I fully expected that bringing a new baby into the household to be a difficult time for my 2 year old DD, but it's really getting ridiculous.

DH and I are at the point where we have absolutely no idea how to handle her constant tantrums, crying and bad behaviour.

Everything we do results in her throwing a tantrum - brushing teeth, changing her nappy (have given up on trying to toilet train for the moment because she refuses to go to the toilet), eating dinner (or should I say, not eating dinner), not getting her own way, me feeding DD2. Even stupid things like her asking me to take her jacket off because she's hot, then having a tantrum because I took her jacket off and she wanted it on! I feel like I spend the WHOLE day fighting with her and her screaming at me and it's getting beyond the joke.

She throws things, kicks us, tries to kick or put her feet on DD2 while I'm feeding her, yells at the poor cat every time she walks into the room, and does the absolute opposite of what we ask her to do. She purposely ignores us when we ask her to do something.

My main problem is that she doesn't care about being punished - no matter how we try to discipline her, she doesn't care at all. If we raise our voices at her, she smiles like she's glad that she's getting the attention (which I'm sure she is). We've tried taking things away from her and she might be upset for 30 seconds but then she forgets about it. If we put her in timeout for 2 minutes (which is in her room with the gate shut so she can't get out) she just stands there and doesn't care, then when she comes out she does the same thing that she was put in there for. How do you discipline a child that doesn't care?

I realise that it's a tough time for her having to deal with a new baby in the house and having to share the attention, but no matter how much time we spend with her (and we are really making an effort to spend one-on-one time with her as much as possible) it makes no difference because as soon as one of us picks up DD2, she turns feral.

I'm at my wit's end with her. She is such a smart, sweet little thing, but is obviously really struggling at the moment and is wanting a lot more attention than what she's getting.

Can anyone give me any ideas of how to handle her? Pleeeaaassseeee????

Oh you poor thing!

I went through something similar when DD2 was born. DD1 was 18 months at the time and i later put a lot of it down to her 2 year molars coming through. She improved A LOT after they popped through!

All i can recommend is persistance. Have a plan of what to do in every possible situation. Having a plan helps you remain calm (not saying we're calm every time though...we are all human ), and i find disciplining when calm is always much more effective!

Write yourself a list of things that your DD does that you can ignore, and a list of those that are worthy of time-out. Stick to them!

I'm not sure if she's quite old enough yet, but we did that when DD1 turned 3 (completely fed up by then ), and stuck to it every single time. Within days she had improved dramatically.

My DD2 is about to turn 2 though, and she's no where near that level of comprehension, so it will come down to what your DD can understand.

Try to involve your DD as much as possible.

Try to structure your day as much as possible.

As hard as it is sometimes, try to pick your battles. If she wants her jacket on, let her. Give her extra water in case she starts to sweat.

Have to say teeth brushing and nappy changing tantrums are quite normal, and not necessarily a result of her new sibling coming along!

Not eating dinner, i get that with both my girls now. Does she understand 'if you don't eat dinner, you don't get dessert'? I use that on my 3 year old. If she doesn't eat her dinner (or at least some of it), she doesn't get her fruit and yoghurt for dessert!



Throwing, kicking, feet on your DD2 are all instant time outs in my house. Even if that means getting up during a feed. (it sucks having to do that). I do a 1-2-3 count down on ignoring (1-2-3 - timeout).

I've never had success with taking toys away.

She doesn't have toys in her room does she, during time out?

Have you tried a time out chair instead? So she's made to sit? Being able to stand and walk around in her room wouldn't be as big a deal as being made to sit in one spot. I bought an actual little chair that has 'time out' painted on it. The best thing we ever bought. It's not a kitchen chair, a desk chair, a stool. It's a specific chair just for time out, and so the girls take it much more seriously.

Sorry for the long post. I hope i've helped you in some way. I do understand your frustration.

layika - Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply. You've given me some good ideas to try so we'll see how we go.

Oh dear it's sooo hard isn't it. It sounds like you are having a really hard time. Our house is like this at times. I have found it comes and goes.
I agree with pp to select some things that you will let slide.
My DS does the kicking too. I worked out it was because bub was kicking her legs. I find my son copies DD a lot now.
He was fully toilet trained and very good then just refused to go to the toilet and demanded nappies like DD He too is back in nappies.
I'm sorry i haven't offered much advice...it's tricky when they are babies themselves.
I will try and think of some strategies too.

Hi Karen,

I just logged to see if anyone else is suffering the same behaviour as us. Absolute nightmare times at the moment. My 2.5 yo DD is driving us nuts. We have a 7 week old little boy who is easy work compared to her. The first 5 weeks were fine and she doesn't appear to resent her brother but the last 2 weeks have been hell! Feeding is a drama, getting dressed the same and even trying to strap her into the car causes us grief.

Thankfully she's in daycare 2 days for a bit of respite. The staff there say it's completely understandable and to be expected when there's a new addition to the family. I've learned to try and not lose my temper which is difficult when I've got a newborn strapped to my chest and with all the broken sleep...arggghhh need i say more.

I know it will get easier and like you are making sure we spend plenty of time with her. Her back molars are also breaking through and I'm sure this is causing her pain which is also interrupting her sleep at night.

I agree with the earlier post, pick your battles. I know it isn't easy and I'm trying new ways all the time to help the tantrums but wanted to let you know you're not the only one.

Hang in there...I'm trying to.

Take care.

Oh you poor thing. We went through a similar situation (only my poor DD had to deal with 2 new babies! ).

Our DD1 definitely regressed in many ways. Deliberately misbehaving to get attention, no longer any interest in toilet training, refusing to feed herself etc.

The only advice I can give is be patient and understanding with her, but don't make too much of a fuss. Pick your battles.

If she throws a tantrum over something that really doesn't matter, walk away. Pretty soon she will get the picture that you aren't going to react anymore (worked with us anyway). It seemed with us, the more we reacted the more she saw it as a green light to continue misbehaving as that way she was getting the attention she wanted.

We have a naughty chair (she gets 3 warnings before she goes in it), but now it is very rarely used. Of course hitting the babies etc are instant naughty chair. She has learnt she has to apologise if she does something like that.

Sending our DD to her room doesn't work - cause that's where most of her toys are!

When it comes to feeding time for the baby, you could try and find something for your 2 year old to do first (playdough, cartoons etc). Try and involve her in caring for the new baby? My 2 year old gets nappies or puts the powder on. Or get her a toy baby so she can feed one too!

Dinner time is a hard one. Our DD is only just starting to improve and the twins are now 9 months old. Maybe just accept it for the timebeing and hopefully she will improve in time. I think our DD saw it as, "the babies get to be fed by mum, so why can't I?" So basically, I feed her most of her breakfast, lunch and dinner. Fingers crossed that she will get all independent again!

Teeth - was always a battle with us until I got her a pooh bear toothbrush and told her "pooh bear has to make sure your teeth are clean" (as opposed to mummy). You could try that.

Try and fit in as much one on one time as you can.

Sorry can't offer much else. Maybe the only solution is "time" to adjust.

Good luck and hang in there.

Biggest advise I can give (remember that period too clearly still and going to do it again in a couple months ) Ignore the not so favorable behavior and really praise her more welcomed behavior.

Our situation was a little different though. The day DD was born our house settled and whilst I was in hospital with her DH and DS moved house so DS had a new house and bedroom to contend with as well as mum not being home then all of a sudden a little sister to share mum with on top.

I found DS would do things to get either possitive or negative attention and ignoring the negative was all that started to make us see some light. Took a long while but also try doing some of the one on one things like your partner taking her to the park on their own or you take her while your partner watches the baby for special mummy time that the baby isn't getting only her iykwim?

I found that helped too. As well as a lot of baking, painting etc just DS and one of us. We'd alternate it between us so he was getting the time with us but one could be always available for DD too. My son now makes the best scones out of all the family I'm going to have to copy what he does and master it all over again But he now tries to include his sister in these activity's just over a year later which is great!

They do settle down in their own time but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Another thing instead of time out we started this year was the chill out spot. Basically it was a spot (corner of our lounge) that's got big cushions to sit on and books and he does his "chill out" time there. Been a huge success after time out failing all the time for us.

HTH's.

oh no. And here I am thinking I am doing OK in week 5. Soooo much more to go.. Wish me luck!!!

*hugs* to you Karen. No advice. Just empathy.

Hello there,
You're getting great advice already. Your age gap is very similar to ours - 2 year, 1.5 months for us. I would say it's the worst age gap (but I can't because that's the only age gap I know ).

DS1 ignored the baby basically for the first 6 months. But he played up big time, as you discovered. I also had the added problem of DS2's reflux, chucking everywhere for the first 11 months. It was hell (I got some relief when I went back to work at 3.5 months).

I'm sure you've already tried involving her with caring the baby. Giving her other activies to do (something she likes, or her food) when you're feeding baby. Spending one on one time with her.

So, one more suggestion - positive behaviour re-enforcement. When she does something good, greatly praise her, make a big fuss. When she does something bad, ignore, don't give any attention (which is what she wants).

Good luck. I can tell you now that DS2 is 2.5 and DS1 4.5, they love playing with each other and miss each other when one is away (although there are still fights of course).