If everybody had prolonged discussions about when to have a baby and waited for the optimum time, there would be no babies. Somebody has to take the initiative. Let your partner have his moment of anger. He'll get over it. And if he doesn't, he is a vey shallow man.

there has been quite a bit of advice - Fess Up, apologise, get some counselling and pray that you can make it up to him.



i'm not sure anyone ever really "gets over" a huge betrayal of trust. They might calm down, but it will always be hovering in the background

How did this get going again? Jeannie fell pregnant I would suggest sometime back in August, if she and her DP are still expecting I imagine they have sorted out any issues.

only being new n just reading all of this im quite interestted too ?? how did it go ?
did they get counselling ? did she keep the baby ?? did they stay together ?

I dont think its about manipulation or short converstations its more simple than that... what ever happend to being responsible for YOUR OWN actions!! She asked the question he gave a yes response, it doesnt matter whether it was during his fav footy game, he said it sarcastically, or he just said it in passing he still said YES! women are always getting blamed for being too deep and disecting everything that men say and analysing it, so this time she took his word for his word and so she can not be blamed for that.
If he really and truelly thought to himself i dont want another child it will ruin my life, put that little rubber man on its that simple!!! If he is going to be angry he should be angry at himself. Women get blamed for everything, come on - lets not blame them for Mr Partner not being able to control his Penis!!!!! If he kept it in his pants or used his hand - he would have nothing to be angry about!
I know i am sounding harsh but unless you walk a thousand miles in someone elses shoes you have no idea what they are going through, including myself. I have no idea really as all our children are much wanted children. This poster wants another child, there is nothing wrong with that!! But.. it must be a joint decision which in this case it sounds like it was - maybe he wasnt listening at the time but you know what its about time he opened up his ears and listened!!

Good luck with your pregnancy, hope everything will work out really good in the end :-) remember to look after yourself as being preggers plays on your emotions at the best of times :-) thinking of you xoxo

Cbf reading all the comments but I will say -once he has that precious little baby in his arms I bet he will take it all back and all will become better, you will both forget all the nonsense

Well my DP first found out that we are expecting he was angry he kept telling me our relationship is over if i dont (you know) but i couldnt and now 10weeks later this peanut is his pride and joy he tells everyone always talking to my stomach. Boys grow up!

My partner was upset when I told him we were expecting, after having 3 miscarriages mind you, he was an international student at the time getting High Distinctions etc, his study was his life, i was the weekend girl who he'd see after work, after study, after he'd had enough sleep. His exorbitantly over priced uni fees and study and part time job for pocket money was his life.
He was p*ssed to say the least.
We are now married, and he loves this baby just as much as his stepdaughter who he has played daddy to since she was 1.
He wouldn't turn back time to change a thing.
He now works TWO FULLTIME JOBS, has postponed his studies, both our lives have taken a back seat for the kids, we're still renting, and things are not easy.
BUT I told him when i was pregnant and i keep it in my heart and mind forever:
I don't need a man, I am more than capable and more than willing to do this on my own if i have to. If he does not want to be involved then he can go elsewhere.

If it was the first baby and went down like this I'd expect him to be this furious. But the second ... sounds a bit dodgy to me. Not many people expect to have just one child unless they've talked about it and agreed, which it seems like you hadn't.

However if he continues to be unreasonable and you get sick of it, I'd throw him this line "How big a house do you think you'll be able to afford while paying two lots of child support?".

It wouldn't make anything better but it would be satisfying

Had he really not wanted more kids I'd have expected him to talk about vasectomy or tubal ligation so perhaps he's just not keen on the newborn crap again and once he gets over it will warm up to the idea.

I might be quite wrong and apologies if I am but this is no accident IMO.
I can't tell you the number of mums who have confided in me that they have in fact deceived their DH when he has responded in a negative or ambivalent way to another pregnancy.

OP-You said it all in your first paragraph when you said that you knew you needed 2 incomes etc etc and that you were NOT expecting him to agree.
I am afraid just knowing that if he had said what he said to you about it being 'wonderful' you should have questioned him then and there and discussed it so that you were sure about what he meant.
Perhaps even if you had said "When do you think we should try" or " I am so excited that you are looking forward to when we can have another" but instead you didn't want to question him further because you would have found out just what he did mean and that would not have suited your agenda
Coming off the pill is something that is a couple decision not just yours and I can see NO reason at all your DH should wear a condom unless that is what is normal for you----you were on the pill---surely this was a decision you made together and equally the decision to come off should be made together and give him the opportunity to use another form of contraception.

I think you have got some heavy duty bridge burning to do before it is too late as there have been many relationships end when this sort of thing happens as it is hard to come to grips with the fact you have not consulted on what is an extremely huge decision.
I do wish you luck but I absolutely understand your DH'S anger.

I guess hubby and I are strange in that we dated, married, waited until finances improved and timing was as good as foreseeably possible, then made all our major decisions (birthing preferences, names, parenting philosophies) -before- trying to conceive. Everything was made by mutual decision and our child will know they are 100% wanted, cherished, and loved. And yep, we only want one. If one of us gets a bug up their bum about a second, it will be a similar discussion process -ahead- of time. If we adamantly decide that one-and-only is all we want, then he's getting fixed...end of story and our totally agreed plan. Pregnancies may not be preventable without sterilization, but babies are 100% avoidable through the miracles of science.

That said, I sure hope the poster sorted everything out and that her husband will have a relationship with his child, whether or not he stayed with the tricky lady he was with. Babies don't make a good marriage...trust does.

you too huh?

LOL! Guess we're a dying breed.

Bully for you.




I too have done this except that conception hasn't followed the 'schedule' now we are running out of our carefully hoarded money due to AC and I am running out of time due to my age.

There are many days when my partner is in tears as he remembers how adamant he was that he did not want a baby 'right now' for years - I wish I HAD just 'deceitfully' tried for an 'accident' years ago and so does he. The alternative we face is not a nice one.

Having fertility issues after thoroughly planning for pregnancy is hardly the same issue as people throwing their reproductive and financial futures to the fates. I'm -so- sorry you've had such troubles conceiving. I know that is a pain too many couples experience.

In our particular case, we discussed that, as well. If we don't conceive in two years time, we're not going the AI or IVF routes (not that we're AT ALL opposed to others doing so). We'll use that money to adopt. We don't really feel there's anything all that singularly great about our specific DNA. If we have a biological child, great! If we have to wait and adopt, just as fine! After all, it's the love that matters, not the genetic code.

I wish you so much luck in pursuing whatever avenues you can find to give you and your husband the child you want.