After years of IVF we had our twin babies 12 months ago. We love our children to bits and I love having twins .

As we had frozen babies on ice, we decided to put one embie back 8 weeks ago doing a frozen cycle. The thought of having twins again whilst ours are so young was not an option for this tired mummy. So we only put on back.

To our delight I am pregnant. Fast forward to our early scan for the heartbeat on Friday and ..................... it was like groundhog day. The embryo has split - ID's are on board.

My DH is thrilled, but I am devastated. This is too much for me to bear. The thought of a twin pg again is overhwelming, as well as the possibility of prems again and the whole NICU and special care thing.

I feel very guilty as we did IVF for years initially to even have our babies. Now we are in this situation.

Financially we will be alright as we have good family support on my side.It is just the overwhelming thought of everything that is still fresh in my mind of knowing how hard it can be.

And, my body is already cruxified from the first pregnancy, I can't bear to think how it will end up.

I have created a new user ID for this post as I am friendly with 2 of you from AMBA and it is too personal yet to talk about. I hope in time you will not be angry at me when you find out.

Sorry if I seem ungrateful.

huge hugs sweety, I can understand how scared you must feel but kinda in a different way.

I wasnt doing IVF i seem to have the opposite problem whilst i know every child is a blessing im not at all thrilled really about #6 i was only ever having 4 children then 5 slipped in and now 6. AS much as another suprise is on its way i have this weird feeling it could be 2 to make it worse. i do know i will be ok i think as for you its goign to take time to wrangle it around your brain it probably seems to be much a dream and cant be happening yet it is.

We are never dealt what we cant handle and you were obviously meant to be a mum to twins twice over. Especially seeing as you did try to avoid it from happening but mother nature prevailed on that. You will have plenty of support as you said and even though you may not be now but by the time you feel the bumps and wiggles you will start to feel a bit more excited than what you do now. It is just goign to take time for you to adjust to. many would not judge you for feeling this way as i do not. I was less than thrilled when i also found out that not only was suprise baby #5 another boy. Feel free to pm or chat with me if you like i may not be in the exact situation but im sure i can understand a little how you feel

I know a little of how you are feeling. Although we have not been down the IVF path, I have a history of quite severe depression and it took me a long time (a year) to come around to the idea of having a third child. I was shocked, scared and if I'm totally honest - even devastated when our first scan revealed twins. I felt so guilty when everyone around me was so very happy for me and excited but all I felt was impending dread. DP too, like your DH, was utterly thrilled.

The only advice I can give you is to please seek some counselling. I wish I had seen a psychologist during my pregnancy as I believe I would not have spent so much of what should have been a joy, being in utter denial (that was my coping mechanism, that and focusing on small, minor things in minute detail).

I don't know if it will help you at all, but, perhaps you could make a list of all the things that are worrying you about having a twin pregnancy, newborn twins and toddler twins at the same time. Some of those things of course will be completely out of your control in many respects (i.e premature birth may or may not happen) and will be a 'wait and see' issue (those things I found very frustrating, not having a crystal ball was tough!). However, those things that you can possibly work around and have covered even at this stage will help to ease some of the stress. For example, the sleepless nights and endless feeding, burping, changing cycle that comes with newborn twins you can offset (for lack of a better word) with scheduled family assistance, putting finances towards hiring help either with the babies or housework etc, planning now for your DH to have a far greater time off work once they arrive.

If it helps even a little, think of the fact that you have been there and done that and already have the experience of life with twins and all that it entails. Instead of being thrust into the great unknown completely, you have a bit of a leg-up and can forsee even some of what you are in for.

As the PP mentioned, if you ever want to chat, please dont hesitate to PM me as I am not here to judge you, only to try to help

Wishing you all the very best

In no way do sound ungrateful!!!!
What you are now facing is why DH went and got the snip cause a second twin pregnancy wasn't something that I felt I could have dealt with.
There are a couple of multiple multiple mums I know from MWW forum and they are women that amaze and inspire me.
Gumby has given some great advice!!!
I hope that you can get your head around the situation soon...(and not knock out your way too excited DH in the meantime )

Hi,
No advice but big hugs for you..
Nat

Of course you don't sound ungrateful, and I hope you never truly believe that! After living through what it's like to carry and have twins before, you're well aware of all that's involved (good and bad), and it's only natural to not be entirely thrilled about the idea...
Unfortunately, a legacy many of us IVF'ers suffer with is the pressure of feeling as though we MUST be constantly upbeat and happy with anything to do with our children, as we should simply be eternally grateful to have any children at all. We mustn't complain However it's unfair to expect that of ourselves.

After seven cycles TTC#3 (after having twins the first time), we amazingly ended up pregnant on our final FET. The first scan revealed one baby - the second scan a few weeks later showed two (fraternal twins). I will admit that we were vastly relieved after the first scan... the second came as quite a shock, to say the least.

It took quite a few weeks to sink in. Hang in there. I'm now 19wks, and we're just very matter-of-fact about it now - you have to be. As Gumby said:

I realise you're having ID's this time, and obviously face some new challenges because of that - however you've lived through Twins once, and KNOW what to expect. You couldn't be better prepared. You'll survive the second time - probably in better shape than after the first

Come and join us in Expecting Multiples

I don't think you should come down on yourself for having these feelings. The thought of a second set of twins would have me in the same state. Having just one set of identical girls I have often said things like I didn't ask for this, why has this happened to me, no-one else gets it .... the list goes on. At the time that is how you feel and you need to express it. My girls were not the result of IVF but I have still had those feelings that I should be more grateful that I was able to do this when others find it difficult to conceive one. It makes you feel terribly selfish and ungrateful. The thought of a second set of twins is confronting, scary and exhausting. I guess the thing is that you know from your first set that you will and have to find a way and will be a legend of a mum because of it.

Please look after yourself and as Gumby suggested talking with a professional might help you make sense of it all.

More hugs coming your way...

I second this:


Please do PM me if you need to vent to a complete stranger...

hugs to you twinsagain,
Please don't be ashamed of your feelings or feel that you need to apologise. I think you have expressed what most of us would think/feel if we were in that situation.

I would absolutely love to have another baby, but have put it off because I dread another set of twins. My girls are almost 5 and I'm still having strong doubts about TTC #3.

Take care, and I hope that you are able to get the support you need to get through this.

Jo

I don't belong in this forum - just saw the link on the side & got nosey.

I know next to nothing of the world of twins. I know next to nothing of the world of IVF & AC. In saying that though, when I read Levity's comment



it rang very true to me. It's something that I see in friends who have gone through AC, and something I imagine I'd feel myself.

I hope you can recognise the origin of these thoughts. Simply identifying them will help you understand some of your emotions.

That said, I've had my two, close together, and I'm done. If I were to fall pregnant again I would be devastated too.

I think the advice to see a psychologist, or speak to AMBA they may have counsellors, seems like very sensible advice.

As PP said you've been there before so you may find it unexpectedly easier in some respects. Anyway, I wish you all the best.

Cheers

Big hugs to you!

I know exactly how you feel, but in my case my #3 was a singleton. I was scared to death that it was 2 again, and honestly I would have been thinking exactly what you are.

All us multiple Mums can understand exactly how you feel.. so please do not think anyone thinks you are "Ungrateful". If anything - you are just being normal!

You have lived through one set of twins first 12 (crazy) months, so you can do it again!

Hi twinsagain,

You do not sound ungrateful at all, please stop feeling guilty with having these fears. I have id girls 17 months(they are my only two) we didn't have to go down the ivf path. My husband is a fraternal twin and there is high chance I could have twins again, this is the main reason why I am stopping at two. If I put myself in your shoes, I would have the same fears as you. You and your husband took every precaution to have one baby, but fate has decided to give you another two.

On the positive, it is wonderful you have such a supportive husband. A friend of mine has four small children close in age and her husband has never changed one nappy or given one bottle!!!! She didn't plan her fourth and when she found out, she had fears like you have now, (i know it is not like having twins), but once she started feeling the kicks etc she started getting very excited and when her little boy was born, she was in love. Her family is complete, she could not even imagine not having him. I truly believe things happen for a reason, and you are meant to have these two beautiful babies.

It will be hard but I am sure everything will be okay.

I just wanted to add my support to you and wish you well.

If you live in Adelaide, I would like to offer my support in anyway, even if it just for a coffee and someone to talk too in confidence.

Take care
Deb

Hi

My last two pregnancies, in the space of 12 months, have been ID twins - I misscarried both times.

Apparently this is extremely rare, but I'd love any information on the reasons for ID if anyone has any. Both pregnancies have been same sac etc.

I think (haven't test yet) that I am pregnant again, so I'll guess we'll have to wait to see if it's twins again, or a singleton this time, and if I make it through.

Edited to Add : These are general pregnancies, as in no fertility assistance.

Oh dear you poor thing i totally understand where you are coming from. I didn't have a very good pregnancy with the twins and so totally understand where you are coming from and don't feel you are ungrateful.

hugs are everyone else has done.

The reason i didn't want anymore was the fright of having twins again. Scares the hell out of me.

Hi Twinsagain. First of all, I want to give you a big hug, and say you are absolutely not alone in having these feelings.

My experience is different to yours, I already had DS conceived through AC (ovulation induction), and decided for number two. Once again, needed OI, and this time conceived fraternal twins. When I first found out, I was absolutely devastated. I thought it was THE WORST thing in the world to have happened. I cried a lot in the first few weeks. I only ever wanted two children, so my idea of a perfect family had just been taken away from me.

Like you, I had terrible feelings of guilt about the way I was feeling, especially when other people told me how lucky I was, and that "it was meant to be". I just didn't feel this way> I also had to deal with DH who was over the moon about it.

Like other PP's have said, I did get over these feelings. Once I had my 12 week ultrasound, and then again at 19 weeks when I found out the sex of the babies, I started to connect to them a bit more. If you have trouble with this, then I would definitely recommend talking to someone about it. Your feelings are your feelings, and no one can tell you they are wrong. You don't need to justify them to anybody. But it always help to talk about them.

I hope you are okay. We are all supportive of the way you feel, and hope that you can find a way to overcome them, so that you may enjoy your pregnancy and look forward to the birth of your little babies.

Take care!

hi twins again my story is different to yours but similar in some ways . i had 2 singletons already through ivf and decided we wanted another except on the way to the transfer i changed my mind all of a sudden but i didnt dare say anything as i should be grateful to get this far with the ivf and all so i went through with the transfer. i got twins who are 1 next month. i was very daunted for months i couldnt believe this was happening to me but wasnt game to speak up about my feelings ,be proud that you are cause hopefully you will come to terms with it sooner and maybe even grow to like the idea as i eventuually did

Hugest of hugs to you. I know when we went for our first scan with Hunter I was really scared of them telling me there was two as I really didn't want twins again. So please don't feel bad as I would have been doing a similar post if it was me in that situation.

I suppose you can look at it that you have survived it once so will have more knowledge on how to survive again. Not sure if that is how you can look at it ATM though: maybe you are just going to need time to get used to the idea.

Am thinking of you as you are in a situation I really feared and I am sure I'm not alone.

twinsagain..... I guess it's a case of simply having your innocence already taken. Once you have twins, the thought of having twins isn't all about the "specialness", the "cuteness" or the "fun" but rather the reality.

I know I didn't think I'd be able to cope with 3, but somehow I have, and apparently am continuing to do so. So will you.

Best wishes and look forward to sharing a smooth pregnancy and after with you.

hi there,
i have 2 sets of twins aswell. I wasnt happy at al and basicaly went threw my whole pregnancy in denile. my i.d girls just turned 2 and the boy girl r 7months. when i look bak i wouldnt change it for the world even know it none stop work but theres never a dull moment in the house.

Dear Lovely Multiple Mums and other mum's who have contributed in response.

Thank you VERY much for your wisdom and comfort at a time where I have been very distressed. DH is still on cloud 9.

We have told my family and as usual, they are supportive. Thank goodness for my family.

I am feeling a bit more optimistic about all of this. As many of you said, at least this time round I know exactly what I am in for.

Who would ever have thought after years of IVF we would end up with 2 sets of twins!

Sending you hugs and well wishes from another Mum of two sets of twins...

ALthough I have conceived 3 sets in a row naturally... DD8 was a twin but sadly we lost her twin at 10 weeks gestation..

I have 12yr b/g twins and 9yr old frat b/b twins...

Wishing you well

HI

Big hugs to you. I know the shock can take a little while to get over



Well I know EXACTLY where you are coming from I was told so very long ago that I would never have children of my own. Well to that DR. IVF has given me 2 sets of twins to prove him so very wrong.

Now to you. Yours will be a lot closer in age than mine are but if you have family to help you can do it. The hardest thing I found 2nd time around was getting the rest I needed so I would sit with the "big" pair until they napped and I would usually fall asleep LOL.

Get as much help as you can starting know so you can get the rest you need. Heck it's going to be damn hard for a little while but it all passes so quickly.

You my dear are obviously meant to be a twin Mummy. Also I think twin Daddies are the luckiest Dads as they get a baby of their own

I hope you have a smooth and totally uneventful time

hi +twinsagain good luck with this pregnancy and dont feel guilty for being shocked
im a mum to 2 sets of twins both conceived naturally the second round is a huge shock but im sure that you will be able to cope you got through it the first time ound i you want to chat feel free to pm me