Hey there,

Just curious as to how other parents fit in quality time for their toddlers??

Everyday I get the "guilts" as I feel I dont spend enough time with DD (4 yrs) and DS (2.5 yrs). I feel as though they are always entertaining themselves and I want to get involved, but I always seemed strapped for time.

I admit, at the moment I'm a little under the pump as I also have a 7 week old DS, but still, it isn't their fault that Im struggling to find the time to spend with them.

Im sick of feeling guilty and Im curious to know other people's routines as to when they do stuff. For example... housework, washing, ironing etc.

It seems like I always have something to do, rather than spend time with the kids. And by the time I finally get to pay some attention to the kids, it's usually rushed because I have to feed the baby or get dinner ready or attend to something else that needs doing.

So, tell me, when do you do your housework, washing, ironing, etc??

Cheers!!

Man I only have 2 kids and feel as though I don't spend quality time with them - in fact my new years resolution was to spend more quality time with the kids... its really hard and exhausting. I make sure I have breakfast with my nearly 3 year old every morning and we don't have the tv on. My 6 month old only gets quality time with me when he is feeding and some of his waking hours although he has to share this time with the demanding almost 3 year old... tough at the best of times... Don't feel guilty.. you can only do as much as you can. I'm sure they will let you know if they are not getting the attention they require

I think the idea of 'quality time' with our kids is a bit of a 21st century phenomenom. I have one DD (2y/o), work 3 days a week, am studying part-time and do my grocery shopping online (and as much of my other shopping), pay all my bills online and have a cleaner come in once a fortnight. I still can't find that many hours to 'spend quality time' with my DD!

Then I think about our parents' generation - MIL for example raised 5 kids on her own (she migrated to Australia from England and had NO family or friends here). How much 'quality time' do you reckon she managed with her kids? And how much time do you think she spent worrying about it? It certainly doesn't seem to have held any of her 5 children back in life.

Back to my point - what do we think this mysterious 'quality time' consists of? When we give our children a bath, or prepare their dinner, or dress them, or read them a story at night, or cuddle them, or tickle them as they walk past - doesn't any of that count? Or does it have to be one or more solid hours of 'improving' them or playing their games with them? Sure, they love it when we sit on the floor and build Lego houses with them or help them draw pictures or read a book, but I don't think they need us to do this for hours on end to ensure their wellbeing and happiness - and it certainly doesn't help anyone if you neglect getting them their dinner because you are busy playing with them.

My personal feeling is that modern society has created a guilt complex amongst parents today that you must somehow be able to work, pay your bills, keep your house in order, and find several hours a day of 'quality time' with your kids. Well that's just not possible in my view. And our kids are doing just fine as they are. So stop feeling guilty about what your AREN'T doing and try to enjoy what you ARE doing, which is a marvellous job of raising your kids.

ETA: on a practical note - are you doing your shopping/bill paying online? and is it possible to pay a cleaner once a fortnight, or even once a month during which time you can take your kids for an outing somewhere?

My "quality time" with DD includes doing gardening or hanging out washing while she plays and/or helps. She loves to help fold washing and put it away, and to help with cooking.

I agree with the PPer that I would consider alot of our general household chores and day to day care of DD to be part of quality time.

Steph

Gosh - creepy - I had this discussion with my DH last night after I was having a winge at him cause he isn't doing the "house maintenance" stuff that has to be done to keep the house standing! I told him that everyday I do my best to keep it clean and liveable and that he needs to spend time to do the maintenance stuff. He then argued that he wants to spend his spare time as "quality time" with our two kids. DS is nearly 5 and DD is nearly 2. I said well, my "quality time" with them is washing, cooking, ironing, cleaning and shopping, drop offs at preschool, mothers group etc. I don't really get any time one on one with either of them. I told him he needed to include them in the things he needed to do. If it takes him a little longer so be it but at least he will get the job done AND he will be spending time with them.

I really feel like kids learn so much about life and living from everyday things like above. They can learn about colours and counting from washing, numbers from shopping etc. Osmosis!

I also agree with PP that this idea or should I say "ideal" of quality time is so subjective to the situation you are in in life. We have no outside help from any family ever so do everything on our own and we are all together pretty much all the time. It works for us. All the time is our quality time. My Mum passed away just before my first child was born and it has really made me realise that just being together in any way you can is a blessing. It doesn't matter really what you are doing just that you are enjoying each others company. Who cares if you are washing the dishes together? The dishes need to be done. You are together and that is the main thing. We all juggle so much in our lives and beat ourselves up about one thing or another.

How wonderful OP that you have a third child. What a blessing. Your children will have 2 siblings and that is so lovely. Please don't get the guilts. They are learning patience and understanding from you with this new baby. That can be a hard lesson to learn at that age.

Oh and one more thing. Your 2 older children are also teaching each other new and wonderful things everyday that they wouldn't if you were "with" them all the time.

Hey there,

Thanks so much for all your responses. Yep, you are all so right!!

I think my problem is at the moment is that I am too busy rushing in order to just get the jobs done as quick as possible - and as a result, I dont let the kids help me as its just quicker doing it myself.

But after reading your responses, you are all so right and I should let my darlings help me more often. Dont get me wrong, sometimes they do help me. (they especially enjoy helping me prepare dinner)

And also.... I admit.... at the moment, I dont think I've got as much patience as I usually have. Generally I'm a fit, active person and I used to bounce on the tramp with the kids, go riding on the pushbikes, chase them around the yard and lately I haven't been able to do any of this. (due to pregnancy etc). I just really miss doing that stuff with my kids.

But, you guys are right, I just have to re-adjust my "quality time" - even if its just for now. ie. get them to help me do stuff rather than jump on the tramp.

Thanks again.
Cheers!!!