Hi,
A question to those of you who have young children and older babies on the move.

Have your older children started to pick on the younger child once they have started crawling/walking? (more so to mothers of children close in age).And if so,does it ever get better?.

When DS was born DD was fantastic,wanting to help me and such.Ever since he started crawling at 6 months she has become so mean to him.She bites,hits,pinches,takes things off him.She will wait till i have left the room,run over to him,hurt him as much as she can,then run back to where she was by the time i get back into the room.If she is in another room she will run in hurt him then go back to where she was,and normally hide.So she knows she has done something wring,but she keeps on doing it.

I had spoken to her carers at day care about it and they asked if maybe we spend more time with DS than with her.We dont have a chance to spend much time with DS as we are constantly running after DD and making sure she is happy,contented and not hurting her brother.We are lucky DS is a really contented baby and is happy to just sit with his toys and crawl around exploring the house,so we spend more time with DD singing,reading and doing heaps of activities.

She has real trouble sharing atm,and poor DS is often left with no toys as she takes everything off him.

It is really worrying me,as we will be having another bub just near DD's 3rd birthday,and i dont want the whole situation to get out of control.

Thanks heaps,hope someone can help me soon!

Me(26),DF(23)
DSS (5)
DD (2)
DS (7 mths)
D? due 5/10/05

Sounds pretty normal to me. Not enjoyable by any means though! Your DD was #1 and now has to share you and her toys. When your baby was first born it sounds like she enjoyed the novelty - maybe like a live doll. Now your son is on the move and encroaching on her space she's not happy.

My son was 2 and 3 months when we had DS2. He wasn't impressed. Would come and hit him when I was feeding him! Things settled down for a while but once DS2 was up more and playing with toys things got a bit challenging. Luke would take his toys, hit him, pull his arm or push his head. Still does sometimes. If I cuddle or interact with DS2, DS1 says 'my turn' and I then have to do it with him. He certainly does want the same attention.

I tried to teach DS1 that if he takes a toy then he has to give him a different one - cause really at this age the baby doesn't care what toy they have! Also teaching DS1 to put his puzzles on the coffee table. Isaac is now crawling as of last week so we have more challenges.

Luke still hurts Isaac when I'm not looking - not as often though. He loves him, is very rough though - really wants to rumble with him but I guess that's a boy thing.

I would suggest giving your DD some quality attention - even if it is just 15 mins at a time. Perhaps her bad behaviour is just attention seeking? Try to find something that is very special to her and spend time doing that together.

Well I hope this helps a little. Must be tough being pregnant and managing two little ones. I really hope things settle down for you!

Janine

Luke - 2/4/02
Isaac - 21/6/04

I could have written your post o:

My DS has done the exact same thing. When DD started crawling the 'fun' started, toy snatching, pushing, hitting, kicking etc. She started crawling at 7 months and then started walking at 10 months. It was just getting worse and worse.

At one stage I couldn't even go to the toilet without taking her or him with me so that she didn't get hurt. I once went to the toilet and left them in the lounge room and when I came back through she was on her back and he was jumping on her chest! I almost had a heart attack and was in panic mode for several hours thinking that he might have broken her ribs or something, she wasn't upset by it or anything she was actually laughing at him while he was doing it but it still didn't matter! He also does things like pushing her over, he'll grab her arm and try to pull her away from things, he also smacks her.

I have calmed it down by being persistent and telling him no every time he did something nasty, sent him to time out, I avoided smacking unless it was something really hurtful and he needed to know it was very wrong and dangerous and also because it was difficult to tell him no smacking if I was smacking him. I also told him to tell her no if she was touching something he was playing with and to not touch her. It was a constant thing out of my mouth "dont touch her, tell her no" I sounded like a broken record.

However the only thing that really seemed to work in the long run was if he was playing with something and she came over and he started telling her no etc, then I would tell him to share with her go and get her something else to play with. He got distracted by getting her something to play with and forgot about her taking his stuff and then she was happy and so was he. If he was hurtful over a toy outright without telling her no, then the toy would be taken off of him and would not be given back until the next day.

She is 12 months this week and he is 2.7 and it is a lot better now, I can actually leave them alone in the room together while I go to the toilet or put the washing on etc, and they play really great together, but it has taken a long time, well 5 months from the time she started crawling LOL, but we are getting there, as he gets older he seems to understand a little better and so does she, luckily we are not having any more so I don't have to go through it again, but I'm dreading it when they are both talking.

Micaela

Ryan & Kiara

Oh gosh I could have written this post too!

Ok my DS who is almost 3 was fantastic when DS #2 was born but as soon as he started crawling and taking toys DS #1 became very controlling and teritorial. Everything in the house was his to play with and DS #2 could not under any circumstances touch anything!!

DS #2 started walking when he was just 12 months and DS #1 would walk past him and push him over for no reason and would think it was funny. We put him in his room if he did anything to his brother that was hurtful or mean and he soon realised that it was pretty boring being in his room by himself.

I really thought I would go insane for a while there but he is slowly starting to understand that his little brother can be fun and they can play together. He used to be incredibly jealous but now realises that mummy gives equal attention to both and DS #1 gets special time when his little brother goes to bed. Maybe once a day now they will fight over toys but its not near as bad as it used to be.

Its a hard stage because its awful to see one child get picked on especially when they dont do anything wrong. Being jealous is normal and not knowing how to share is normal too so just do what you are doing to disipline her, it sounds like you are doing a good job.

Also Im not sure if this is relevant to you but we also eliminated sugar and most preservatives from DS #1 diet and he became a different child. I realised that he was just getting too hyperactive which was adding to his naughtiness. I did some research and found that I was giving him way too many biscuits and sugary treats without realising exactly what was in certain foods. Its made a huge difference and Im amazed that it took me so long to realise, anyway Im not sure if this could be adding to the problem but its just a thought....

Good Luck