a week ago today i lost my baby.. it was the exact day i turned 3 months!!
i am only 19 yrs old but it was a planned pregnancy, we were so happy to have something so beautiful that we made with love growing inside of me.
i woke up at 4.30 in the morning to cramps, needing to go to the toilet i got out of bed but for the worst gush of blood all down my legs. i ran to the toilet and i think the fetus may have came out then, i screamed for my boyfriend who came running straight from deep sleep, he looked at the blood everywhere and i began crying and sobbing so loudly.john rang my mum and she said go straight to the hospital. he rang the hospital and we had to travel 15 mins to the next town. it felt like 5 hrs to get there. i was examined by the doctor internally which he had trouble cos i was so tense. he said my cervix was open and that he thought i was having a miscarriage, i cried so much. my boyfriend had to start his new job so he rushed to work all i wanted all day was him by my side but i couldnt have him. my mum came to the hospital as soon as she could. i was transported by ambulance to my home town to a bigger hospital. i was examined again with trouble and had to have an ultra sound. it was so hard watching an empty screen they couldnt see much so i had to have an internal ultrasound. there was only a little bit of haemorraging left.. i cried all day. i had to have a curette and i stayed in hospital for a total of 16 hours. it was the longest, most traumatic and worst day of my life. i was robbed of all dignity that i had left... it has been a week today and i have gone thru so much pain. people dont understand. my partner has gone to tasmania for 12 days yesterday for work and i need and miss him so much! he has been thru heaps too he bottles it all up inside but i seen him cry a few times. i want to try straight away for another baby.. to replace the one i lost.. the first few stages of my pregnancy were terrible my parents were shocked and very disapointed, they were going to be young grandparents. but they got over it and started to get so excited!! and this happens? why does everything bad have to happen to me? i had bought our first little baby bond suit and dumy. i still hold it and cry, my partner keeps hiding it from me so i wont dwell but i just feel like i need to keep finding it.. i just wanted to get everything off my chest!