for you instantly when bub comes along. But you have the options of expressing (can hire machines from The Australian breastfeeeding association...but pre book one...as sometimes a waiting list) and then of course formula...I used Nestle Nan Gold...which was excellent, recommended by the midwives than other ones.

I breastfed my twins until they were 9 months old and am now breastfeeding my 3 month old baby. I found that breastfeeding very difficult in both cases until after 6 weeks as the baby must learn to feed. After that it became easier and convenient. After all you dont have to sterilise your boobs when you go out! I lost 25kg whilst breastfeeding the twins (without trying and eating a cream cake every day!) and so far Ive lost 20kg with my new baby. It really is better for the baby too - my babies are settled, healthy and happy.

Plus you get to put your feet up, relax and go on EB when you BF and no one questions you!

Just wanted to say I admire your courage for coming out and saying exactly what you are feeling and thinking about the prospects of breastfeeding. Stepping into the unknown in any situation is difficult, let alone all there is around the role of bearing, birthing and raising a child.

1. trust your instincts
2. respect yourself and listen to what you are feeling and thinking
3. you are the one who has to live your life and only you know ultimately what is best for you and those you love

I too had those feelings around breastfeeding for the first time. When you've really only experienced your breasts being part of your sexual being you wonder how on earth will they exist as part of your asexual, mothering being? It does work out. Just as you separate your 'work' self and your 'home self' already, you head enters another space when feeding your baby.

I found first time feeding was a bit of a head trip still and even now, feeding baby number three I am totally amazed that he has grown so wonderfully on my milk alone. I found breast feeding my first baby very hard but it was a combination of so many things - a very difficult birth, a baby with a sore head and jaw after she was ventouse delivery (a brilliant paed. chiropractor solved that problem) a bit of post natal depression...
I think it took three months and a lot of support - from said chiropractor, a lactation consultant, phone help lines, my husband to get things working alright for us.

Second and third time around it was much, much easier and it is overwhelmingly a positive experience to not have to deal with bottles and things in the middle of the night or going out when you are someone like me who struggles still to get the basic housework done and myself and children out of the house on time.

That said, I know bf is not for everyone and it can really do your head in if you continue against your own desires and instincts because of social pressure alone. Have a few replies ready in your head to say to all the interfering busy bodies and 'well wishers' who will give you unsolicited advice about everything to do with your baby for a long time to come! A simple "Thank you, I have it in hand." or "Thank you. I am enjoying taking care of my baby the way I know is best for us" might do it.

Best of luck and love for you in your mothering journey. xo

It doesn't hurt to given it a try, and if it doesn't work out for you, you can always try expressing milk instead.

For me I didn't know how I would shift from the view of breasts as a sexual thing to breasts as a functional motherly thing.. I remember even trying to express to help bring on labour when I was 40 weeks pregnant and feeling a bit funny about the whole idea.. but the mental shift did happen and four months down the track it's not even something I consider anymore.

I battled a sleepy baby in the first few weeks and maternal and child health nurses that made me worry about my boys weight gains.. 4 months on, after the initial two months he's been gaining weight perfectly and I feel stupid for worrying (or being made to worry) about it.

I approached breastfeeding worrying about mastitis and cracked nipples after hearing friends stories.. what I didn't really consider was that it might not be an issue.. In the early weeks I wanted to give up a few times as trying to constantly wake my snoozy baby took its toll - thankfully DH convinced me to just keep going a bit longer.

What happened for me was that my baby started to wake up more after 6 weeks, started to feed well, I didn't get unwell (no cracked nipples, no mastitis at all!), I see my breasts as temporarily borrowed for my son, and I see my boy thrive and put on weight healthily (as well as loosing 5kgs when I'm eating ice cream every day and not doing enough exercise )

You need to do what's right for you. I had similar feelings to you when I was pregnant for the first time, but found that when the baby actually arrived I just wanted to do anything I could for her, and bf is one of the easiest (for me) and most natural of all. Give it a go, and if it doesn't work for you find something that does. This is the advice I would give all mums with regard to anything they do with their kids. Good luck!

This is a topic that I truley understand. I felt exactly the same with my 1st. I was the only one that I knew of pregnant at the time and every one else had had their children years earlier when bottle feeding was more common. I debated the issue in my head for a long time and heard all of the horror stories. Then after reading all the matterial that I could get my hands on I made a decision that BF was best and that my inhabitions should not stop me from giving that best to my child if possible. That is not to say I was comfortable with the idea. One thing that I read was that the female body today has become such a sex object that it has change the way we look at ourselves. After going through labour and having being poked, proddered and all of your modisty striped then I was a little more comfortable with the idea. I started out thinking I will do it for 6 months then that grew to 12 and then when asked when are you going to stop I found myself saying when bubs is ready. That turned out to be at 19 months (I was actually pregnant again, wether that had anything to do with it I don't know). I don't quite know when but I grew to find it an enjoyable experience but it became our special time and it made me fell as though I was providing my bubs with somthing that no one else was able to. I have to admit that I didn't experience any of the bad horror stories that I was told about. The only issue I had was that my bubs was a large baby and seemed to alway be hungry in the early days, but once my milk came in there was not a problem. When it came to my 2nd I was adament that I would bf and once again I didn't expereience any of the horror stories and he feed till just recently at 21 months. I also returned to work when each of my bubs were 7 months and expressed at work (lucky to have such a good employer that was happy for this and provided the room, fridge etc) Each child and each persons situations are different. If possible I would encourage everyone one to give BF ago, if it doesn't workout then you know that you have given it a go and that you have done your possible best. I have to say that looking back I do not regreat having my doubts or for any of my actions. I did what I beleived was right for me and have also grown a new appreciation and understanding of my body and have become a more conferdent person because of it. I do not see the female body as a sex object but as the great creation that God made capable of creating and providing.

Hi Justine

Good on you for Justine for being prepared to challenge your predetermined opinions on this. Our generation is really only the second or third generation to have been breastfed ourselves in very low numbers, so many of us don't have memories or either us or younger siblings/cousins/friends being breastfed. Our mothers may not have been breastfed themselves, so we just don't have the exposure to it as being normal and common in our culture. (The way our culture ses sex and women's bodies as being available for sex hasn't helped either!)
I would sugest that exposure to breastfeeding, and conversations about breastfeeding might help. Essence (The ABNA mag) is full of great stories and tips from readers - everyday mums - about breastfeeding. Some are useful, some are funny, some are serious, but ehy all reflect the everyday business of breastfeeding. Watch for mum's groups at the park, and you might notice us getting our boobs out without a second thought, or having a lugh about some aspect of it. Sure it can be tough for some at first, but it might not be either!
Best of luck,
Caroline

Dear Justene,

I think (hope?) you might find the journey of pregnancy and birth makes you somewhat desensitive to aspects that might have troubled you previously. Somehow the idea of pushing a baby out of a very intimate part of the body while surrounded by strangers made flashing a breast in public for breastfeeding just no big deal! You may also find that emotions overcome any previous wariness - the idea that this little bundle is dependent solely on you will make you want to walk through fire to do the best you can (for "walk through fire" read "feeding with cracked nipples for 11 months"!).

But, it is hard in the present hospital system to get the help you need, so;
1. Make sure as soon as you can you make an appointment with the lactation consultant in the hospital;
2. Immediately after birth (or before, at ante-natal classes) get the list of local private lactation consultants and make the appointment before you leave hospital (it's no good waiting a week after you get home); and
3. If you want to breastfeed, and you aren't getting the support in hospital, raise hell! Don't let them discharge you until you are comfortable with doing what you want to. Cry, moan, badger your obstetrician, complain to the head of nursing....I just think early discharge from hospital before breastfeeding is established is one of the chief reasons it's not so entrenched in our society.

I happily fed both my sons for over 2 years, and would do so again in the blink of an eye!

Best wishes.
Bronwyn

Oh, and I forgot, as a new mother "sorry, I can't, I have to breastfeed" is the BEST excuse for getting our of:
* making dinner
* doing the shopping
* cleaning the house....
It's a fabulous excuse to just SIT with your baby while others do the rest of work!
Bronwyn