Im so tired of trotting out meal after meal and food not getting eaten. How do I get her to eat!!??!! Worried this will transfer to her younger brother as well. She wont eat the family meal, and then ends up snacking till bed time (healthy snacks) i dont want her doing this, she needs to eat her meal with us.

Having a stand off as we speak, so any help would be great!

(oh she is 3.5yrs old)

NO advice for you here, sorry , But I know how you feel!!!

I am soooo over cooking so many different meals only for them not to b eaten. BOTH my girls are fussy! DD1 used to eat everything when she was younger ( shes 5 now) I dont know whats changed? Shes just so damn fussy. And now my 20 mth old is fussy and not interested in food whatsoever!
It drives me crazy!

Dh always says, let them starve if they wont eat whats given. But then they are unsettled all night and dd2 wants more bottles over night, so snacking is the only way here to get them satisfied!


So, I sympathise with you.

I could have written your post - only DS is only 2yrs 3months. Please tell me this won't still be happening at 3.5yrs???

I feel your pain. I have no advice. I too am sick to death of cooking meals only to have them go in the bin!!!

My son eats two weetbix for breakfast and then, most days, won't eat anything other than fruit for the rest of the day

Hope we both get some answers from this one....

get rid of the snacks thats a major one she has to learn to eat at meal times, my DS is 3.8yrs old and is so fussy I've given up has been like that almost all his eating life too!. We have had help from the paedtritrian, a dietitian and a speech therapist none have helped!!
Some tips are though is to include her in meal preparations so she can feel like shes had a part of it and is proud of it.
Reward system, she eats or tries to eat breakfast/lunch/dinner she gets a sticker.
play with food! make it fun, be silly with it, use your imagnation make it into a funny face, cut out different shapes that sort of thing.
Try not to stress thats a big thing, don't make it a battle
make portions really small, she can always go back for 2nds! a big plate of food is a bit off putting!
hope i helped

I also sometimes tear my hair out over this one . I try to remember something I read once. My job is to offer healthy meals. His job is to eat them.

I do find cutting down on snacks in the afternoon helped a bit, also every few days I'll give him something I know he likes so that he will eat one good dinner every few days, just so he doesn't forget what it is LOL! I am no good at the 'let them starve' thing because I know its me who'll be up all night providing cups of milk! Tonight for example DS ate two mouthfuls of his pasta and that was it. I let him play for a while then he asked for yoghurt. He ate one pot of pureed fruit and one of yoghurt (with liquid vitamins mixed in) and then a cup of milk. I know he filled up on that but that's okay with me . I know he gets his nutrients in over a week so I let it go. I find it easier to let go when its something I didn't spend ages preparing though! So maybe try doing one big cooking session and freezing stuff for their meals. That way if it all goes in the bin it doesn't hurt quite so much!!

I went to a talk by a dietician and she said if they don't eat at a particular meal, than that is it. don't offer anything til the next meal (ie id they dont eat bfast, nothing til morning tea time, if the don't eat dinner, nothing til bfast)She said it might take a few times, but they eventually learn if they are hungry to eat what is in front of them. If they know that they are going to get to snack after dinner, why eat dinner???

But I understand your pain at throwing meals out everynight. My dogs need to go on a diet because of all the food the boys aren't eating.

The dietician said (like a pp) it's the parents responsibility to decide what to eat and when and the child's responsibility to decide how much. She recommends 5 meals a day - b'fast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea and dinner.

We are currently following this advice, if DS1 doesn't eat his dinner, than he doesn't get dessert, if doesn't get anything else until b'fast (altho he often wakes up and wants b'fast straight away) DS2 just isn't eating ANYTHING atm, so no point in offering anything else anyway.

Its so hard, its nice to know that we aren't alone. The worst part is, we are all trying and that is all we can do, its up to them to eat. I just found out from that my SIL thinks we dont feed DD enough because she is skinny and I am trying not to let that bother me. As if I dont try! some kids are just fussy eaters, and then sometimes my DD will eat really well, and then because her tummy isnt used to eating so well she throws everything up and then we are back to square one.
I try to take comfort in the fact that we are now on the graph, just, and my paed says thats good enough, as long as we aren't going backwards I shouldn't worry (so hard!).

Good luck, try to take comfort in the fact that you are trying. Maybe try those milk supplements like pediasure or sustegan(sp??)

All 3 of my girls are fussy eaters. DD1 (almost 9) and DD2 & DD3 (4).

I have learnt with my girls to just serve dinner and they eat it or don't eat it. If I put any pressure on them to eat then they actually eat less. I just keep an eye on it and look at the whole week rather than any one meal. I also try to make sure dinner isn't too late for them because if they are tired then they eat less.

They don't get a seperate meal either. But I do add other things to their plate that I know they will eat. We don't usually have desert so they know they need to eat or there is nothing else.

This thread is such a relief! My DD is only 2 and is already fussy. It's a horrible feeling when I've spent my time and energy preparing a nice healthy meal for her, only for her to give me back the bowl and say "Here ya mummy, yukky" With a screwed up face. My DH is a firm believer that if she doesn't eather dinner then that's it, nothing else until breakfast, but I'm too soft and hate the thought of her going to bed without a belly full of dinner. Sounds like it's a good way to go though.

Having said that, it is absolute music to my ears when she DOES scoff something I have made her and she says "Oh yummy mum!"

Anni xx

Does your child have a favourite drink if so at meal times have two drinks water and their favourite drink. If they are not eating offer them water but also let them see you are having a nice drink while you are eating. Talk to them and say “ would you like a drink of juice?” ( or whatever their fav is) If answer is yes then say “ you have two mouthfuls of dinner you can have some juice” help them get the two mouthfuls if they turn away at this offer them the water and you keep eating letting them know you are having juice keep persisting it will work. If they eat the two mouthfuls praise the child by saying well done you did it and clap hands then say you now can have some juice. Let them drink some then try offer more dinner if refusal is there again try the drink method again. It worked for us we have a 2 yr old there are times we still use this method but now she has gone from hating vegies and whatever was for dinner to now eating dinner with her favourite drink

Oh man, the screaming fits I've had from DD2 when I tried to tell her that if she ate *just one* mouthful of dinner, then she could have some milk (I'm pleased it worked for you, though, MrsNuddo)

We tried some tough love for a while, saying that if she didn't eat, she could go to bed hungry. But the night waking got too bad, so now we are back to having her eat one or 2 mouthfuls of dinner, with milk, having some fruit and the rest of her milk and then going to bed. At least we've got the night wakings back to one or two a night, and she doesn't wake at 3am screaming for milk.........

Its so hard, isn't it!

I will say right out that temperament obviously plays a big part. Now that that's out of the way...

My DD who is getting towards 4 has been very fussy. We turned a big corner when she was old enough, perhaps 3.25, to understand that not eating her dinner meant "no ice cream and no milk". I serve ice cream in little mini cones from Coles.

So it has worked for me to wait until the age she can understand there are consequences for no dinner. And also, she won't starve if she doesn't eat dinner and doesn't have her milk. She will be hungry at breakfast, and nothing but water until then.

She will not eat her dinner if she has a large snack at 3 o'clock. No snacks between 3 o'clock and our 5:30pm dinner time.

I don't try and make her eat vegetables that look like vegetables. That's going to come later. When she's five. For now, I mash up vegetables into rice. She will eat meat. We don't have a problem there. Salmon patties are also okay, and fish and chips. Fried rice to a certain extent.

I really do feel though that if the behaviour is driving you crazy, take charge and fix it. You might only need to do the tough mum thing a few times for your kids to get the idea, but the older they get, the harder it gets to fix, not easier. (Or so I hear from a friend who is a nutritionist, but having an awful time with her kids.)

Don't let your kid being skinny scare you off. You really do have to show them that you mean business, and you aren't afraid for them to know what hunger is.

And cut out snacks, and have a good hard look at how much milk they drink.

I have plenty of sympathy - I have been through it, and my in-laws gave me a really hard time for catering to fussiness, but we are slowly moving away from it, and I want to share how it's working for us. There does come an age where the consequences thing - hunger, no milk, no ice-cream - really works. I also use it if we're trying a new food that DD doesn't like. She has to have 3 mouthfuls to try it, and then she can have a slice or two of bread and butter if she'd rather. No fancy snacks, just bread and butter.

All the best with your journeys. You can change it.

ETA: I put small servings on her plate so that it's not too challenging to finish. DD eats less than her little brother, and yes, my parents do think she's a bit on the skinny side. But I don't try and feed her a high calorie diet to fatten her up. She's just an active little girl.

I have a daughter who is also around the same age, 3 yr 8 mths and would live on a white/yellow diet if I let her; rice, pasta, cheese, bread, butter, chicken.

However, rather than doing battle with her as I'm sure that she is only trying to exert her independence over me I use lots of methods of distraction and most times I can get her to eat the dinner I have prepared.

I try to make dinner fun and we play games. Her favourite one is "There's a mouse in the house?". I put some food on her fork and pose the question "˜is there a mouse in the house?". I turn away giving her enough time to eat the food then turn back and if the food has disappeared, exclaim "why there is a mouse in the house!" Ask if the mouse is going to come back, etc, etc. Keep going until all the food is eaten. As we have played this game again and again and again she now tells me it was her which shows that it's the fun of the game that makes her eat.

If she is really pushing the battle, I hand feed using my fingers and say "don't bite my fingers" and she takes eats the food and tries to bite my fingers but usually she is giggling too much to hurt. Making her laugh is much easier on both of us.

If they (DS as well) are trying a new food or eating their greens well, I let them do a victory lap around the kitchen bench. They love it and it gives them the opportunity to move as kids are not very good at sitting still at dinner.

I try to cook a lot of meals that can be eaten with the fingers, ie kebabs, tacos, chicken drumsticks as it's a fun way to eat.

I let DD help me in the kitchen with dinner as she becomes more interested and is proud of helping mommy and is then more inclined to tuck in. I make sure during the meal I used lots of praise and thank yous for helping me and this gives her an extra boost.

This is a subject close to my heart, so I decided to keep a blog on what worked and what didn't work in getting my kids to try new foods, eat their greens and keep dinner enjoyable and peaceful. It's called 'From Yuck To Yum' and you can read more here.

Hi Checkmum, I have just bookmarked your blog - it looks great and will definitely read it all soon (I also have a shocker eater)

We had been having a good run lately, but now at 3.5 the lack of eating has come back.

Just popping in to say I empathise completely!

DD is 3yrs 4mths and up until about 2 months ago was a brilliant eater - ate pretty much anything. Then suddenly she has turned sooooooooooooooooooooo fussy!

Nowadays I only have to put dinner on her plate, she takes one look and states "I'm not hungry" and that's that. It doesn't matter if it's one of her previously favourite meals.

All she would eat for lunch was ham, cheese and tomato sandwiches. Then she stopped eating the tomato. Then she stopped eating the cheese. And now today she advised she didn't want ham, just jam. So there goes that protein source!

Even more irritating is that in between meals, despite eating large plenty of morning and afternoon tea, she's always saying "I'm STILL hungry mum".....!

DH and I have agreed to a few 'rules' regarding it all:

- she must sit at the table until we've finished dinner, regardless of whether she eats

- there is no other food on offer if dinner isn't eaten

- DH and I will not force her to eat, and we have even stopped encouraging her to try things, as this was making the situation worse... we just make out it's no big deal, and if she doesn't eat we don't make a fuss about it

- when there is something I know she might eat, I try where possible to hide vegies or pureed meat into it

The main thing we have found is that if we make a fuss, she gets all the more fussy and upset. Even just saying "how about you try some rice, you like rice" has led to tears. It was at the point where she was almost frightened to come to the table in case we tried to make her eat!

It's the most frustrating thing and I have great empathy for everyone going through it. I am encouraged at least that it's fairly 'normal' at this age and we aren't the only ones....!

DS is 2.5 and "doen't like" anything that isn't fruit or finger food so something I have started feeding his main meal at a different time and 95% of the time it works:

7.00-8.00 Breakfast: Weetbix x 2 with honey and milk + 1 piece of toast

10.30- 11.00 Morning tea - cake/biscuit/piklet and fruit and sometimes a sandwich if he says he is hungry still

SLEEP (2-3hours)

1.30- 2.00 Dinner - Fed main meal meat/fish and veg

Snack the rest of the arvo - fruit and cruskits with vegimite and cream cheese, mini quiche, nibbles platter (kabana, cheese & fruit), yoghurt & fruit, museli bar, dip and biscuits.

7pm Bottle and bed.


Good luck, they are little buggers aren't they.

You know they are little buggers!

but in saying that I have my own stuff going on that isnt helping the situation too!

Tonight has been so much better, last night was REALLY awful with my yelling at her (which is not my style at all!)

But today got on Supernanny website, and she is my hero! There was also mention on this thread (sorry I cant remember who said it!) of a 'high five' when we try something new.
Well supernanny sugested that she decide on the menu, that has been a big hit, as I also asked her what her fave meals were, and there is actually about ten things that I can put a healthy spin on at home that she will eat, here is her list:-
Pizza (we do pita ones with chicken/ham/tomato and then she has to put at least three pieces of vegies on)
Tacos (taco shell, mince and instead of the prep. sauce I put in chopped tomato with red kidney beans)
Fajitas
BBq chicken with corn, cheese and some pasta
Tomato soup (which has chicken stock, chicken pieces, carrots and pasta)
nana's pasta so spag bol but with the white sauce on top
Stir fry
Chicken snitzel
Fish and chips home cooked grilled fish with homemade chips in the oven
hamburgers

She said burrito's, but she hasnt tried them, I think she siad it cause we eat them when she eats Tacos'. So tonight she- in here words- 'tried something new' in that the meat/sauce/cheese was the same but on the buritto bread that she built and wrapt herself - AND SHE EMPTIED THE PLATE!!!! And said she had tried something new, so got to move the fairy on the reward chart.. so it actually does work! yipee!!!
We also did many high fives, with her baby brother joining in, so it was really positive and very rewarding for all involved I must say!

So I figure its a start, and there is actually a variety (maybe not what I want to eat! but its a start!)

Also she had the 'snack box' idea which I am going to introduce as well as we snack a lot here, and I know it contributes to the problem. And she does eat a fair bit of fruit in that, so it does help to stop and take into consideration what else is being eaten (I just havent done that till now, was too frustrated!)

The reward chart seems to be a big hit here too.

Ok- thanks so much for your words of support - its nice to know that the battle isnt only in my house, and to hear all your ideas is fantastic too.

Goodluck with your munchkins!

Great news Twister! My DD likes burritos too ... I should try them again.

I tried chicken nuggets from the Deceptively Delicious cookbook tonight. DD wouldn't even tough the nuggets, just ate some sliced cheese which she dipped in the dipping sauce.

Well, the dipping sauce had hidden zucchini in it so I suppose she had.... ooh... a teaspoon of vegies in that?!?!?!

Sigh......

We are also tired of trying to get our 3 year old son to eat, so I'm glad for all the suggestions. Does anyone else have a child who will make themself throw up when they don't want to eat something? So not only to we have to contend with coaxing him to eat something but also the mess when he makes himself throw up. We are sure that he is makes himself throw up. Sometimes he also keeps meat in his mouth for hours without swallowing.

I'm sick of tearing my hair out over this and my husband and I end up fighting over how we should handle this situation.

Hope you all had a successfull meal time tonight
Jenny

Hi Jenny

Are you sure you think your 3 year old is making himself throw up to avoid eating something. Have you considered that he could be very sensitive to taste, smell or texture and this can cause gagging or throwing up. Kids are much more acute to taste, smell or texture than we are. An occupational therapist can help with this.

Thanks Nicole, I've wondered this at times also, but he does it with foods he sometimes wolfs down. Last night he threw up after 1 spoonfull of chicken, vege's and gravy and lunchtime today he threw up after a couple of spoonfulls of lasagne. Sometimes he pulls faces and carries on when eating food that has no stong flavours, like he is eating a lemon. He tends to like savoury flavours and loves olives... his absoulute favourite meal is pesto gnocchi chicken from a resturant in our previous home town, it is about the only meal he actively feeds himself and has never thrown up. I'm at my wits end about this. It is a big cause of tension between DH and I.
Cheers
Jenny

Yes! my 3yr 8mth old DS (the most shocking fussy eater around) and my 6yr old DD she still does it. We are at a point of offering foods if they don't eat it they just go without no stress no fuss if they eat it they get rewarded. DS has gone days without eating a thing that's regular around here or weeks with just mouthfuls of food

Thanks for letting us know we are not alone Carmen!


We are trying really hard to do this too, but even so it gets soooo frustrating!!! We've started giving DS a daily multivitamin so hopefully he's getting the nutrients his body needs even when he goes days with very little food.

Cheers
Jenny

i agree about it being very frustrating I don't let the kids know though!! doesn't help that the ILs think im to soft on them we have tried the dietitian route and the speech therapist route the paedtritrian help nothing has helped DS

Out of curiosity what advice did you get from your health care professionals, especially your dietician and speech therapist?
Cheers
Jenny

dietitian wasn't any help just said that DS should be eating this much of this and that and that sort of stuff, the speech therapist went through some straigteries with us with trying to help him eat helped alot with DD but not DS at all speechie gave up said we cant help him. If you want Ill try remember some points

Hooray, this was written for me . DS is not a freak after all I'm going to have to get DP to read some of this he thinks DS is the only non eater out there.

Lots of ideas here for me to try so a BIG thanks to all. Though I am extremely jelous of those who have said there children will eat fruit. DS has banned all fruit for quite some time.

DD2 is starting to get fussy, she is 3.2 years old and has one fav food she would eat all day, every day.

Pasta.

It is the only thing she will eat without my talking her into it.

Her next fav is plain rice, no casserole or anything with it, just "spare rice" in her words.

We have a little game, when she is really slowing down (about 15 mins into the meal), she asks me how many more mouthfulls... I pretend to think and come up with a number between one and five.

Sometimes I say, one mouthful of chicken and three of corn...

At the moment it is working quite well for us, and I know she will at least have a few deent mouthfuls.

Good lcuk

My DD has always loved pasta so recently I got some dinasaur shaped pasta (she also loved dinosaurs) thinking it'd be a hit. She was so excited when I cooked them for lunch. I put the tomato pasta sauce on the side and let her scoop it on (she loves doing this).

Anyway she had one taste of the pasta with sauce and started crying "I don't like the sauce!". Refused to eat any of it, since the whole thing was covered in sauce.

Sigh....

My sister and BIL used to do this with their DS... and he would try to bargain, but he would bargain UP instead of down. So it'd go:

BIL: "Ok, three more mouthfuls"
DS: "No, four!"
BIL: "Five?!" (hopeful voice)
DS: "No six!"
BIL: "Ok six more mouthfuls"

And he'd eat six! Hahahahaha!!!

pasta is a good one!! my DS won't even touch pasta hates it