[terracottapots]

I lost my FIL earlier this year and we organised his funeral within a week. He suffered for a few years in his illness, and, while, we were not super-close, I loved him and thought that organising a really nice farewell was the best we could do seeing there was just so much sadness surrounding his illness.
It took us a week to prepare and the funeral was really lovely

Just recently I learnt that my'friend's MIL had passed away - her husband's mother. While they didn't live nearby her, they would often visit her once or twice a year . They were on good speaking grounds with her but decided NOT to go to her funeral. I struggled to understand this and when I asked her why, She replied that there was tension within the family(siblings NOT talking to each other) and then went on to say that they could not afford to travel to the funeral(didn't have the airfare money. She also went on to say that they didn't have enough time to get everything organised to travel and felt like the other siblings had made the funeral arrangement date at an inappropriate date.
The MIL's partner was NOT also coming to her funeral because he had some problems with the sibling. Four of the grandchildren from two families were not going either.
I thought it was just so sad. I told my friend that it was just so sad to hear, and while, I didn't understand, I would respect her decision.

I learnt that the funeral was very impersonanl - no personal eulogies, (just the celebrant reading the eulogy) - no slideshow - nothing..just photos on her coffin.

Later I got to thinking, would you do this? Would YOU NOT go to one of your parent's funerals?
Isn't it about them rather then YOU?

I saw my FIL's funeral as a celebration of HIS life and it was for everyone to get something out of.
His family came away with all the memories and wonderful reminders of his life...

This post has been edited by terracottapots: 19/04/2012, 06:17 PM

[Jemstar]

I certainly won't attend my father's funeral when he dies, I'd be too tempted to dance on his grave.

[my serenity]

My parents looked after my grandfather in his dying days and on and off for years.....he passed away 2 dys later they saw will and all He!! broke loose they didnt come to funeral we were all one day there will be regrets. We dont speak to MIL if she passes kids and hubby will go I will not..... Even though in the early years she was a surrogate mum whats shes done from then I cant

[Ianthe]

I can't imagine not attending my parents funerals.

[katpaws]

I would only go to my mother's funeral because i would have to organise it. I would probably be the only person there. You reap what you sow.

[Becstarinator]

I would make every attempt to get to my dad's funeral, unfortunately I have already been to my mum's.

Mind you I don't have any issues with any of my immediate family members.

I know when my Grandpa died there was not enough money for mum and the three of us kids to go so dad went on his own (his mother). My mum was always sad/regretted it, but honestly there probably wasn't even the money for dad to go. Mum had away of making the money stretch when she had too.

This post has been edited by Becstarinator: 19/04/2012, 06:20 PM

[Indi]

I saw my FIL's funeral as a celebration of HIS life and it was for everyone to get something out of.
His family came away with all the memories and wonderful reminders of his life...

That's great for you. Many people certainly don't have wonderful memories of a family member (DH for example won't be going to either of his parents' funerals) and don't want to celebrate their lives.

[Kay1]

If I thought that the person/people organising it was not handling it in a way that would allow me to say goodbye properly then I probably wouldn't go. Likewise if it was guaranteed to end in a big drama/argument/fight. To me that would be worse than just not going. Its not like the deceased person would know. It would break my heart though - thankfully all the siblings in my and my in law family get on ok so it shouldn't be an issue.

This post has been edited by Kay1: 19/04/2012, 06:24 PM

[knittingkitten]

I've been to my mum's, both grandmothers, one grandfather and too young to go to uncle's funeral. I wasn't on speaking terms with one of my grandmothers- something I'll regret till I die. I'm just glad I was at her funeral to honour her. Just wish I could have sucked it up earlier.

My father and I have had a lot of issues over the years but I'll go. Just hoping his will doesn't leave me his debts.

[lsolaBella]

My parents I would attend, my grandparents, I went to my grandfather's but will not be attending my grandmother's (and secretly hope that my mum will stand firm and not attend her mother's funeral when the time comes).

My grandmother (mother's mum) is a horrid manipulative cow.