[EBeditor]

By Prue Corlette

I love hearing and talking about birth. At mothers' group, playgroup or wherever there is a congregation of newish parents, and the subject inevitably comes up, I am always at the middle of the conversation, asking questions, nodding along or clucking sympathetically.

Despite the traumatic birth of my twins, (you can read about it here) I would love to do it all again, this time with a proper plan in place. But according to writer Mia Freedman, this makes me a Birthzilla. Freedman likens what she calls the 'Birthzilla' to a Bridezilla - a woman whose meticulous plans and demands for her wedding apparently mean she cares more about the ceremony than the marriage. In the same way, says Freedman, the Birthzilla - one who prepares for a baby's birth with a written birth plan - places an undue amount of importance on the birth process than the resulting baby.

I didn't write a birth plan during my pregnancy. I didn't think I would need one, because my midwife and the obstetrician knew exactly what my preferences were. They took notes during our appointments, so I didn’t see any reason to have my own list. I didn't expect to be transferred to another hospital with unfamiliar staff and procedures – a place where I wasn't even “allowed” to wear my own nightgown or have my mother and sister present for the birth.

I carry a fair bit of resentment over the way I was treated during the birth of my twins. I hated almost every minute in that hospital and I completely understand why women choose to have homebirths, especially following a traumatic birth. Do I think having a birth plan would have changed things in my case? Probably not, but having a set of simple requests would have reassured me that the staff knew at the very least, that my husband wanted to cut the umbilical cord, rather than the medical student who was so quick to grab the scissors.

Mia says that for the Birthzilla, it's all about the birth, not the baby, but can't it be about both? Birth is a huge deal for most women. I looked forward to giving birth so much, and I am really disappointed I didn't get to birth the way I wanted. And I don't mean that I didn't get the drug free, natural birth I envisaged, rather that I didn't feel safe, supported or respected by the people looking after me.

My sister, a midwife, would agree in part with Mia. She gave a sad little smile when, early in my pregnancy I floated the idea of a birth plan past her - she has seen many paper plans torn in half once the contractions really kick in – but she didn't try and talk me out of it. She laughed a bit, but when I said it was less about jungle drums in the background, and more about practicalities (let my partner announce the sex, cut the cord, wash the baby etc) she agreed that they can have some merit in the birth suite.

Ultimately, a birth plan is about putting it in writing that a woman's body is to be treated with respect and dignity by her caregivers - not simply as a vessel or incubator for the baby. I care about the baby, but I also care about me. If that makes me a Birthzilla, I'll happily wear the badge.

[Summers]

I'd be pretty mad about that med student cutting the cord instead of your husband. Unbelievable your husband wasn't asked first!

[squeekums]

I never had one.
Unless having a big red note on your hospital folder saying HIDE ANY NEEDLES - extremely phobic is a plan.

Finding out with 13 weeks to go left me with little time to think about planning the birth, getting my head around being pregnant was enough at the time.

Only after i had dd i heard about birth plans and i'm kinda glad cos if i plan something i freak out if the plan dosen't go to plan.
Given how quick everything went i don't even think i would have rememberd it if i had one either.

[fick]

I think there's a big difference between "a few simple requests" and a "Birthzilla".

We didn't really have a plan with the birth of our daughter. We just wanted to make sure that I was the one to cut the cord, that we had plenty of skin-to-skin time and that we got the chance to be left alone with her for a couple of hours after she was born. We were lucky enough to get all those things.

After that? Well things went way beyond pear-shaped and I think we're both still a bit traumatized by it all, but that was through no fault of the hospital. Our path just ended up taking us down a different road. One filled with surgeries and ICU and a lot of not knowing. It was crazy.

I guess we'll just have to see what happens next time.

[peebs]

By Prue Corlette

Ultimately, a birth plan is about putting it in writing that a woman's body is to be treated with respect and dignity by her caregivers - not simply as a vessel or incubator for the baby.

I wouldn't think that needs to be put in writing.

I'm afraid I agree with Mia on this one, but that's just me. My birth didn't go the way I wanted it to - not by a LONG shot - but the emergency CS likely saved DS's life, and having a birth plan wouldn't have changed a single thing about the way my labour and birth turned out.

All the 'Zilla's' of any kind drive me batty.

[Pooks*potters]

Prue. I'm so sorry.

We should be treated with care and respect, plan or no.

It doesn't always happen and medical people should be held accountable for it.

I just totally understood your points and I'm just so sorry there was such needless disregard for your emotional well being during the birth.

Of course we know plans can go to hell when the health of mum and bubs override some preferences, but things like explaining, keeping you informed, being supportive, doing things like cord cutting etc. when there's no medical reason not to go with the mothers wishes... These should happen whereever possible.

It doesn't.

[opethmum]

For my DD, I went in with the attitude of it does not matter how my body is used to get my DD born safely into this world. I did a birth plan a few weeks prior but then I discovered the futility of it, my DD born safely into this world mattered the most. If I was going to be ripped to shreds so be it.
When it did come time for her to be born, I went in the hospital with view to becoming my own discovery channel and it did not matter one bit how my DD was brought into this world as long as she was born alive and healthy.
I had a 19 hour labour and then had to have a caesar due to her being stuck at the beginning of the birth canal. If I had rigidly stuck to my plan and been so invested we may have had a different story. I looked at my futile birth plan post birth and looked how ridiculous some of the "requests" were. I was proud to have a gorgeous baby girl and that I had given birth to her.
In a way birth plans are futile and could lead to devastating outcomes and could set the mother up for deep seated emotional pain especially if you are heavily invested in your birth plan. I am alarmed to see that we are heading towards an ego driven labour experience and making it all about the mother when in essence it should be all about the baby entering in to this world in the safest manner possible. I can understand a few requests be it for religious and personal preferences like skin to skin contact and breastfeeding etc but having erroneous and copious contract like terms on a birth plan really is ridiculous and could put you and your baby in danger. These 'zillas get my goat and they have really missed the point about being a parent, it is about sacrifices and sometimes we have to sacrifice our personal things for the sake of our children.
But each to their own I suppose.

[KittyKat1]

I wouldn't think that needs to be put in writing.

I'm afraid I agree with Mia on this one, but that's just me. My birth didn't go the way I wanted it to - not by a LONG shot - but the emergency CS likely saved DS's life, and having a birth plan wouldn't have changed a single thing about the way my labour and birth turned out.

All the 'Zilla's' of any kind drive me batty.

I don't see a birth plan as a list of the things that need to happen to get me the perfect birth. I see it as a document that outlines my wishes in the event that things go well or if things go not so well.

Whilst I really wanted to avoid a cs my birth plan outlined what I wanted if it did come about, for example taking baby to recovery with me.

[Livsh]

I wouldn't think that needs to be put in writing.

I'm afraid I agree with Mia on this one, but that's just me. My birth didn't go the way I wanted it to - not by a LONG shot - but the emergency CS likely saved DS's life, and having a birth plan wouldn't have changed a single thing about the way my labour and birth turned out.

All the 'Zilla's' of any kind drive me batty.

The sign of someone who HAS been treated with respect by their medical team!!

This doesn't always happen, but sure, so long as YOU were happy with what happened to YOU we should all be happy!

back on topic...

This whole 'zilla' thing really gets to me! Why the **** shouldn't we have a say? Why does that make us some sort of hysterical, shrill narcisist only interested in our health!!?? Jesus wept!

I had a birthplan, they are a GOOD idea, especially if you want something outside normal practice...such as, not wanting pethidine, wanting an epidural as soon as possible, not wanting medical students present...getting these things down on paper BEFORE all hell breaks loose and you're pushing a baby out is a GOOD idea!!

So I'll wear that badge with pride too pru! You can bet your a*se if I ever did it again there'd be an AIR TIGHT birthplan in place to stop the car crash of my twins birth happening again!

[Livsh]

For my DD, I went in with the attitude of it does not matter how my body is used to get my DD born safely into this world. I did a birth plan a few weeks prior but then I discovered the futility of it, my DD born safely into this world mattered the most. If I was going to be ripped to shreds so be it.
When it did come time for her to be born, I went in the hospital with view to becoming my own discovery channel and it did not matter one bit how my DD was brought into this world as long as she was born alive and healthy.
I had a 19 hour labour and then had to have a caesar due to her being stuck at the beginning of the birth canal. If I had rigidly stuck to my plan and been so invested we may have had a different story. I looked at my futile birth plan post birth and looked how ridiculous some of the "requests" were. I was proud to have a gorgeous baby girl and that I had given birth to her.
In a way birth plans are futile and could lead to devastating outcomes and could set the mother up for deep seated emotional pain especially if you are heavily invested in your birth plan. I am alarmed to see that we are heading towards an ego driven labour experience and making it all about the mother when in essence it should be all about the baby entering in to this world in the safest manner possible. I can understand a few requests be it for religious and personal preferences like skin to skin contact and breastfeeding etc but having erroneous and copious contract like terms on a birth plan really is ridiculous and could put you and your baby in danger. These 'zillas get my goat and they have really missed the point about being a parent, it is about sacrifices and sometimes we have to sacrifice our personal things for the sake of our children.
But each to their own I suppose.

I really don't understand your post??

Are you actually seriously trying to say that someone with a birthplan is going to stick to it even if it means their baby dies?? Are you serious!!?? You really are just joking right??

My birth plan had details about pain relief, details about who I wanted with me AND had details about what I wanted to have happen if I needed a section (which I eventually did).

How was ANY of that putting my children in danger!!??