My DD is terribly upset because her daddy has gone away. (His mother had a heart attack on Sunday morning, and is in Rockhampton Hospital (650km away.) He, naturally, went up to see her, as things were looking pretty grim, (although now looking better). DD is usually looked after by her SAH daddy, and is distraught because he isn’t there (even waking during the night to ask where he is, and cry lots because he isn’t there.

The question is, do I tell her the truth which is that daddy has gone away to see Nanna, and I don’t know when he will be back (crying, howling, very upset), or do I out and out lie to the poor kid and tell her that daddy will be back ‘soon’ (same response as before). About the best response I could get was by telling her that daddy loves her very much, and will come as soon as he can. Still not a good response, but at least not hysterical anymore.

I totally understand how she feels, but what is the best thing to do? Do I tell the truth, tell a kind lie, or just avoid the whole thing?

Aah the joys of motherhood …


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Just reasure her that daddy will be back soon, my 3 year old does this every time DH is away, we just loko at photos of daddy and say he will be back soon. All hte best, it is hard isnt it.

~Bec~



'hello up there'

I think you need to tell her the truth, but a sanitised version

I'd be telling her that Daddy *will* be back soon, you're just not sure when, Nana isn't feeling well and needs Daddy to look after her for a little bit.

Can you get her busy with tasks to distract her, like making some pictures for Daddy, or helping clean up for Daddy? I find that works when the Big Man is fretting for DH (who works unpredictable hours).

Good luck.

Lyndal
xx

I think the worst part is that I'm working full-time, and only home in the mornings & evenings. Micah is being looked after by a good friend of ours, who has a little girl too, and they all know each other, and get on with each other really well.

It's hardest at night - during the day she's distractable (is that a word?), but at night she just knows that daddy is missing, and I think that's all she cares about. She was hell to get to sleep last night, and woke up repeatedly during the night crying, and getting out of bed to look for him. I felt so inadequate that I couldn't comfort her.

I hope it gets a bit better tonight - apart from anything else, I need my sleep too - I'm 6mths pg.

NgaireM

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I would tell her the truth. (child version)
Maybe you could let your daughter phone her dad to reassure her.
My dad had 3 stents put into his heart veins earlier this year. I told the boys that Pa was sick and had to go to hospital and I was going down to please Nana and Pa when he came home. And I just made sure that I rang them each night to reassure them.
Jill


Joshua 21/04/1995 Robert 26/09/1997 Toby 28/12/2000

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What ever you decide to tell her, remember to really emphasise the fact that daddy misses her very very VERY much and loves her very very VERY much.
Cannot emphasise that enough really.
FWIW children don't really (imo) have a strong concept of time. So saying that daddy will be back 'soon' isn't an out and out lie.
It might be worth a bit of planning and organise for a 'special phone call' from dad about five minutes before he walks in the door. That way Micah knows what she's waiting for (her phone call) and that dad won't be home before then.
Goodluck.

Jessica

I'm please to report that things went heaps better last night. We sat down and had a talk about how nanny was sick and daddy was with nanny helping her feel better. She seemed to understand that much - and settled to sleep really really well.

Thanks for your help.

NgaireM

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