[**Mel**]

same situation here...

- DD is 37 months, concieved quite easily when I was 35
- TTC #2 now for 20 months/24 cycles and I am 39 next month
- fertility tests suggests everthing is fine except for low ovarian reserve (I think this is about quality of egg, not quantity, as I do ovulate each month)
- IVF success rate for us not much higher than doing it naturally, so seems an excessive expense for little guarantee
- DH is almost totally against IVF, though, if I really wanted to I think I could talk him around.

I have sold most of DD's baby gear (hoping Murphy's Law would kick in )

So, I make a conscious effort to focus on the positives of only having one child - as you have all listed.

My main worry is as hungrywoman said - who does she turn to in a family crisis/if we die?

At the end of the day, it is what it is. It's no-ones fault - it is just the hand we have been dealt. We will make the most of it.

[JoIsMe]

It's nice to hear that there are others who are choosing not to go down the AC path and are experiencing secondary infertility. A few friends who know, I think, don't understand why we aren't. But it's difficult to explain that's it just not financial but emotionally, I don't think either dh or I would cope.

Am struggling this week, but am trying to focus on the positive that we have a daughter rather than we don't have another baby. I really hope that dd will be able make and keep good friends, because we have a small extended family and thus she will be on her own later in life. We are not using contraception so I still hope for that miracle.

[BetteBoop]

I have a 5yo. Pregnancy and childbirth are a risk to my health.

When I had DD it all worked out okay. Even so, I chose not to run the risk again now that I have a child to think of.

I'm 40 and feel my age has taken the choice away. Some days I feel incredible longing for another child. Mostly I have accepted the hand I've been dealt and am very content with my life.

As strawberrycakes said I've tried to reframe it to be a positive. I was lucky to have DD at all, and to come out of it healthy. It could have gone very differently.

Rather than dwelling on what I don't have, I'm trying to think about what I do have. Accepting what you can't change and appreciating what you have is the attitude we use to deal with most disappointments in life.

But emotions are hard to control. I don't think you can 100% control your feelings so maybe part of it is to accept that it could be something you always have feelings of sadness about.

It upsets me when I think of her having no one to deal with family issues with. If there is an issue in my family I go straight to my brother.

I'm an only child. When my parents do pass away or get sick, I will have my family to lean on for support. Fortunately my parents are financially savvy so there will be money to assist with care if it's needed.

That's a big help, and I will try to ensure I'm financially secure in retirement.

My mother is one of 5 children. When her parents got sick, their care was entirely handled by my aunt. I think it's common for the care of parents to fall to one child. Having x number of siblings may not necessarily be much help.

[scutterbug]

QUOTE (-HungryWoman- @ 15/07/2012, 07:39 AM) It upsets me when I think of her having no one to deal with family issues with. If there is an issue in my family I go straight to my brotherQUOTE


I think we are fortunate in the fact that we may only have one child but a large close extended family. My dd will always have someone to help her through large and small life events whether she wants it or not, so luckily I don't worry about the lonely only tag.

Basically it is my own selfish desire for a larger family, my DD wants it to be "just me, you and dad" and has expressed that numerous times, and to be honest the longer it goes on the more comfortable I get with the current arrangement.


This whole fertility/family thing is such a rollercoaster!

[angel_girl]

Hello all you amazing ladies...

I am in the same position of you all and started a thread yesterday too so you might have found that one of some help too..

I am surely finding comfort that i have tried everything i can, from natural conception to Clomid to Injections to the full blown IVF to have a second child and i must say i am coming out from it all looking at my son going thank god i have you. I do have someone out there looking out for me to allow me to be a loving giving mother and a few friends around me have tried everything they can and their years were ticking away and they still are not a mother which just breaks my heart for them.

I am also relating a lot to many posts on here how you can give your one child a great education, more travel adventures etc etc. I am also working part time and have been wanting to make a career change as well and hoping for that too.

I rather be healthy for my son so he has a healthy mum instead of my health turning against me again as i still have a brain tumour that wasn't 100% removed via surgery 3 years ago.

What do you think about professional counselling etc? I am thinking of going down that path...

[A.K.A]

I don't know if I ever will accept it. It was not something we chose so I will never really be 'ok' with it but I will learn to live my life around it if you know what I mean.

I get the most disheartened for DS, I did grow up with siblings and I had an overall great childhood. Because my extended family don't live close, I have 16 nieces and nephews and none of them within driving distance. If I am brutally honest it's better like that at the moment because I still really haven't dealt with not having another child, but down the track (after counselling) I don't think it will be positive.

[libbylu]

I faced a number of years thinking it would be one for us, even though I always imagined a family with two babies from when I was very young. In the first instance because DH refused to consider the idea of a second. For some unknown reason that we haven't really talked about, he changed his mind after returning from a 2 week camping trip up north with his best mate not long after DS turned 3. In the second instance because we faced secondary infertility, and DH wasn't prepared to consider IVF. In the end he changed his mind about that too, and at age 36 it took one stimulation cycle ($4000) plus two thaw cycles (2x$1000) to get us here.
I suppose during all those times when it seemed like there was no chance of a second, I just focused on the great quality of life we would be able to give DS - more travel, more adventure, on the increased freedoms we would have, and just felt extremely grateful that I had him.
That being said, I am so grateful I am in the position I am now. For us, IVF was a very smooth process. We went in with a plan to try 6 times and we did it in 3. And financially, all it really means is that I won't get to update my car any time soon, as we spent all my car savings.

[akaka]

Libbylu, I need to know where up north is so I can send DH there too!I really want #2, but DH is dead against it. He has no family, and I have very little, none of which I'm close to. So my DD will be very alone if something happens to us. But that's not the main reason I want #2, I just really want another child.I am so angry that DH won't budge on this. Why did I get the DH that won't have a second child when everyone else's husbands don't mind.I keep holding on to hope that he will change his mind, but I know it won't happen. I don't know how to move on from this point.Sorry, no advice to give, but thanks for the opportunity to vent my frustration.

[Bacongirl]

I feel part of this thread even though I have two children. DD was conceived accidentally after 6 mths of clomid then a 2 mth enforced break (due to an accident). DS was conceived after a a few cycles on clomid. DH and I had unexplained infetility and I just needed the kick that clomid gave me.

After DS was born I had retained placenta and the Dr did an overzealous d&c resulting in massive scarring.

I was reduced to less than 95% chance of falling and retaining a pregnancy.

Though DH and I had never planned on having more than 2 I felt so cheated that the choice to at least try had been removed from me.

When DS was 2 1/2 DH and I started to feel the pull to have another. I was 33. Fertilty treatments were not possible, so we investigated adoption. The wait was so long. We started the process but felt shut down at every meeting and interview as we already had two children.

It was heart breaking. My own yearning was affecting the way I treated my kids, and that wasn't fair to them. I had some counselling and that helped a lot to learn to deal with things. I'm not sure that I've ever stopped yearning, but I have learned to deal with it and ensure that I give everything I can to the children I do have.

[jo527]

What do you think about professional counselling etc? I am thinking of going down that path...

We fell pregnant with twins on our 7th cycle of ICSI and after 6 years of ttc, I feel blessed that we did, it was our last cycle. However, it didn't stop my longing for another child and we did try again for another but it wasn't meant to be. We did another 3 cycles and now at 38 I am in early / perimenopause, I think due to the number of IVF cycles we did.

I couldn't get past this need for another child and it was driving a wedge between dh and me. I would have kept spending and remortgaging till the cows came home. We went to counselling and I didn't expect it too but it did help. I can get on with my life now, dont get me wrong I still yearn for another child but now it is more like background noise in my brain rather than the main channel.