We've had quite a few posts asking for general pointers or advice, so I though it might be useful to have a thread of general advice and rules of thumb that you've found helpful at any point, so that others going through the same thing can read, and maybe find some things that can help them.

Please contribute anything you've learned, realised, regretted, hated, changed - anything at all that someone else might find useful in any aspect of infertility, no matter whether you're just starting to see a specialist, or have been around the block more than once. Who knows what might be a lightning bolt for someone else.

OK, what I've learned:

• You'll never regret moving fast - sure, you might feel a neurotic fool who's jumping the gun, but if it shortens your wait for a baby by a month...
• Test everything BEFORE you begin treatment.
  From don't let them put you on clomid if they don't know your tubes are clear to don't let them do IVF until you've had a hysteroscopy. It's a waste of time, and energy, and drugs, and it's emotionally draining to be treated when it's not going to work for you.
• research research research ask ask ask.
  YOU are your own best advocate, you're the one who doesn't have to look at your chart to know your diagnosis. You're the one who knows you sometimes ovulate on day 8. Take charge of it! Pin your doctor down and make them explain everything three times if necessary, but know what's going on!
• get a second opinion.
  I can't even begin to recount the number of people I've seen waste years of their lives because something was missed or misdiagnosed. No one is omnipotent, everyone makes mistakes, and doctors are people too.
• think before you share
  Think carefully before telling someone all about your struggle. We had a thread a while ago discussing this, and everyone who replied regretted telling someone in their life. Ypu can always tell them later, but you can't take it back, and assvice HURTS.
• Plan ahead
  Don't pin all your hopes on this month (whether it's unassisted, clomid, IUI, IVF, PGD or donor). Plan for next cycle, get things organised for the next step. It saves time (otherwise you're always waiting until after your period to think about this stuff, and then you ovulate and who knows what might happen this month...)and it saves your emotions, because you always have a plan - you're never left high and dry with a BFN and no hope. Appointments can always be cancelled.

Please anyone, any advice you have to offer anyone else - contribute!

Edited to remove sig

Expat I can only echo your sentiments........the other things I learned was not to put my life on hold.

Eg
"Should we plan that holiday for next year?....What if we're pregnant by then?"
"Should I apply for that job?....what if I'm pg by then"
"Should we get a puppy now OR wait till we have a bub?"

DO YOU GET THE PICTURE?????

After a while DH & I decided that we could no longer keep putting our lives on hold. Lucky we didn't, cos our "puppy" is now nearly 3 years old!!!

Good luck to all
mermaid

That's a great list expat. I can only think of a few things because you basically covered everything.

* Find out what measurements & numbers your doctor will be looking for in regards to uterine lining, follicle size etc before going to the ultrasound so you know what all the numbers mean.

* write everything down

* If you get emotional after a BFN write down your list of concerns and questions and give them to the doctor to answer one by one, that way you haven't forgotten anything and aren't a blubbering mess when trying to talk.They are there for you. You have employed them to help you get pregnant.If they haven't answered your concerns don't walk out the door until you are satisfied.

* Research, Research, Research. It is YOUR body.

* Exercise and keep your body active.

* If you want to cry, cry. If you don't feel like answering the phone don't. This is a very stressful time and nobody really understands how you are feeling.

* Be kind to your DH's & DP's they are grieving too.

What a great list - particularly agree with not putting your life on hold with the expectation you'll have a baby within a specified period of time.

Another that is worth thinking about is involving your DH or DP as much as possible, don't make decisions for them thinking you're helping.

For instance I thought it would be easier to arrange for my mum to pick me up after a lap coming up this Monday as DH has started a new job, but the result was it made him feel excluded, so he's coming now.

Offer to let them do your injections, keep track of what tests or appointments you have coming up or plan healthy meals to help keep you well. My DH said he feels less like a sperm donor and more a participant doing some of these things.

Cheers

Kaz

Me 35
DH 37
TTC 5+ years
Unexplained infertility
Starting IVF soon!

Waiting to hear the pitter, patter...

I agree with everything that's been said here. I want to stress that if you are not one of the lucky ones and your journey takes a bit longer you will find each disappointment easier if you haven't shared your AC efforts with everyone. Choose who you tell and ask them to keep it to themselves. You don't have to lie - by all means say you're trying if you want but don't give them dates or details. You can tell everyone later when you have the baby in your arms. We are all consumed by the need to get pregnant but we have to force ourselves back into the world on occassion and its easier if that world is separate from the AC world. Anyway that's how I feel about it.
* If you are having a transfer always ring in the morning of the transfer to check that your embryos have survived, just in case. They will call you in the morning if they haven't but you don't want to risk missing that call.
* If you think there is something wrong don't get put off by a "thats just normal for you". I had midcycle spotting for 2 years and told 3 doctors who thought nothing of it. I also have had difficulty detecting ovulation by kits (OPK) so they give me blood tests. I have since told a chinese herbalist and a naturopath and they say it isn't normal. A lot of AC seems to be trial and error and guess work.
good luck
Belinda

Accept that you will need to give a treatment several goes to do it justice. I know someone who was so upset after her first attempt that she gave up IVF altogether.

I definitely agree with the plan ahead advice. My doctor is very hard to see so it's best to book a new appt before the cycle actually is over. Having a plan B can help you cope with a BFN better.

Also ask your doctor what the long term plan is. How long will you be doing this protocol for and then what options do you have after that?

Marriage wise accept that DH/partner is likely to cope with disappointment and stress in a different way to you. In return ask him to accept that you will cope differently too. Men find it hard when women become emotional, tearful and very down however it is a very appropriate expression of our feelings. If he doesn't believe you then get him to call the counsellor at your clinic and she'll put him straight!

Rachael

One thing I would advise is that when you decide to go down the Assisted Conception path to do it wholeheartedly. I had trouble accepting this was the only way I would have a baby and did a couple of months on Clomid, then did the rounds of osteopath, accupuncture, chinese herbalist, naturapth - you name it, I tried, it. Then back to Clomid again and the same routine all over. Once I exhausted these avenues and commited to AC and put my trust in "modern science" things went much more smoothly.

Also, find something, anything to help you keep your sanity. For me it was exercise.

great thread expat. i fully agree with what's been poted

-I certainly regret not having full diagnostic testing early on.
- I wouldn't go to a doc that is also an obstetrician if you can help it as the waiting room sometimes kills me (all those pg women and you sitting there with your used needle container etc!)I've even gone into the room and the last person's scan is still on the screen and you can see the little bubba and then of course it switches to me and all there is is emptiness
- I know it's hard but try not to think you are pg the minute your transfer is done and start dreaming of names....the climb back is just too hard when it's a bfn
- Definitely find some time for affection, conversations and intimacy with your Dh that doesn't involve AC.

All the very best everyone and I hope all our BFPs are just around the corner.


Ratty
TTC#1/ICSI #4
Monitoring,Lap,Endometrial Biopsy and D&C April 05
1 x blastocyst in the fridge

Speaking from the donor gamate path.

*be prepared it takes twice as long for clinic to
organise themselves when it comes to donor stuff
*if you live in a city with 2 IVF clinics that have donor
waiting lists.......see both clinics and go on both
waiting lists
*Not all donor cycles work......with egg donation the
results are only slightly (less than an extra 10%
might even be less than 5%) higher than non egg
donor cycles.

In general develop coping techiques appropriate
for you. Something with achievable goals outside
of IVF are great!

Jacinta

This girl is doing
IVF with ED
x 3 pervious ED's
5 neg transfers
(using 8 embies...some 1
some 2 embie transfers)
Starting soon with PROVEN
known ED and her family

* Plan ahead and always have Plan B ready to go if Plan A has not worked. I found i fell apart if i didn't know in my mind what my next step was.

* Never be afraid or feel you are being disloyal to your Dr if you get a 2nd opinion or change Dr's. I 'sacked' 3 Dr's before i found the right one for me. I felt the others were not listening to me and treated me as a number.

* Research and ask. I used to ring the embrologists with my questions to do with PGD and stuff.

* Don't be afraid to request what you want. If you are paying for it why can't you have it. My last cycle i researched that in the States Assisted Hatching is routinely done for women over 38. I had to fight the clinic for it. In the end i won and got it - and guess what that embie stuck.

* If you do tell others about your cycle tell little white lies about dates. ie. I would tell my mum or even post here i was finding out my beta results on Friday when i knew it was say Wednesday. I just felt an enormous pressure to provide results, this way i had a day or 2 to grieve if it was BFN and then post/tell.

* Mostly you can't know what suits you best till you have done a few cycles (which hopefully you don't need to do). I knew after a couple of cycles my embies were better in than out the sooner the better. By that i knew after creating 50+ embies mine never make it to blastocysts so last cycle i was adament they freeze them day 3 and 4. In the past they had tried to grow my non PGD embies to day 6 and they never lasted. Just cause they say oh blastocysts work best - this ain't for every single person. Wish i had of known this cycle 1 and 2, 3,4, + 5 so i had some frosties. Cycle 6 i insisted they freeze earlier, at least i got one.

* You have to learn about your own body and cycles, nurses have made mistakes they are only human. Letting you stim too long or short, wanting you to do this when you know that suits you......you have to talk up, its your cycle, your money and your body.

* Get free counselling thru the clinic if you can and support like thru here or meeting up with other women going thru IVF. It's a lifesaver knowing there are others out there in the same boat and being able to talk to someone else who understands. You don't need to do this alone!

* If you are older (like i was/am) don't fluff. Don't do IUI after IUI or wait a long time, its true our eggs are ageing, we have to push forward and keep our eye on the goal.

* Keep a diary. I started one about 4yrs ago and pasted photos of all the embryos transferred (this may not be for everyone), wrote down how i felt emotionally and physically (good to look back on for pregnancy symptoms), wrote things like follicle sizes, E2 numbers.....it just made it interesting to compare cycles and i could pretty accurately guess the number of eggs i would get. It is also very emotional to read back on and something i will give to my children one day so they understand our journey and how wanted they were.

I'm sure i could bore you with more, but they are mine. I believe if i hadn't of tried the points above i could still be trying.
JB

This message was edited by JB on Friday, 15 April 2005 @ 10:50 AM

Brilliant advice!! Every single post has me nodding and agreeing.

Keep them coming!!

Agree with everything that's been posted so far also!

Especially agree with a few points though...

Don't feel you need to explain to everyone you know what you're going through - and don't tell everyone unless you are prepared to have endless questions about each cycle - it's really hard when people are asking you after a cycle if it worked and you have to answer over and over again that it didn't! Equally as difficult when you have a successful cycle, and wnat to keep it quiet until 12 weeks, but everyone knows you've done a cycle so you either have to fess up - or lie!

This may be something you already think about, but be prepared for the financial costs - know exactly how much each different procedure will cost, and research how much of that you will get back from Medicare/private health funds. We had an extra bill after our last cycle because they did ICSI and hadn't discussed this with us.

Take time for yourself - to be pampered!

Hope that helps....

Andi.

This message was edited by AndiS on Friday, 15 April 2005 @ 2:16 AM

**Edited by Roz**

Great thread!

* While this board is great for support and exchange of info, don't come on here and ask questions like "I think I'm supposed to do XYZ with my meds today but the clinic didn't write it down and I forgot and it's Saturday what do you think?". You are paying a LOT of money for this and you should have an after hours number for your clinic - USE IT! If your clinic is not contactable after hours and on weekends, find another clinic!

* Find out what to expect from your particular clinic - eg advice above to call before going in for a transfer doesn't apply to our clinic as they don't disturb the embryos/blasts from day 3 until very shortly before transfer on day 5, and by that time DH and I will be on our way in.

* Just because many IVFers have hysteroscopy/lap before starting, take your Dr's advice as to what YOU as a couple need. We have severe MF and the only investigations our doctor wanted on me was some blood tests and a day 8 transvaginal ultrasound.

* Don't wait a day longer than you need before starting treatment, especially if you are in your mid 30s or older. Think very carefully about doing something like spending a year with a fertility naturopath because if it doesn't work that is an extra year you could have been doing IVF.

Steph

1. One great piece of advice I was given here was to make dr. appointments in advance ie. when organising t/f dates I would make a dr. appointment for u/s if BFP and if BFN I didn't have to wait long to discuss it with my dr. and make plans for the next attempt. This really helped me to feel I had some control esp. as it can take so long to get in to see drs.
2. When nurses ring with b/t results - always ask for the exact numbers and question anything you don't understand - I was given HCG numbers from a few days earlier (which were good at the time) when I m/c. If I hadn't queried the results I would have thought everything was Ok when it wasn't.
3. Take care of yourself and be selfish - do things for you without having to explain to everyone. Our pain, stress, grief is invisible to most -there are no obvious physical signs of any illness IYKWIM. There will be times when you need "timeout" so don't feel guilty about it.
4. I wasn't prepared for how unstable my emotions would be. The drugs and stress play havoc with hormones which made/make me an emotional timebomb at times. It can be very hard on DH.
5. Do what feels right for you.

Also you might find that you have to hassle both the
nurses and doc's to communicate effectively with
one another and with you.
Jacinta

I just wanted to say THANKS to everyone for all the advice!! I'm on my first ICSI cycle and this advice is very timely for me. I find it particularly interesting when people post completely opposite advice, as (strangely) it's reassuring to know that everyone has different ideas of what is right for them.

As a result of the advice posted here, I picked up the phone today and made an appt with my doc to discuss next steps after this cycle. Of course I'd love to cancel that appointment, but it has given me a sense of peace knowing I am prepared to move ahead if I get a BFN this cycle.

We might even go ahead and get that puppy we've been wanting!!

Keep the great advice coming

Me(34) DH(37) DSS(3)
TTC#1 since June 04
ICSI#1 - 2 embryos on board, BT 21/4

Great advice about booking an appt with your Dr B4 the end of the cycle to discuss the results of it.... but a word of caution.

I did this last cycle - only to find out that medicare would not rebate it because you are supposed to wait 30 days between cycles. I had to get my Dr. to write a letter to Medicare explaining that the appt was unrelated to the previous cycle before I could get a rebate on it.

I've also found it necessary to fight for my rights with respect to health fund rebates. One of my pharmacy items (pessaries) was rejected last cycle after being paid on a previous cycle. I had to justify the expense to the fund (and caused them to do an internal review) - but in the end - I got it paid.

This message was edited by diva on Saturday, 16 April 2005 @ 6:01 AM

**Edited by Roz**

Completely agree with what Roz said. I normally ask for a copy of all my records about once a year but it may help to ask for copies as you do the tests so that you stay on the ball. I found out lots of stuff I hadn't been told from reading them.

Also when we decided to change clinics recently my previous clinic did not send the new clinic the records even though I'd given them 3 weeks notice. I took along my copy of records to my first appt with the new doctor as I was half expecting the old clinic wouldn't do the job on time and I was right.

Rachael

My advice is more mundane! Make sure you have a couple of shirts with three-quarter sleeves. They are easy to pull up for blood tests and cover the tell-tale marks.

I found this type of shirt the most comfortable, easy to deal with in the morning BT rush and stopped a lot of questions about becoming a junkie!

Also, take your medication with you where ever you go - pop it in a little cooler bag and leave it in the car if that's convenient, or under your desk. I got stuck on a train between stations, about two-hours from home the day I was due to trigger.

Fortunately the CityRail staff were more than helpful and the train actually got waved through a signal failure on emergency priority so I could get to the next station and get on another train. My husband drove down to meet me half way and I ended up mixing and injecting in the car in a park - not quite the relaxing environment I had in mind!

* Do be aware of how sometimes the assvice, as stupid as it may sound at the time, can creep into your head and alter your thinking. I found myself going through so many rounds of IUI's and clomid etc, and it took me over a year to finally figure out I was putting off IVF, not because I was scared of the procedure, but because in the back of my mind I was scared of feeling like an idiot for going through with it only to find it would of happenned *had I relaxed*. That insecurity pushed me back alot of times, and now looking back, I don't care if it could of happenned that way. It simply wasn't worth the extra pain and waiting I put myself through.

* Find yourself an excellent doctor. Different approaches and people work for different people - if you are with a doctor you dont feel comfortable around, or you feel nervous or afraid to ask questions, hunt around for another, ask people who have been through it what their doctors were like, and find the approach that works for you. I found going through treatment with a Dr I admired respected and trusted made the whole thing 100X easier. They are out there!

*Do take advantage of the free counselling the clinics offer, and don't be afraid to blurt something out thats on your mind even if it doesn't seem related to AC, as often outside pressures just make AC itself harder, and the counsellors are there to help you deal with that too. I scoffed at the idea of counselling intially, but after a couple of visits, found the counsellors to be lifesavers. DH went along as well, and we talked about all sorts of things that didn't seem related at the time, but after we had talked them through and had the space and time to say what we needed to say, it was amazing how much it lightened the AC load.

* Lastly I definitely second the cry if you need to cry thing. Let yourself have a crappy day every now and then, and spend some time on you. It took me ages to do this also, but when I finally did just let myself take the phone off the hook, forget dinner, forget the outside world, I'm in a foul mood and scr*w you all, I'm in my crappy day and thats that, it was a relief. Sounds horrible, but always felt so much better after. Anyone who expects you to be smiles and roses and strong and unaffected - is an idiot.

Thank you all for such great advice! I'm only a newbie myself (1 ICSI cycle), but have a couple of little suggestions:

Get your DH involved with your treatment as much as possible, because they can feel very excluded. You could designate him "Master Injector" and let him do all your jabs (even if you'd rather do it yourself), let him 'control' your medication supply, get him to write down the dates and times of everything on your cycle schedule, try to have him come to every appointment.... any way you can to keep him involved and feeling important.

Constipation! I did not realise how badly some of the medications (mainly Crinone/Progesterone in the last part of the cycle) would gum up my digestion. Make sure you eat loads of high fibre foods, like pears/prunes, bran and wholegrains etc and have plenty of fluids. I had terrible cramps that I since found out were largely due to constipation.

Also don't get fooled into thinking you have great
appointments......the first one is always 2x as long
as normal because you a new patient.
If you have lots of questions book a double
appointment.

Jacinta

If you are trying to keep it a secret from your work colleagues
then it's helpful to have a history of migraines. Nobody
questions you when you have a day off for a migraine and
you can be perfectly well the day after.

You may also be able to use one letter of "ongoing specialist
treatment" to cover all your sick days and appointments. In
the public service this can be kept on your employment file
and you can seal the letter so only the govt medical officer
can read it. From then on you just refer to the letter.

If you are scared of the injections then pinch your skin really
tight before you inject and it will hurt more than the injection (I
learned this from someone here at EB!).

If you are doing O/I and are not prepared to risk high order multiples then use condoms until you know how many follicles you have grown! Just learned this the hard way, DH and I are now discussing whether I should take the morning after pill tonight...

Two things that have come up recently on this board and seem to surface time and time again!

1. When you are doing a stim cycle it's quite common to get EWCM (ie "fertile" cervical mucous) after a week (or sometimes less) of FSH injections. Do NOT panic, if you are taking down-reg medication (ie Synarel or Lucrin) you are NOT about to ovulate! The EWCM is an indicator of rising oestrogen levels - which happens just before O in a normal cycle, but happens sooner in a stim cycle.

2. AF-type cramping is a very common early pg symptom. I had never heard of it before getting my BFP. I had two betas that showed my blood HCG levels were just fine, yet I could still have sworn for a couple of days before and at least a week after my pg was confirmed that I was about to get AF!

Steph

Oh and if you feel the hormones starting to affect you and you can feel yourself getting more and more worked up -don't- I repeat don't make that snakey comment to dh.

Go for a brisk walk - LOL!

I regret leaving such long breaks between each attept. This was partly because of waiting for doctor appointments.

TaniaB-W

Tania

ME 35 DH 55 SS 28 SS
25
TTC since Jan 2001
Monash IVF, MF Vas.
ICSI 4 unsuccessful,FET
1 unsuccessful (2001-
2003)
DI 4 unsuccessful (2003)
ICSI 1 unsuccessful
(2004)

I learnt two valuable lessons during my current IVF cycle.
i) look after your self and your feelings first
I'm surrounded by friends and DH's family having babies. When someone has a baby, you feel obliged to visit soon after it's birth. When it is family, it's all everyone talks to you about.
I have always put my feelings aside and made a fuss of the new mother and baby and assured them that I was fine and honestly happy for them even though I was crying on the inside.
When you are going through IVF, your cycle and baby arrivals sometimes clash. I have had two arrivals during this cycle. One was early enough to deal with.
The second was at a VERY emotional stage. After hearing about the arrival several days in a row and being exposed to their first child, I had to stand up for myself and ask them to stay away until I was ready to see the baby. After I had done that, all of the tension that I had building up inside dissappeared.

ii) always keep a support circle of friends/family
DH and I had not discussed our current IVF cycle with anyone. We usually try to keep it to ourselves for one main reason - if it works, we don't want many people to know until 12weeks.
I have a select group of friends who I have usually told in the past but hadn't this time. When I had reached my boiling point from baby arrival overload - I realised that I needed to tell people what I was going through and have not only their support but their consideration for my feelings. Talking about it helped diffuse the feelings I had.


TaniaB-W

ME 35 DH 55 SS 28 SS25
TTC since Jan 2001, MF Vas.
ICSI 4 unsuccessful,(2001-03)
FET 1 unsuccessful (2001)
DI 4 unsuccessful (2003)
ICSI 1 unsuccessful (2004)

On a more practical matter, I found the drugs played havoc with my hair and skin - got very dry. I had to change to a really heavy moisturiser and lathered it on a few times a day. Also needed treatment for my hair then a good cut - took ages to get back to normal.

ME (34)PCOS, IR
DH (48)M/F
TTC #1 01/99
ICSI #1 June/July 04 - BFN
FET #1 August - chem.preg.
FET #2 December - BFN
FET #3 January - BFN
Changed clinics for ICSI #2 NOW!!!

Thanks for all this fantastic advice
I have learnt so much practical stuff
I am starting IVF now - start Synarel 16th - OPU in mid July - what legends you guys are to share this
Thanks
BAM

What a great thread!

1) Try to keep thinking positive. It will help you relax. Think of how blessed we are to even be able to afford and do IVF. Think that IVF clinics in Australia have extremely high success rates considering they only allow 1 or 2 embryos transferred.

2) Planning ahead will also help you stay positive. Expect that it may take more than 1 attempt.

3) Each fresh cycle is different. You could suffer from OHSS first time but breeze through the next.

4) My only regret is that I kept putting off IVF for the wrong reason. I was afraid that it would not work.

I have come up with another suggestion that you
all actually do anyway:

it often helps to have the support of those who are
doing very similar treatment to yourself. Which we
all sort of do unconciously by gravating
towards....POCS, IUI, OI, PGD groups.
Remember if over time your treatment changes so
maybe will those you need specific support yet you
can still be of assistance to those you are
perviously attached to. But also importantly it's god
to have a basic base to come back to!!

jacinta

My advice is to be prepared to take time off work.

I know this might sound a bit negative and I do apologise for it. My office has this non-discrimination policy regarding pregnancy and potential pregnacy but my boss was a bully and caused me ALOT of stress. Being (artificially) hormonal didn't help as I was an emotional mess and this was (sort of) used against me. I had an unmanageable workload and every time I raised this, they refused to believe me because I was in tears every time I said something. On an emotional level, taking a break from work and ttc was something I needed to do to get my head together. I put myself first - no amount of money was worth staying at work - I pretty much tossed my career out the window.

Also, I know this is going to sound awful, but be prepared for negative reactions when you do fall pregnant. You read about it on EB about how so-and-so said something negative about you being pregnant - and it's worse when they know how badly you wanted to start a family/have a baby. My advice is to ignore their comments and to enjoy the experience of being pregnant and seek support from only those who are nearest and dearest who will also help you through the tougher times. A dear friend of mine helped me through my 3rd failed cycle - and she was the first friend I called when I got an unexpected BFP.

If there is something I cannot stress enough it is to be kind to yourself (regardless ttc or not). At the end of each failed cycle I went to a Day Spa retreat for a minimum of 1 hour (LOVE the sea salt scrub). If I could time it right, I'd also try to go just before I O'd.

Can I just use this thread to say to those of you who undergo/have undergone IVF I have nothing but the utmost respect for you. I've done AIH and Clomid and thought they were pretty rough. I don't have the courage to do IVF (for emotional reasons). What you women do is nothing short of remarkable and I do dearly hope that you are blessed in the very near future.

M

Me: 30
DH: 39
Clomid#1 Oct 2003
Clomid#2 Nov 2003
AIH Dec 2003
Surprise BFP: 19 April 2004
DD: 'Spunky Stuff' 9 December 2004

This message was edited by AngelicMsM on Monday, 13 June 2005 @ 8:36 PM

Be positive. I programmed myself to be convinced that I would fall pregnant and keep it - it gave me a sense of control. My relatives were extremely concerned that I was so convinced I would fall pregnant and kept trying to talk me into thinking about alternatives but I wouldn't hear it. Being 100% determined and positive allowed me to deal with the blows. I still cried and felt disappointed each month but I got back on my feet and focused on the next cycle far more quickly. I had more energy too.

BIGGEST THING THAT HELPED ME EMOTIONALLY - a mantra I had: when I saw a pregnant woman rather than getting upset I would say to myself "she got pregnant, I can too". After a few times I started to believe it.

The determination it gave me helped me to keep marching foward to my goal with a sense of control.

Oh and on the work front I TOTALLY agree with AngelicMsM - try not to expect the best from yourself at work. Everyone is different and some people will throw themselves into work. I was the opposite, I couldn't focus on work. If you are like that, accept that average preformance at work is completely understandable given the circumstances - you have a lot on your plate.

I actually dropped my high stress career for an easier job that was less demanding....it paid off (in the emotional sense).



Me (33)
DH (37)
TTC #1 since 03/03
Lots of Endo,
2 x Lap,hyst,dyes 05/03 & 11/04
2 x M/C 10/03 9 wks, & 02/04 8 wks
2 x IUI 09/04 & 10/04 - BFN
BFP!!!! 24/12/04 EDD 1/9/05

This message was edited by Fraseky on Friday, 17 June 2005 @ 12:14 PM

Oh and breathe out when the needles go in! Do a big sigh! It relaxes you mentally and physically and it won't hurt nearly as much.

Me (33)
DH (37)
TTC #1 since 03/03
Lots of Endo,
2 x Lap,hyst,dyes 05/03 & 11/04
2 x M/C 10/03 9 wks, & 02/04 8 wks
2 x IUI 09/04 & 10/04 - BFN
BFP!!!! 24/12/04 EDD 1/9/05

For those that are worried about injecting:

I have found that putting ice on your skin for at least 2 minutes to numb the area takes the sting out of the needle.

3bubs

i havent read all the messages in this post so forgive if i have gone over something thats already been said ..

*trust urself - even if it hasnt been a year ttc , if u feel like somethings not right push the issue - even lie and say it has been a year of ttc
* chart before u head to the doctor as often thats what u will get sent home to do .
*resaearch everything, read as much as u can and lean what the treatments involve
* ask if there are any factors that will affect ur treatment on each cycle .. we have 2 IUI's cancelled they day before insemination due to the scientist being away - and they knew this 2 weeks before
*if u dont understand something ASK and keep asking until u get it ..

Jass27
Steve 34
Emily born April 27th 2005

Read this!
http://www.shapemag.co.za/article.php?id=296
Roz

****TMI warning****

PESSARIES

They tell you to use panty liners. I have found this isn't enough, as the melted parafin seems to gush out all at once. Try the small ultrathin pads (you know, the ones meant for very light AF days).

Me 28 / DH 29
TTC since the Sydney Olympics (09/00)
DS Caleb, natural conception, stillborn 03/11/2004 (17.5 weeks, Trisomy18)
Me - Nov04 diagnosed mosaic for Turner Syndrome & Tetrasomy X
IUI #1 Apr05 BFN
IVF#1 Jun05 BFN
FET#1 20/07 BT 01/08

for those with secondary infertility, ch mentioned

If you have any small children already who are normally at home with you be prepared to need full time childcare for a week or more from EPU, or possibly even from a few days before (depending on how your ovaries respond). I over stimulated and spent three days in bed (including day of EPU) I was in so much pain. Once I could move around the house freely (and would probably have been fine going back to a desk job) I was told that to prevent OHSS I needed to continue to rest a lot and avoid exercise as this stimulates the ovaries into making more hormones, so no picking up my 3 yr old, no pushing strollers or swings, running around, long walks etc. DH stayed home the day of and day after EPU, DD had her normal daycare day on day 3, DH did all the care all weekend and then I ended up having to organise emergency day care for DD for the entire following week. I did find care, and she has coped quite well, but it would have been nice to have it sorted out in advance and to have had time to prepare her for full time care.

Also if you are usually a very healthy active person think about how you are going to explain to a toddler that you are so tired all the time, in bed so much, that they can't bounce around near your tummy etc. We had been reluctant to tell DD I was trying to get pregnant because we didn't want her to get her hopes up. But she was getting more and more upset about my being in bed and sick and kept asking when I would be well and then getting angry that I wasn't playing with her or taking care of her. In the end we changed our approach and explained that all the injections and Drs visits are to try to get a baby in my tummy, that hopefully it will work and that I will feel better when all the medicine is finished. She took this extremely well and has been much happier and better behaved since. A few days after we explained all this we heard her tell her gran on the phone "Mummy is taking medicine to try to get a baby in her tummy" so she did seem to take it all in.

One other piece of advice would be to actively seek
out all the different formats of conception. Donor
gamates, PGD, surrogacy (both Gestional and
Traditional)....but also take into consideration other
ways of making a family. Adoption, ICA, foster care
(possibly to painful for some......like me) or even
Permanent Care.
Jacinta

Another thing that's come up recently...

Check with your FS or clinic before taking any over the counter or prescription medication during your cycle or 2ww. If you are hospitalised or have an accident while cycling, tell the ambos/staff that you are doing IVF and ask them to call your clinic to check whether their treatment will impact on your cycle. If you are in the 2ww tell them you might be pg.

If you are taking long term medication, discuss this with your FS before starting your cycle. If you have to see your GP because you are unwell before or during a cycle, get them to treat you as if you are already pg.

Steph
who is doing IVF#4 while managing hayfever and asthma

This discussion is great - I totally agree with all of the comments so far.
I guess the only thing I can add is that couples shouldn't wait too long to seek assistance. We had tried for >12 months and our GP advised to "keep trying a bit longer" and wasn't keen to investigate !! A trip to a medical centre with the name of a clinic got us a referral and appointment within days. A year later we have a beautiful baby girl who took her first steps yesterday !!!!
I hate to think how long we would have continued to try unsuccessfully had we not have taken the iniative to request a referral.

Try not to focus on IVF so much that you forget about living your life. (Easier said than done!)

xxSheree
6 years TTC, 5OIs, 16IVFs

Also give constructive ( and at times not so constructive) feedback to clinic to make them improve their service!
This helps them and us!!! and future patients as well.

Jacinta

Agree with everything so far.

Just a few more things.
-Shop around. Different clinics charge different prices and most expensive may not be the "best." My girlfriend went to one clinic, paid twice as much as I did. I got pregnant and unfortunately she did not. With the medicare rebate, you also get a lot back these days. Find out!
-Don't delay testing if you think there is a problem esp when you only start trying in your mid 30s.
-Don't be tempted to take a pregnancy test after embryo transfer. Try to wait until the blood test.
-One cycle could give you totally different feelings to the next. My first two stimulated cycles I felt really bloated towards egg collection. This time (my fourth stim) I don't feel half as bloated even though egg collection is only a few days away. I am much more tired though (not sure if it is because I know have a child (ivf)and have other things to worry about - although I am a bit more tired than normal..)

Good luck to all those who are trying..

I keep a "positive visualisation" board up on my fridge... pics of pregnant tummies, the words "40 weeks", newborn babies, breastfeeding and look at it daily. It helps me stay focussed on my goal.

Also, be prepared that some friends may lose interest in where you are at after 1 or 2 cycles - their lives go on and they forget that this can sometimes take a little longer than expected.

hi peoples i just wanted to add no matter what we are going thru we always have the dh or dp that dont quite understand what some of the info means i found taking notes to get the correct info across to him was good, also i agree with the pessaries thing aswell i use to freak out so i use to "rug up" also found lying down was alot easier to use them aswell.
Ummm....... i also found dealing with bubs alot kind of helps, at first i left the room if a baby came in or i'd sit on the floor and cry now, i have 14 neices and nephews (obviously nothing wrong with dh's side) and love playing and holding them . i also found for me one cycle after another (of ivf) gave me the idea that i wouldnt miss out on any chance i was thrown. and as much as i got my hopes up when i'd get the call from the clinic to tell me how my little bubbles were going i also kept that doubt in my mind (some people think thats bad but it worked for me) so that if worst came along i could take that step back and realise i knew it might have happened. and last but not least i tried herbal medicaines because if for somereason i dont have children i cant blame not trying. and on that depressing not i will let someone else leave a message have a great week hope i didnt depress anyone