[~char~]

Yet another wedding etiquette question! One of my close friends is divorced and is probably getting engaged soon then married at the end of the year – to a guy she’s known for about 2 months (that’s another story). She sent a message to me and another friend saying her partner has dropped hints that he’s going to propose soon, so we better get in shape for her wedding as it looks like we'll be in her bridal party.

So putting aside the jibe about getting in shape (for someone else’s wedding!!), what do you think about having a bridal party for a second wedding? Her partner has never been married before, so I guess for him it’s fine. I personally think it’s classier to have a simple wedding without the bridal party. I’m happy to help her out on the day, however I’m 35, also divorced, all of my friends have married and I’m really not interested in being a bridesmaid again. I’m generally not a big fan of weddings lol. She’s the kind of person that loves planning big events and I know the whole event will be over the top, despite her previously saying that her second wedding will be small and intimate - she just can't help herself.

I really don’t want to be a bridesmaid. So I guess I’m not a very good friend, am I?
Has anyone ever said no to being a bridesmaid? What do you think of having a big wedding with a bridal party for a second marriage?

[casime]

If you're not prepared to support her, then just say no.

[Sassy Girl]

I think the same values and etiquette should apply to a first wedding or a tenth wedding.

If you went by etiquette hardly anyone would have the traditional white wedding nowadays as most people that marry are no longer virgins.

It's up to her and the groom what they want.

If she does ask you to be a bridesmaid you can (and by the sounds of your attitude should) say no.

[YodaTheWrinkledO...]

If you're not prepared to support her, then just say no.

this. Regardless of whether it's her first, second or seventh wedding.

What do you think of having a big wedding with a bridal party for a second marriage?

I don't mind either way. Their wedding, their choice. I think the same about first weddings too. Up to the bridal couple to choose what style of wedding they want - no skin off my nose if it's a huge extranvaganza or a quiet understated gathering.

[marnie27]

Not quite the same as saying no but I asked one of my dearest friends to not ask me to be a bridesmaid - presumptuous I know! I love her and her fiancé to pieces, and she and I have known each other our entire lives but I knew it wasn't really my scene. She was fine with it and she's having 6 bridesmaids (3 or 4 of whom she has been a bridesmaid for herself).

You need to say something to your friend sooner rather than later.

[Soprano-Cat]

I'd be tempted to respond with something like:

"Why would I need to be in shape to come to a reception? Unless you mean champagne shape!"

Or something equally snark-fluffy

[VermithraxPejora...]

You do realise it's not about you? It's her wedding and she can do it how she pleases.

I think the same values and etiquette should apply to a first wedding or a tenth wedding.

If you went by etiquette hardly anyone would have the traditional white wedding nowadays as most people that marry are no longer virgins.

It's up to her and the groom what they want.

If she does ask you to be a bridesmaid you can (and by the sounds of your attitude should) say no.

[BJBubbles]

Why shouldn't she have a big wedding if that's what she wants?

Would it be different if it was her partners second wedding and her first? If so, why??

My DH married his first wife very young (20!) and from what I know, which isn't much, they had the "big traditional" wedding...

When we got married, neither of us wanted 1000 people in a church etc - and decided to get married on the beach in Thailand with 24 people. BUT, we still had 2 bridesmaids and 2 grooms men - one of whom I'm pretty sure was his grooms man at his first wedding! - and the wedding of our dreams.

Just because DH had been married before, should I not be able to have the wedding I wanted???

As others have said, it's their wedding. Irrelevant of what number it is for each of them. Be there to support them, or don't....

[MsDemeanor]

If you're not prepared to support her, then just say no

.

[bakesgirls]

Sounds to me like you should just say no if she asks. Even if it is her second marriage, why should her fiancee miss out on a big first wedding if that's what he wants. He has never had the experience of his own wedding before!

Even if it's their 10th marriage each, if they want horse drawn carriages, a cast of thousands and a 21 gun salute then who cares- it's their wedding.