My son who is 3 next month, has become to assert himself with me.
He will threaten to throw things at me when I ask him to put something away (rubbish, dinosaurs, ex tramp (asked him to get off to do something). He yells at me. He rasises his arms right back ready to pounce on me.
At first this was funny, but now I am actually thinking, If i don't stop this bad behaviour now then how am I going to stop the bad behaviour when he is a lot stronger and taller than me.
How do I teach him to respect me?

Should we stop smaking him when he does something wrong?
what suggestions does anybody have to help me to allow my son to express his negative (angry and mad) feeling or emotions in a way that does not hurt anyone?

i'll be waiting for a reply
thankyou
Raelene

Raelene 28
DH 32
DS 23/4/05 at 6.31pm
M/C Dec 14, 2003, 6w4d
TTC # 2 Cycle 8 (TTC since July 04)

Hi Raelene,

As a mother of a hitter I know how hard it is and how horrendously embarrassing it is when they do it in public.

This is what I will be doing from now on with our DS when he hits or kicks us (which is very frequent unfortunately)

First I will say in a very stern voice "Do not hit. Unacceptable behaviour"
Then I will take him to a time out chair (borrowed from the Supernanny TV show) and make him stay there for 2 minutes and then make him apologise.
After the apology I will explain what he did wrong and why he was in the chair. Also very important to get down on their level physically and make sure they are looking at you.
If he is screaming or being un-coperative then I will give him one warning and if he doesn't stop he'll go in the time out chair again.

Of course, positive re-inforcement all the time so they know what kind of behaviour you would like.

If a child disrespects you now, they will keep on going and it will get steadily worse. You have to make him know you are the boss and you will not tolerate the behaviour.

In our house I am not into smacking, so can't offer you advice on what to do there, but I hope that my approach with our DS will help (and sincerely hope it stops my DS, lol)

Hope this helps.

Edited to add - when my DS is really angry and needs to let out emotions, what I do is tell him to punch a pillow instead. I say it's not o.k to hit people but if you are very angry hit this pillow. It hasn't really worked for me, but hey I thought I'd pass it on, lol!!

This message was edited by cameo on Thursday, 24 March 2005 @ 8:03 AM

thanks for replying

i thought about time out, but it is hard to stay incotrol when he won't look at you, or he refuses to stand, then you tell him to go to his room (no toys in there), and he runs off screaming.

i will tr the time out thing and see what happens.
IT seems that no matter what i say or do, if he doens't like it now he threatend to hit me.

how old it your child Cameo?
i guess cause we hit him when he was naughty and not lietneded we have taught him to do what he is doing, and now we have to undo it.


Raelene 28
DH 32
DS 23/4/05 at 6.31pm
M/C Dec 14, 2003, 6w4d
TTC # 2 Cycle 8 (TTC since July 04)

This message was edited by bubbles04 on Thursday, 24 March 2005 @ 10:48 AM

Hi Raelene,

Thomas is 2 years and 4 months so a bit younger than your boy.

I used time out in the chair several times today already cause he was hitting other kids at play group today and he seemed to stay in it.

Hope you find something that works for you soon.

oh my god, this what my son does. He will be three next week and started this about 6 weeks ago, we are only now beginning to get control over his actions.

When he does something wrong, i get down to his level and say in a calm voice that it was wrong and not acceptable. Then i go and put him on his bed and he has to stay there. If he gets off i get down on his level again and tell him that is wrong and unacceptable. At the end o his timeout he must look at me and say in a nice tone that he is sorry, then i ask him what for and he tells me then gives me a kiss most times and tells me he loves me.

The kiss and hug is something he has added himself in the last few days.

This method took about 2 weeks until he would start staying on his bed and say sorry with out being told to.

I was surprises to see this method done on Supernanny last night, i had never watched the show before, it was good it kinda reinforced that what i was doing was the right thing.

I hope you have luck in getting your son to respect you.

Stacey
DH Nicholas
Jaiden (30/3/02)
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My dd3 is usually well behaved and am quite proud with her, not gloating or anything lol. Sometimes when she is asked to do something she screws up her face and brings up her hands in fists and grrrs at me. Usually just for a second then laughs and runs. What a ratbag. Is this the first sign of aggression? Am I in for more? When she does get a bit silly I ask her to stand in front of me and ask why that happened and to be nicer. I am a little bit of a slapper/smacker. Just once to get the message across but have stopped, so I can talk instead as she definitly knows the right and wrong.
Sorry that I am abit of a rambler.
Amelissa

Please don't hit! I've never smacked my DD and she
is so good! She's 2 3/4. We try to encourage
compassion and kindness. If you want to punish take
away a toy they like.We know somebody who has used
physical punishment on his son since he was about one
(starting with smacks on the hand) and he is already
acting like a delinquent now . He's 3 1/2. I try to
avoid them as I don't want my DD exposed to that kind
of behaviour. As he has hit her a couple of times
already without provocation.