[It'sallgood]

Look, I can see why so many are suggesting we have DD assessed. But truly, how she is is just her personality. Believe it or not...it's a LOT like mine and I can see how her resistance to going to school is actually quite similar to mine at similar age

Proabalby this is one reason why I am more "protective" of her. At her age, my grade 1 report said about me many of the things I see in DD2.

Truly, in prep and grade 1, she is known as a chatty, pretty easygoing kid who has loads of friends. She gets invited to all parties and gets on best with the little boys I think.

In class, she does well by all accounts. Once she's at school, she is apparently absolutely fine. She gets on with her work, takes direction well and does work to the levels expected.

However, I WILL admit, she is a very "young 6". She's not a kid who is itching to grow up and be more mature, she revells in being a lttle girl and is still very "young" in many ways. Hard to explain, but it's not dysfunctional, just her gentle side coming out. Again, a lot like me, except that I was never able to develop at my own pace, I was forced to grow up fast, had a very chaotic family environment and by all assessments, it ended up giving me a bit of a lifetime of anxiety disorder.

I want DD2 to not be forced into "growing up" any faster then naturally she wants to I guess...and hence, being "told" we are too easy on her or that we shouldn't walk into the classroom with her (not that we do 99% of the time) and so on....just irks me big time I suppose I know my daughter, I love her how she is and if that means she's a bit more needy emotionally for a few years longer then my other DD, then that is FINE by us.

fwiw - DD1 rarely ever refuses or getw upset abotu going to school. IF she does, it's always related directly to illness or something easily identifiable and specific. Which might be something very childish (ie. got in trouble the day before so doesn't want to go as she's still upset by it or something )

The occassions of outright defiance adn not wanting to go to school by DD2 are not many. Only 3-4 this entire year. More, it's just a general "I don't want to go to school mummy, I want to stay home with you...." expression that we have to work through.

I guess Im' just asking BEFORE it could become a problem. I DO like to tackle things head on and not wait until disaster has occurred before reacting.

So I do think, some of you have blown our situation a bit out of proportion. Fair enough too, my earlier posts were written with a fair degree of anger/ frustration.

Tamm

[It'sallgood]

Anyway - I could all be a storm in a teacup, I'm embarrassed to say

Both kids sat down yesterday and did a heap of catch-up homework. We are going to do the same this afternoon. (Public holiday here in Qld)

I can't do catch up readers, but we'll do some reading anyway, books that we have here and make sure we're good and up to date with sightwords. Wehn I have had enough sleep and it's not end of the day, I'm a lot more patient and have no trouble with "homework" I suppose.

Both girls have spent hours last few days on the computer learnign program thing too. They've wanted to, so I've let them have the computer time.

Teh SLEEP thing.

Look, hard to explain, but we are GOOD and NEEDY sleepers in this family and always have been. I've never had trouble getting my kids to go to sleep, nor have I and many members of my family had trouble sleeping a LOT

To relax, I sleep!! I'm darn good at it!!

My kids are same. Yesterday, for example, I was out in the garden, the girls came out and played for an hour or so and then went back upstairs. I cam up a bit later to find them both snuggled into bed having an afternoon nap. I lay down on the couch and had one myself!! WE all had a good couple of hours....and then happily went to bed 9ish last night and slept through.

I understand taht for people who don't require a ton of sleep to function and I know plenty of people whose kids get up at 7am and can be "on the go" till 8pm that night without trouble at my kids age, well, it's hard to understand. But we don't. We get tired. We ALL have a high need for sleep and that is nothing new, my dad could sleep anywhere, anytime, my mum often has a "nana nap" too and it's not thing unusual in our family, at all.

Funny aside story - my older bro had a medical a few years ago, being late 40's, when the doctor asked him about "sleep" and my bro said "oh - I can fall asleep anywhere, anytime, I love to sleep..." the doctor panicked and sent him 1000kms for sleep studies, cardiac investigations and thorough health check!!! LOL - absolutely nothign wrong with him and ALL the family had a chuckle, as we are all similar

Sleep deprivation truly nearly kills me. It's torturous and was one of the reasons I think I suffered such terrible PND after having my children. I can't function very well, for very long on little sleep. I dont' need my sleep all at once, but I can "nap" esp in afternoons and that's what suits.

All I'm saying, is that I think my kids are similar. DD2 realtively often, comes home from school, crashes for an hour or 2, then gets up and is fine...goes to bed around 8.30pm (NO issue with going to bed here, we don't have to enforce going to bed rules, we go when we are tired and for the kids, it's pretty regularly 7.30- 8.30pm without any drama whatsoever and we've never had sleep time drama here)

So, longwinded, but I honestly and truly dont' believe there is any physical problem with DD related to me saying she gets tired...she gets tired and cranky and doens't want to do things - very normal behaviour in the proper context. Truly.

Tamm

[SarDonik]

Your stance on homework and insistence on harassing your DDs teachers is bewildering. Imagine if every parent had a similar attitude to yours? Leave the teachers alone or home school your kids if you disagree with the schools philosophy regarding teaching.

[*LucyE*]

Tamm, I do understand where you are coming from regarding your DDs' issues are pretty average and you recognize yourself as a child. It doesn't mean that they wouldn't be helped by an objective third party who is a professional in this area.

I identify a lot with some of the issues my DS has and to me they were just 'normal' and something you just accept. At our first OT appointment, I apologized for wasting their time and being a neurotic mother because they deal mostly with children who have greater special needs than mine. The OT reassured me that I wasn't wasting their time and if we can find a few strategies that makes life and school easier, why not use them?

An educational psychologist will be able to help you communicate with the teacher more effectively. It is obvious its an area that you are having problems with. From your posts, it seems neither of you are really hearing or understanding the other person. This may be why you are not finding a long lasting resolution to the problem.

I also sympathize with the whole mollycoddle ing accusation. I have been accused of that with DS in Kindy! I felt I knew the emotional needs of my child best and was not going to change my emotionally nourishing approach. I didn't just plant my feet and refuse to budge though. I discussed it with the school using educational jargon and explained my philosophical reasoning. Because of that, I had the support of the principal which led to a discussion forum for all the teachers.

I have no problems standing up for what I believe, but it needs to be in a manner that is understood for it to be truly taken onboard. Professional assessment helps with this.

I amm currently in discussions with DD's school and have brought along an educational consultant to a meeting. An action plan has been formulated, things are in place for a better educational experience for her. We are just waiting on the formalities to be taken care of. We spent a term trying to have discussions with her teacher and were getting nowhere. I felt her teacher was missing the bigger picture and I needed assistance in communicating more effectively with her.

[soontobegran]

Tamm, I was the mother duck who needed her ducklings around her knowing they were safe from the nasties in the world.
The hardest thing in the world for me was to let go and relenquish their care to someone else, especially at school.
I had huge trust issues with my first that they didn't know her, they wouldn't know how to deal with her and she would be exposed to a way of life that she wasn't familiar with.
I did think that we as her parents were the only people capable of making the right choices for her and the only ones who could make her feel secure and valued.
We were wrong.

Like you I had done my share of nursing and studying children. I thought the fact that I had nurtured them in a hospital environment would give me an advantage but I was not a parent at that time and I soon learnt that in reality I would be a better mother than a teacher of education.

I didn't agree with every part of the curriculum at our children's primary school but we had studied long and hard to find a school which best met our selection criteria and realised that we would have to bite the bullet on some things in the knowledge that the overwhelming benefit from the school outweighed the couple of areas we were uncomfortable with.

Our school did readers every night and a twice a week word list and arithmetic list in grade one.
It took just a short time after the kids had afternoon tea when they got home.
Of course they would have preferred to go out and play but it was the rules and it really was not a huge big deal. When they knew that was what happened then they just got into a routine.

I am not getting into the debate about the efficacy of homework, I can see some real reasons why people would want to opt out after discussion with their teachers but in our case it wasn't necessary.

I also think it is quite unusual for a grade one child to be so lethargic. Our kids got home from school and were ready to run for another few hours. Have you had her iron levels checked?

Anyway Tamm, I understand where you are coming from in many ways but it might be time to ponder whether it is worth picking your fights if the school is otherwise doing a good job for your children.
I am certain that your children are picking up on your feelings about homework and will be making the most of this........doesn't make them bad, it makes them normal perceptive kids.
Good luck.

[It'sallgood]

Long and short of it....

I can see that I am letting MY negative emotions about schooling at this age, get in teh way here.

I know I really ahve to make an effort to stop that. I certainly do NOT just give my kids free for all to choose what they can and can't do in life, but I admit, when it comes to homework, if they truly are resisting doing it, I have let it go, becuase I'm not as committed to it as many here would say I should be.

I don't agree that not doing homework in grade 1 and 2 will set my kids up for a lifetime of failure!!! How ridiculous and ott

as others have explained, maturity is a factor and my attitude is that we'll address what are priorities in life as they grow an mature. For US, having plenty of free playtime, non-stressful times just chillin with the family and enjoying their existance, is priority over battling homework at their ages of just 6 and 7.

If they were 13 and 14 and like this, then you betcha...I'd be horrified adn concerned!!! It won't happen, it just won't

We WILL meet as asked to, with the teachers involved asap. But I will also be letting her know that I don't appreciate her assessments of our parenting. Believe it or not, I really DO like this teacher, but I just think she loses sight sometimes of where her authority ends. I know it's a hard thingthis year becuase of implementation of the new curriculum, but, I have to ensure my daughter is okay within this context and my priority has to be my DD, not being overly concerned about how difficult it is for the teachers.

I truly AM a person who is happy to let a person do their job. When I manage people, I don't micromanage. As long as they work within their scope of practice adn professionally, then I leave people be. My issue with the teacher is NOT her classroom or classroom teaching. I've seen her at work and I know how darn good she is overall and how committed she is to her pupils and work.

I DO think the issue of not wanting to go is related perhaps, to my DD getting "in trouble" over not having homework done or not knowing things that are in teh homework Which annoys me, as clearly, the homework being set ISN'T revision, it's sometimes "new" work and for 6 yr olds, I think that is not right.

I DO shudder to think (as Magneta) pointed out, what happens to those children in the system who don't have parents who can pick up on issues or come from NESB or have true barriers in their way??? No wonder so many kids slip through the cracks really, becuase children who don't have parents who are able to sit down with them for 30-60 minutes per day and actively "do" homework with the kids, could be at a real disadvantage, well, are, the evidence is there to see.

I'm a very independent type person I guess. I like my kids to be too. I won't ever be a parent who is hanging over my children "doing" their homework and school work for them. In that regard, teachers should be very happy with me!! If my kids achieve things, it will truly be their OWN work, not mummy's

I will advise and guide, but I won't DO it and I think plenty of kids have parents who DO do the homework FOR the kids pretty much (I know most deny it, but we all know it happens and happens a LOT)

Well, we have to go an ice the patty cakes we made earlier today I'll keep you all posted re how it goes.

[*LucyE*]

I also think it is quite unusual for a grade one child to be so lethargic.

This needs to be understood in the context of QLD's implementation of the national curriculum. The lower primary kids are getting worked hard at school. Most of the kids I know in this age group are mentally exhausted by the end of the day.

I believe it goes back to teaching style and having a professional remind teachers that these are just little kids they are teaching.

This post has been edited by *LucyE*: 07/05/2012, 11:54 AM

[soontobegran]

This needs to be understood in the context of QLD's implementation of the national curriculum. The lower primary kids are getting worked hard at school. Most of the kids I know in this age group are mentally exhausted by the end of the day.

I believe it goes back to teaching style and having a professional remind teachers that these are just little kids they are teaching.

I have no idea what is specific about the Q'lands implementation of the curriculum that would mean they work harder than other states?
In Victoria most children by grade one are in there 3rd year of education if you count there pre-school year and their prep year. At this age they should be combining school and other activities like sport and if the school is working them so hard that their family life is suffering then there needs to be some intervention.

[Riotproof]

I have no idea what is specific about the Q'lands implementation of the curriculum that would mean they work harder than other states?
In Victoria most children by grade one are in there 3rd year of education if you count there pre-school year and their prep year. At this age they should be combining school and other activities like sport and if the school is working them so hard that their family life is suffering then there needs to be some intervention.

I think they are pushing in extra things that they wouldn't ordinarily teach yet because of the standardised system that is being put in.

Tamm, I can understand why you are so against having your DD assessed. It's a bit confronting to even have the possibility of something being wrong raised. Though, if there IS something wrong, wouldn't it be great to know? And if there isn't, you can say you've explored it.

[SarDonik]

. Most of the kids I know in this age group are mentally exhausted by the end of the day.

Oh for the love of God....