[Still hopeful]

Thank you all for your responses. Definitely agree with the recommendation to do a calmbirth course. Looks like I've got a bit a researching to do to find the right IM/Doula.

[rosiebird]

A doula and a private midwife does seem like overkill, mainly because it doesn't matter how many 'advocates' and 'support people' you have in the room - when it comes time to dealing with each contraction, or pushing that baby out, it's all in your own head. And I personally think the value is in getting your headspace right. Having your own birth attendant is just the icing on the cake.

I'm so glad that you had a good birth! Congratulations on your new son.

In my experience, I very much needed my private midwife to deal with each contraction - my own head wasn't working right! My IM calmed me down and I felt she was always one step ahead of me - planning for the next pain-relief technique before the last one stopped working. When I was panicking in early labour (that felt like transition), she calmed me down with guided meditation and relaxation techniques. When I needed a break from contractions, she plopped me in the bath to slow things down. When she could see I had recovered suffiiciently, she got me out and moving around. When I couldn't cope with the pain, she gave me back massages and accupressure. She anticipated my labour in a way that my partner would be able to; in the best sense, she guided me through it and was in control when I (and DH!) wasn't. I know in myself that wouldn't have managed a natural birth with just my DH and private ob. It wouldn't have happened. Maybe now I have had that experience, I could manage with just DH but I don't want to take the chance. He was as anxious as I was.