Does anyone else feel like everything is a struggle with their toddler/ pre-schooler? Anything we ask (except the odd thing she does straight away) we find ourselves asking again, then negotiating it, possibly bribing her, finally resorting to "1st Warning, 2nd warning, Time out" method we were having success with... it can be just so exhausting!

Yes, same problem with my DD. I am also resorting to "threats" (Stop doing that, or I'll turn off the TV/take your toy away etc). Seems to work but it's probably a bad habit to get into. I also use time out which works only half the time. Interested in everyone's suggestions too...

It's the same in our household too, having to use threats or bribes in order for DS to do what I ask. It's really the only thing that works.. but now I'm starting to get back chat like "I'll put you into time out" which I'm not sure how to handle

I was using threats and bribes and time out and we were having lots of tantrums (2 years 7 months).

Yesterday I told her in a "put on" voice that the queen of heart demanded that alice entered the bath tub immediately for the royal tea party and she almost ran for the tub in excitement. I have used this strategy all day today and so far we have had a really good day. (Plus my 18 month old thinks I am hillarious too).

Yes, I understand what you are saying. However, we got tired of it as well, and followed the Triple P methods.

Our reasoning was that if you give a child too many chances, they just end up only doing what you want on the final chance. It leads to just not taking what you want them to do seriously. You aslo need to pick your battles on what is worth negotiating about.
Also, I think at that age the child is too young to negotiate, and it just gives them the chance to push your limits as well.

When its something big, I try and look at it from their point- are they being reasonable? are they tired etc.

I use bribes of course.... and the authoritative voice also lets the child know you mean business.

Often also if you just ignore the back chat it will stop and they will do what you ask- they just like having the last say as well.

Just wanted to add my sarcastic little remark - GET USED TO IT!!!

DS1 is 5.5yrs and we still have to do this! I hate it, but I don't know anyone who has a better answer. In fact, I don't think anything works. I think getting children to do what you want when you want it, is a battle that will NEVER EVER be won!!!

Can you tell I've had a bad day....

Yes somedays I'd prefer to negotiate with armed terrorists than with my two...

arggg - me to - drives me nuts...

She does seem to wait till the last possible warning to do as she is told...i think i might start trying one warning only before the consequence see if that helps at all... (but then presumably just have to deal with more tantrums.. - oh dear)

PMSL Foofie!

I find sometimes that asking my child to do something is a nightmare, so I go straight to choices:
do you want your hair brushed here or there?
this tooth brush or that one?
Sit on the sofa or the chair for shoes on?

I find this works better than
Time to put your shoes on
NO
Come on, we have to go out
NO
sit up here
NO NO NO NO
*chase child around the house*
sit down
NO
*starts flailing and screaming*
Sit still
NO


etc

Lyra that is a great suggestion. I seriously love it and will be trying it asap!

I find it amazing as to how quickly those kids can do what you've asked them to (either go to the toilet/get dressed/get bag etc) if you go out and start the car... amazing! The speed that they can go at... amazing!

Thanks for your replies... we have tried (with varying success) every trick in the book, I think... but that's exactly it. I am exhausted from always having to try a 'technique' or a 'trick' or a 'bribe'... it is not her fault. I am tired from life in general and having a young baby too, so my usual patience and willingness to make games, put on voices, use tricks/ bluffs etc. etc. has worn thin!! Then other days/ times, I am pleasantly surprised at what a 'good girl' she can be, and make sure I use positive reinforcement at those times... again, even that is tiring!

Ah, life with kids... get used to it??!!!!

Ahhhhhh dixibelle my heart goes out to you and I can say that I do know how you feel. I also have 2 dds (not very far apart in age) and have felt tired and at the end of my tether for 18 months now!

I hope that you, like me, do have good days amongst the seemingly endless bad ones!, that make it all seem worth it.

I feel like I get to the point that I am the only one doing this and I am a hopeless mother and it is so (I won't say nice ) humanising maybe? to know that there are others out there going through the same (if not worse) as me.

Good luck. Let us know if anything is successful - even if it only works for a ittle while .

We are also going through this with Chase.
The other night we were out and got to 2 and he decided he still wasn't ready so turned around and says 'Stop, not 3 yet' and just kept playing! So he has decided he will not do anything until the last possible moment!

I've never heard of the Triple P method before, thanks will look more into that.