[findingada]

I think you need to delve into yourself a bit deeper before calling in the psychs.

You have done the right think by sitting down to cuddle and chat so make it a routine to allow her to slowly let you in on what is really going on. There may be something going on at school perhaps. Friendships may be shifting around or there may be some bullying going on or it could be all in her mind.

She trusts you and you love her so that is the perfect starting platform to start to unwind what is causing the eating problems. The eating might be a reaction to something else so be careful about getting angry over it because until, you know what is going on, you could make the problem worse. I know it is stressful for you so just breathe and rehearse in your mind what you will do when the dinner time struggles happen again tonight. I really like the idea of getting her to help you cook. Try to make the meal preparation activity a fun activity an let her make some choices if appropriate. Talk about what kind of food you need to include to make meals that keep the family healthy and happy.

Her eating behaviour might just be a side issue because the main game is figuring out if there are any external influences that could be causing her to behave the way she does. If you decide to keep going with a nightly chat routine, I think you need to be careful not to lead the conversation but just listen with lots of comforting cuddles. If the conversation wanes, don't ask questions that assume anything (like "How is Amy? You and Amy are good friends aren't you?" or "You like your teacher don't you?"). Questions like "was it raining at lunchtime?" and try to see if she keeps the conversation going or very gently try to keep it going with a few more questions. If she doesn't want to keep it going, just give her cuddles and sit in silence cuddling. Keep the routine going each night and see what happens. Chat to her teacher, help out in the classroom if appropriate, and keep a safe line of communication open with you at all times. You need to be her rock and the one she knows will love her unconditionally. When you get an idea of what her school day is like (how the teacher is interacting with her, how her friends are interacting with her, and how other children interact with her), you might get a better idea if the problem is being driven by internal perceptions or external problems causing her stress.

[Summers]

Perhaps she has a form of sensory dyspraxia related to taste / eating? I have a very bland set of 'safe' foods that I can eat as a result of this because my head can't handle certain things, such as mixed spreads, some 'wet' foods that are not fruit, etc. basically intense picky eating but it's due to the sensory elements of eating. Not sure if this is what your daughter has though. Mine is co-morbid with my ADHD. Does your daughter have this or is she on the spectrum? Sensory issues (food related) are not uncommon in these scenarios.
I hope you get some insight soon.

[applepie2]

Thank you for your replies. I definately need to find help but just working out exactly what/where, as I've discussed this in the past with CHN & Dr's & they have just given it a brush off with the "she'll grow out of it" or "this is a behavoural thing". We've had her help in the kitchen, even grown the vegetables to go into the meal, and all is fine until it comes to actually eating it. Because I've got 2 others & another on the way I don't want to be making different meals for her, then have to start for the others also. DH is FIFO, even when he is here he is of little use in this situation - he will finish he dinner then go park himself in front of tv & ignore the situation. The whole process is so frustrating and heartbreaking, even a bribe of ice-cream doesn't work!!! My DS1 is SO easy, put food in front of him & watch it disappear in seconds, then he starts asking for seconds whilst eye-ing off his sisters hardly touched meal LOL.

Summers - i was very interested in reading about sensory dyspraxia, she seems to have a variety of texture (although has always been really funny about meat so a possibility)in there so hadn't put much thought into that, maybe something needing looking at. She has always been extremely full on so ADHD could be a possibility I guess, we have never had her tested. Sugary products set her off in a huge way.

Alacritous~Andy - thank you for your honest opinion, no disclaimer needed as this is exactly what I fear, that we maybe leading down the road to a serious eating disorder, and we could be working on fixing the gate long before the horse has bolted.

Mummy Em - Sleep & bedtime is a whole other issue. This is also a long struggle, she's quite happy to play/read in her bedroom for half the night, but doesn't just go to sleep.

ally0812 - she hasn't had any trauma, I am hoping I can work with her so this doesn't develop into something like bulimia, I may not understand bulimia well enough - but I hope early intervention is the best prevention? I hope you are keeping well, and sincerely thank you for your reply.

I have left a msg for our CHN to contact me, I will speak to her to get contact details for a psych, and won't let her fob me off this time.

[TopsyTurvy]

Just another uneducated opinion but...

You say you have a 1yo, could this be in part an attention seeking thing.

The image of you sitting with her for an hour every night really struck a cord with me. Not sure if you have other children, but could it be that she feels like as your family has expanded so to your one on one time with her has receded.

You say she eats reasonably well at other times and it may be an entirely subconscious thing she is doing, but maybe over time she has realised that not eating dinner = mummy paying her lots of attention.

Just another thing to be considered.