[soontobegran]

I can only strongly support PPs in saying that you and particularly your wife need time to recover after the birth and bond with the baby, before others come along. She will be physically and emotionally wrecked - even if she doesn't realise it for a while in the immediate post birth/ post drugs haze. It's nice for family to come but I couldn't think of anything worse than family waiting around outside the delivery suite!

This may have been the case for you and I understand but there are many couples who do have at least their parents come into the delivery suite to meet their baby soon after the birth (if they weren't in there anyway).
It is very much couple dependent and some just want to share the joy with those who will be an important part of the child's life.
As I said, it depends on the dynamic of the family, I wouldn't have anyone come in just because I felt I was 'supposed' to.

OP...Your wife may not necessarily be physically and emotionally wrecked, many are high on endorphins and deleriously happy and the physical toll takes effect the next day

[j-gray]

Ditto PPs - you're the security guard.

My DS was born at 215am so by the time it got to visiting hours at 4pm I was all tidied up and had gotten some sleep. It depends a lot on what time of day the baby is born and how long/stressful the labour has been. By 5am I was showered and in our room with bub asleep in the bassinette next to me. If your DP has a c-section then you might be in the room by yourself with bub for a few hours!

One challenge though was when DS wanted to feed and the room was still full of people. You have to watch for this and be prepared to thank visitors politely and send them home asap. It's not fun trying to learn how to feed while the room is full of people who want to take photos.

[Joey11]

This may have been the case for you and I understand but there are many couples who do have at least their parents come into the delivery suite to meet their baby soon after the birth (if they weren't in there anyway).
It is very much couple dependent and some just want to share the joy with those who will be an important part of the child's life.
As I said, it depends on the dynamic of the family, I wouldn't have anyone come in just because I felt I was 'supposed' to.

OP...Your wife may not necessarily be physically and emotionally wrecked, many are high on endorphins and deleriously happy and the physical toll takes effect the next day

Well, yes, I suppose there are women out there who would be delighted to welcome the ILs into the delivery suite whilst the ob sews their genitals back together or they bleed all over the shower.

Edited to add: ok, that was a bit OTT, I hadn't had my coffee yet this morning!

It is a good point that you may not know how you & your wife will feel until the time, and everyone has different family dynamics and expectations. It's a very good idea to have these kinds of discussions with your wife before the birth, so that you can carry out her/ your (the two of you) wishes at the time. It is a good idea to be prepared to be the one who sends visitors on their way if she wants or needs (be vigilant on her behalf) time out from them.

This post has been edited by Joey11: 28/07/2012, 11:57 AM

[Jenflea]

The midwives are also VERY good at keeping unwanted visitors at bay
I was told at our tour that they prefer if grandparents don't turn up to wait while the mother is in labour, but if they do, they get put to work sticking stamps on letters or address labels on envelopes to keep them busy and out of the way.
That hospital had a TINY waiting area and I think maybe 2 chairs so if there were a few people waiting it got too crowded and noisy for the staff and everyone involved.

I personally couldn't think of anything worse than having my parents or inlaws pacing a hole in the carpet while I was in labour, plus I needed up losing over a litre of blood and needed a transfusion afterwards. That is NOT the time for everyone and their dogs to be visiting in my opinion.

My SiL had her inlaws turn up while she was still in the labour room and there was a pool of blood on the floor not yet mopped up. And then they stood in the doorway chatting while her husband showed off the baby. That was NOT happening to me, so I didn't tell anyone I was being induced and told them once the baby had arrived safely and I was ready for visitors.

[Eeyolet]

I think we must be very different to the PPs. Both times I gave birth our family was called when it was nearly time (probably pushing stage) to come in and wait. This was both sets of our parents (Mum was with us), our sisters (4) their husbands (2) and our nieces (3). After I had been stiched up but before showered (maybe 1 hour) and still in the birth suite they took turns coming in to meet the new baby, they don't stay for long but all get a small hold and photo taken. With DD I had an epidural so had to wait for it to fully wear off before I could get up and showered anyway. Both were born during the day though.The next day DHs grandparents and any extended family, friends who want to visit (not very many) come and visit in the maternity ward and the rest normally come back for a second visit.

I wouldn't have it any other way and to be honest this is just how it is done in our family, it was the same with my nieces. I am sure they would support us if we chose to do it differently but this is what we like.

[HeroOfCanton]

OP...Your wife may not necessarily be physically and emotionally wrecked, many are high on endorphins and deleriously happy and the physical toll takes effect the next day

or even the day after that!
I was on a high after DS was born for 36 hours, then crashed out a bit on day 3 & we asked for some quiet time... Then we had to prepare a birthday party for DD, so it didn't last long.
With DD however, we had visitors for 30 minutes when she was 4 hours old & I couldnt wait for them to leave!

My point is, play it by ear. You may find that your wife is up for visitors in just a few hours, she may want a whole day or more. make sure she's okay with visitors before you say 'yes' to anyone, even excited first-time grandparents.
You'll only get that special 'just the 3 of you' time once!

[soontobegran]

Well, yes, I suppose there are women out there who would be delighted to welcome the ILs into the delivery suite whilst the ob sews their genitals back together or they bleed all over the shower.

Edited to add: ok, that was a bit OTT, I hadn't had my coffee yet this morning!

Yes a bit over the top because this isn't what happens. As if they would come in whilst stitching or whilst you are bleeding in the shower? The midwives don't let them in at this point.
Every family is different but I have found they are generally very respectful of the needs and modesty of the mother.
There is often a period of time after the birth of the baby, the stitching and before the showering where mum is just quietly resting and snuggling her newborn. This is when many grandparents come in, gives hugs and kisses and then leave.
Not everyone is interested in being intrusive and not every newly delivered mum and dad want to exclude everyone.

Again, it depends on the dynamic of your family.

This post has been edited by soontobegran: 28/07/2012, 01:09 PM

[tenar]

I think there are two kinds of new mums in the world. There's the "come see my amazing baby!" kind of new mum and the "leave me alone to bond with my baby!" kind. Both responses are perfectly normal and reasonable. I'm the former and had my parents there almost immediately with both my girls.

If you or your wife are unsure about how she will feel about it at the time, I second the suggestions to wait and see how she is feeling (and you too, but to be honest it's mostly about her at this time) before inviting relatives in, and you definitely need to be prepared to defend her and your child from unwanted visitors.

[opethmum]

I agree with PP in just letting you bond as a new family before the rellies come in an take over and make everything about them and the new bub.
I would email your close family and friends and tell them of your wishes beforehand. I did that and it saved a lot of hassle. Send them a not too subtle hint that it under your discretion when it is ok to visit. You never know what your partner will go through on the day/night and she may not want the whole hock and barrel of visitors, it is not like the baby will grow up straight away and there will be enough time to get newborn hugs.

[frizzle]

What does your wife want? She really gets the say on this one.

Most hospitals you would visit once mum was back on the ward I would have thought. I know with ours it's like fort Knox and has security doors into the labour suites. You can't just get in or wait outside thank goodness. I am another that likes my space to start with.