[Teresi]

Hi all,I'm new. A month ago yesterday I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. It broke my heart and destroyed the confidence I had in my body. With my beautiful angel daughter I had an in eventful pregnancy until the end, and conceived on the first cycle TTC. With #2 we conceived on the first go but lost the pregnancy. That was a month ago.
In my grief I threw myself into TTC again. I have charted, used OPKs and done everything by the book. My body seemed to get back to normal fast. HCG levels fell to zero fast, and I ovulated 19 days after the MC started.
I'm now 10 DPO. Im obsessed. I tested with FRER everyday since I felt cramps on dpo 6, but all are bfn. I have a few sptoms but am trying to ignore as they're not strong. But they weren't inthe successful pregnancy anyway.
I guess my question is, is anyone out there in a similar situation of TTC on the first post mc cycle? And if you managed to convince yourself you would get pregnant again, almost as a way of dealing with the loss, how do you brace for the disappointment? I'm scared that when AF arrive again, as I'm sure she will, it will be like the mc all over again. What do ppl do to stay string and keep trying?
Apologies if this is a bit of a ramble. I read these posts and am inspired. Y your resilience despite the pain!

[*Katey*]

I was like that. We had to wait 4 weeks after our loss before we started TTC again. But that's only because it was ectopic and I had surgery and had a tube removed. I simply had to wait a month to recover from surgery (for the first 2 weeks, I couldn't shower myself, couldn't go to the toilet by myself, couldn't get up off the bed by myself, couldn't walk by myself ect, let alone TTC).

However as soon as we were 'allowed' to start TTC, we did. That's when I started charting, using OPK's, tracking ect ect. I jumped right back into it, and put my all into trying to get pregnant again.

We fell pregnant very first cycle off BC with my first pregnancy (the ectopic) and I was really hopeful of falling again so quickly. But 6 months on, and I'm still not pregnant.

My biggest piece of advice, don't set limits and expectations. Don't say 'I will be pregnant by this time, or that time' 'I will be pregnant by this month' or 'I will be pregnant within this amount of cycles'. In my experience, that is the worst thing that you can do, as it makes it that much harder when things don't work out that way.

And just remember, every pregnancy can be different. You might fall straight away again, or it might take 6 months. Either way, prepare yourself for both.

Also, don't try to fall pregnant purely to ease the pain of the last lost pregnancy. That's not fair on the new bub, and it's not good for you either.

And good luck

This post has been edited by *Katey*: 03/06/2012, 07:26 PM

[Teresi]

Thanks for your reply katey. So sorry for the rough time you've had and so hope you have a bfp soon. Will this be your first? Good luck!

Thanks for the good advice about pinning all the expectations of the lost bean in the new one. You're absolutely right! I do need to say goodbye to my lost little one in my own way. The first month anniversary yesterday and the desperation for a bfp made me realize that. Thanks. Im getting a tattoo of a bird on my wrist to say goodbye. Then my little lost bird will be there forever with me. And any more from here.

Thanks again for your wise words. Good luck to you on this next cycle!!

[Guest_V's mummy_*]

Teresi I've replied to you in TTC #2 thread. But I will say I was were you are 2.5months ago and I can tell you third cycle on, I wore myself out obsessing and this cycle I feel HEAPS better! I really believe that this is the first month my hormones and body are back to normal, I don't think it would have even been possible or me to fall pg in the first 2 cycles because my hormones were clearly all over the place, even though my cycle appeared to be back to normal straight away. This cycle I feel like god hit my reset button! And everything is back to normal including my more relaxed and more positive attitude to TTC. instead of the fear I felt for the last 2 cycles " OMG what if I'm not pregnant I'm just going to be devastated!", the constant testing, i can't imagine how much i spent on tests not to mention the time i spent looking for lines on them over and over again! I'm back to my more excited and relaxed " even if it's not this cycle, I know it's going to happen some time". I feel more peaceful!
In relation to preparing yourself, I'm not sure! The last 2 months were hell for me so I wasn't doing a good job, but what katey said makes sense to me and is more my headspace now. I am prepared to wait but at the same time, I just know my baby will come, so I am insanely excited that each cycle that passes is one cycle closer to my baby. Big hugs to you Teresi. The first couple of months are the hardest but the pain gets better. It never goes away completely but as someone said in this very forum after i'd had my MC, you learn to " let go" of your precious angel ( not forget them, just let go of the anger and sadness and except it happened really). And after you've let go you make way for another precious life. I've never forgotten that and I wish I remembered who said it so I could say thank you!

[*Katey*]

Thanks for your reply katey. So sorry for the rough time you've had and so hope you have a bfp soon. Will this be your first? Good luck!

Thanks for the good advice about pinning all the expectations of the lost bean in the new one. You're absolutely right! I do need to say goodbye to my lost little one in my own way. The first month anniversary yesterday and the desperation for a bfp made me realize that. Thanks. Im getting a tattoo of a bird on my wrist to say goodbye. Then my little lost bird will be there forever with me. And any more from here.

Thanks again for your wise words. Good luck to you on this next cycle!!

I have a tattoo on my wrist for mine as well My peanut was due in August, and the birthstone for August is peridot, so I got a peridot crystal on my wrist with wings on it

I also made a box for her as soon as I recovered from surgery, and filled it with all her things. I filled it with the HPT I took when I was pregnant with her, the ultrasound images, the actual images of her from surgery, my wrist band from the hospital, dried petals from the flowers that family and friends gave me at the hospital and my get well cards.

[Guest_V's mummy_*]

Oh katey I have box too! With ultrasound pics of him at 6 weeks when we saw his heart beating and the little socks we'd bought him from his sister when I told my husband! The pregnancy test as well.. I found that gave me closure too.

This post has been edited by V's mummy: 03/06/2012, 09:11 PM

[*Katey*]

Oh katey I have box too! With ultrasound pics of him at 6 weeks when we saw his heart beating and the little socks we'd bought him from his sister when I told my husband! The pregnancy test as well.. I found that gave me closure too.

Oh lovely

We weren't lucky enough to see our little Peanut in our ultrasound (because she was hiding in my fallopian tube instead) but the Dr actually gave us the pictures she took with the camera, when she had me cut open during surgery, so we got to see Peanut 'in person' so to speak.

Everyone else thought it was gross, but me, my hubby and my parents thought it was really helpful to the healing process. And it was

[** becstar **]

Hi there,

Your story is very similar to mine. I lost a little one at 8 weeks (babe stopped growing at 6w3d - not long after we had seen the heartbeat etc)

I was heart broken. And like you, became obsessed with TTC again. All I could think about was being pregnant again. AF returned a month to the day after the miscarriage which was horrible at first but then I realised at least my body had returned to normal quickly etc.

Long story short, we conceived 3 months later and I am now almost 7 weeks pregnant. Just taking one day at a time and hoping that this little bean decides to stay

I wish you all the best xo

[Teresi]

V's Mummy You sound peaceful and so glad you feel you've turned a corner. Having the box you and Katey have sounds like a good idea. I thought after it happened that it's so difficult to grieve because it's such a silent, lonely loss. No-one but you had a connection with this little one. Even my dear partner, he was devastated and disappointed, but didn't really understand what I'd lost. He tried and tries though. We don't have a ritual do we for this kind of loss? Becstar if you're now seven weeks, does that mean you're passed the point last time where something went wrong? How do you feel? Congratulations and good luck!!

[Bristol]

I can totally understand that feeling of needing to ttc straight away after a mc. I fell pregnant first go last nov but discovered at 10 weeks that the baby has stopped growing at 8.5 weeks. After my D&C, the dr said I didn't need to wait and that he'd see me in Dec to deliver my Christmas baby.

So we went for it... OPKs, temps, acupuncture, naturopath, chinese herbs, meeting up with DP at lunchtime to BD... You name it, we did it. Phew! It was exhausting.

And 3 months later I found out I was pregnant again but unfortunately I lost this one at 5.5 weeks.

This time I am having a break. I have to as I want my life back. So back to condoms it is, just for a little while, until i have learnt to relax. And when our baby is ready to join our family it will. And I will be ready.

Good luck Teresi, and to all the other posters. I'm so sorry for your losses and hope you have your happy endings soon.