[au*lit]

Hi all, this post isn't about me or my child. I want to try to help a friend who is at their wits' end. I don't want to give away potentially identifying information so I apologise if I'm a bit vague.

They are having serious issues with their child who is an early adolescent. The child has always been difficult and has a number of issues that complicate matters. The child has a processing disorder which affects their aural comprehension, so talking to them and having them understand the message can be difficult. They also is possibly on the ASD spectrum but has never been diagnosed.

Recently some of their behaviour is bordering on delinquent/criminal.

The child often does not allow the punishment be the end of the matter. They take 'revenge' for being punished, which then warrants another punishment and creates a cycle of bad behaviour and punishment.

Previously the parent would use time out (amongst other things) but recently the child has refused to comply. What do you do when a teen won't accept their punishment? What strategies can you suggest that are effective and age-appropriate, particularly for seriously bad behaviour?

FTR they are seeking counselling for the child and themselves.

This post has been edited by au*lit: 26/04/2012, 03:49 PM

[imac]

Definitely getting some professional help is a good idea as the psychologist can then give the family advice specific to their child and situation.

Having said that though, Time Out really isn't appropriate or effective in adolescence, and I would be suggesting consequences such as loss of privileges to them. This means removal of access to desired activities (e.g. being "grounded"), loss of screen time (tv, computer, iPod etc), loss of mobile phone etc. However, for these types of approaches to work, it is usually a better idea to start with a positive strategy - e.g. talking to the teen about how all these privileges are available and their job is to keep them by doing x, y, and z. Perhaps even contracting a more significant "reward" for a change in behaviour and attitude. I find that by treating a teen in a more positive and responsible way, often they respond in turn. The negative cycle can lead to a teen not caring anymore about losing things or getting into trouble, and can actively inflame the situation.

However, this is just general advice and they certainly would benefit from specific assistance for their teen. It is also my experience that often it is very difficult to change behaviour at this age, because kids are far less motivated to gain parent approval and may not see any reason to modify their behaviour. The sooner they get help the better.

[au*lit]

Thanks for the reply. TBH I was pretty surprised that time out was still being used as I thought that was something for younger kids.

Loss of privileges is also something that is happening. However sometimes this compounds the problem. The child has very few interests and when left bored has more time to think up bad things to do and plot revenge. So loss of privileges needs to be managed carefully.

I do hope that parental approval has some leverage. Although in early teens, the child is still pretty immature and emotionally much younger.