[prettypumpkin]

Usually I'm super mum or at least pretend to be but this special needs baby is starting to wear us down. We are fighting more and then constantly apologising to each other cause we feel guilty then sometimes yelling at ds from stress and apologising to him. It doesnt help when SIL met bubs for the first time yesterday and goes " oh its ok " (to her 3 yr old) this isnt how normal babies act :-(.

Why can't I have a "normal baby". Dp insists we have 1 more child together (I have a healthy child from previous relationship) but am paranoid we may end up with another sick child, I don't think mentally I can handle another like ds2. I love him to pieces and know he will eventually grow out of this horrible stage but dp and I are just exhausted 4 months old and he acts like hes 2 days old. He has complex heart disease and severe reflux. He screams many times a day, hes slowly getting better but for the first 2 months would scream 18 hours a day for no apparent reason. Hes on 3 times a day heart meds, plus reflux meds plus fortnightly appointments. they say he will grow out of the reflux by 12 months but by then he will most likely need interstate heart surgery. I don't know if I can do it. I feel exhausted, sad and just plain depressed. I have talked to people and am on meds for pnd. Please dont ask me to see a counsellor its not beneficial advice I just want to know it will get better

[Sinister Bonnet]

It will get better I promise.

Now don't hit me but I am going to suggest you ring Carers Australia or Carers Your State and ask to talk to a counsellor. They work with carers like us and they do phone consults. It's free and they listen when you hit rockbottom like this.

[beaglebaby]

I'm so sorry it is so hard, I'm sure it will get better.

Great advice from F & E, also do you have contact with HeartKids? I'm sure they will be able to help you. Please look into any type of respite you can get, you sound really worn down and any help at all would be good.

[Lyra]

I absolutely second the respite and the counselling

I hope your day gets better

xx

[prettypumpkin]

blah feel silly even whinging most of the time im such a hard reliable rock lol, I take my boys to the heartkids playgroup they are such fantastic help, dp works in defence i guess having all our family interstate is exhausting, it doesn't help that none of our family have ever had a special needs child, i guess they just don't understand what dp and I go thru every day and night.

[baddmammajamma]

You have every right to feel worn down. I know it's hard when you are trying to be strong for everyone and present the ol' Wondermum" personna.

Great advice, as usual, from F&E who doesn't mince words! Please get some support for you -- you deserve it!

[Myprincesses]

I totally agree with what is already being said.

From another mum of a child (DD2) who had reflux and screamed non stop for 6months.
Is the reflux caused Blythe heart condition or meds or unrelated? If it is unrelated, are you breast feeding? The only reason I ask is my DD2 has allergies to dairy and soy. It was only after we discovered her allergies we found out why she had reflux (well what made it worse anyway). I went soy and dairy free and what a difference. Reflux stop almost straight away.... Just something to try.

If that doesn't work- I invested in hug a bub sling and then an ergo. DD2 was so much better when held upright. Both these baby carriers are so secure I coud do almost everything with her in it, including intensive therapy for DD1.

It is so hard when you settling into having anew baby whilst dealing with special needs. My prayers are with you.

[mumtoactivetoddl...]

Another mum who had a total screamer (we had total meltdowns in pain for hours on end in the night). Food intolerances/ and allergies caused a lot of problems with both of my kids. If you have a family history of asthma, allergies or exema then I would suggest investigating food as a possible cause for reflux (if you are breastfeeding of course).

[Mintjelly]

and another one

It is okay not to be super woman all the time.

I know it is not what you want to hear, but seriously if you have someone on the other end of a phone that you can call, and they understand;
a) if there is a baby screaming in the background
b) that you are in tears and just can't stop
c) that all you want to do right at the moment is walk out the door and close it behind you or
d) all of the above,
you will be amazed how much better that phone call can make you feel.

I have someone from a counselling service that I can phone when things get too bad, and you know I might only phone them once every couple of months. But I seriously don't know what I would do if I did not have that support. I am fairly isolated too, so it is great that it is a relationship where I don't have to invest personal energy to maintain (which I don't have), but I get all the support I want.

More of these coming your way.

[*Caro*]

I haven't had a baby with special needs, but i have certainly felt at the end of my tether after 4 months of sleep deprivation, so I can only imagination that you are going through much worse.

What sort of support network do you have? Are there other, loving arms around who can hold baby for you while you have a shower and a nap? Are any friends dropping off cooked meals for you? You sound like you desperately need some practical support and time out, so you don't burn out.

If you are in Canberra, I'm happy to drop off a casserole or two.

(Oh, and the advice about counsellors is good advice. Please don't ignore it.)