I am really, really struggling with Chase ATM. I can't even tell myself 'it's just the age' because I have another the same age who although he is anything but an angel is easier to deal with. Levi actually responds to the behaviour strategies we've been using and is an 'easier' nature in terms of less tantrumming, isn't as noisy etc: basically is less full-on (but is more mischeivious and sneaky but find we are on top of these)

I worry that I am now catering more to Chase in terms of routines and strategies in an attempt to avoid massive dramas and how this will affect his brother. A few times I have caught myself wishing Levi would just let his brother have XYZ and I know he probably would if I asked but I know I can't so obviously don't. But still I am worried about how it is affecting him .

Anyone else having this sort of a drama?

This is the story of my life

I have found that my 2 seem to play "tag team" when it comes to behaviour. As toddlers, Kateleigh was a lot more difficult to deal with. I often found myself wishing that she was more like Danika . It feels horrible as a mum to feel like that.

Now they are 5, Danika is the much harder twin & her behaviour issues are a lot worse. It seems to chop & change though. It seems one goes through something & then 6mths later the other does.

My twins are ID & both have the same kind of temperament (both very strong willed). I would expect that due to your boys being fraternal, they are like other siblings.

When one is going through a "hard phase" it's hard to feel the same "kind of love for them" in some respects. We use the same discipline techniques for both kids, as they have the same kind of temperament/ nature.

HTH

Belinda

Yep my DD is def more difficult than her twin brother. This has stemmed from health issues and developmental delays etc and all the appointments, therapies etc and the world basically having to revolve around her and her brother having to slot in somewhere eg be dragged to appointments, looked after while DD was at EI etc. It doesn't help that DS has the most placid nature and he is happy when he is helping people or making them happy, he loves to share and if you offer him a treat etd the first thing he does is want his sister to have one or to share his. What I have found helps is to schedle tome with DS that is just him and I or DH and him and we do stuff he likes. We have also started to come down on DD's beahviuors now she is old enough to understand what is going on and (can see how she mainipulates things, she has her db twisted so far around her little finger)That said when DS does loose it though he is far harder to bring back to a calm state and you re4ally need to come down on him/ or time out until he becomes calm which thankfully rarely happens

Oh yes!!

I have struggled with this pretty much since they were born and I often feel so guilty about it!

Ben is a really challenging child and has been since birth. It is so difficult not to compare them sometimes. I often catch myself thinking 'Why can't he be more like Max?' or 'Max can handle this situation, why does Ben have a melt-down over it?'

I am gradually changing my mindset as I know its not fair to compare them as they are 2 totally different personalities. Max is definitely not an angel (as you say for Levi) but he is so much more easy-going and less tempremental. I feel like I have to walk around on eggshells for Ben and use so much energy trying to deflect his tantrums or prevent them from happening

I am currently reading a book called 'Taming your Spirited Child' which I am finding fantastic and going OMG that's Ben to a tee! It goes through the characteristics of spirited children and strategies to 'tame' them rather than break their spirits- harnessing their powers for good rather than evil! I thoroughly reccommend it.

Totally know where you are coming from and feel for you.

Em

Yep, we are in the same boat too!

Alana has been difficult from the day she was born. Caitlin was always so placid as a little baby, and would just happily sit in her rocker. Alana, on the other hand, would scream as loud as her little lugs would allow, and demand to be picked up and cuddled etc. Because Caitlin was content, she unfortunately missed out all too often.

My girls are 3 months older than yours Cat, and we still have the same problem. Unfortunately, Alana just hasn't learned. She still likes to think she is the boss, and is always snatching things off Caitlin. If I see her do this, I will ask her to give the toy back to Caitlin. If she screams and carries on, she will get time out. However, she doesn't seem to learn anything from time out. She has had time out more times than I can remember. Caitlin, on the other hand, has only had time out several times. She also seems quite remorseful after the punishment.

So yes, I do often wish Alana could be more like Caitlin. I just try to deal with her as best as I can. I was kinda hoping that it all will get better with age, but from what Belinda has said, that is just a pipe dream!!

Another one with one more easygoing than the other - I wouldn't call Miss H "easy" and she is definitely cheekier (and more trouble at bedtime at the moment grrrr!) but she is much more phlegmatic about life and rolls with the punches, whereas Miss E is fairly anxious and finds change difficult. I sometimes find myself "catering" to her rather than dealing with the meltdown, and that does make me feel like I'm "taking advantage" of H's more easygoing nature. On the plus side, E's intense nature means that she expresses things more - including hugs and "I love you" which are more frequent from her. *sigh* - I don't have an answer but it's another thing which is difficult when there are two the same age and stage, but they're certainly not the same!

Different personalities is to be expected really.
I find both of my twins to have their own peculiar aspects of difficulty. DS is difficult to find a discipline strategy that actually influences him ie time out, stickers etc meant nothing to him, we now use removal or permission for TV privaledges for just about every situation, it works for him (he is 3 1/4)

DD is a little stirrer and you can see the little evil cogs turn in her mind, she loves to steal toys, wreck castles etc just to annoy her siblings.
But she is very affectionate and can't stand time out so tht works well for her. She also likes her reward chart.

Alot of the difficultness I think stems from thier twinness, and attention seeking because they are competing with each other. I always think DD would have been the most delightful obedient calm child if she was an only child.

I have one that fights me on and for everything. The other is so easy going I hardly feel like shes here some days.