As I am sure you are all aware, you tend to lose your mind just a little while pregnant!!

Reading all the intense discussions on here I thought it might be time to lighten things up a little.

What is the funniest thing you, or someone else has done due to pregnancy?

I have one.

After my wife had given birth and was in the maternity ward with bub. After a few days she said to me- (whispering)"Seany, none of the ladies in here look pregnant!!!" to which I replied- "maybe because they have all had their babies???"......"ohhhh, yeah!"

Another one.

I was in the common room of the maternity ward making some toast, there was a new mum in there waiting for the kettle to boil. After a bit she asked "excuse me, do you know why this kettle isn't working?" I went and had a small chuckle to myself. She had the kettle sitting straight on the bench with the base of it sitting right next to it wondering why it wasn't boiling. I picked the kettle up and placed it on it's base, "that might help." She just shook her head.

birth story -
I was giving birth to my daughter and the doctor said -

'It is easier to have a baby if you open your legs' and I replied can I do that on the next one.

My waters broke right on midnight when having DD2 and the contractions were coming all on top of each other with immense pain that I couldn't talk or breath for that matter. DH said "Aren't you forgetting something"... What the??? You haven't wished me a Happy Birthday yet!!! Your kidding right!!!He was laughing hysterically...I was trying not too. cause it hurt too much at 12.29 he had his birthday present! And thats ALL he got! A pretty GREAT present if I do say so myself! Emma

About 2 minutes after I had just given birth to our daughter after a 36 hour labour my DF said to me "lets have another one" he was totally serious. I could of strangled him.

He still wont give up on having another one already.

Beck

Just as DS was born… he was placed on my tummy and DH said “he’s got big balls”.. and then he nearly passed out. LOL

Was not funny at the time, but upon attending the hospital for an appt, I was trying to fit into the lift (there was already two dr's and a bed in there) One Dr turns to me and says come on suck it in

A friend of mine was in labour and yelling at her DH to put some socks and undies in her hospital bag for her. After bubs was born, she went to the bag to discover that he'd put his jocks and footy socks in the bag She said they were more comfy than hers, so she didn't mind!!

After 18 long hours, Cody was placed on my chest, Craig close by adoring his new son and I vomited... all over my new son & my hubby too.

Way to welcome a new child into the world.

Having the Epidural my sister did a #2 on the table, then went off her nut at her DH for farting, he wasnt game to tell her what it REALLY was lol.

Before DD2 arrived, I made it clear to everyone that I didn't want any visitors in hospital -- except DH & DD1.

About 20 minutes after I gave birth (I was still in the delivery suite), my two brothers-in-law arrived, one with his Chinese wife & a bottle of champagne and some Chinese takeaway food. The midwife was really surprised when DH let them into the delivery suite, and I was not impressed.

I was lying naked on the gory delivery bed, holding the baby naked on my chest, catheter in, with only a sheet to cover me.

They waltzed in and proceeded to open the champagne and pass it around with the food, even eating and drinking in front of me. I couldn't even get one hand out from under the sheet to hold a glass, much less two hands to hold some food and a fork. They kept coming up to lift up the sheet and look at the baby (talk about invading personal space). I was using my one free hand to clutch the sheet to me as best as I could.

I was shooting dagger-eyes at DH who started wolfing down the food & champagne. It took them almost an hour to get my unsubtle hints and leave.

I don't know what'll happen with DD3's arrival as no one seemed to take my wishes seriously in the first place! No visitors, please.

When I was in labour with DD1, DH decided it was time to turn the light on as dusk was approaching. He went over to the wall and pressed the first thing he saw - the cardiac arrest alarm The poor midwife (who was new to the hospital) couldn't get to the door fast enough to yell out that everything was ok - apparently the whole hospital would have come running... DH still tells everyone 2 and a half years later I was mortified at the time.

I was nearing the end of my labour with DS2 and was sitting on the side of the bed sucking the gas and leaning on my mum. DH was sitting opposite me, i started to get the urge to push and as i did my waters broke....all over DH's feet/legs. I opened my eyes brielfy to see him jump/leap across the room! I stood up and 2 pushes later jack was out!!
Poor hubby had been saying for weeks that the waters breaking was the worst part of labour (FOR HIM ANYWAY!!) and then they broke all over him, he still tells the story!

My son was born on a toilet...... My DH likes to tell everyone lol

Being a very fast progressing labor, 1.5 hours total. Before we left for the hospital i needed to go to the toilet... and my DH wasn't impressed, told me not a good idea as i might have the baby their and then... well I didn't but when i got to the hosp and got into the delivery suite had to go again, an well got up from the toilet and that was it my son was coming right their and then....., so even though it wasn't my toilet it was still a toilet lol... DH said to me I am not aloud to go near a toilet with the next one!

also as things happened so quickly we didn't have a chance to drop DS1 off at his nan's house so he was their with us... when i came out of the bathroom with the baby and got onto the bed, He told me the baby was a naughty boy because he didn't wait for me to get on the bed to pop out!

I was so high on gas with #1 I fell off the bed head first, luckily someone caught me around the hips. I was left dangling while they screamed for help, apparently I couldn't stop laughing.

these are great.....

i went into labour with my first at 7am and didn't realise this was real labour until 11am.. i had done some ironing, had a shower, just niggly contractions really..

rang the obgyn he said come in and see me (2 days b4 due date). by 11.45am we were being seen by him and i was 7cms... ooops now the pain was really bad. he said get straight to the hospital and i will meet you there.. i could barely walk! as i was walking out his door a very pregnant 'Kate Cebrano' walked in and held the door open for me i am a big fan, as was in more shock of seeing her than the fact i was about to have a baby...

i kept saying to DH, thats Kate Cebrano, he just kept saying 'i know honey, but we really need to focus on getting to the hosptial.'

at 12.30 we just made it to the labour bed and had our little boy. i jokingly said to my husband 'it would of been nice if she could come and sing to me during labour'

i haven't had the experience of labour yet but just reading them is good see the fun side of the whole experience

When i was in labour with ds1 i had a bad case of the runs for the whole labour, so here i am sitting on the toilet very late in my labour with the gas tube hanging out of my mouth i noticed dh standing with the door to the toilet open and i got self conscoius and asked him to shut the door as the midwife might see me (bright i know as she delivered my baby an hour later) and he commented that with all the gas he thought he better keep an eye on me, so with that i started to sing and dance "you wanna watch me on the toilet" repeatedly, and yes the midwife could hear.
After i had delivered him we were waiting on the placenta, as i was partially sitting up i watched it come out, looked up at dh and the midwife and said "mmmmmm desert."
Yes i am all class and yes i had had gas and pethadine.

After having a C/S I chucked a spaz about the catheter and morphine drip and made someone come and take them out, but I had a visit from the "pain management" team first.

Let's just say that 3 x 5mg Endone tabs were too much. I referred to DD as DS for about 12 hours, then a couple of hours after my parents left I turned to DH and said "Were my parents just here?" (they had spent about half a day there) and THEN turned to him and said "Oh, I just realised when we leave we'll have to take the baby with us!"

Um, derr.

I asked DP what it looked like (The Birth) with her coming out etc, expecting a detailed response on what a beautiful experience it was, I simply got with his pale face

"Its seen better days"

According to DH, one of the best bits was when the midwife told me "no I couldn't have the baby on the toilet, (I'd been slepping backwards on it, so I had a bruise on my head from the button), so how did I want to labour". I turned to her and said "No I can't look that up online whilst at work".

I'd also replied to another question with "I'd like a cup of flour".

Thankfully I'd told DH what I wanted and he made sure it happened But yea, from about 10am- 4:30pm, I was alseep on the toilet backwards.

Just what I needed

First Labour (DS) - Quotable Quote was from my OB who had just done an internal on me in his rooms. It was 1 day past DS's EDD and he moved his fingers and WOOSH all over the bed, and the floor (OB jumped out of the way) and OB said "Hmmm, that wasn't meant to happen!" LOL... he wasn't attempting to break my waters... I got him back giving birth at 11:48pm after a 3 hr labour - sorry Doc!

2nd Labour (DD1) - I arrived 8cm and Middy said she woudln't check me again as the baby was just 'there' and only membranes holding bubs in. I was in the shower for a little while and just got to the bed to have gas when OB arrived... OB broke waters (this time on purpose) and I got back off the bed and back sucking on the gas. After about 4-5 contractions OB asked "If I was going to push?!?!" and I said "No, I think I'm fine like this, thanks anyway tho!" (I was off my bits on gas, & buck naked with my head leaning onto the bed ... off my chops!) ... Middy took the gas off me and 'hid' it under the pillow ... I gave her a filty and punched the bid (Massive tantee) ... and then said "OH, alright then!" ... and birthed my DD1... I checked her bits and said "She's a girl" ... OB said yes, and I so "NO, she's a REAL girl" ... what did I think he thought she was

DD3 - Went into labour with her, arrived at hospital, DH put the TV on and said "Great Sharapova is playing, you'll have someone to grunt against!"

Love these posts..... So here is one from me.

Funny now - not then....

With my first i got a labour with the lot - long labour, forceps, episiotomy, blood transfusion, you name it. So you can imagine how happy i was just after my son was born, i needed some help and looked over to find all the midwives attending to my ex-DH as he had fainted - flat out on the floor! Poor thing, the birth was too much for him.

Bowie I hear ya on the gas...

With our daughter's birth I was standing labouring and doing a bit of an Irish jig type dance move to get me through contractions and was starting to think I was a leprechaun - I said to the middy "Is it St Patricks Day?" (it was July).

Preggy story - got in my car about to leave work, thought "OK, why aren't we moving", I had sat in the passengers seat...

A friend also had the gas during labour, and apparently out of the blue said, "But Bert and Ernie aren't gay, they're brothers!"

OHMIGOD !!! That is TOOOO funny ... can't even find an emoticon to do it justice



That is brilliant !!!

Heard a funny from my friend the other day when she came to tell me she was PG (8 weeks) ... She said she called her GP and got the receptionist... Her conversation:

Friend: "Is Herron OK to take when pregnant?"
Receptionist: .... silence .... silence....
Friend: "HELLO???"
Receptionist: .... Silence... "Cough"... "Well Um dear, Heroin is not good to take at ANY time dear, but I'd thing (judgementally) ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN PREGNANT!!!"
Friend: "SNORT", "LAUGH", "SNORT"... On going laughter, had to hang up....

OMG I cant stop laughing. Too funny!

This is one that many males have passed around for years but my comical hubby thought he would actually ask...

After 3rd degree tear with my first born i was being stitched back together while mum and hubby were cooing over our baby when hubby thought he would be funny and asked midwife to throw an extra stitch in for good measure..

Well he was shot down quick by the midwife who asked him "why do you have a small d*ck?" (her exact words).

Wasnt funny for me at the time but it cracks me up now!!! Hubby had apsolutely no comeback!!! and thats a first!!

With DS2 OB was doing an internal to see where I was at before inducing me. He had his fingers or whatever in there and was mumbling away to himself, takes his hand out and counts his fingers and sticks it back in, does this 2 more times before taking his glove off and shaking my husbands hand and telling him "You have very beautiful wife" - we both just cracked up laughing on the spot.

Same bubby. Went from nothing to birth in an instant. There was a male student DR wanting to do one of his 4 required "catches" for his degree. As he was introducing himself to me (my back mind you) my waters promptly broke all over his legs and the baby fell out into the hands of the experienced MW. So he did not get his 1st catch and got saturated for his efforts.

I love these, i keep coming back every few days just to get a laugh, keep adding to it girls!

When I was labouring with my little man, my partner and I could hear another lady screaming a few doors down (obviously closer to delievery than I was) and my lovely partner looks at me and said that will be you soon. Let me tell you he copped a mouthful about how I didn't want to know about anyone else or their pain.

I didn't think it was funny at the time but now think it was so funny, especially my partner's face when I gave it to him. Let me say he did stay quiet for a bit though. lol

Funny? May I ask what is funny about this? To me it is a situation where a professional had two too many 'goes' at checking your cervix and made a VERY inappropriate comment straight after Did this not feel weird, or out of line to you lindyloo03?

Not at all!

He was not good at English and figured he just did not know how to word things.

Thought it funny at the time and still think it is funny.

Another "not amused" at the time, but now find it quite funny:

Dr was stitching me up after #1 and I asked "how many stitches are you putting in there?" as he seemed to be taking a while.

A: "Only one.... but it keeps going back and forth..."!#

Also amused the midwife when #1 was plopped on my chest and all I could say was "eeeeewwww, it's slimy".

me too!

During labour with DS1 my mum & dad came in to see me (very long labour) and they saw a little more than planned - was wearing a hospital gown as I just got out of bath and it wasn't wide enough to go around me so my bare butt was hanging out the back!

On bed during extremely painful contraction with DS2 (who I gave birth to all 4.39kg of without pain relief I'm proud to say ), suddenly saw midwife jump sideways as my waters broke - spray hit the wall 2 metres away! DH was impressed

DH also likes to tell everyone what big balls our boys had when born (don't like to remind him it was my hormones that made them that way!)

OMG!! Could not stop laughing at this!!!!

What an awesome topic!





This made be belly laugh!

I'm sure I'll have stories of my own to report come December!

okay my 3rd birth just last week, and my DH had a bet with a friend of his. He had to say out loud in front of the midwives "come on woman you are made for it". Well...

he did just before the pushing phase and he couldn't keep the smirk of his face and the midwives looked at me with total mortification. I laughed so much after though and the midwives came into my room once i was settled and i mentioned this comment to them.

They couldn't stop laughing as they thought it was the rudest thing they had ever heard a husband say. Needless to say my husband won the bet.

I also told DH at one point when the contractions were on top of each other "stop looking at me, i don't want you near me"!!! poor DH he later asked me why i said that and i told him "oh i love you honey, it's just that you were the reason i was in so much pain"

these stories are great, i love reading them... couldn't stop laughing at the one about the extra stitch

I'm sure this has happened to many of you out there, but my DH keeps on reminding me of it all the time!

As I was getting stitched up after the birth of DD, with the OB working rather closely to my bits , I let out an enormous fart. She just raised her eyebrows, looked at me then went back to work....

Funniest thing is, it happened twice !

DH dared me to ask her at my 6wk checkup if she remembered me farting in her face - I couldn't bring myself to ask!!

We are still in fits of laughter when we think about it!

I opened my eyes at one stage towards the end and saw 7 people standing at the end of the bed watching the action.

I just closed my eyes again until a very slimy warm thing was placed on my chest my first words: "How bizarre" It brought the whole room down.

The joys of giving birth in the middle of the day, should have had a cover charge.

The midwife then proceeded to tell me that she wanted to see me back next year as I was "born to give birth". My response - "We might see if we can raise this one first"
The whole day was full of one liners

during the birth of my 3rd child, mathew, it was time for me to push, so i had one leg in the midwifes side, and the other in my husbands side. as he was crowning, and she's telling me to don't push, just breath, i'm cyring cause the burning hurts. the midwife says to me, as my son is crowning "that hurts, doesn't it?". i swear, i could have kicked her in the head right then!! of course it bloody well hurts lol!!

when i was in labour with our first child, i was leaning over the bed with the contractions, wearing one of the beautiful hospital gowns that open at the back, so my bare bum is poking out for the world to see. i'm in the middle of a huge contraction, and my husband gives my bum a little spank and says "you've still got the sexiest ass around". the midwife almost died!!

these stories are just so funny!!!

When having our first born I was happily sucking away on the gas, I was so high on it that apparantly began banging the back of my head on the wall telling everyone how I "cant feel this cant feel this" over and over then I was munching on one of my snacks (milkybar chocolate!) and I informed everyone that I would not gain any weight from this chocolate as I couldnt feel myself eating it


having baby number 2 I had already birthed bubs and placenta and had just been informed that I needed stitches - I was terrified and kept clamping my legs closed trying to convince the MW it wasnt necassary , DH ended up holding one of my legs whilst a MW held the other - when the MW who was going to preferm the stitches came at me i shut my legs so hard and fast MW and DH flew past each other quite suprised at my strength

When having baby #6 my DH had me in absoloute fits of laughter - I was so high on the gas and everything he said would send me off laughing, my DH proudly told the MWs how he was keeping me in high spirits but when they would walk in I would be very serious and moaning, as soon as they left it was back to laughing - happened EVERY time the MWs thought my DH was insane , I clearly wasnt laughing fast forward to the birth and the MWs were nowhere to be seen when I began to push, poor DH started screaming "EMMA" (our MW) and couldnt decide wether to run out the door to find her or put on a pair of gloves and get set to deliver

i loved reading these stories my first daughter was born at 27 weeks i didnt know i was in labour untill my waters had broke i rushed straight to er when got to hospital i was 10 cm and 10 minates later she was born 2lb 1 oz shes 11 years now and my second daughter well the m/w wasnt happy everytime she come near me ide kick her away lol and then my son well i dont even want to go into that one.

After 5 and a half hours of pretty intense labour, everything just stopped. No pain, no contractions absolutely nothing. So I got off the bed for the first time in about 2 or so hours and went to the toilet. As I had a drip, Royrie had to be at the door pushing the drip along.

Once I finished, I was standing at the sink washing my hands and Royrie yells out (pointing at the same time) "whats that." I have a look in the mirror and there is Chloe's head and I'm none the wiser.

What happened after that is a bit of a blurr, I just remember saying I was happy to deliver in the ensuite because I didn't want to walk thinking I'd hurt her, and them quickly chucking a bean bag on the bed and a mat on the floor just in time for me to waddle across for her birth.

When Adrian was born, I looked up at my OB and said "are you serious, he's out." I didn't feel a thing. He was 3lbs smaller than Chloe was and I barely felt her birth either.

Mine was while finally having an epidural (thanks to a 5 week early induction) and they got me to sit over the edge of the bed, hunch over and hang onto my DH around his waist to steady myself in case I had a contraction and felt the need to move during the 'more dangerous' needle phase.

Sure enough I felt a contraction creeping up and due to the enormity of the whole early induction thing, almost started sobbing. I squeezed my DH so hard so as to not move...and next thing I know, his maroon tshirt dissapears from an inch in front of my face and is quickly replaced by someone in white (who I then just assumed my clinging pose with!!).

Once all was done and I was allowed to lie back down, I notice I was actually clutching around the waist of a midwife...and hubby was being helped off the floor and into an armchair....looking very faint and grey and they were giving him sips of drink.

Apparently he watched the whole epi process over my back and he said blood squirted from my spine onto the anaethetist making DH instantly giddy. We laugh now how there was left on the table while 3 or 4 midwives attended to him. Hmph!



That's absolutely hysterical. My 3y.o just wondered what in the hell I just blurted out laughing at the laptop about....

I remember having the gas with my first labour and I was trying to describe to my DH what it was like.

"It's like I'm here but I'm not really here..."

with my second daughters labour i demanded an epidural the minute i arrived at the birth suite, once it was administered i was also sucking away at some gas and in all seriousness i was hysterically yelling "MY LEGS!! MY LEGS!! I CANT FEEL MY LEGS!!!"

apparently that was the cue for the midwife to take the gas off me lol

it kept my husband and the midwife entertained though

Priceless....

I couldn't just read and not type mine in...
I was in labour for 12 hours with our first dd, about half way though labour i look over to my hubby and find him chugging on the gas (which up to 70%gas and 30%h2o) saying "one for you, two for me" I couldn't believe it..he was getting happy on My gas!! Didn't help much that we both had the giggles and my mum walked in just as he was taking a big breath. So he does the noble thing and says "hey pam, wanna go, it's great stuff!!" Well that undos mum and she cacks herself laughing....

He is now banned from the gas...lol

When my friend gave birth they put her DS on her stomach/chest and he promptly did his first poop all over her. She then threw up on him Her DH didn't know whether to laugh or cry!

These are fantastic! Keep them coming.

I played air guitar to a light switch while making drum noises!