I want to name our daughter who is due in less than 4 weeks Sophia Mary. DH says that he likes the name Sophia, but for many many months now he has been researching this name on the internet and he's not so sure about it's tendency to be used by eastern european countries (Bulgaria, Serbia, Russia, Greece etc). Mind you, many of these countries use the spellings Sofia or Sofija. His problems with these countries are religious (as we are catholic and these countries are orthodox). I guess I don't expect many people on here to sympathise with his reasoning, but I do get it, as we are both from a very traditional cultural background. And now he's pulled up a new reason. Apparently Sophia and Mary together are strongly associated with the feminine God representation ie Mary Magdalene, Da Vinci code type stuff etc.

Over and over from early on in his research I have told him that if he is unhappy with the name, he should come up with a name that he likes and I will consider it. He is unable to come up with anything and now that we are so close to the birth, I have really bonded with the baby and strongly associated her with this name. I've told him that now it's too late, that this is what her name is going to be. He continues to bring this topic up and I must say the closer I get to the birth and having to hear that he's been "researching" again makes me more and more upset. If he likes the name as he says he does, why does he feel that he needs to debunk it in some way? He says that I'm not respecting his point of view, but I feel like I have listened to his point of view many times and have given ample opportunity for him to suggest a name that he likes but he hasn't taken it. I feel that he isn't respecting that (a) I love the name; (b)my reasons for chosing the name and ©my bond and association with our daughter so late into the pregnancy with this name.

Every time he brings this up (nearly daily) I get visibly upset. I just don't get why he is doing this. Can anyone help please? What should I do? What do you think he wants me to do?

So you take a deep breath and ask yourself this:

If his attitude is annoying you now, do you really want to put up with it for the rest of your life if you go ahead with the name????

Keep Sophia and change the middle name would be my suggestion. You have given him ample opportunity to pick a new name, he hasn't, but he obviously isn't happy with the current choice - so you pick a new middle name.

The problem is I have already changed the middle name in an effort to try and please him. I originally wanted Sophia Grace as I thought it sounded really pretty, but changed to Mary because it is his mother's name and also I guess it's very strong association with Catholocism.

I just don't know what else to do. I feel like I am to emotionally involved in this to make the right decision.

I agree with the PP, keep Sophia and try for a new middle name that you both love.

If he does love the name it seems odd that he is constantly looking for reasons not to use it but you have given him the opportunity to come up with something else and he hasnt.

I'd give him a kick up the butt and tell him to come up with something..........chances are he wont! ( )

is there any other association involved

e.g. ex-girlfriend (or other person from the past) with the name Sophia?

We picked a name for DS5 while I was pregnant, and I started thinking of the baby as this name. However, on the morning DS5 was induced DH had second thoughts.

I even tried to get DH to agree to the name while I was in heavy labour! LOL (Well it worked with our daughter!)

DH went home after the baby was born and slept on it. The next morning he suggested another name from 'the list' which was fine by me. I can't imagine DS5 being anything else now.

I know some couples take turns naming their children and that works for them, but in our house we BOTH have to like the name. I know I couldn't live day in and day out with a name I dislike, felt funny about or was embarrassed of - so I can see where your DH is coming from.

Mary is quite a lovely name and not nearly as popular as Sophia/Sophie.

M.

I would probably tell him that unless he comes up with something else, Sophia is bubs name. End of story!

TBH I think it's pretty obvious.

It sounds as though, he doesn't love the name as much as you do... and as a result he's desperately trying to turn you off it, by presenting you with a long list of negatives.

Perhaps in his mind, it's a less offensive way of getting his opinion across without having to blatantly spell it out i.e. "I really don't like the name you have chosen for our Daughter.." iykwim.



Maybe you should sit down with him (ASAP) and mark out some names you both like. It's never too late to compromise, if he's truly unhappy with the name you've chosen - which IMO it sounds like he is, but he's nervous of your reaction.



I think he might just want an active say in your Daughter's name...

Going by your OP, it sounds as though he's been against the name/s for quite a while, but (I'm guessing) since your heart has been set on it, he's just gone with the flow - only attempting to turn you off it, here and there ikwim.

Have you thought about altering the names slightly for his consideration.. e.g. Sophie Maria?

I have a Sophie Grace. My Dh and Sophie are both Catholic and my inlaws (traditional culture and strongly religious) where actually pleased as we named her after a Saint aparently..

Sophie in my husbands language is close to Sofa which to them means mattress and its how my MIL use to remember her name

I think as PP said he is trying to tell you in a round about way he isnt too keen on the name..

Thank you everyone for your opinions and advice.

I have some exerpts from an email DH sent in response to another email I wrote earlier today. Perhaps they will shed some light.



I believe him when he says that he truly likes the name. DH is pretty traditional and he seems to really care what other people are going to say about it. I've been reassuring him that I doubt most people are going to have the same concerns as he does. The only reason he even knows about these eastern religious connotations is that he bothered to do the research. My feeling is that if you like a name enough, that is a good enough reason to choose it.



My response to this is that I also believe that it is important for us to raise our children with a knowledge and deep appreciation of where they come from culturally, but that it doesn't mean that we have to use a name from that culture to do so.

We were lucky with our first child, we agreed on his name so easily. He now compares every name with my son's name and in my opinion there is not a girl's name that will do the same things as the name we gave our son which are to clearly signify his cultural heritage yet not be too far out or difficult to pronounce for an Australian.

I really hope that we can resolve this soon.

I don't know where he is getting this idea. Sophia is certainly not a name that jumps out at me as being specific to a particular culture (as opposed to names like Magda, Giovanna, etc).

There were 193 girls named Sophia last year in NSW alone. Plus another 402 Sophies! Added together that's way more than the #1 name.

Those baby girls are definitely not all Eastern European.

It sounds less like it's an issue of this name, and more about not picking one from your (or just his?) own cultural background. Do you think he will be able to get past this?

Also, tell him that we are in the 21st century and plenty of women keep their names when they get married. And even if they don't, they still know where they came from...

Edited. Wasted effort.

...

I think Sophia is an absolutely gorgeous name! It is classy and traditional in my eyes!If you truly love it I would go with it and tell your DH to get over it! Good luck with it! Let us know what you decide! By the way I love the name Sophia Charlotte!

I think Sophia is a lovely name. I would definately have it on my list if my sister hadn't called her daughter Saffiya. I know how you feel as my DF has not helped me come up with any new names but isnt very happy with any that I like & we only have 11 days to go!!
I agree with some of the others... stick with Sophia but add a different middle name.
Goodluck with what you decide on.

Another big fan here, as my daughter is Grace Sofia and it was a toss of the coin as to which name was first. Love it so much that may use ut this time. I never considered your husband's concerns. I only found out after I used it that it was a capital of an Eastern European country. Still love it though.

But having said that, naming a child should be a joint decision. I can understand your frustration given that he was all in previously, but he does not really seem to love it as much as you do. I actually think you will get what you want, particularly given that he has not given you one alternative. Good Luck.

I think that we have sorted it out. DH has assured me that he really does think it is a beautiful name and that he was just testing it out to make sure it is the right one for our daughter.

He told me last night that there are a group of Catholic women who think that women should be ordained priests who call themselves the "Sophia's" because apparently Sophia is meant to be a strong female in the old testament. I said "GREAT!" I'll be glad that my daughter is named after a strong female.

Anyway, thanks for your advice everyone.