[Hip Hop]

[/size]Hi there,

Well, I've just returned from another play date with a mum and her tot the sameage as my DD - and feel so deflated!


DD is a naturally shy little girl, most comfortable in her own environment and doesn’tlike other kids or people she isn't familiar with too much in her face. We havebeen going to the same mothers group since she was a baby, but was never thereal social kid. This has become even worse since I went back to work when shewas around 17 months. I work 4 days and she is in day care.


Day care is going well, and all reports I'm getting are positive. She doesn’t'tend to play with the extroverted kids and that’s okay. No concerns there.


But - I dread taking her out to friends, play groups or any social activity.She is super clingy, whinny and just won't leave me alone. If another childeven looks at her or dares tries to play with her, she is hysterical. Even whena friend or someone tries to interact she hates it and just screams and cries!I am so sick of the looks I get - not sure if its pity or what - but it justmakes me feel like crap.

Does anyone else have a LO similar to this? This behaviour was concerning me,so I set up a meeting with day care and they reassured me somewhat. But, todaysomeone suggested I get her "assessed". I was so upset by thiscomment as I thought this may have just been a stage, or her personality typebut maybe I'm avoiding something more serious?

Just wanted to see if anyone else has similar toddlers and if any strategiesworked for them? I love my little girl to bits, but I can't help but feel I’mnot doing the right thing by her...


Thank you in advance.





[size="3"]

[bark]

Was it daycare that suggested further looking in to it or somebody else?

[Hip Hop]

No, not day care. Another mum. Day care told me I had nothing to worry about. My gut is telling me I don't have anything to worry about, but its hard when I see all the other kids playing and my little one just clinging onto me.

[bark]

Well if she is fine at daycare, perhaps she just misses you so much so when you are together she just wants to be with you.

[Pocahontas]

Just a thought but DS1 at that age was going to DC 3 days a week and that was quite enough socialisation for him. i found that on the other days he was quite happy with his own company and needed the down-time away from other kids.

Even now at 6 years old, he socialises well but still needs his own space after school and on the weekends to do his own thing. I think he is more introverted personality rather than on the autistic spectrum. Perhaps that's that same with your LO.

TBH - If your DC had said something then I'd listen as they see lots of kids and would have experience in picking up warning signs. If it's another mum then I'd ignore.

[PriLou]

I agree with Pocahontas.

My DS is 29 months. Although I'm on maternity leave at the moment, last year he went to DC Mon - Thur. I found on Fridays that we was tired, missed me, and was happy to actually spend some time at home with his toys.

Even now it depends on the child we are with. He has a calm nature and plays nicely with similar kids. He can't handle the ones who are full-on. He has his own mind and won't be dragged around. It also takes him a good half hour to become comfortable.

[missj]

Hip Hop, my DS2 (he is 4 years old) sounds so similar to your DD! He is fine around us and his brother and sister, but if there are other kids around (even his cousins) he is very shy and introverted. Same at daycare, he is very quiet. I have no other concerns about him, and I know that there is nothing more to it than just shyness, he is perfectly 'normal' in every way.
I do understand your frustration, though - we just want to see our kids happy and playing with other kids, and when it's not happening that way, you feel for the child and worry that they aren't going to make friends. My DS starts school next year, and I'm so worried about him not being able to fit in with the other kids, or to speak up when he needs to. We are working on it, along with his preschool teachers (who are fantastic, I can't speak highly enough of them).

[VintageEyes]

Just sounds like she wants to spend time with you when she can.
I noticed in my Mum's group that when one little boy started day care for a few days a week got quite clingy when at the group - he was the same as the other kids before that.
Perhaps it would be better to have some home time on the days you are not working? Some kids (my DS included) get quite drained from being around other people/kids.

[lilibet67]

How is she when you leave her at daycare and also does she play with kids or along side the other kids there?

[suziej]

You describe my girl to a T. I was at coffee with a few friends and their children/grandchildren the same age, but luckily they were quite supportive and didn't stress.

Some kids are like that - some grow out of it, others don't.

Fridays are "Mummy Day" here, and I have a little shadow. Its cool.